Black Roses
by HarryPotterGrl100
Summary: She had never thought that she could forgive him, or ever see him in a different light. But soon, she realized that she had fallen in love with him without even realizing it. Beth/Governor.
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, I made that hilariously bad cover image myself! It would have been better but I couldn't really erase Beth's background much more than I did, or else it would have looked odd. I still like it though, and it's better than no cover image at all! :)**

**I have always loved the idea of this couple, and the actual couple itself. I also love Rick/Beth, but there is, thankfully, a LOT of love for that couple on here. :) Anyway, I LOVED The Governor, and he was my favorite character. I feel the writers made a big mistake in what happened in the season four midseason finale concerning him. I feel his redemption could have been made permanent for him if the writers didn't have other "villains" to get to, and I do think he was a good man, just very misunderstood. I don't condone all his actions, but I do understand why he did them...to me, it seemed, he did just lose it.**

**Anyway, this starts in season four. I also recommend another fantastic story called "I Know Who You Really Are" which is the only other Beth/Gov story on here. Anyway if you read this and liked it, thank you so much! Please enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Prologue**

To many, Beth Greene would seem insane. Perhaps she was. Certainly, her family…or should she say, former family, to her immense pain, thought she was. She was not sure if they would ever accept her back. Accept him. But in the end, all she could think about was all of those little beginning moments with him, and then, later on, sweeping moments of love and passion and real, actual happiness in this new world, and she always knew that she would never see herself as crazy.

How come the very idea of loving a monster had been acceptable when it was a fairy-tale, or even something meant for children, in the old world? But now, in this new world, where monsters walked the earth, the very idea of a young girl falling in love with the man everybody around her perceived to be the monster was not celebrated or lauded. No. This man was not seen as misunderstood to her beloved family and friends back at the prison, and, in the end, they would never see him as the wronged man turned beast, who was in pain, and only needed love and understanding from a woman crazy enough to give it to him to set him right.

But…that very word was not what she ever saw him as anymore. Saw him as now. Indeed, it had pained her when she had gone and told her family and friends. They had spat the word at her, condemning her, because, in their words, she had fallen in love with a monster.

It always pained her, at the thought that so many called him that, to his face. Behind his back. Because he wasn't a monster. Yes, he had done terrible, terrible things, but the thing was, he had never meant to. Never wanted to. Those things had only come from a place of great pain and loss, when he had lost the last person he had ever wanted to lose.

Sometimes, in the beginning, really, like on that first fateful day, when she had gone on a supply run by herself, and later passed through Woodbury and seen him sitting there, in his abandoned old town, alone, she had fancied herself insane. Feeling sorry for the man who had caused so much damage to her group? Befriending, and actually seeing a tender, damaged side to him? She couldn't bear it. But soon, she had learned the hard way that even he was in pain. Even he had lost people he had loved.

Even he was a good man, underneath it all.

It had taken a lot of time, yes, and taken a lot of courage, but in the end she sympathized with him. In the end she forgave him. And in the end, she fell in love with him. Besides, she had once heard it said that you could never truly love a person until you forgave their darkness. And that's just what she did.

Looking at him…perhaps, at first, an outsider would be frightened of him. Yet she never was. He was tall, thin, and yet powerful. And he had brown hair that gleamed. He also had just one eye, the light of which grew dim whenever she had to leave, or when he told her stories of his dead daughter. His remainder of an eye was covered by a thick black eye-patch, the color seeming to echo the loneliness in his soul. He may have looked different, but she still found him handsome, and especially so when his tender side finally began to show.

It also made her marvel, time and time again, how much utter confidence he had in her…her family had always babied her, and never let her prove herself, for fear of her getting hurt, or insisting that she was perfectly useful doing what she already did, such as taking care of Judith and cooking. Yet he did teach her, and let her, and praised her often. He valued her abilities, and helped her gain and later improve them. She had always wanted to prove she, too, could kill Walkers, and shoot a gun. It was immensely satisfying.

And then, every time they would kiss, or he would touch her, and she would feel his heart beating in time with hers, or feel his warmth, she had to fight not to faint. Her head always swam and she felt like she was flying when she was with him. Yet as much as their contact weakened her, it also made her feel powerful…very, very alive. This must have been what Maggie felt like with Glenn.

She would never, ever look back. As much as it hurt her that her family would never accept him, or the idea of she and him together, as long as she had him to hold her, she could somehow survive. She wanted him more than any man she had ever met. She needed him. She would die for him.

She felt it whenever she blushed in front of him, and grew so tongue-tied she couldn't speak. She felt it every day she couldn't stop smiling, or whenever she made him laugh or smile. She felt it every day she grew more confident and alive with him.

She loved Philip Blake. And this love was forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Beth ran as fast as her legs could possibly carry her to the pickup truck, the tears still streaming down her face. It felt like her heart had been, quite literally, punctured. Her father...Maggie...Glenn...Rick...Carl...Daryl...Sasha...all her family and friends now hated her... or thought she was crazy. Thought she had betrayed them. She wrenched open the door and threw the bag containing all of her clothing and a few precious personal possessions inside. But it fell on the floor in her haste, and the letter...the letter that he had written her fell out. Buckling her seatbelt after getting in her seat, she picked it up and re-read it, though she knew it by heart, fresh tears falling, though now for a different reason. Closing her eyes, the need to see him and be near him was even stronger than ever. All she wanted was to be in his arms and have him hold her as she cried, at this moment. She didn't want to make a choice...not at all. But she loved him, and she couldn't bear to be around her family and see the hate in their eyes. It would destroy her. And without him, she was just a dead girl walking and bleeding out. Chancing one last glance at the prison, she blew a kiss, suppressing another sob, and then gunned the engine, the only thing keeping her going the knowledge she would soon be with him.

* * *

**Six Months Previously**

Finally, finally, Beth Greene had her day! She had finally convinced her father, and the group, to go on a supply run…by herself! True, her gunshot skills were terrible, but she had steadily grown better at killing Walkers via knife, though her method was rather sloppy due to a natural lack of athleticism.

But with so many people living in the prison, they went through more supplies than ever before, and she was determined to be useful. To be seen as useful. The places she was going to had been already cleared of heavy hordes of Walkers by other members of the prison group, carefully agreed upon by her father and others, and she would only have to worry about strays. But still, it was a much welcomed change for Beth.

She had taken the white pickup, and promised to be back by nightfall.

As she drove, she felt happier than ever before, and couldn't help laughing. Freedom! The sun was hot and a breeze was almost nonexistent, but she didn't care.

The run went surprisingly well. As Walkers came at her, she killed them, and she was able to pick up a lot of sorely needed things.

Buzzing with happiness, on the way back she decided to take a new detour, and soon found herself outside of Woodbury. Turning the engine off, she froze. She hadn't expected to end up here.

Somebody had spray painted "DO NOT ENTER-DANGEROUS" on the former gates. She shivered.

The former town, once so full of glory, was now empty and a far cry from what it had once been. She grew chills just from looking at it, at the horrors that had gone on inside it. She wanted to just drive off. Yet something stopped her.

Beth gulped. She felt an inexplicable pull to simply go inside and look around…maybe other people had found this and decided to call it a sanctuary? Was it still fully inhabitable? Was the inside still maybe full of extra supplies?

She didn't know, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to look, right?

She climbed a nearby tree and was able to successfully hop the wall, but not before clumsily scraping her knee. Thudding to the ground, she had her knife ready.

Looking around, she had to marvel. No Walkers anywhere! This must have been a very nice, beautiful place to live when it was still a town. The former Woodbury residents at the prison now probably hated it in comparison.

She had to admit there probably weren't supplies left as she had hoped. She certainly wasn't going to waste the time going through the whole former town to look…that would take the rest of the day, it was so huge!

Disappointment flooding her, she smiled a little at the sight of pink roses still in bloom. Walking over to the bush, she picked one and smelled it. She had always loved roses back on the farm.

As she looked again at the rose bush, she grew sad thinking of Andrea. They all missed her. She had cried when she had learned she had died.

Shaking the thoughts off, she pocketed the rose and scanned the square more thoroughly, turning around. Her eyes widened a little as there, at a place she had neglected to look, at the far, far end of the square, was a person. A man. He was wearing a black leather jacket, dark pants, and had brown hair. Her blood literally ran cold as she realized he was wearing an eye patch. The Governor.

Hoping she could get out before he saw her, she chanced another look at him, and noticed something odd. He was sitting in the corner, head down. He hardly looked murderous. On the contrary, he looked…he looked rather defenseless.

He didn't even seem to have a knife on him, or a gun.

Odd. Forlorn. Lonely...that was what he looked like. Not dangerous. Not murderous...not...

Shaking her head angrily, she couldn't believe the thoughts that had just gone on inside her head. How could she be so stupid?

Even she, Beth Greene, who saw good in almost everybody, could never find it in her heart to forgive him, or see him as anything other than dangerous and evil. That, she was sure of!

Taking a deep breath, she looked at him again. The longer she stared, the more she felt angry. It was so uncharacteristic of her. Unlike Maggie, she was a very peaceful girl, and could hardly hurt anyone even if she wanted to, or even a fly. But she couldn't seem to help the tide of anger that was rolling through her.

She thought of what he had done to Maggie. She thought of what he had tried to do to Daryl. She thought of what he had done to Andrea. She thought of what he had done to all of them; all of the other innocent people he had killed. Merle...Axel...

She was sorely tempted right now to go and slap him.

Then, without even thinking, she was walking briskly across the square towards him, until she was right in front of him, albeit a few feet away.

"YOU! You horrible, horrible human being! What right do you have to just sit there, like you've done nothing wrong? Answer me!"

His head had snapped up and he was just looking at her, shocked. He seemed entirely lost for words.

Finally seeing him up close, she felt a jolt in her stomach. Even he, the most evil man on this earth, was handsome. The thought made her even angrier.

"Fine! If you won't talk, I will! For the record, you don't know me, but you sure do know my sister! I'm Beth Greene, Maggie Greene's little sister. You know, the girl who you made take off her top when you interrogated her? And you've made our lives at the prison a living nightmare ever since! You've killed so many innocent people...You killed Andrea and Merle, who were such nice people! You're just a monster, and I've never hated anyone in my life until you!"

She stopped, breathing hard, but already she could feel her heart starting to pound in fear, and then her heart began to race. She was so stupid!

He still stared at her, as her words hung between them.

Then, to her disgust and anger, he glanced away from her and smirked a little, bitterly. He laughed, but it was a dark, harsh, humorless laugh.

Looking back at her, his face now serious, he said, "I know I'm a horrible person. I don't need you to tell me that. But did you come here to hurt me? Do something? If so, you have my full permission. In fact, you have my full blessing to put a bullet in my brain right now."

His words washed over her, making her feel sick. He...what? He reached down to his belt and withdrew a silver handgun, holding it out to her. The sunlight glinted off the metal.

The longer she stared, violent butterflies erupted in her stomach at the reality. He...he was giving her permission to kill him...take his life...as if it were nothing.

Face growing paler the longer she stared at the gun, she shook her head no quickly.

"You can. I won't hold it against you. Believe me."

She stopped looking at the gun and looked into his one remaining eye. It was blue. She felt a jolt again at the contact. He was entirely serious, and not joking as she half hoped.

She couldn't understand it. How low must he have been feeling, to be okay with this? How depressed must he have been to be fine with somebody taking his life? It was almost as though he wanted to die...as if he felt he deserved it...But worst of all, the reality was, she suspected, that he truly wanted to die.

Feeling sicker and more upset at the thought, she closed her eyes briefly. She just couldn't stomach it or bear it...the thought of killing him. As much as she hated him, he was still a person, and she couldn't bear to take his life.

Opening them again, he was still staring at her. He put the gun on the ground and gently pushed it over to her feet.

It was then she noticed his right hand, to her horror, was horribly, horribly bruised and bloodied. The knuckles were simply covered in blood...almost as if he had been attacked or shot or something. She knew it wasn't a bite mark, but it was still almost as terrible looking. If he let it go untreated for long, he would certainly lose a lot of blood, or at least gain a terrible infection.

She wondered what it was from. And then she wondered why she cared.

It was just The Governor. Why did she care so much? She wanted to leave, and wished she had never, ever stepped foot inside Woodbury.

But Beth couldn't seem to move. It was like she was frozen in place.

Then, he spoke again, softly. "How did you get in here?"

He wasn't looking at her. He was looking at dark clouds in the distance, slowly moving in.

Clearing her throat nervously, feeling more and more uneasy, she said, "I...I climbed a tree and hopped the wall. I...I was comin' back from a supply run by myself and took a detour. I didn't expect to end up back here. And I...I was just curious to see if there were any more supplies or...or somethin' like that," she finished lamely.

He didn't say anything. Then she was surprised when he looked at her and said, "I was goin' to burn it down. Right before you showed up. I...I don't know…I just…felt like I had to sit and think before doin' it."

He broke off, then, and simply resumed staring at the sky again, but not before glancing at her again. It was a quick glance, yet significant; his eye made contact with both of hers. She felt a jolt at the contact again.

Silence fell, again. She felt awkward. She couldn't even imagine what he felt like…or if he felt like anything at all. What should she say? What should she do? She half wondered if she could just walk away and leave now…she supposed she could. Strangely, she did not feel threatened or scared anymore. She somehow knew he wouldn't harm her or stop her.

Yet she couldn't seem to move again. What was wrong with her?

Finally, she chanced it and spoke again, rather timidly.

"I…wh…what happened to your hand?"

He looked at her. "Nothin'…I…I had killed some Biters earlier this mornin'…ended up punching a tree by accident when I was killin' one of 'em. I…I got pretty vicious."

Stomach curdling, she simply nodded. But then she found herself talking again.

"I…I can bandage that up for you if you like…My…My daddy taught us growin' up how to bandage up wounds. It looks really bad…you could get a really bad infection and lose a lot of blood if…if nothin' is done."

She could barely believe what she had just said. Why was she offering to do that for him? Why? He didn't deserve it…he didn't! She was just too soft and caring for her own good…Maggie was right. But she just hated to see people suffer…she had always been that way growing up…always bringing home sick animals to heal...

He looked at her. "Why…why would you want to do that for me?"

She blushed a little, averting her gaze. "I…I don't know…but you can't let it go untreated. I know you can probably tend to it yourself, but you'd be surprised how much difference a wrap job by somebody who's been trained by a professional can make."

She looked at him, then, and he was still just staring at her, stunned and shocked. It was like his gaze was burning into her. Her heart thumped nervously as she awaited his response.

_Or maybe he'd just shoot her right then…she was stupid and naive enough, that would probably happen…_

"Al…alright. Thank you."

She nodded, then, and he stood up. She picked up the gun and handed it back to him, rather timidly, making sure their skin didn't touch. She felt like that would be too close for comfort… She could feel him looking at her, and she blushed again.

He led the way into his apartment, and she was stunned at how…nice it looked. How private it was. This was certainly a far cry from the cells at the prison. He had a huge bed…a bathroom…rather spacious living quarters... If this was anything like what the rest of the homes of Woodbury looked like, this place really had been heaven on earth…

Then she felt herself growing sick at the thought. It had been run by a monster…_the very same man she had just stupidly volunteered to help_…

He disappeared inside the bathroom and came out with gauze, a white washcloth, and alcohol.

"I…you don't need to do this for me…I…I can do it myself."

Feeling a little nauseous, Beth shook her head and said, "N…no. I can do it. It needs to be treated properly."

"I'm so sorry...What's your name again?"

Swallowing hard, she said, "Beth. Beth Greene."

The Governor gently put his hand on her arm and softly said, "Hey. Look at me."

She did, trembling a little. He said, "Thank you Beth," and she nodded.

He sat down in one of the chairs, and she took the other and pulled it up close by him. Her heart was simply racing and pounding loudly with nervousness and fear…she wondered if he could hear it.

Wetting the washcloth with the alcohol, she said, "Th…this'll sting."

She took his hand in both of hers. It was warm, and she was surprised at how rather soft it was. There was a roughness to it, of course, but not as much as she would have anticipated from a man like him.

Slowly and diligently she got all the blood off as best she could, growing a little sick at how dark the washcloth was afterwards. She tore off the gauze and gently yet expertly wrapped his hand. Throughout this she avoided looked at him.

When she was finished, she finally looked at him and she found he had probably been staring at her the whole time. Feeling self-conscious, blushing a little, she said, "Wh…what?"

Then she realized she was still holding his hand.

Dropping it quickly, as though she'd been burned, she blushed even deeper and looked down.

Face still burning, she looked at him again when he spoke.

"You are probably the gentlest girl I've ever met in my life. It…it's strange. I could tell you were tryin' to not cause me pain while you did all that. If any of your family had volunteered to do what you did, it'd only be to amputate my hand, not save it."

Not knowing what to say, she simply nodded.

"Thank you, again. If this world hadn't gone to shit, you would have made a very good nurse."

Blushing a little at the praise, and from him, of all people, she nodded awkwardly again.

"Thank you."

He nodded.

Then she looked at him, nerves erupting in her stomach. Half of her just wanted to run away and never return, she was so terrified of him, but the other half just…wanted to stay to find out. Wanted to know. Wanted to hear him say it. She had heard the stories…all the sins he had committed…but here, now, in the flesh, she found it difficult to believe this man could have done all of that.

Then Beth knew she was crazy for just thinking that last sentence.

"C…can I ask you some things?"

He seemed surprised, but nodded. "Of course."

Biting her lip, she blurted out, "You…I need to hear you say it…all the things you did. How…how can you live with yourself?"

She forced herself to look at him. He stared back at her, and then sighed a little, his eye never leaving hers.

"You are right. I…I have done terrible things. I attacked your prison with the intent to kill all of you…I know I killed some of you the first time. I killed Merle when I found out that he had changed his mind about Michonne. I killed Andrea…I stalked her, first, and then I captured her, right outside the prison. I killed Milton…I beat him up really badly and then made sure when he turned, he'd kill Andrea too. I attacked the prison again with my people…And when I found out my people didn't want to fight anymore, I snapped and shot all of my people besides Martinez and Shumpert."

She felt like she was going to be sick. Most of this was not news to her, horrifying though it was to listen to…but…some of it was…he had killed all his people…What?

Oh god…she was so stupid.

But what struck her most was how he was able to say all of that matter-of-factly…almost as if he were telling her what kinds of music he liked.

Her eyes were wide and her breathing was heavy.

"If it makes any difference…I…I do regret most of it. Andrea…Milton…they…they didn't deserve to die. Nor did my people."

Then she found her voice. "You…you regret most of it? What…what kind of answer is that? And if they didn't deserve it then why did you do it?"

He shrugged, face morose. "I…I just lost it…I…it's…it's just hard to…to put into words."

"And I'm sorry, but…I…most of the people you live with are not good people. Rick…Michonne…Daryl…they are not good people. No matter what you say. They will never cease to be bad people in my eyes. They attacked my town…came into Woodbury and killed innocent civilians when they were tryin' to get your sister and Glenn back. And on top of that, Michonne…Michonne killed my daughter...Killed her right when I was beggin' her not to. I'd have done anything to get her to stop. Even let her kill me…but no…she didn't because she's pure evil. It's clear to me that she is not deserving of anything good in this world. And your…your people…they brought her back and by doin' that, they helped her kill Penny. I will never, ever, forgive that. I can't. You may think I'm heartless and a monster, and I suppose it's true, but…I loved my little girl…more than anything."

She almost didn't know what to say after all of that. His daughter…

She found her voice once more. "I…I know your…your daughter was little, and a…a Walker…but I…I am sorry. You're right. You…you didn't deserve that. I am very, very sorry about your daughter. I truly am."

He stared at her again. "Thank you."

Pausing a little, she said, "But…you…you are wrong. My…my sister is good. My daddy is good. Glenn is good. Rick…Daryl…Carol…they are all good people, give or take."

He shook his head a little. "I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, Beth. All right…not…not all of you are bad. Your father is a good man. I truly mean that, but…I'm sorry but I will never forgive Rick and the others. Especially Michonne. I hope you can understand that."

She nodded.

Silence lapsed again, and Beth still felt sick. Her heart was pounding, but she still found herself thinking about what he had said. He regretted his actions…most of them, anyway. And she knew he had loved his daughter. That much she knew she couldn't doubt. Perhaps he was human after all…but she thought again of his mammoth list of sins and felt sick again for even thinking that.

He was so baffling…

She was startled when he spoke again.

"How old are you?"

"Se…seventeen," she stammered.

Silence again, and then he asked, "DO you have any other family besides your father and sister?"

She paused, staring at him, unable to answer. Shock flooded her…why was he asking?

The familiar sorrow cracked her heart again, and then she only said, "N...no. Everyone else in my family is dead...along with my boyfriend."

And even more sorrow flooded her, just thinking of Jimmy, along with her mother and Shawn. She almost could have cried, if not for her shock.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She nodded awkwardly.

Averting her eyes, she looked around the room, taking in the surroundings again. But not a moment later, it seemed, her heart stopped, as she suddenly looked up again to see that he was just staring at her...

_She could hardly imagine why...but...goodness...what if he was going to rape her...?_

She couldn't help blushing as her gaze held his, but all the same, she could feel her head whirring in fear. Deep, pooling dread was slowly sinking through her stomach, and she couldn't help quickly looking at his bed.

_Oh please no… _Beth's heart was pounding and her stomach was in knots...

Amazingly, he seemed to read her mind. Looking at her, he said, "Don't worry. I'm not goin' to do anything to you."

Relaxing at his words, she shakily nodded. She believed him…oddly enough…

"I'm sorry."

Beth said, "Wh…why?"

"I can tell I'm making you nervous...not that I blame you."

"Oh," she said. "It…it's alright."

Again, that awkward silence.

"Will you be needing any extra supplies for the road?"

Beth looked at him, surprised.

"Ah…n…no…I don't think so, but more food certainly wouldn't hurt."

She was always hungry, as they all were.

But his question surprised her. He…he was offering to give her supplies…and…in turn…the group extra supplies…

He smiled a little, but it was a dim smile. He was even more handsome when he did something so human as smile, oddly enough.

"To answer your question…I was askin' if you specifically needed anythin' extra. Not your group…Clothing…hair brushes…even some extra pillows and clean sheets. Can't be too comfortable sleepin' on a hard cell cot."

Beth nodded her agreement. "No…it's not. But…I…I don't need…you don't have to…"

"Stay here," he said. "I'll be right back."

The wait was about twenty minutes, but when he returned, he had in his arms a bag full of two sets of bedsheets, some clean, new shirts, a pink sweater, and a new hairbrush. He also had six cans of food, bottles of clean water, and even a bottle of feminine-looking (and smelling) body wash.

He grinned a little. "All this feminine stuff ain't mine, believe me…It's all leftovers from when this was still a town. I just went and searched in random apartments…got lucky. Found some clothes I think are your size, and the brush and body wash. And when your…people took all the Woodbury people back to the prison, they probably didn't realize where all the extra food and supplies were still hidden in case Woodbury ever got invaded back then…"

He trailed off. It seemed talking about what was, and what used to be, was harder than even he had realized.

"Anyway, here."

Beth took the bag, surprised at how thoughtful that had been. "Th…thank you," she said.

"You…you didn't have to do that, though."

He shook his head. "I did, though. It's just to say thank you for my hand."

She nodded.

Standing up, Beth slung the bag over her shoulder.

Making her way over to the door, she stood across from him, feeling stranger than ever.

_What was there to say?_

Her eyes locked with The Governor's one, and then surprise flooded her again, when he said what he did next.

"Beth…thank you. And I…look, I know you must hate me…god...I know you _do_ hate me…but…I am truly, truly sorry about what I did to your sister…she… she really didn't deserve it, lookin' back. And...I may not like your group, or most of it, but I…I actually really do like you. You…you seem different than the rest of them. I can tell you're a good person. You…it must have taken a lot to do what you did today. It amazes me you did that for me. Thank you. And I know just how laughable my apology just probably sounded to you...but I really do mean it. There...there is no excuse for what I did to her. I am not proud of it in the slightest...or anythin' I did...truly...and I know you have every reason to be suspicious but I am very serious..."

He trailed off.

She nodded, shock flooding her. "Th…thank you for apologizin' for what you did," she said sincerely. "And…you're welcome. I…I'm sorry for yellin' at you, it's just…"

He grinned a little. "No, no…it's fine. I…I understand," he said softly.

Looking at him, she felt herself even more stunned by what had happened today. Maybe she didn't know him… maybe they all didn't know him…maybe he was different…

The Governor moved a little closer to her. "Will I be seein' you again? I…I completely understand if ya never want to step foot here again, but…I really have nobody to talk to, obviously, and I…I want to get to know you better. I…It's not a trick or anything…I…I wouldn't harm you."

Beth stared at him, her mind in shock at his question. "I…I don't know," she said honestly.

_How did she know if she could trust him? What if he was just using her to get to the prison? How did she know he wasn't going to do anything? She didn't…she couldn't know…_

True, the man she had spent time with today was nothing like what she had expected…but then again, how did she know if she could trust him? Trust anything in this world anymore?

Thinking, she bit her lip. She knew she was guaranteed supply runs every week by herself, they were going through supplies so fast…but did she really want to come back here?

At the very least, if he did turn volatile, she could help the prison out by gaining information on him…Not that she would tell them just yet…or ever…

"Where…where are you goin' to stay? I…I thought you wanted to leave here," she said softly. "Aren't you?"

He said, "I…I was. Eventually I…I do want to leave…find a house for myself somewhere, and burn this place down to the ground…but…that won't be for quite awhile. But I…I can survive here. There's still food…supplies…it's safe as can be from Biters…and I can hunt for extra food and go on supply runs as needed for everythin' else," he said.

She nodded. "A…alright. Next week, same day, I'll be here. I can get here once every week, if that's alright."

He nodded.

Beth looked at him again, and smiled a little, however woodenly. His gaze was still burning into hers, and she felt odd…she didn't know what to feel, quite honestly.

_Again that feeling of not being able to move..._

"And by the way…you don't have to hop the wall…you can go through the back gate. Much easier that way."

She nodded. Slowly, he held the door wider for her.

"Goodbye, Beth."

"Goodbye…sir."

He smiled a little. "You can call me Philip," he said.

Beth nodded. "Till next week," she said, and smiled a little at him again timidly as she slipped past him and finally exited.

It was just sunset now, and she knew she could make it back before nightfall. But none of that registered with her…

What bothered her most was that she had just agreed to see him again…every week…and even more so, was the fact that part of her wanted to go back…spend time with him…

Like it or not, he did intrigue her, and what she couldn't understand was that part of her seemed to think he was a decent person…

As she began the lonely drive back to the prison, she found herself wandering back to their conversation…the time they had spent together…

She almost would welcome his presence with her right now…it almost always spooked her, driving alone around nightfall now.

But goodness…she remembered vividly just how he had been staring at her...and suddenly she blushed...

Then she felt sick for blushing, but couldn't help it. It wasn't a _lovestruck_ blush by any means, though…it…it...just that whole experience had shocked her...more than she ever could have dreamed...

What was he doing to her? Was she crazy? Had she dreamed all of that?

As she got closer and closer to the prison, she took a deep breath and resolved that she wasn't crazy for being intrigued. It was only natural, she supposed…at least she hoped.

But in any case, she could help her family out by going back too… she kept repeating that, over and over…

Even though part of her was saying in her head that maybe he wasn't bad at all…only time would tell though...

Plastering a smile on her face, she pulled up to the prison gates and smiled at Glenn and Daryl as they opened them for her.

She knew she would not tell any of them what had happened…she would not breathe a word of it.

She still felt guilty…but then pushed the guilt down as best she could, ready to forget about it for the rest of the night.

She just hoped she could.


	3. Chapter 3

Beth sighed. She had been home nearly three hours, and still, she was unable to forget all that had happened. Sleep, it was clear, wouldn't be coming to her for awhile.

But more so than just simply that, the memory, the nagging guilt still ate away at her.

Picking up the pink sweater now lying on her cot, she ran her fingers over the material. It would be warm, and she couldn't deny that it would fit her like a glove. The nights were beginning to become a little colder now, and she was grateful for something warm and new and…almost pretty…to wear. It had been thoughtful of him to get it for her…though she still could not shake her dread at anybody finding out just where it had really came from. Nor the questioning of her own morals for even accepting it…

She was distracted from her thoughts by the steady clanking of crutches on the ground outside, coming toward her cell. She smiled widely at the sight of Hershel, his own smile big enough to match his daughter's, as he finally hobbled into the cell.

"Hey, Bethie," he said, his eyes crinkling a little in concern. "Just wanted to say good night, and see how you were feeling. You did good today. I'm very proud of you. We all are. But all night, you've been rather distracted. I'm worried about you. If the runs are too much for you, you don't have to do them. Truthfully, I'd rather you didn't…it would give me peace to know at least one of my daughters is guaranteed safety each week." He gave another little weak smile at the end.

Forcing another smile, Beth said, "Oh no, Daddy. I'm more than fine. Really. I love goin' on the runs. It's just…nothing. Nothing. Don't worry about me."

Sighing a little, he came into the cell all the way, sitting beside her after leaning his crutches against the edge of the cot.

Eyeing his stump, she felt sorrow again, as she often did. Her daddy was such a good man…he hadn't deserved to lose his leg like that. He just hadn't. True, she was more than overjoyed to still have him here, alive and well…but it hurt her that he was handicapped, though it was apparent to everyone that each day, he could even be more active than most of them if push came to shove.

Hershel affectionately brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "You have your mother's spirit, and determination. As well as her selflessness. If something's botherin' you, dear, you can always tell me. I love you."

Beth bit her lip, more than wanting to tell…but then simply smiled. "Nothing's wrong, Daddy. I just…livin' this way sometimes wears you down. I…I miss how it used to be. I miss Andrea, and Mama, and everyone we've lost."

She felt the familiar sorrow encase her as she remembered how life used to be…how she could always see her mother, and Shawn, and be happy…

Hershel nodded. "We all do. I'll always love your mother, and your brother. And I'll always miss all the friends we've came to know, and lost. But the important thing to remember is, though we may not have them anymore, we still are all a family, here, and there are some people in this world that truly have nobody anymore. We're all lucky here."

She nodded, quiet, knowing he was right. His words struck home with her. The Governor had nobody anymore…somehow at that moment, she found herself wandering to thoughts of him…was he sleeping now? Still awake? Then she felt sickened…_why was she thinking of him?_

Feeling as though her thoughts were transparent, she jumped a little at her thoughts.

Shaking her head a little, she smiled, giving him a hug and then a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Daddy."

Hershel smiled. "And I love you, Bethie. Sweet dreams."

Giving his youngest daughter a kiss on the cheek, he gathered up his crutches, and soon he was gone.

Looking after her father, smiling, her smile gradually fell, as she still felt unsettled as she fully realized just how curious she was about him…and just what he was doing.

Somewhat saddened Judith wasn't sleeping in her cell tonight, as the adorable baby would have offered a welcome distraction, she simply sighed and lay on her side. Carol was on watch tonight. Beth felt so lonely, now. It was strange. Her thoughts, unbidden, wandering down the lonely dark deserted roads to Woodbury once again, consumed her.

She imagined him, all alone in that place. It was almost…it was almost sad. He had no one. Oddly, she felt sorry for him. Did he feel as lonely as she thought he secretly might be?

Sighing, finally, after some time, sleep did overcome her, and she welcomed it, falling into blackness.

* * *

The next day, Beth was cradling Judith, smiling happily at the gurgling baby, bouncing her on her knee, as she watched others all preparing for a group supply run. She wished she could go.

Zach came up to her, smiling a bit too widely. "Hey, Beth! Just wanted to say goodbye before we left."

Beth smiled politely at him. "Goodbye, Zach. Stay safe. I'll see you when you get back."

Oh, he was nice enough, and she did really like him, but only as a friend. It was clear he held a not-so-secret penchant for her, though. She thought he knew that she didn't feel the same, yet she never wanted to be unkind.

Satisfied, Zach held up a hand in final leave, still smiling at her, lingering just a little bit too long at the door, until he finally left.

Stealing a glance at Maggie and Glenn embracing as they too prepared to leave, she couldn't contain a sudden wave of envy. But they needed her here today…somebody had to watch Judith, and besides, there would always be other opportunities. She hoped…

Then, her gaze flitting to a wall calendar somebody had picked up on a previous run, she felt a jolt. Though it was hard to keep track of time, she would be eighteen soon, her birthday occurring in only a matter of weeks. The thought made her happy, as well as excited. She would be a real adult…and hopefully that would give her some new responsibilities, though oddly, she doubted, sadly, that things would change much for her in the way of duties.

* * *

Finally, it was here. The day of her next meeting with him… The sky was gray and overcast, the humidity giving way to a rather cool breeze. Strange for this time of year.

Gulping a little, taking a deep breath, she got out of the truck, making sure all the supplies were still secure in the back, and then, as he had told her, made her way toward the back gate. It was padlocked twice over, but obviously that was only a hindrance for stray Walkers…not humans like herself.

Undoing the gate easily, she secured it behind her and then shakily walked toward his apartment.

Her boots made a steady clack on the ground, somewhat soothing her nerves. But why? Why had she come here? What kind of a person was she to spend time with the man who had ruined so many people's lives, including her own sister's?

Stop it! she chastised herself mentally. I'm not doin' anythin' wrong…I can help us out by doin' this…

She repeated that all the way there, still hoping against hope to convince herself…


	4. Chapter 4

Feeling nauseous, violent butterflies attacking her stomach, she walked closer and closer to his apartment. Taking deep breaths, she then slowed her steps, walking as slowly as possible.

She was so sick for coming here…And goodness, _he_ was sick!

Shaking her head, she was finally at his door. Timidly, she knocked.

Time seemed to slow. But all at once, her heart stopped as the door was opened.

He was standing there, gun down at his side, and the look on his face was almost one of disbelief at first, then happy, shocked wonder. He smiled a little.

Her heart began to beat faster at the sight of his face. Half of her wanted to run away again. But she forced herself not to.

He was the one who spoke first. "You…you came. I can't believe it," he said softly.

There was blood on his shirt, and a few spatters on his neck. She tried not to let her mind wander as to why, and then shook herself just a bit for being ridiculous…it wasn't as though he had just murdered people in his apartment…

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to look at him. "Y…yes. I came," she said.

His smile growing a little more, he stood back and held the door wider. "Well, come in," he said.

Smiling tight-lipped at him, she did so. The door closed behind her, and then he was pulling out a chair for her. "Th, thank you," she stammered.

"You're welcome," he said, smiling a little.

Timidly Beth sat, noting the two bags full of supplies on his bed, some spilling out. There were boxes of bullets, two new handguns, and knives in one, and in the other, there were what seemed to be personal products…clothing, some men's body wash and shampoo, and razors and shaving cream. Two red cans of soup and rice had fallen on the floor.

Going to pick them up, he answered her question. "I just got back from a supply run awhile ago…got pretty much everythin' I needed," he said.

She forced herself to speak. "You look pretty banged up…are…are you all right?" she said, and then wondered why she should even care, despairing.

He grinned. "None of the blood's mine, thankfully, though I'm sure I don't smell too good, so I apologize. There weren't too many Biters where I went. I was surprised."

Going into the bathroom, he said, "Do you want anythin' to eat or drink? Whatever you want, you can have." He emerged using a piece of wet toilet paper to wipe the blood off his neck.

Beth hesitated, then said, "I wouldn't mind some water if you have any."

Laughing a little, he handed her a bottle.

Smiling a little in thanks, she took a sip, trying not to wonder what the others would think if they could see her now.

Then he sat down across from her. His hair was tousled a little, as though he had just gotten of bed, and she had to admit he was right…the stench of Walker blood and just a little bit perspiration was present…but it certainly wasn't the worst thing she had ever smelled. Heck, she knew she probably didn't smell all that great either.

Again, he spoke first. "So…how have you been?" he said.

She gulped a little, and then said, "I…I've been alright. How have you been?" she asked.

"Can't really complain," he said.

She nodded. "That's good," she said, and then awkward silence fell again, bringing back memories of their previous meeting.

She let her eyes wander over his appearance more thoroughly, and then wondered why she was… He was wearing a buttoned blue shirt and black pants. Her face flushed a little in embarrassment as she realized the shirt was unbuttoned just three holes, so a little bit of his chest hair was showing.

Averting her eyes, she looked him in the eye again. The Governor spoke again.

"Are…are you really sure you want to be here, Beth?" he asked. "Because you…you can leave. I wouldn't stop you."

She was surprised by his question, shock flooding her…almost feeling touched…Then she forced herself to smile. "Yeah…yeah I am. But thank you."

He nodded curtly. "I just wanted to make sure."

Beth nodded, speaking …this time genuinely wanting to, for some odd reason. "I…I wanted to thank you for the…supplies you gave me...especially the sweater. It's very warm." She did not know why she said those words at first, but as she thought about it, she really was even more grateful than she had previously thought.

He smiled a little. "You don't need to thank me…I wanted to," he said.

His smile burned into her. She looked away, clearing her throat.

She looked back when he spoke again. "Have you been sleepin' okay? Eatin' fine? Is everythin' fine at the prison?"

"Uh…yeah, yeah. I have," she said. "And everythin's fine. Why?"

He shook his head a little. "I…I just wanted to make sure. I just hope you're feelin' fine and have everythin' you need. If you need extra food or water don't hesitate to let me know."

Feeling even more surprised at his apparent concern, Beth could only stare, but soon she hastily smiled. It was…it was nice, oddly enough. Even coming from him. And she couldn't deny that his offer to give her any food or supplies she herself might want or need was incredibly generous. Almost…she felt strange using the word in reference to him, but it was almost…sweet.

"I…I will. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," he said.

Beth nodded. "I do, though. And I…how have you been? Have you been sleepin' fine and everythin'?"

The Governor nodded his head. "I've slept alright, I guess. Some nights I just can't sleep more than four or five hours at a time, but I do alright with that much sleep. And I eat when I have to…but I sometimes don't. I just drink fluids."

Beth stared. "That's…that's not really healthy. You should try and eat at least one meal a day."

He laughed a little. "I feel fine, really. Besides, I do eat at least one to two meals a day. I've only done that for one or two meals every few days. You'd be amazed what water and juice alone can do for you."

She nodded. "I suppose."

Nerves once again flooding her, Beth steeled herself to ask what she was going to ask…what she was honestly so curious about…had been wondering about ever since she had first discovered him here.

She said, timidly, "I….I…was just wonderin' what….what do you do all day?" She flushed a little at the end.

He looked a little surprised that she was even asking…but then he cleared his throat. It sounded a little hoarse.

He shrugged a little. "I go on runs…hunt…every mornin' I go and check the perimeter of the whole town outside the gates to make sure there isn't a horde brewin' around here…some nights when I just can't sleep I go on runs…I actually prefer them to daytime runs. It's cooler, and it's almost peaceful drivin' around with the stars up in the sky…And then when I don't have to go on runs I try and find some things to do in here…little construction projects…makin' things that'll be useful to me in the way of extra weapons…Fixin' up extra cars that are still here from before in case the current truck I drive dies…I just hate bein' idle. I can't stand it, and keepin' busy makes the time go by and makes me…forget."

The look in his eye as he finished the sentence was almost…almost broken…ashamed. He was looking past her now.

Beth stared, almost feeling pangs of pity for him. That life seemed so lonely. She could only imagine what it would be like to not have anybody to talk to on a daily basis… And she could only imagine how being back here, almost trapped with his memories, haunted him day in and day out…especially on lonely, mournful nights.

She cleared her throat, unsettled. "I…I know it wouldn't be much but you could…you could read a book," she said, feeling even more silly as she spoke the words. Somehow Beth wanted to make him…feel better…offer comfort…though she couldn't understand why…

Luckily, he seemed to snap out of his trance, and smiled a little wryly at her. "A book, huh? I suppose I could try that."

Beth shrugged a little, blushing, feeling even stupider. "Well it…it helps me. And hey…maybe you'll get lucky and find a…a record player or somethin' that still works on your next run."

He grinned a little. "We actually did have some back then…and then they all broke after awhile."

"Oh," Beth said, not knowing what to say. "That's unfortunate then."

He laughed a little, the sound making her jolt. That sound alone reminded her that he was human…just like her and everybody else at the prison…

The sound of his voice again made her forget her current thought.

"It's actually kinda pretty at night…I'll go out and just stand and look at the stars…it's all open and wide in here. It's nice."

The picture he painted did indeed sound pleasant. It also reminded her of nights on the farm and the nights she, Maggie and Shawn would spend stargazing, laughing and eating junk food.

"I…we used to live on a farm, before all…all this. My sister and me and my…my brother would always go watch the stars. It is beautiful."

The Governor looked at her, almost cautious as he asked the question. "You…you have a brother too?"

Biting her lip, she shook her head. "He…he's dead now too."

Putting a hand on the back of his neck and rubbing slightly, he said, "I…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

Shaking her head, Beth said, "N…no. No. It's fine. I brought it up. It's only natural."

An awkward silence passed again, and then he said, "So…what do _you_ do all day?"

It struck her that he was genuinely interested, yet gently teasing her too.

Feeling a little flustered, she said, "I…I don't know. I…I take care of Judith…I cook…. help wash clothes…that's really it. Nothin' of importance. I guess singin' too, but…"

He said, "It sounds important to me. I'm sure your family really appreciates it. And you sing?"

"Y…yes," she stammered. "But only for my own amusement…and of course to the baby. She really likes it."

Smiling, he said, "Well, I won't ask you to sing anythin' but I wouldn't mind hearin' that if you'd ever want to."

Nodding awkwardly, she looked down at her hands.

Then she was even more shocked when he spoke once again.

"And…hey…I don't mean to imply that…that you can't take care of yourself…can't be safe…but…if…if you'd like…I could go with ya on runs every week for extra protection…or you could take any of my own supplies back each week instead of goin' by yourself. I wouldn't mind."

Staring at him, she almost couldn't believe what he had just said.

If any of her family had suggested what he just had, she would have gotten upset…agitated…supremely frustrated that they continued to baby her and didn't have faith and confidence in her. But of course, he was just being…nice…knew nothing of her situation…

"I…if you were wonderin'…this was only my second run by myself. I…I've always wanted to prove to my family and everyone else at the prison that I can go on runs too, and be…be useful. My family at first wasn't crazy about the idea, but we…we agreed on places the others had cleared. Smaller places…I…I've been fine."

He said, "I…I know. I have no doubt you're wonderful at runs…and I completely understand your wanting to prove yourself to your family but…Yes, you were lucky these two times. But what about the next time? Biters…Biters aren't the only thing you have to fear now. Especially if you're a female."

His words sunk into her. Then he spoke again.

"I…it's your decision, it's just…I would hate to have somethin' happen to you."

Biting her lip, she thought. It really was a thoughtful offer…she truthfully had never considered the idea of being attacked by men while on runs…or running into less than friendly people. She shuddered a little just thinking about the possibilities.

Looking at him, she said, "I…I'll consider it. Th…thank you."

He curtly nodded. "Don't mention it."

He put his hand on the table and she remembered vividly last time…she wondered how it was doing and how she had even forgotten to ask about the condition of it again.

There were still angry bruises on it, and cuts, and it was still (albeit newly) bandaged, but it did look a lot better than last time.

"How…how's your hand been?" she asked. "I hope it's not hurtin' you."

He shook his head, lifting it up. "It's fine. Thank you again. You did a wonderful job on it."

Silence lapsed again, and then he got up, surprising her. "I'm just goin' to check on somethin'… I'll be right back."

Nodding, she watched him leave.

Looking around the room, she surmised it probably was almost dusk now.

Everything looked ordinary…nothing was out of place or order.

Yet, unexpectedly, her attention was caught by a rather odd looking thing on a dresser far across the room. She got up, curious.

It was a picture-frame, with a black cloth over it, so nobody could see the picture unless it was lifted. Gently lifting the cloth, she set it on the dresser and then lifted up the picture frame, her mind in wonder, as well as feeling stricken by it. Sad.

Three smiling faces stared at her, each person as far removed from this new world as anything could be. The Governor smiled back at her, with both eyes and a smile as wide and happy as any man could ever hope for. He looked like he was the happiest man on earth, in this picture. Beside him, smiling just as wide, snuggling in close to him, was a woman, hair long and slightly wavy, and in front was a beautiful little girl, with long brown hair. Her smile was just as wide as her parent's were. All looked radiant, beautiful, and as though they were blessed. It honestly was a beautiful picture…The perfect family.

Beth stared in particular at The Governor. The man….stranger… in the photograph looked so very like him, and yet how could they have been the same? He was just as every bit attractive as he was now, she had to admit, and he looked so happy…so full of joy.

Her eyes moving over, his wife (she assumed) had been beautiful.

Then, her eyes moving downward to the little girl…Penny…she felt another pang. She really had been a beautiful little girl…and so young, too…

She was startled by his re-entrance. Gasping, she froze as he too froze, just staring at her wordlessly.

"I…I'm sorry! I…I'm so sorry," she said, hastily putting the photograph back. "I…I shouldn't have…"

Glancing at the floor, he walked over to where she was and cleared his throat, speaking softly. "It…it's fine. Don't worry about it."

Staring at him, heart still pounding, she then softly asked, but rather timidly, "Was…was that your…your wife and…and Penny?"

She could have shot herself at the expression on his face. His eye now had a dead dull look to it and even she couldn't deny that no matter what he had done…despite everything…she felt sorry for him now, in this moment.

He spoke rather softly, looking at her. "Y…yeah."

Biting her lip, she looked at the photograph again and then said, earnestly, "They…they were both beautiful. And…that's a beautiful picture. You were a beautiful family."

He stared at her, saying nothing, until nodding his head slightly. "Thank you. And they were."

Now he too was staring at the photograph, as though he wanted to live inside it.

His expression changed back to serious when he looked back at her. "I've been meanin' to burn it soon."

Shock flooding her, she couldn't believe it. "W…. what? Burn it? Why?"

Why would he…

He shrugged a little, voice wistful. "Too painful to look at every day."

More sympathy hitting her, despite her best wishes, or judgment, she was aching for him now.

Taking a timid step forward, not even knowing why she was doing so, she placed a gentle, slightly shaking hand on his right arm. His heat almost seared her.

"H…hey. I…I know how it feels…I've been there. But…but you…you shouldn't burn it. I…I can't tell you how I'd love to have a picture of my Momma and brother every day. One day, you…you really might regret it."

Biting her lip, unsure why she was even doing so, she lifted up both of her sleeves, stepping back, so the angry scars forever on her wrists were on display.

He stared at them wordlessly and then stared at her, pity and understanding on his face.

"I…back before we found the prison…my…my brother and my…my Momma became Walkers. My daddy kept them locked in the barn, because he…he thought they could become human again some day…normal. We…we all thought so. We all hoped so…especially me. But one day…Shane…a guy from Rick's group…he…he found out about the barn and wanted to kill them. He thought they…they weren't people. Well…they were all killed. Every single one of them in the barn were, along with my Momma and Shawn. I was devastated. I…I tried to kill myself."

She took another step back, feeling even more self-conscious. Pulling her sleeves down, she said, "I…my point is…I was in a real dark place, and I…I was also stupid. But…even though you may not have them anymore, you…you can still be happy again some day. I know how bad it must hurt you, but…no matter how sad and lonely you get…must be…don't ever let it get the best of you and try to die…kill yourself. I may not have known them, but I'm sure they…I know they wouldn't want you to do that. I…I just don't want you to…to do that. Try and remember the good times you had with them. I…I know I probably sound really stupid right now, and corny, but…sometimes thinkin' back to good memories makes life more…bearable now."

Glancing at the floor, she stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Then she felt a warm hand on her arm.

She looked at him, shaking slightly. "Hey. Th…thank you, Beth. That…that does help, a little. And I'm very sorry for what happened to you."

Nodding, she said, "I'm glad. And don't be sorry."

He removed his hand then, and she could still feel the warmth. He looked at her and pointed at the photograph. "That was taken just three months before my…my wife died in a car accident. Drunk driver was goin' the wrong way…head-on collision. I got the call at work."

Biting her lip, she stared at him in sympathy. "I'm so sorry," she said.

He shook his head slightly, glancing at the wall now above the dresser. "Don't be. It wasn't your fault," he said softly. The Governor looked at her again.

"It's just…that's all I have left of them and sometimes…even lookin' at it hurts. I…sometimes I just can't…I can't handle it. But…maybe…maybe I will take your advice…put it away somewhere, just so I have it."

Smiling a little, she said, "I think that'd be nice."

Nodding his head slightly, he took the photograph, looking once more at it, before taking the cloth and wrapping it up neatly, and then opening a bottom drawer and putting it in, closing it.

Clearing his throat a little, he said, "It…it's almost dark now. You'd better be gettin' back."

She nodded. "Alright."

"I'll…I'll walk you out."

Smiling a little in thanks, unsure how to feel, she walked out beside him. They reached the back gate. The air was a little cooler now, and the sky was turning blacker than before.

Opening the gate for her, he curtly nodded his head. "Thank you again, Beth. See you next week."

Feeling unnerved inside, nervous, she nodded too, feeling even guiltier yet again as she thought of everyone else. "Yes. Have a good night."

"You too."

Still feeling shaky as she walked to the pickup truck, she got in, breathing deep as she started the engine.

As she drove, she still felt unsettled…like a horrible person…and yet so…affected.

His smile, unbidden, flashed before her eyes…and the way he had looked at the photograph haunted her…

Time seeming to speed, she was at the prison before she knew it.

And somehow, the whole night, though she could not understand the reason why, the place on her arm where he had touched her still tingled.


	5. Chapter 5

_Crack! Splat! Crack! Splat!_

Dispatching Walkers at the fence the next day, Beth's attention wasn't even on them, as it usually was.

_Crack! Splat!_

With each splatter as she forced the blade through each zombie's head, she wasn't seeing them.

_Crack! Splat!_

Instead, with each successful killing, she was seeing his face, and hoping her continuous thoughts of him would stop.

_Crack! Splat! _

His smile…the way he had laughed…the feel of his hand on her arm…how warm his arm had been when she'd comforted him…

_Crack! Splat! Crack! Splat! Crack! Splat! Crack! Splat!_

Feeling more panicked now, she began going faster and faster, willing herself to just forget him.

She wanted each killing to be a metaphor…with every Walker she killed there would be one less thought of him to plague her.

Yet…she groaned in despair. Dropping the blade, she crouched down to retrieve it, pausing and rubbing her head.

_It was no use…no use._

Their time together yesterday had affected her even more than she'd hoped it would. Not to mention, she had hardly been able to sleep without reliving the conversation they had had. It was so frightening…truly.

She jumped at the sound of Maggie's voice behind her.

"Hey! Dinner's ready," Maggie said, and Beth put on a fake smile and stood up, turning around. She hoped she could fool Maggie…but of course, that was impossible.

"Are you all right?" Maggie asked, suspicion and concern mixing in her tone.

"Yeah, yeah," Beth said, feeling flustered. "Just dropped the knife…I got it back though."

"Are you lyin' to me?" Maggie asked, once again successfully seeing through her.

"No, no…I'm not," Beth said. "I swear."

Maggie's eyes searched Beth's face, and she hoped, beyond anything, that she didn't look as nervous as she felt. Her heart was pounding, and she felt like it would be an eternity before Maggie would finally stop.

After a few moments, to her relief, Maggie nodded. "OK, Beth. Just…don't feel like you have to hide anythin' from me. You're…you're my sister, Beth. My baby sister. I…I love you."

Beth smiled. "I love you too, Maggie."

Smiling, Maggie affectionately touched Beth's arm, before pulling back. Yet the moment of sisterly affection was broken when she suddenly, expression turning serious again and her tone growing a little harder, said her parting words.

"But if you are hidin' somethin' I will find out."

Searching her sister's face again, finally she turned around and headed back into the prison.

Groaning, Beth cleaned the knife off and then put it back on her belt loop.

_Oh Maggie...if only you knew._

As she headed into the cell blocks, and then into the large common area where everyone was gathered for supper, she gratefully accepted a steaming bowl of macaroni and cheese, smiling in thanks as Carol scooped it for her. Grabbing a warm bottle of water, she went and sat down by herself, choosing to be alone for awhile. She also made sure to avoid a whole gaggle of former Woodbury residents, the majority of whom she did not know well.

Yet, with every bite of food, she still could not shake the memories of yesterday. She felt branded, in a way. Marked. Diseased…She tried, in vain, not to think of what he was doing right now, at this very moment, all those miles away…Shaking her head slightly again, she also tried not to recall…

Yet, vividly, the way he had looked at the photograph of his dead wife and Penny hit her in full force again…

Biting her lip, the pain momentarily stopped the traitorous thoughts.

Looking around, she smiled as Hershel waved a hand in greeting from where he was talking with Rick, Daryl and Glenn, and Rick smiled and nodded at her as well, as did Glenn and Daryl. Carol also smiled at her as she wiped up the tables upfront, and Beth had to smile at the sight of Sasha and Tyreese happily feeding Judith, who was gurgling happily.

Goodness…if only they all knew. They…they would all hate her…

Shaking her head again, she quickly finished her water and then ate the rest of her meal, trying not to think. She was doing this to help…they'd have to understand then…wouldn't they?

But what bothered her most was the fact that she knew that even she didn't think she was "just trying to help" the group anymore…perhaps it had started out that way, but the more she thought about it, and the more she spent time with him, she had to admit that…even she saw no threat there. And what's more…the fact that he didn't seem so… monstrous and inhumane anymore… was also painfully aware to her.

* * *

Locking the supplies up in the truck, she, as usual, made her way to his apartment, trying to quell the rapid beating of her heart.

She really had no reason to be scared…so terrified…she knew it to be true…he wouldn't harm her…yet she couldn't seem to make herself believe it.

Timidly, she knocked. A few precious moments of silence…maybe he wasn't there…she could go home, and avoid him for another week… and then she heard footsteps, and the door was opened.

He smiled broadly at the sight of her. There was real happiness on his face…did she do that to him? For him?

What bothered her most was she didn't know if she'd feel bad if it turned out she didn't.

"You made it," he said. "I…I'm glad you came. I was lookin' forward to seein' you."

Smiling weakly, she tried not to focus on how touched she felt at that, as well as surprised.

Nodding, she said, forcing herself to sound cheerful, "I wouldn't have missed it."

Beth nodded at him and walked past him into the now all-too familiar apartment.

This time, unlike last, there were no supplies strewn about on the bed, or bags of supplies out in the open. On the contrary, the rooms looked much neater, though the bed was unmade.

He also had no blood on his person this time…and smelled clean, as though he had taken a shower earlier.

Taking a deep breath, trying to calm her shaking knees, she sat.

She heard the door closing behind her, and then he disappeared into the bathroom.

"How've you been since last week?" he asked. She heard water running.

"I…I've been good," she said. "How've you been?"

"I can't complain," he said, coming out and wiping his hands. "Had a pretty big horde to dispatch this mornin' but it wasn't too bad."

"Oh," she said. "Well…well I'm glad."

He laughed a little, softly, and then she was surprised when he handed her a bottle of juice. The bandage and fading bruises and red cuts on his right hand drew her attention yet again, though briefly.

"Th…thank you," she said. "But what's this for?"

"Thought you could use some extra hydration…it's really hot out there today."

Beth had to agree, nodding. "Y…yes. It is."

Opening the bottle, she savored the taste of the strawberry-banana mixture, though it was warm. One thing was for certain…the apocalypse made sure one grew sick of drinking lukewarm, flavorless water all of the time.

And then, finally, he sat. He was wearing a white shirt and black pants today, and looked as healthy as ever. He did look a little tired, but everyone was these days.

"So…" he said, voice surprisingly soft. "I…I've been meanin' to…I just wanted to say…"

Yet he kept breaking off…surprisingly awkward.

"Wh…what?" Beth said, curious.

"I…god. I just…wanted to thank you again, for the…the things you said the last time you were here. I…it really did mean a lot to me, and help me. And you're…you're right…I would have regretted burnin' the picture…And…you…you almost made me believe that my…my wife and Penny still…still care about me now, too. I…just…thank you, Beth."

The words were as unexpected as ever, and yet…

Emotion flooding her, as well as intense sympathy yet again, she didn't have to force herself to reply.

"H…hey," she said softly. "That's…that's a horrible thing to say…Oh…I…. I'm sure they still do. In fact, I…I know they do," she said, growing a little louder at the end.

_That was so heartbreaking._

Then he laughed a little, the sound self-deprecating. "That's…that's sweet," he said.

"It…it's not," she said. "It's the truth."

He looked at her again, and the jolt in her stomach just about disintegrated her earlier confidence. As much as it baffled her and made her despair…though she didn't know why she felt this way, or cared…. or even why she should even _want _to help him feel better…she wanted to help him…comfort him…make him feel…

Her thoughts were cut off as he finally spoke again.

"No…no they don't. I…if there is a heaven…not that I really believe in God anymore…or ever really did…they're both lookin' down on me with hate. In fact…my…my wife…she's probably rolled a thousand times over in her grave by now…wonderin' why she ever married me. And…and Penny…if she were alive…she'd be afraid of me. They both hate me now…wish they had never known me…and I don't blame them. I…sometimes at night I lie awake and that's all I can think about, over and over."

Beth stared and listened, intent on changing his mind.

"Y…yes. You…you did do awful, awful things. No…nobody knows better than I," she said, feeling awkward, as well as solemn as she thought about everything that had transpired.

"B…but…talkin' to you, right now…I…I…that's the man your wife married, and that's the daddy Penny loved. Whatever…despite all the horrible things you've done…they would…they would forgive you. And they…they still love you. You've just gotta believe that."

More silence passed, and then The Governor looked at her. He smiled a little, though wryly.

"You almost make me believe that, Beth. But thank you."

Beth bit her lip. "It is the truth…and you won't convince me otherwise."

Her eyes continued to hold his one, and then he looked away. A few more moments passed and then he cleared his throat, running a hand over his face.

Taking a deep breath, he turned back to her again. "Thank you again, Beth. I…and I'm sorry for…"

She smiled, heartened that maybe…just maybe…he was allowing himself to believe it.

"No... it's fine," she said softly.

He cleared his throat again. "So…anyway…anythin' new at the prison?" he asked, changing the subject.

"No…no. Not really," she said. "It's…it's the same as it always was. Walkers outside…lots of people…lots of noise…all the same."

He smiled a little. "That sounds real exciting."

"Oh yeah," Beth said sarcastically, unable to stop herself. "Tons. Especially when you're tryin' to sleep and little kids think it's alright to suddenly start have a screaming match and throw a ball around…and then they end up wakin' up the baby, who you just managed to put down to sleep."

He laughed.

Feeling a little awful at venting some of her few frustrations with the prison, she said, quickly, "I…I don't mean to seem as though I… I don't care or don't like it. Because I do…I love it. But…sometimes…peace and quiet would be nice, you know?"

He nodded. "I do know."

More silence passed again, and then she asked, "How…how's your week been? Has it been…peaceful at night?" She was surprised that she even wanted to know the answer…

"Yeah, it has been," he said, shrugging. "I…I can't complain. I actually got a lot of sleep the last few nights…it was nice while it lasted."

She nodded, feeling sympathetic. "I know what you mean."

More silence again, and then…oddly, it was she who spoke first. Heart thrumming, feeling odder still that she even wanted to know more about him…she spoke.

"I…I was just…. just wonderin' what…" But she broke off, blushing, as well as feeling that sadly all-too familiar feeling of despair in her chest. _Why did she care? Why should she care?_

Smiling gently, he noticed and said, "It's fine. You can ask."

Taking a deep breath, she summoned her courage. "OK…what…what did you do, before all…all this?"

Smiling a little more, he said, "That's it? You were that embarrassed to ask me what I did before all this?"

She could feel her face heating up even more. But she could tell he was just teasing her.

Laughing a little, he said, "I'm sorry. Well…I worked for an insurance company. We were pretty big…it was all right, I guess. It wasn't glamorous or anythin' but it paid good money. Can't say I liked my boss though…or that anyone did. He was a dick."

Beth felt herself blush even more at the word. "Al…alright," she said, nodding awkwardly. "That's nice."

"I'm sorry if that offended you."

Beth flushed a little more, still feeling unsettled. "No…it's fine," she said. "I've heard much worse, believe me." In particular she was thinking of Daryl…and heck even Merle…

Merle. Suddenly vividly remembering that he…The Governor…had killed him…that he was the reason Daryl didn't have a brother anymore…and the fact that the man sitting across from her was a monster made her want to get up and leave and never, ever look back. Goodness…what was wrong with her? He…he didn't…he wasn't a good person. He wasn't! Inside he was just evil and twisted and everything unsavory. And she was a sick, sick person, just like him, for spending time with him now…just being in his very presence…Nausea hit her again, as well as a violent, vivid surge of hatred. Goodness…_how could she have even forgotten?_ And it wasn't just Merle…he had killed Andrea…so many innocent people…_Maggie…_

He noticed. "Hey," he said, speaking softly. "Are you all right, Beth?"

She was trembling now, unsure if she could speak. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to look at him, now wanting to glare. Yet she faltered at the look on his face, and everything seemed to disappear.

He was staring at her, concern evident, and suddenly, despite it all, despite everything, her former hatred evaporated. She couldn't seem to bring herself to hate him, though she knew she should…_and did…didn't she? _Didn't she? Thinking back to their first meeting, she vividly remembered how badly she had wanted to slap him, and how good it had felt telling him off. Yes…yes…she did hate him. She did still hate him…And she would tell him that too, right before leaving and never, ever coming back…

Yet…

From seemingly nowhere, his words from their first meeting washed over her.

"_If it makes any difference…I…I do regret most of it."_

Also…

"_I just…lost it. It's…it's just hard to…to put into words."_

She was not a cop, nor an expert on when people were lying…yet in those moments she could tell he had been genuine.

She could also still vividly remember standing just feet away from him when he also had apologized, genuinely, for what he had done to Maggie…

Shaking herself, she looked at him again and again, the concern on his face for her was what hit her most.

Now, he was standing up and coming over to her. She felt his hand gently feel her forehead. Strangely, she felt cold, and the warmth almost burned her. He also quickly felt her cheeks, and she could still feel his touch there when he pulled away.

"You're burnin' up," he said quietly, which surprised her. "Are you sure you're alright? Hold on…I'll get you somethin' for it."

Quickly he disappeared into the bathroom, re-emerging with a cool washcloth.

"Here," he said quietly. "I can do it, if ya can't…"

Finally speaking, voice hoarse, Beth said, "N…no. No. But thank you. I…I feel fine. Just maybe a touch of…of heat stroke."

Ignoring her, he gently pressed the cloth to her forehead and held it there, and a whiff of ivory soap washed over her.

Closing her eyes, she had to admit the cool cloth felt like heaven, yet she still felt rather self-conscious.

Breathing in deep, trying to rein herself in and re-gather her earlier composure, she also tried to quell the nervous butterflies in her stomach.

Opening her eyes, she looked at him. Why did he care so much for her? He really had no reason to, and yet he was going above and beyond for her…literally an almost stranger to him…

If he was such a monster, then…

She could feel his body heat practically, now.

Shaking herself, she gently put her hand on the cloth. "Th…thank you," she said. "I'm feelin' much better…I can take it from here now."

And she was feeling substantially better.

"Alright," he said, releasing the cloth and taking one last glance at her. "If you're sure. But you should have a bottle of water when you're done with that…it'll bring down your temperature even more. I do hope you feel ok."

She blushed a little, still shy and more than a little unsettled with what had just happened.

"I…I do feel a lot better. But…thank you. Truly."

He nodded. "Don't mention it."

Sitting back down, his blue gaze held hers again, carefully searching her for the slightest discomfort, and she forced herself to smile.

The rest of the time passed in relative silence, peaceful, yet only a little uncomfortable.

Beth spoke not at all, for fear she might run at the next words he spoke, and, it seemed, he stayed silent for her benefit.

She carefully drank the rest of her juice, feeling more strength returning, and the silence was almost soothing, after awhile.

Finally, his voice broke the silence. "It's…I hate to bother you but it's almost sunset. You'd better be headin' back, if you can. Or else I could…"

She smiled a little, hiding her inner nervousness and turmoil.

"Oh…I…I feel fine. But, thank you, again, for everythin' you did for me…"

"You don't need to thank me," he said softly, shaking his head. "Ain't nothin' to thank me for."

She nodded, standing up. He stood up too, and opened the door, allowing her to go first.

In silence they walked to the gate and he opened it for her.

He moved a little closer to her and again, the faint whiff of soap hit her.

Placing his hand on her arm, he said, gently, "Take it easy the next few days. And I hope you have a safe trip back."

She nodded, hoping her legs wouldn't give out. "Th, thank you, G…Governor."

"I told you…you can call me Philip," he said gently.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "Alright. Well…see you next week." The words were out of her mouth before she knew it.

He nodded gently, before closing the gate behind her. "I look forward to it."

The words, so simple, made her almost feel faint again.

Getting into the truck, and then, starting the lonely drive home, she could still feel the places where he had touched her on her cheeks, forehead and arm tingling.

* * *

That night, she went out and just stared at the stars, unable to sleep. The sight was beautiful, yet oddly mournful

Unbidden he washed over her again. Was he doing this too, now?

Sighing, Beth ran her hands over her arms, though she was wearing long-sleeves. The chill in the air was almost terrible, tonight.

Thinking of him again, she bit her lip. Did monsters appreciate beauty too?

She supposed they could.

Then, oddly…guilt washed over her, as she remembered how…tender, almost, and concerned he had been for her. How he had never been unkind to her…

Though it killed her inside, she knew that he…he wasn't a monster, now. Instead, he was deeply flawed and human through and through.

She was forced to accept that, now. She couldn't hate him, now…and oddly she didn't. She only felt curiosity…nerves, yes…and along with that, pity…mixed with a tiny bit of fear. As much as she hated it…she knew she didn't…and, what struck her most of all, as she headed inside, was that hating him would only be possible if he truly were the monster he had once been…had once thought he was.

* * *

"Happy Birthday Bethie!"

Beth smiled, opening her eyes three days later, at the sight of Hershel, Maggie, Glenn, Rick, Carol, Daryl, and Sasha and Tyreese in her cell, along with Zach and Patrick, another former Woodbury resident.

Carol was holding a big plate of stale Twinkies somebody had crafted into a makeshift cake, and everyone was beaming at her.

"Make a wish Beth!" Maggie exclaimed.

Beth sat up, wiping her eyes. "Oh aww, you guys, it's so beautiful!"

She felt touched in a way she couldn't describe.

There were eighteen candles on the cake, too. Beth got up and hugged everyone, giving her father a kiss on the cheek.

"C'mon, make a wish already so we can eat!" Daryl exclaimed, and everyone laughed.

"Nah, don't rush her. You just take your time, Beth. Eighteen is a big day," Rick said, smiling at her.

She smiled. Closing her eyes, she breathed in deep. She wished for peace and happiness forever…that they would be able to live here forever, safe and well…and that everything would be ok. She wished for Judith to grow up happy and healthy, and for Maggie and Glenn to have a child someday…and, finally…to find love someday.

Blowing all the candles out, she looked around at everyone, beaming herself. "Thank you so much, guys! It's wonderful. But you really shouldn't have."

"Nonsense," Carol said. "But it was my idea, if you really want to get technical about it," she said, joking.

Beth laughed. "I can honestly say that I've never had a Twinkie cake before."

Everyone laughed again, and as the "cake" was cut up and passed around, it was actually surprisingly good.

Afterward, Maggie embraced her. "My baby sister's eighteen today. I can barely believe it."

Beth smiled. "Well believe it."

Beth was distracted as Hershel gently touched her arm, embracing her. "Happy birthday, Bethie. I feel so old. Both my daughters are grown up."

Beth laughed. "Oh Daddy…I'm still your little girl."

Hershel grinned. "Yes, you still are. But here…come with me. I have something for you."

Curious, Beth followed him to his cell. She was surprised when he produced an oddly familiar silver heart shaped locket.

"This was your mother's. She wore it all the time, as you know. I was going to give this to you right away, but I decided to save it for your eighteenth birthday. I'm sorry I didn't give it to you sooner, dear, but now it's yours forever. Every day you look more like her, and you'll look just as beautiful as she did wearing it."

Tears stinging her eyes, she quickly embraced him, kissing him again. "Oh Daddy! Thank you so much! This is the best gift I could ever have wanted, aside from bein' with all of you!"

Hershel smiled, wiping the tears away. "You deserve it dear."

Feeling oddly giddy as she lifted her hair so Hershel could clasp it around her neck, she couldn't help beaming yet again as she clutched it.

"I love you Daddy," she said, kissing him again.

"And I love you, Bethie," he said, embracing her one last time, and she leaned into it, feeling happier than she had in a long time.


	6. Chapter 6

Beth laid on her cot, staring at the ceiling, butterflies swarming in her stomach. Tomorrow, yet again, was her supply run day.

Sighing, she got up, but not before checking on Judith. She couldn't help smiling as Judith's cheek twitched a little in slumber. She lovingly kissed her on the cheek.

Going out into the hallway, Beth began to walk, glad Carol was once again on watch. Anything to get her mind off of tomorrow… It seemed everywhere she went, every single day, no matter what she did, The Governor haunted her thoughts. And she wasn't sure how to react.

Somehow, despite her best efforts, she knew that he more than intrigued her. And, she oddly _wanted_ to get to know him…know more about him…far more than she ever would admit to anyone.

There were times it terrified her.

Much like tonight.

Slowly enjoying the rest of her walk, the darkness and shadows of the prison oddly soothing instead of menacing, she closed her eyes.

The prison faded, and, unbidden, the memory of their last parting appeared. She was standing in brightness and warmth, outside, and he was before her. His hand was on her arm…all at once warm and oddly gentle…

_"Take it easy the next few days…"_

Her eyes snapped open.

Breathing in deep, more butterflies attacking her, she reached for her locket, holding it in her hand. She wished, more than anything, that her mother was here.

He baffled her so much, and yet, despite everything, oddly…she almost _cared_ about him…

"Oh Momma…what would you do if you were me?"

She continued to hold the locket, and the showers faded away, her reflection fading from the mirror, his face appearing again, his blue eye full of concern for her as she sat across the table from him.

Try though in vain she did to fight it, she _did_ feel sympathy for him…_did_ feel that there was more to him than his previous actions, horrible though they were, suggested…and did feel that perhaps there was hope for him…Did sense that he was good…

Yet she couldn't help always feeling guilty and insane for thinking so.

There wasn't any harm in thinking this way about him…was there?

She bit her lip. She still didn't know, and though she knew in her heart there shouldn't be, she still knew it would be more than disastrous if the others ever found out she did.

* * *

The next afternoon, once again, found her at his door. Biting her lip, she knocked.

Again, the wait…and again, like usual, the butterflies that always seemed to fly into and positively swarm in her stomach…

Grabbing ahold of her locket, the cool metal soothing her, she waited, looking around.

The sun's rays were touching everything, the sight of the abandoned town oddly beautiful.

Suddenly, she jumped a little as the door opened. Turning back around, she looked at him and the expression on his face was honestly one still of concern, and a little confusion…

Yet, at the sight of him, Beth was unprepared for the sudden blush that overtook her.

All of a sudden, the memories of their previous meeting came rushing back…the feel of his hand as he had felt if she had a fever…the warmth of him on her arm as he had bidden her farewell for the week…how concerned he had been for her…

_Did he still smell like ivory?_

Her blush deepening, she shook herself.

She spoke first. "H…Hi again," she said. "H…how've you been?" Inwardly she cursed herself for stammering so much.

He spoke too, and much softer than she would have thought. "Hi. I didn't know if I should expect you this week…are you feelin' okay from last week?"

Her eyes met his one, the blue orb fixed on her, full of _something_…something she couldn't place…

She nodded, smiling brightly, shaking herself. "Yes. I am. Thank you."

He nodded shortly. "I'm glad. I was worried about you."

The smile faded from her face, and still, her eyes were locked with his one.

Her heart skipped a little at his response in nervousness.

He truly wasn't a monster…

Looking at him more thoroughly, though she would die of embarrassment before ever admitting it out loud, it hit her again just how truly handsome he honestly was… She had always thought so, true…ever since their first meeting…but somehow, at this moment, it was almost humiliating to acknowledge. Her blush returned, even more profusely.

His brown hair was slightly messy, his eye patch in place as always, and he was wearing a white long-sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up just so, and tan pants. She also couldn't help but notice how slender and tall he was…

Blush growing, clearing her throat, she finally spoke. "Thank you. That…that means a lot. And…thank you for…for what you did for me last week. It was very nice."

He slowly shook his head. "I didn't do anything worthwhile for you, Beth. You shouldn't thank me."

Now Beth shook her head, his words sinking deep within her. "No…you did. Really. Thank you."

For a few moments, they just stood, looking at each other, and oddly, for some reason, Beth almost felt dizzy…the heat mixing with now nervous she felt… and then he cleared his throat.

"Well…I'm sorry. Come in. Please."

Smiling tightlipped at him, she did so, feeling her heart begin to pound.

She heard the door close. Shakily, she sat, just thankful she had not fainted.

Again, she heard the door close, and then he was walking past her. And, again, the scent of ivory soap filled the air.

Finally, he too sat down across from her, but not before handing her a bottle of water.

She smiled, trying to calm herself. "Thank you."

He smiled gently. "You don't need to thank me. All I did was give you a bottle of water."

She shrugged slightly. "Well, it's always the thought that counts," she said primly.

He laughed a little.

A few moments of silence, and then he spoke again. "So…how was your week?"

Unable to stop herself from smiling as she remembered how wonderful her birthday had been, she laughed a little, clutching her locket. "It was wonderful. As of last week, I am now an official adult."

Beth looked down at the locket, smile growing.

When she looked up, he was smiling gently at her. "Well Happy Birthday. Eighteen is a good age. I hope you had a wonderful day."

Beth nodded. "Oh, I did. It was so sweet…the others made an actual Twinkie cake for me, and my daddy gave me my momma's old locket. It's the best present I could ever have hoped for," she said softly.

She looked at him again and he said, softly, "Well I'm glad. You deserve it, Beth."

Staring at him, suddenly she wanted to look away. Slightly flustered, she smoothed back her hair and cleared her throat. "Well…how was your week?"

He leaned back a little. "Well, mine sure wasn't as good as yours…I didn't get a Twinkie cake or anythin'… but it was alright. Very quiet."

She couldn't help but smile a little at his attempt at a joke. "Well I'm glad," she said softly, almost whispering at the end. He smiled a little.

Still, as always, her heart pounded, with nerves and anxiety and, as always, she couldn't understand the reason why.

Speak, Beth…just say something…

Shaking herself, Beth finally did speak. "So…um…last time we…we didn't really get a chance to finish our conversation," she said, feeling stupider than ever.

Not even attempting to look at him again, for if she did she would surely blush, she cleared her throat and continued.

"I…well…I know you worked at an insurance company, but…what else is there to know about you?"

The words hung in the air, and finally, Beth stole a single glance at him. The Governor looked shocked that she was even asking.

After a few moments, he shrugged, tousling his hair. "Well, what would you like to know? Believe me…I'm not a very interestin' person."

In spite of herself, Beth smiled a little. "That's just what a man would say when he has a very high opinion of himself," she said, and to her relief, he smiled at her own attempt at humor.

Laughing a little, he spoke. "Well…I could say I am God's gift to women but then I'd be statin' the obvious," he said, and Beth bit her lip to keep from smiling.

Inhaling, he spoke. "Well…I've lived in Georgia my whole life…I'm forty-two…I had an older brother, Brian, but he…he died when he was twenty and I was eighteen…he had a real bad asthma attack…by the time the paramedics got there there was nothin' that could be done. He was my best friend," he said softly.

Beth stared at him, the words hitting her. "I'm so sorry," she said, and he shook his head.

"Don't be. It's not your fault," he said softly.

Silence again, and she almost regretted asking…

Then The Governor looked at her again. "God…he was just like me. Active…involved in sports…healthy…we never thought that he would die so young. And from asthma, of all things. One of the worst days of my life when he died."

She bit her lip in sympathy, guilt flooding her. "I'm sorry," she said again.

He shook his head. "You shouldn't be. You didn't force me to mention him," he said.

After a few moments, he spoke again, clearing his throat. "Well…my mother was the best mother in the world, and I loved her more than anythin'…my daddy, though, I despised. He was…not a kind man, to say the least. He was always layin' into my brother and me from the moment we could walk…can't tell you how many black eyes and fractures I got from that man. Not that I was always an angel, though…but god I hated that bastard. Excuse my language," he said.

Beth shook her head. "It's fine," she said.

Looking her in the eyes again, The Governor continued.

"I finally snapped one day and beat him when I was twenty. Brian and I had always known even when we were little that he was cheatin' on my mother with various women…she knew it too, and it broke her heart. He beat her too, on occasion. But finally, one day…I came home to visit from college…only reason I came around was because of her, and because it would mean so much to her if I did…I arrived a day earlier than expected one night. I pulled into the driveway, and I heard yellin.' So I went into the house, and he was literally strangling her…she had two black eyes and was cryin' her eyes out. I lost it. And it felt so damn good to finally beat him up. I damn near killed him. I may have gotten a black eye and my jaw dislocated in the process but it was worth it. Long story short…he called the police. Filed a restrainin' order…lost contact."

Beth's eyes were wide. "But…goodness…if your mother was beat too, and you…then how could he get away with it?"

The Governor shrugged. "Mighty convenient bein' a cop yourself."

She stared, shock and even more sympathy hitting her. "Goodness…I'm so sorry," she whispered.

All she could think of was Hershel, and how loving and kind he had always been towards her…towards all of his children…and both of his wives…

The Governor looked at her again. "You know, the only thing I regret about that day is not stoppin' for my mother. The whole time I was beatin' him up she was yellin' for me to stop. I felt terrible for that."

Still, Beth couldn't bring herself to speak.

Then he continued. "Her funeral was awful too…but at least I got to say goodbye, when the end finally came…She…she died when I was thirty-two. Cancer… After she was gone, I never went near my father ever again."

He paused, and then cleared his throat. "But you know, growin' up, I made a vow…that someday, when I was married, and had kids of my own, I would never, ever treat my wife like he treated my mother…and never, ever hit my kids, no matter how angry I got with them. I…it makes me sick to my stomach to ever imagine myself hittin' Penny, or abusin' my wife. It just ain't right. And I'm happy to say that I never, ever broke that vow, or even thought about it. I always got so pissed off hearin' about stories where parents abused their children on the news every night, or stories where molestation occurred…come to think of it this world was always fucked up, even before this happened."

Beth could only nod.

Then The Governor spoke again, shifting a little. "So…now that you know all about my happy family growin' up, what else would you like to know? And god…I'm sorry for rantin' about all of that, it's just…"

Beth softly smiled. "It's…it's alright."

Returning the smile, he surprised her when he said what he did next. "Actually, what about you? What did you do before all of this?"

Shock flooding her, she stammered, caught off-guard. "I…I don't know. I…I hung out with my friends…went to school…went to church…hung out with my family…there's nothin' that excitin' about me."

Laughing a little, he softly said, "Somehow I don't believe that."

Her heart skipped a beat in nervousness. "Where'd you work, if you did?"

Flushing a little, Beth spoke. "Well…I did help out in my daddy's veterinarian practice from time to time…but I…I was a candy striper at the local hospital durin' breaks from school. I…I know it must sound incredibly lame, but I really did enjoy it. I always did like takin' care of people and helpin' them feel better. Sometimes I'd sing to them…it was always nice."

"That's not lame at all," he said.

Looking at him again, somehow Beth found herself wanting to volunteer more information. "But it always was sorta embarrassin' goin' to see some of the male patients…especially the attractive ones. They...they would always tease me and request baths…I know they were just jokin' but I always was bright red goin' in there."

The Governor laughed. "I can see that."

She smiled too, just thinking about the memories.

"And then my real job that I got paid for was I worked at a nursin' home. I always did like it there."

Smiling a little, The Governor said, "My first job was horrible, and definitely not as meaningful as yours was…I worked at the local burger joint, when I was fifteen. Nastiest place ever to work, especially when you had to clean the bathrooms. And while the food was good, I know full well some of my coworkers didn't even bother to wash after usin' the bathroom, which made you not want to order anythin' ever. And the managers were awful, as well as the customers. But I sure did like my college job though."

Interest piqued, she said, "And what was that?"

He grinned a little, leaning back in his chair. " A manager at a laser tag arena, believe it or not. The pay was actually really good, and my buddies and me would always go there from time to time because I could get us discounts. And it didn't hurt that very attractive college girls our age would always go there too."

Beth couldn't help smiling a little. "That does sound interestin' and I'm sure you enjoyed that."

He laughed. "Oh we did, believe me."

Suddenly he spoke again, smiling, the look in his eye far-off.

"I met my wife my senior year of college, in my economics class. I just noticed her the first day because she was just so beautiful. We became friends right away, and I really wanted to ask her out, but unfortunately she was already datin' some other guy, who ended up cheatin' on her in the end…biggest idiot I'd ever met. Thankfully, in the end, when they were broken up and when I finally did, she said yes right away. God…she was the nicest, prettiest, funniest, most intelligent and outgoin' girl I'd ever had the pleasure of goin' out with…and she was a lot of fun too. We had a lot in common, too…and god, I already knew by the end of our first date I was in love with her. Ad by the time we graduated I knew I wanted to ask her to marry me some day."

Beth couldn't help but be touched by his story.

"That's…that's beautiful," she said.

"She was, especially on the day of our wedding," he said softly, and then there was silence. "One of the happiest days of my life, aside from when Penny was born."

The happy gleam in his eye gradually dulled.

Staring at him, she couldn't help but feel her earlier misgivings about spending time with him evaporate a little more…It was so clear, so plain. He truly was human through and through…just like everyone else…And the pain in his eye as he talked about the two women he had loved most, and lost, was abundantly clear…

Suddenly he seemed to come out of his trance, and spoke again, clearing his throat.

"Anyway…what did you like to do for fun, before all this?"

Beth stared, honestly not even sure, it had been so long since the world had experienced normalcy.

Clearing her throat, she shrugged. "Well…I loved hangin' out with my family, and friends, and Jimmy…he was my first real boyfriend…. and well, I always did love singin'…I sang in church, but mostly I just sang everywhere I could. And I always did love ridin' horses, and ice skatin' and readin' and writin' and I don't know…just normal stuff I guess. Goin' to see movies…shoppin' with my mother and Maggie…it just all seems so long ago now."

He nodded, agreeing. "I always was big into sports myself, but I really liked to swim for fun…and baseball and basketball were big ones for me. I also always liked readin' and watchin' tv and movies…and I always did love hangin' with my buddies and of course, drinkin' on occasion," he said, grinning a little.

And then he spoke again. "And I don't know about you, but I've always been sort of a daredevil…I loved goin' to amusement parks. Roller coasters. That sort of thing. Ridin' in the front with no hands…I do miss that."

Beth smiled.

"What about you? Did you like goin' there with your friends?"

Beth nodded. "Yes. But I was always the kind of person that rides a roller coaster, has fun, but closes their eyes the whole time and thinks they're goin' to die."

The Governor laughed again, and somehow, it sent a jolt through her.

Feeling disarmed, she could barely focus on anything else but the feeling in her stomach as he continued.

"Roller bladin' was always fun I guess… and runnin'…and I always did love scary movies. Halloween was always my favorite holiday," he said.

She nodded, smiling a little, shaking her head a little to try and clear her stomach. "I always loved Christmas."

Then Beth spoke again, feeling the jolt return as her eyes met his one. "We had a karaoke machine, and I used to drive Maggie crazy singin' at like noon on weekends when she was still tryin' to sleep after a late night out," she said.

He softly smiled. "That would do it."

"I also one time actually won a singin' competition at the county fair…I didn't expect it at all. I just entered to have fun…and I still remember the applause. I actually felt important, for once. Successful," she said, feeling awkward as it sunk in that she had never told anybody half of these things before…

Why was it so easy with him?

His gaze held hers, and still her heart pounded. "I don't even know your family, but I'm sure they always thought you were," he said softly.

Again, she could feel a blush coming on, but this time, thankfully only a light one.

Finally, he spoke again. "But probably my favorite thing to do was just…spend time with my wife and Penny. You…you really miss that, more than anythin' these days," he said.

She nodded, more twinges of sorrow flooding her. "Yes, you do," she said softly, thinking of Shawn, and her mother, and Jimmy.

She had never even gotten to tell Jimmy that she loved him…

Shaking herself slightly, she resolved that at least Jimmy must know how she felt now, in heaven. And she took comfort in the fact that he was in a better place now. They may have only dated for three months, but still, she had loved him.

The Governor cleared his throat a little. "I'm sorry, but it's sunset now. You'd better be gettin' back."

"Oh," she said, gasping a little. To her shock, the time had flown by and she still could hardly believe how she had barely even noticed, she had been so engrossed with their conversation…

Standing up, again feeling flustered, Beth waited while he opened the door and walked her out to the gate. The air was still humid, and the sky was already turning pink with the dying daylight and encroaching darkness.

He opened the gate, and again, turned to her. Her heart pounded its usual rhythm at just how close their proximity was…though she knew, by now, that he would not harm her…

Smiling gently, he said, "Happy Belated Birthday again, Beth. And see you next week."

Nodding sharply, she said, "Thank you. And I will."

Slowly, she walked to the truck, and, the entire ride back to the prison, she could barely concentrate on little else, her mind still drifting back to their conversation.

Like it or not, what she had learned about him had truly been fascinating…and there was still so much she didn't know…

Lying in bed that night, she sighed, unable to sleep. Their conversation continued to play into her thoughts.

Getting up, she looked outside the window. Was he still awake now?

She didn't know, and somehow, the thought of next week filled her not with dread, but with something else entirely. She just was unsure what.


	7. Chapter 7

Dawn broke slowly, and Beth was still awake, having been unable to fall back asleep. Getting out of bed, smiling at Judith still sleeping, she went outside. The black sky was just beginning to turn pink with the coming daylight, and it was so beautiful it was almost hard to believe that the end of the world was really a reality.

Of course, Beth would be lying if she said she didn't know the reason for her lack of sleep.

Breathing in the clean, crisp air, she stood there, the coolness oddly soothing. Yet…

She heard Rick laugh, and she jumped. There, far across the prison grounds, Rick was relieving Tyreese of watch duty from the night. Feeling paranoid, for if they saw her they would surely know her thoughts, she turned back around and went back into her cell, all but jumping onto her cot.

Goodness, why was this happening to her? Why? Closing her eyes, unbidden, she heard The Governor's laugh, and again, a, by now, all-too familiar, jolt ran through her stomach. She didn't understand the reason for it affecting her so…for _him_ to affect her so…and yet he did. But she also would be lying if she said she wasn't at least looking forward to their weekly visit. The things he had told her last week, particularly about his family life growing up, had both deeply affected her and intrigued her, and made her feel even more sympathy for him, despite it all…she also knew, when she truly thought about it, that she was more than eager to learn more.

Gradually falling back asleep, his face, once again, appeared in her subconscious.

* * *

Dinner that night was actually the best they had had in awhile. Daryl had killed three deer, and that, along with some instant hashbrowns, green beans and corn found on a run, constituted a feast. Everyone ate happily, knowing there would still be plenty for days to come.

After dinner, Beth went to her cell and laid down, intent on relaxing for awhile from the food she'd just consumed. But Maggie's entrance startled her.

"Hey. Want to come help me fold some laundry?"

Getting up, Beth nodded. "Sure."

The two sisters folded the laundry in relative silence, efficiently moving. Yet a whiff of something oddly familiar as she folded the last blanket in her half stopped her.

Hoping to be discreet, Beth sniffed the red material, breathing in deep…

Why, it was ivory…_and, again, she was standing not even a hairsbreadth away from him, the very same oddly nice scent radiating off of him…_

Blushing violently, she dropped the blanket, praying Maggie wouldn't notice how red she was.

Stooping to pick it up, she saw his face again, his smile almost burning into her, and as always, she noticed just how handsome he was…

Blush growing, she picked it up, making sure to hide her face.

But, of course, Maggie noticed, as she always seemed to.

"Why are you so red?" she asked, casting a cursory glance over her sister. "Are you feelin' okay?"

Shaking her head slightly, Beth smiled a little tremulously. "Yeah, yeah. I am. Just got a little overheated."

Thankfully, Maggie seemed to accept the answer, and the rest of the laundry was finished without incident.

Afterward, Beth walked back to her cell, on shaky legs. If this kept up, Maggie would surely think something was wrong...

Attempting to read a book, she thought again of her impending visit that week to come.

But at least Maggie wouldn't suspect she was spending time with _him_, of all people…her sister may have been too smart for her own good sometimes, but drawing the conclusion her baby sister was spending time with the group's biggest enemy, and had been for weeks now, would just be too crazy for Maggie to contemplate. And that gave Beth relief.

* * *

Clouds were blanketing the sky as she walked to his apartment, again feeling weak-kneed, as she always did, though oddly, not from fear this time.

She knew by now he wouldn't harm her, and oddly, she no longer feared him. No longer was afraid of him.

Yet she still was as nervous and off-kilter as before…and it honestly puzzled her.

Taking a deep breath, growing frustrated with herself, Beth knocked.

He opened the door, and somehow her heart skipped a beat as she took in his appearance.

He was wearing a maroon short-sleeve shirt today, and dark pants. His brown hair looked oddly messy, yet neat, if that even made sense, and slowly he smiled as he saw it was her. He looked just the same as always, and yet…

And then she noticed it. There was a medium-sized red nick on his right cheek, presumably from shaving. It looked painful.

What was that old saying? _Just a kiss makes it better?_

Beth blushed a little. She smiled a little, forcing herself to speak.

_Why had she thought that?_

"Hi again," she said, hoping he wouldn't notice her blush. "How have you been?"

His smile grew a little more. "Wonderful, but much better now that you're here," he said. "Come in."

Beth smiled, making sure she didn't brush up against him as she entered.

He closed the door, and then Beth sat.

Looking around, she noticed a bowl of red liquid on the table, and she smelled coffee.

Clearly, she had interrupted him in the middle of eating.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, feeling horrible. "I didn't know you were eatin' lunch…"

He snorted a little. "It's fine. Did you want any food? You must be hungry."

As she caught a whiff of the soup on the table, involuntarily her stomach growled. True, she was hungry…and she hadn't had breakfast…but she grew guilty as she remembered just how much food there still was at the prison, and just how hard it was to find food these days…

"N, no, it's fine," she said.

But he gently smiled and scooped the rest of the soup from the can into another bowl, and gave it to her.

"No, really, it's fine," she said. "I…that's yours, and we have enough at the prison…"

He tousled his hair a little. "You need this more than I do," he said, and then sat down on the bed, tying his shoe.

"What I would give to just have the chance to eat half the shit I didn't like before all this," he said, laughing a little. "Food nowadays tastes so bad the majority of the time when you're not lucky with stuff you find, even the food you always hated back then would taste good."

Beth nodded, thinking in particular of peas, and meatloaf, and every other food she had ever disliked.

But she still felt guilty about the soup.

Trying once again, though it smelled delicious, she said, "I…really, you can take this back. It's fine. I…I feel bad."

Laughing a little, The Governor said, "Don't worry about it, Beth. Just eat. You're in much more need of it than I am."

Beth said, "Well, technically that's not true, but…"

Laughing again, he came back to the table. "Do you want some coffee too? It's probably weird but I always liked drinkin' it with lunch…but just a warnin,' it's black. That was always my preferred kind."

Crinkling her nose a little, Beth said, "Thank you very much, but I think I'll pass. I've always hated coffee. It smells good, but it just tastes awful."

The Governor leaned back in his chair, smiling a bit as he took a sip. "To each their own I guess."

He took another, longer drink of it, and Beth couldn't help shuddering.

Putting his mug down, he noticed and laughed a little, looking at her, clearly amused. Beth blushed.

"It really offends you that badly, huh?" he said.

Feeling a bit ridiculous for how childish she was no doubt acting right then, she said, "I…ugh. It's just so bitter. I just…I just don't know how you can drink that! Even drinkin' pickle juice would taste better!"

The Governor said, getting up to refill his mug, "I'm sure you've never drunk alcohol before…believe me. Some of that would make black coffee taste like the best thing ever to you."

Beth nodded, feeling momentarily surprised. "You're right. I haven't. How did you know?"

He shrugged a little, sitting back down. "I just had a feelin' you've never," he said, and Beth couldn't help looking away.

"I'm that obvious, huh?" she said.

Noticing, he said, "Hey. I didn't mean it in a bad way. You just…you seem very innocent."

His words sinking in, at last, Beth smiled. He wasn't like her family…in particular, Maggie. He didn't treat her like a child, and act like she still was one. Or insinuate, as Maggie so often did, how she was "still too young for some things." Beth loved Maggie with all of her heart, truly did, but sometimes it hurt her that Maggie seemed to just view her as a little girl, and didn't give her enough credit or adult responsibilities. Or even try to treat her as an adult. Which she was, now.

Shaking it off, making the discomfort go away, Beth looked at him, not even knowing why she was divulging the information, knowing it would just make her sound even more childish. "I wouldn't mind drinkin' some time," she said. "It's somethin' I've been eager to do."

The Governor said, "Well, don't worry. I'm sure alcohol's bound to turn up at the prison some time. I'm sure your family would let you have some."

Beth said, snorting a little, "No they wouldn't. Maggie would throw a fit."

Looking down at her hands, again, unsure why she was telling him, now a little shy, she said, "I…it just frustrates me. I always get treated like a child, and I…I want them all to see…especially my sister…that I'm useful, and not a…a weak little girl."

Beth looked up, and he was just staring at her, expression serious. Growing self-conscious, she was saved from her embarrassment when he spoke.

Clearing his throat a little, he said, softly, "Well…if it helps…I don't think you're weak, or a little girl. I…I know this won't mean much to you, comin' from me and all, but…you're very smart, even though we really don't…know each other that well yet. And I'm sure your family already knows how useful you are…You just have to show them. And if they don't now, they will soon."

Face coloring a little, she couldn't help but be touched at his words, as well as heartened.

_Did he really think that of her?_

Smiling, she said, "I…actually that does mean a lot. To me. Thank you."

Nodding a little, he raised his mug a little and said, "I'm glad."

He drank again, and she couldn't help smiling, despite her mild disgust.

Looking down in front of her at the bowl, finally, she picked it up and drank, her hunger winning.

The taste of the tomato soup was infinitely more flavorful and good than any soup she had had in recent memory, and though she still felt more than guilty about taking his food, she was still glad she had chosen to eat it.

Smiling a little, she said, "The…the soup's very good. Thank you again."

Grinning a little, he said, "Don't worry about it. Just eat it."

Laughing a little, she said, "Alright."

A few moments of silence passed, and she was running over their previous conversation in her mind. _What else was there to know about him?_

Looking up, she said, "I…well last week was really interesting. I…I feel like I learned a lot about you. What else is there to know about you?"

The Governor looked at her. And, for a few tense seconds, again, Beth felt that confusing jolt in her stomach.

Finally, he looked down at the table, laughing a little. "God. Why you would want to know more about me, I can't imagine."

Leaning back in his chair, he ran another hand through his hair, mussing it up. Inhaling, he said, shrugging, "I always liked rock and alternative music back before all this. The classics… and modern stuff."

Beth said, "I've always liked older bands too. And of course, some of the pop stuff you always heard on the radio."

Smiling a little, he said, "Yep." Changing the subject, he then said, "My favorite food before all this was always steak. And I always liked tacos, too."

Suddenly, he laughed a little, and it was so soft at first Beth grew surprised. "God…I'm just imaginin' how lame and stupid what I just told you must have sounded. I'm truly sorry."

Gently smiling, Beth said, "No, it didn't. Really."

He said, "Now I know you're just bein' polite."

She took another sip, and then he said, "What about you? What was your favorite food back then?"

Beth said, shrugging slightly, "Shrimp. Definitely."

The Governor said, "That was always good too."

A few more moments of silence, and then he said, "I've broken my arm twice in my life... I always got good grades in school, though I hated goin'… I used to smoke, but I quit …one time when I was fourteen, I stole my father's cigars and Brian and me were tryin' them out in the garage…we got caught and both got beat up. I always felt guilty for that."

Exhaling, he said, "I learned how to drive stick, instead of regular when I was fifteen…I graduated from college number two in my class…and I always liked goin' to haunted houses in October."

Feeling more fascinated, and intrigued, Beth said, "Well…that was all very interestin' to learn about you…number two in your class? Really? That's wonderful."

He said nothing, but took another drink of coffee. But, feeling puzzled, she said, "But…not to be rude…why won't you tell me more? I…I genuinely do want to…to know more," she said, coloring a little as she realized that maybe he didn't _want_ to divulge more, for personal reasons.

Looking up, biting her lip, hoping her blush wouldn't show, Beth said, "I…I'm sorry. I'm bein' so rude…" She averted her eyes.

The Governor softly said, "Hey. Look at me."

She did, and he leaned forward a little. "You're not bein' rude at all, so don't think that. I…it's just…I'm just honestly surprised that you want to know more about me, that's all… and…I don't really know what to tell you."

Beth said, his words affecting her deeply, "But…why are you surprised? I…"

But she broke off, feeling awkward.

Finally, he spoke again, his voice punctuating the silence. "Just…because of what I've done.. to you…to your family. I…it amazes me every week that you come here."

Solemnity hitting her again, Beth finally spoke, looking at him. "You…I know what you've done…but somehow, I…I can't help but think that the man who did all those things wasn't the real you."

It struck her that she really, truly did believe those words, even as she spoke them.

The words hung in the air, and he looked stunned, for a moment. And, in that moment, seeing the raw emotion on his face, Beth knew, even more, that he was every bit as human as she had come to think in the last few weeks through their weekly visits. This man was not the monster she had only thought existed, and that was abundantly clear now even more so.

She knew, full well, how grief could transform a person, and warp them, and, even more, how grief and heartbreak could morph into something truly terrible and evil, and change a person.

Now, she knew. No, it certainly did not excuse his previous actions, or make them right…but it was clear to her he really, truly had lost his mind when Penny had died. Lost his sanity, his very humanity, and every single trace of the person he truly was, and had always been…

And, though he never said the words, she could see the regret and the shame within him for all the horrible actions he had done every week…

Then he spoke, again, voice hoarse. "I…I know I'm a horrible person, through and through, but…I…I do regret what I did…truly. To your sister…to Andrea and Milton…to my people. All of it…even…even when we attacked the prison, I…at the time I was just thinkin' of…Michonne…and Rick…makin' them pay. But…now I…I know now there were children there… and innocent people that had nothin' to do with what happened in Woodbury…I…I don't know. I really did lose it. Even when…when Penny got bit…it…it changed me, and when I lost her, I…I became someone else. Someone I don't ever want to be again…I know it doesn't make it right, and it never will, but I…I truly am sorry, Beth. For…I didn't even know you existed at the time, and I…I could have killed you by accident, and back then I wouldn't have cared."

Breaking off, he said, "I will not lie…I won't ever forgive Rick, or Michonne, or even like them…but I…I realize, now, that all of you at the prison are not bad. And I…I…if I had the chance, I would…I would go back and never do any of what I did. I…I don't even deserve to be alive, honestly."

Beth stared at him, each word he had spoken producing great waves of emotion within her. True, she wasn't truly ready to forgive him yet, for all he had done, but she could tell that he was absolutely genuine. And strangely, the last part of his speech resonated most with her.

Biting her lip, she spoke. "Hey. That's a horrible thing to say. You…you do deserve to be alive," she said. His head snapped up, and he looked stunned.

Speaking more quickly, she said, "I'll…I'll be honest…I…I don't forgive you, yet, but I…I do believe that you are sincere. Truly. And thank you for your words. I…I don't think you are a monster."

He was silent, and then he spoke. "How can you possibly think that about me?"

For a few moments, they simply stared at each other, and then Beth looked away.

"Because a true monster, someone really evil, wouldn't regret doing horrible things they did. And you do. I can tell."

Looking back at him, the room was suddenly much too warm, and still he looked stunned.

Beth smiled a little at him and then, to distract herself from how awkward she felt, she concentrated on finishing the rest of her soup.

The rest of the visit seemed to pass in a silent haze, neither speaking. Beth, honestly, did not know what to say, and, it seemed, neither did he…The conversation had seemed to die after she had spoken her last words to him, and oddly, it was almost peaceful.

Finally, after what seemed forever, Beth instinctively knew it was time to leave.

As she got up, now she was almost shy, and then, as her words from earlier sunk in, embarrassed.

Thankfully, she didn't have to look at him, as he didn't seem particularly eager to start another conversation.

"I'll walk you out," he said softly, and she nodded.

Their walk to the gate was silent. Beth, for her part, was deep in thought, and her stomach was swirling, dreading facing him at the gate.

Finally, they reached it, and Beth slowly turned to face him, hoping her blush wouldn't be too obvious.

He softly cleared his throat, and then said, looking down at the ground before looking back at her, "Thank you, Beth. And I hope you have a wonderful week."

Beth nodded. "You too," she said sincerely. _Yet still he was staring at her…_

Feeling even more self-conscious, she was just about to speak when suddenly it was he who spoke, gesturing. Yet she didn't understand.

"You…you've got a little…" He broke off, then, leaving her puzzled, and then she was stunned as he suddenly gently, yet quickly, brushed the corner of her mouth with his thumb.

His touch was warm, and as gentle a touch as any she had ever felt before…almost as though he was barely even touching her.

Momentarily feeling stunned, Beth still was silent as he looked down, wiping his hand on his pants. "I'm sorry…you…you just had a little soup there."

Beth blinked, coloring a little. "Oh. I see. Thank you," she said.

And then he looked back at her, and for some odd reason that escaped even her, Beth couldn't seem to find it in her to move.

He moved a little closer, and oddly, she felt her heart skip a beat.

_They were so close they could kiss…_

Not even knowing why she had thought that, Beth colored a little more. She could still feel his touch on her face, just as strongly as she had before, her skin still tingling, and all else seemed to vanish.

The Governor moved past her and opened the gate for her. Jumping, she broke out of her trance, thankful he didn't know just how affected she was.

Softly, he said, "Thank you again, Beth. Have a safe drive back."

Forcing herself to smile, Beth stammered. "Y…yes. I will. Thank you for…the food. And I hope you have a nice week too."

Nodding curtly, he said, "I will."

Walking past him, on shaky legs, she finally got into the truck, inhaling deeply. Starting the engine, she drove back as quickly as possible, knowing, as always, that her thoughts would be elsewhere later that night.

He was such a confusing person…and what did he think of, when he was alone? And…

Forcing herself to stop her thoughts, she simply concentrated on the drive back, knowing that she truly did want to know the answers.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey I am SO SORRY for not updating in a long time. But do not worry, I have a lot of free time now so I will be updating a lot more frequently and I have no intention of abandoning this story. I am very excited to write it. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. :) I seriously am awful, lol.**

* * *

Another loud boom of thunder crashed, causing most of the younger kids to jump.

The rain was picking up now, falling even harder, and another flash of lightning illuminated the prison for a moment.

As a result of the rain, the planned "campfire" for that night had been moved inside, to one of the bigger main areas, and everyone was gathered around the flames, roasting marshmallows, listening to Daryl tell his tale.

"And then, he started walkin' home, not knowin' that the thing he'd seen earlier was followin' him in the dark."

A rather rowdy group of teenage boys jumped as another clap of thunder boomed, and Daryl gently smirked a little at them.

"I thought you boys said yah weren' scared," he said, amusement clear.

"We ain't," the youngest in the group said, glaring at him. "Honest."

"Uh huh," Daryl said, still smirking. And then he continued.

But, absently twirling her marshmallow stick in her fingers, suddenly Beth felt a million miles away from here, her earlier concentration and engrossment suddenly lost. It wasn't that she wasn't enjoying herself, though; honestly, this was probably one of the most enjoyable activities they'd had in months and she had wholeheartedly been looking forward to this, but she'd been distracted off and on for days now. And, as always, she knew entirely why.

Nearly a week now, since their last meeting, and she could still feel his touch, and the corner of her mouth still tingled.

Closing her eyes, vividly she was back in front of him, and oddly, she felt her breath hitch and her heart speed up as she felt his warm, fleeting touch there on the corner of her mouth again... His body heat oddly felt good, as she'd suddenly become cold, and again, they were close enough to kiss…

Opening up her eyes again, heart speeding up, she put her stick over the flames, watching the marshmallow cook, and again, felt the all-too familiar tingle. Gently rubbing the corner of her mouth, she uncrossed her legs and rescued her marshmallow from the flames. Blowing on it, she waited a few minutes and then ate it.

_If just this affected her this badly, then just how much would his touch affect her on other parts of her body?…_

Blushing violently, she tried to quell the thoughts, and banish the thought from her mind.

She knew, though she couldn't understand it, that she was attracted to him. Physically. As painfully embarrassing and hard as it was for her to admit, she knew she was. But lately, she couldn't stop thinking about him, even more than before, and she didn't know why.

Another loud clap of thunder boomed, and, across the fire, she saw Maggie and Glenn kiss.

And now, Maggie was laughing slightly as Glenn played with her hair and whispered unknown things to her, and he pulled her closer to him from where she sat on his lap.

As they embraced again, as if in some fog, _she_ was sitting on _his_ lap as they sat in front of a fire, the stars up above them, just the two of them, the moans and threat of Walkers absent for just one glorious moment, and his hand was tracing her cheek, almost achingly gentle. The gentle blue of his one good eye held hers, his expression serious…and almost as if he were hesitating before doing something… and then, without warning, slowly he leaned forward and kissed her…Now she was gently pressed up against his chest, and she could feel just how his pulse had sped up to match her own racing one…He was _so much warmer_ than the dancing flames before them, and while the flames had been a relief from the cool night air before to her, they were like winter air in comparison now…

Shaking herself, flushing again, Beth got up and grabbed another marshmallow, jabbing it onto the stick.

Going back, sitting down again, she tried not to be so rattled.

Simply because she found him attractive didn't mean she liked him… And surely her unbidden daydream…if that was even the right word…of just a few moments ago didn't mean anything. It didn't. It couldn't.

And yet, later, when she tried to fall asleep, she was back again, in his arms, the fire now spent completely, the cool night air now positively biting, and she still felt warmer than ever.

* * *

The sky was gray, and the threat of yet another rainstorm was _i_mminent. Slowly she walked to the truck after having gone to one last store, hoping her inner turmoil wouldn't be transparent to him once she arrived.

She wasn't afraid…not anymore…oddly she _wanted_ to see him again…learn more about him…yet it couldn't be more than that. It couldn't. It couldn't…

_"But of course it is. You can't deny he affects you. You can't deny he fascinates you. You can't deny you care about him, even if you may not know you do or want to. You can't deny you want him. You can't deny you want him to do things to you no man has ever done before. Even if you can't understand it…"_

Pausing and leaning against a tree, sucking in deep breaths, she tried to ignore the cackling, gleeful, evil voice that was telling her all of this, and shakily stuck her knife in the lone female Walker that had been slowly ambling towards her, her teeth now rotted black and her stringy black hair sticking to her face, making her almost look like an evil witch, silencing the creature's traitorous taunts and words. The words that she didn't want to hear.

It let out a final snarl and then fell to the ground. Beth pulled her knife out and wiped it off. Chancing one last glance at the corpse, she could swear it almost looked like it was _smirking_ at her, making her feel even more unsettled. Walking away, she glanced back one last time at the corpse, wanting to be as far away as possible from it. _"You can't deny it."_

* * *

A gentle, far off rumble of thunder hit as she walked to his door. Sucking in a deep breath, Beth knocked.

She was startled as she heard his voice, gentle and low though it was.

"Hey," he said, as he came around a corner, putting his gun back in his holster. "I'm sorry, I was just doin' somethin' before the rain hits…"

Beth shook herself, trying not to be so flustered. "H…Hi. And oh, it's fine…I understand completely."

The Governor came towards her, until he was right in front of her. Involuntarily, her knees bucked a little.

Taking one step back, wanting to put at least a little distance between them, she still tried to smile.

He noticed. "Hey, you alright? You…you look like you saw a ghost."

He was staring at her, and she had never before felt so uncomfortable.

Her mind flashed back to the Walker. Shaking herself, she said, "Oh, thank you, but I'm fine."

Yet still he was staring at her, as though he didn't believe her.

Unbidden, she thought, again, of what she had thought about at the campfire at the prison, and she tried in vain not to blush.

Beth cleared her throat and spoke, hating herself. "I…how was your week?"

The Governor looked surprised that she was even asking, but curtly nodded and said, "It was alright. Yours?"

Beth smiled, trying to make the discomfort go away. "It was wonderful."

He smiled gently, and somehow, her heart skipped a beat.

"Well I'm very glad. Though maybe we should sit down…you look like you're gonna faint, Beth. Are you sure you're alright?"

_"You can't deny it."_

Clearing her throat, strangely feeling touched at his concern, Beth answered, trying not to think of the Walker. She nodded. "I am. Truly. But thank you."

Slowly she let her eyes wander down his form. He was wearing a white dress-shirt and black pants today with matching belt, and black shoes. And yet, as if of their own accord, her eyes lingered, for just one moment, on his belt, making her blush even more, and she honestly wondered if she had the courage to dip below it, but then, looking at his face again, she knew she didn't… His eye was still fixed on her, and she tried not to notice how well rested he looked…or how soft his hair looked…

Shaking herself, Beth also tried not to linger on just how lean and muscular his forearms were…

Forcing herself to tear her eyes away, she said, clearing her throat, "So…shall we?"

He nodded. "Of course."

He opened the door, holding it for her, and she nodded at him in thanks.

She sat, hearing the door shut behind her, and then he came over to her. "Did you want anythin' to eat or drink? If you want it and I have it, it's yours."

She couldn't help but to smile, still feeling a little uneasy, but somehow considerably less so now that they were inside.

Looking at him, she said, "That's very nice of you, but I'm ok."

She swallowed. The Governor nodded, sitting down, adjusting his sleeve. "OK. But let me know if ya change your mind."

As always, he sat down across from her, and she made herself speak first, knowing conversation would distract her.

Pausing before she spoke, Beth finally said, "I…well…I was thinkin' that…we could get to know each other more…If you'd want to, of course," she quickly finished. "I…I well…it's always just so…hard thinkin' of things to talk about with other people, and I…know it sounds lame, but…"

Awkwardly she broke off, feeling stupid.

Smiling self-consciously, looking at her hands, "I'm sorry. I'm ramblin'…"

Softly he laughed. Looking up, The Governor was leaning back a little in his chair, grinning a little.

_He honestly did have a beautiful smile…_

Beth forced the thought to die, shoving it out of her mind.

"You have nothin' to be sorry for, Beth. If anythin' I feel sorry for you that you willingly spend time with me every week."

In spite of herself, she smiled at his statement.

Leaning back a little more, crossing his arms, he said seriously, "Whatever you'd like to know about me, I'll gladly tell you, Beth. I'm an open book."

Biting her lip, Beth nodded. "O…okay." Breathing in deep, she tried to think of a question.

Finally she settled on one. "What's somethin' that nobody knows about you?"

A few moments of silence, and then he answered. "I spit on my daddy's grave at the funeral, after everyone had left. I didn't even want to go, but I knew my mother would have wanted me to. That's the only reason."

Feeling horrible, she said, "I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up…"

Gently he smiled. "Do you always apologize this much for not doin' anythin'?"

Smiling a little, Beth nodded.

The Governor then said, "What about you? What's somethin' nobody knows about you?"

Beth bit her lip, surprised. Thinking, she finally spoke. "When I was in high school, I thought about bein' a professional figure skater someday…I always was good at it. I thought I could do it. But I never told anyone that."

He nodded. "That's very interestin' and I'm sure you would have been excellent at it."

Beth nodded. "Thank you."

Suddenly he spoke again. "What was your favorite movie? Or book before all this?"

Thinking, she said, "I couldn't pick just one…I loved a lot of romantic movies…and I just had a lot of favorite books too. Romance novels were always my favorite…especially ones set in the past…wars…stuff like that. My momma had a whole bunch in the basement I'd always read. And I always liked, well, fairy tales and all that. Especially fairy tale movies, like Cinderella…movies like that."

Softly smiling, he said, "I always liked horror novels and movies best. Drove my wife crazy when I'd try and make her watch some with me…she'd always just say they were too gross and just stupid."

Beth laughed a little, unable to help herself. "Well did she ever?"

"Yep," he said, grinning. "And then I'd have to sit and watch god romance movies with her and whatever other things she'd want to watch. But I guess it was a fair trade."

Beth said, "What was your favorite subject in college?"

"I actually always liked science…I was always pretty good at it. Aside from the whole me hatin' school thing."

Smiling, Beth said, "I always liked English best. Aside from music."

The Governor spoke next. "Did you ever go on vacation out of the country?"

Beth shook her head. "No, but we always went to Florida plenty. I always had fun. Why, did you?"

He nodded. "Yep, Jamaica for my honeymoon and England for our one-year anniversary."

Beth nodded slowly, stunned. "Wow…must have been fun. I know back before all of this…I had always wanted to go to England. Did you have fun?"

The Governor nodded slowly. "We had a great time. It was very expensive, but still worth it."

Beth spoke, momentarily feeling sad. "It's just…so strange to know that the entire world is full of Walkers…everywhere. And that life just isn't the same anymore."

The Governor nodded.

Silence, and then she spoke again. "So…what…um…was your favorite season? I always liked spring the best."

"I always liked summer the best."

Beth nodded. "Did you have any pets?"

He nodded. "We had a cat…But I never had any growin' up. My mother was allergic."

Beth said, "We had a cat, too. But we were lucky. We always had lots of animals on the farm. It was nice."

Thinking again, she said, "Did you ever think about other career options besides insurance?"

The Governor said, slowly shaking his head as he looked at her, "If I had a dime for every day I sat in my office chair and hated my job because of my boss, I would have been rich. But I actually was fine with bein' in insurance…my coworkers were nice, and mostly we'd always just make fun of him behind his back when he was bein' extra unbearable and an ass. Which was always."

Continuing, he said, "Like I said, it certainly wasn't glamorous but I did go to college and graduate with a business degree. It got me a job that paid more than any other company would have, so I guess it was worth it."

Curiosity striking her, Beth said, "Did you honestly enjoy college? Or not?"

Smiling, he said, "Did I enjoy college? The schoolwork part, no, definitely not, but the drinkin' and the partyin' aspect, yes."

Beth smiled as well. Speaking again, she said, remembering last time, "Well, bein' second in your class isn't anythin' to be ashamed of. That's truly incredible."

Looking at her, he simply shrugged a little. "Thank you, but not really. I'm nowhere near as smart as lots of people I went to school with."

His modesty sunk into her. She almost wanted to tell him to not be so hard on himself, but imagining the reality of saying it out loud, as well as embarrassment, stopped her.

The Governor asked, "Did you like school?"

Beth nodded, shrugging. "Yes…I did. I mean, I liked seein' my friends and all but I always did like it."

Silence fell again, and then she spoke again. "So…did anythin' excitin' happen in your week?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Nope," he said softly. "Unless you count all the Biters I had to kill. If that's your thing then it was excitin' as all hell." He gave a small smile.

Beth smiled a little. "Fair enough."

"What about yours? Did you have fun?"

Beth nodded. "Yeah…we…we actually had a…a fire one night…indoors…because of the rain…and yeah. We had…marshmallows…scary stories…it was fun," she said, trying not to remember the anxiety thinking of the fire pulled up in her.

Again, she saw the Walker's face, smirk contorting her face evilly. _"You can't deny it."_

Involuntarily, she flinched a little. Shifting in her seat, she looked at him and found he had noticed.

"Are you sure you're alright, Beth?" he asked quietly, his eye scanning her. "You just seem…"

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "I'm fine, thank you."

Beth looked at him and felt a jolt as she focused on his face.

Breaking her contact, she said, "I…well…you sure anythin' excitin' didn't happen durin' your week? There must be somethin'" she said quickly.

The Governor said, "Well…I got a lot of sleep. But that's really it."

She nodded. He spoke again. "Have you been eatin' okay and sleepin' fine, Beth?"

Looking at him, she somehow could not speak for a few moments. He was still staring at her as though he felt something was wrong, and in that moment, somehow she felt touched yet again…as conflicted and tortured as she felt about her feelings, she knew that he truly wasn't evil, despite everything…

_He had done such terrible things, yet when she tried to think of him as just a monster, it always felt off…wrong…horrible. He truly was human…_

But everyone at the prison…if only they knew how she felt… And wasn't she a horrible person for thinking so about him…?

Shaking the thoughts off, Beth nodded slowly. "I…yes, I have been. Thank you. But…how about you? Have you?"

He nodded, answering softly. "Yes. But…I can tell. I make you uncomfortable. It's plain as day… You don't have to keep comin' here, Beth. Honest. I completely understand. You're just too polite to say it."

Beth just stared at him, shocked. She didn't know what to say…_ "I make you uncomfortable."_

_True, but _goodness_, not in the way he clearly thought…At least, not anymore…_

Flushing again, she tried not to let her mind wander just then to dangerous thoughts…

Taking a deep breath, she looked at him again.

"I…no. No, no. I'm…You don't make me uncomfortable, and I do want to come here every week. T…truly," she said, speaking in both truth and a half-lie.

He was silent for a second before replying. "You won't offend me, Beth."

Nodding, she spoke again. "Honest. I do want to come here, and I…I'm sorry if you get the impression I don't…"

Shaking his head, he said, "You don't need to apologize. You did nothin' wrong."

Weakly she smiled. "I do want to come here. I…I'm not afraid," she said, the truth hitting her.

No, she was not afraid anymore. At least, not for fear of him himself…and the worries he might do unspeakable horrid acts were, oddly, long forgotten.

Yet she was afraid of how she was almost slowly coming to care for him…that terrified her. Especially when she imagined everyone's reaction, if ever they were to find out…

He looked at her, unspeaking for a few moments. "I…I know how it must sound, comin' from a man like me…but…you really do have nothin' to fear from me, Beth. I…I'd never harm you…"

She nodded slowly. "I know," she said softly. The overall sincerity of his words hit her, more than anything. Somehow she had come to this realization all on her own, but just hearing him say it…her uneasiness about thinking him a good person evaporated just a little more.

Silence again, and then Beth cleared her throat, changing the subject. "So…well…what else is there to know about you? I'm sure there's more."

Glancing at him, The Governor seemed as shocked as ever, but quickly seemed to recover. Clearing his throat, he said, "Well…I took speed-readin' in college…got pretty damn good at it too, if I do say so myself."

Interested, she said, "Wow. That's impressive."

Softly he laughed a little, glancing down. "No, I just took it because I needed the extra credit. But it was useful. "

Wanting to volunteer more information about herself, she said, "I taught myself how to play guitar. I always liked singin' more, but…"

"That's very impressive."

Glancing down at her hands, she said, "No, it's not. But thanks."

"You don't give yourself much credit, do you? You should. That's a lot more impressive than speed readin'" he said, smiling a little at her, and she couldn't help smiling back, flushing a little.

"Can you sing?" she asked, genuinely interested.

Putting his elbow on the table, he said, fixing his sleeve, "Well, technically everyone can, but nope. Not at all. I can't sing to save my life, though I always was pretty good at singin' karaoke when I was hammered when I'd go out with friends. Mostly in college, but I won't lie…I did that after college too."

Beth smiled a little.

"I always could get the lyrics perfect no matter how much I'd had to drink. Damn near crownin' achievement, if you ask me," he said, smiling, letting her know he was only joking.

"Did you ever learn any foreign languages?" she asked. "I took French in high school…I'm nowhere near fluent but I always thought it was pretty easy."

Laughing a little, he said, "Oh god…I took German in high school, and then again in college. I've forgotten like everythin' now except really basic things, but I remember this one time, my senior year in college, I'd been out partyin' with friends until 4 AM and I was just hungover the whole day. I had to give a speech for my final exam that was worth fifty percent of my grade…nailed it. Don't know how I did it, but I did it."

"Well that's a crownin' achievement right there too," Beth said, echoing him from earlier.

"It was almost the end of the year anyway and I was just done with school by that time…everyone was," he said, laughing a little. "I really wasn't always that irresponsible. Mostly."

Beth couldn't help laughing softly. "I…gosh, I guess this one time I didn't start a paper until two days before it was due…but I'd written the rough draft all out anyway. I just had to edit it. Nowhere near as irresponsible as that must have been."

The Governor laughed again. "I actually always did like to go to the library by myself sometimes and just read when I had nothin' to do. Which wasn't often, but more often than not I'd be readin' the latest King novel instead of studyin' or readin' the actual books I had to read."

Nodding, she said, "Yeah, our town library was always really nice."

She was surprised when he spoke again. "You ever like campin' or anythin' like that? I always did."

Nodding, she said, "It wasn't my favorite thing by far but I did go a few times…it was fun at times."

Silence again, and then Beth spoke. "Did you ever like, you know, want to leave Georgia?"

Rubbing his neck slightly as he answered her, he said, "I did get a few job offers out of state after I'd graduated, but no. I've always liked it here…I just wanted to get away from my daddy. That's all. Once I'd moved seven hours away from him after college, I was fine."

She nodded. Silence fell again, and then she felt compelled to ask another question.

Looking at him, she asked, "I…gosh, I hope I'm not bein' rude, but…well… did he ever try and contact you?"

The Governor laughed a little, bitterly. "The only times he'd contact me were only to yell at me and cuss me out over the phone for bein' a horrible son and names I won't repeat in front of you. But it's fine," he said, noticing her expression. "I never took it personally. He just always pissed me off. We'd never been close, and then after I beat him up and the restrainin' order went through, that just sealed it. I always did go up to see my mother as much as I could, though, and take her out when he wasn't there. I don't think she ever told him. I always felt so sorry for her, trapped in that house with him. I always told her she'd be more than welcome to move in with me for as long as she needed to and divorce his sorry ass, but she'd always have none of it. She didn't believe in divorce, and for some odd reason, she loved him."

Saddened, Beth said, "She must have been a wonderful woman."

He nodded. "Thank you. She was."

Clarifying, he said, "My wife and I did long-distance for a year because she got accepted to this internship program in New York for a year after college. It worked out, thankfully," he said, grinning a little. "We saw each other all the time on weekends and as often as we could, but I wouldn't have minded my mother livin' with me while I had my own place that year. I coulda used the extra company. Especially from her. And it woulda been even more worth it to get her to leave my bastard of a father finally."

Nodding, Beth said, "It's clear you loved them both very much."

Falling silent, he simply looked at her. "More than anythin,'" he said softly.

Curiosity piqued, she said, "What did your wife do? If…if you don't mind," she said quickly.

The Governor shook his head a little. "Of course I don't…she was a children's psychologist…One of only two people who got accepted to that internship. I was so proud of her."

Beth nodded, impressed. "That's truly amazin'. She…she must have been as smart as she was beautiful," she said, remembering the photograph she had seen on one of her earliest visits.

The Governor nodded. "She was…but I'm…I'm sorry that I mention her so much; I know it must get annoyin'…"

Surprised, Beth said, "Hey. Don't apologize about that. I know how much you must miss her, and how much you loved her. It's only natural."

Staring at her, The Governor surprised her yet again when he spoke next. "I talk so much about my family…tell me more about yours. If…if you want to," he said. "You by no means don't have to if you don't want to."

Shaking her head, Beth said, "No…I…I'm fine."

Sorrow filling her as she thought of her mother, she said, "I…my mama looked just like me, and I remember even when I was a little girl I thought she was just so beautiful… I…I always wanted to be just like her when I grew up." She gave a sad smile.

"My daddy swears I got my singin' voice from her…I remember she'd always sing lullabies to me whenever I was sick or just had had a hard day. I…I was so close to her, and I did have a lot in common with her. She had a beautiful voice, and always wore the prettiest dresses and clothes. And she was so smart, too. As well as kind…but she also liked to have fun," Beth said, grinning a little at the memory.

"I remember this one time me and her played the greatest prank on Maggie and Shawn at Halloween…Shawn near screamed like a little girl, and Maggie got so mad about it, but we all just ended up laughin' about it."

Biting her lip, she said, "My momma was a lot younger than my daddy, but they were always just so in love. It was just so beautiful watchin' the two of them…and because of that, I've always wanted what they had some day…for a man to look at me the way my daddy always looked at her…"

She glanced up, unable to stop smiling as she remembered her parents together, and found he was staring at her with the oddest expression on his face as she said her last words...entirely serious and entirely focused on her, and almost as if something were breaking within him...as if he were keeping something hidden deep within him...

Flushing, she shook herself a little. It was nothing...

Looking him in the eye again, ignoring it, Beth continued, "My daddy's first wife…Maggie's momma…died before I was born…But another amazin' thing about my momma was the fact that she loved all of us kids equally, and supported us in so many ways, just like my daddy… I…I miss her every day, and I…god…when I lost her and Shawn, I…it was like I…"

Breaking off, she said, "Well…I told you what I tried to do," speaking softly. "And showed, you, too…" gesturing to her wrists. "I'm ashamed of it now, lookin' back, but…"

His response was soft and immediate, and when she finally gained the courage to look back at him, she found he had probably been staring at her just as intently as now the entire time she'd been speaking…as if he were committing every word of hers to memory…Or maybe she was simply imagining it…

Unable to stop herself from blushing a little as he spoke, The Governor said, "You have no reason to be ashamed, Beth. Believe me. I'm very sorry for your losses, and your mother sounds like a wonderful woman."

Continuing, staring just as intently at her, he said, "But believe me, you don't have to be embarrassed about that. When I…when I lost my wife, if it wouldn't have been for Penny, I…I wouldn't have had a reason to live. And when I…when I lost Penny, I…I coulda shot myself. So I understand completely how you felt."

She couldn't help feeling great waves of sympathy for him. "I truly am sorry, for your loss," she said softly. "I…I…she was a beautiful little girl, even though I…I obviously didn't know her," sure she sounded like an idiot.

"I…she looked so happy in that photograph of the three of you…she knows how much you loved her…and that it…it wasn't your fault she…she got bit."

Something seemed to shift in The Governor's eye, and for a moment she regretted having continued to speak about Penny, but thankfully, he did not seem offended or angry.

He simply nodded. "Thank you, but I…I know that's not true."

He fell silent again, and Beth wanted to say more, but she simply decided to let it be.

After awhile, he spoke again. "What was your brother like?" he asked softly.

Somewhat shocked he was asking, Beth was silent for a few moments before answering.

"I…he was the best big brother any girl could ask for," she said, smiling. "He was always so smart, and even though he liked to play pranks a lot, they were always the funny, harmless ones. And Shawn…he always helped me out, and always stood up for me growin' up…he was just the most wonderful person," she finished softly.

The Governor was still staring at her. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

Beth shook her head. "It isn't your fault," she said. "And at least…at least he and my Momma are in a better place now, away from all this. And…and I'm very sorry for your losses. Truly. Your wife and Penny…they're in a better place now, too."

Silence fell again once more as she stared at him, and he seemed to not know what to say. Neither did she.

_Yet, truly, it always was so easy talking with him…and she could never understand the reason why…_

Looking out the window, a light rain had begun to fall, and Beth knew, as always, that it was time to leave.

Standing up, she said, "I…I'm sorry. I…I have to go…"

He had recovered quickly, standing up too. "Of course. I'll walk you out."

It was cool and a light breeze had picked up as well on their way to the gate, and Beth tried to ignore those …_almost intoxicating… _ whiffs of the, by now, altogether too familiar ivory soap that clung to his skin and clothing as they walked to the gate.

He slowly opened the gate for her, his eye never leaving her face. "Goodbye, Beth. See you next week."

And, of its own accord, her heart skipped a beat and something shifted within her at the sound of his voice as he said those words…and how intently he was staring at her…

Recovering quickly, she said, "Th…thank you. See you next week."

Nodding at him, she smiled and soon enough, she was in the truck, the rain beginning to fall more heavily now. The entire ride back to the prison seemed to never end.

And, unbidden, as she rounded a bend by the lonely woods, a rotted, decaying face entered her vision once more, smirk even wider and more evil than before as she thought of him again.

"_You can't deny it!"_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, I really hope this chapter makes up for the wait. I just wanted to thank all of you guys; it truly means a lot that people like this, even though it is definitely one of the worst in the entire WD category. And it's awesome I'm not the only person who ships these two, lol. ;)**

***Also, this story will be long, and it is rated M for language, violence, blood, gore, and eventually sex, etc. Just to let everyone know. :)**

***And, finally, any fellow fans of Hannibal out there? I am so mad at NBC for canceling it, and so sad! I really hope it gets picked up!**

* * *

That evening, Beth went outside and stared at the stars, the cool night air crisp. She had no idea what time it was, but what she did know was that everyone else was sleeping.

But, it always seemed to be a common occurrence now, after every single meeting.

Closing her eyes, she breathed in deep, the air calming to her, cold though it was.

_Again, vividly, she could feel his touch, and he was right before her, so close to her she could feel his heart beating…_

_Oddly, though she understood it not at all, she craved his warmth, an oasis against the chill of the lonely, bitterly cold nights, and, though the thoughts made her blush, she only wanted to be closer to him…for him to hold her against his warm chest and for him to…_

Beth's eyes snapped open. She was fully aware of what her unconscious had just imagined, and, although she felt so very confused by it, the thoughts did not scare her. At least, too much anymore.

She could deny it all she wanted, but she truly did feel something for him…at least, in the physical sense.

Embarrassing and humiliating and alarming only began to cover it, but she knew it was only really alarming because of just how much she stood to lose if anyone from the prison ever found out she was spending time with him.

And as for being alarming in another sense…she truly did feel that The Governor wasn't just a monster…wasn't evil…truly wasn't anything of what she had always thought…and oddly, the slow realizations of this, which only seemed to grow each week, unconscious and unbidden to her, were not alarming anymore.

Yet there was always that voice in the back of her mind that questioned her morals, and very person, for thinking so. And she tried in vain to not let it get to her…

Remembering Hershel's words, she found some form of relief.

_"Forgiveness is everything, and a person knows, all on their own, if a person is good and deserves it. We should all strive to forgive. The world could do with a whole lot more of it. And often, it's the people who have done the most horrible things that turn out to be the most in need of it."_

He had always said that growing up, and still repeated the very same words each week when he held Church for those of the prison that were religious.

Thinking of The Governor again, Beth closed her eyes and sighed. Her father was right. Forgiveness truly was everything, and somehow she still somehow…almost _cared_ about him…Even despite all he had done.

Opening her eyes, Beth turned around and went back inside, but not before pausing and taking one last look at the black sky, positively twinkling with the tiny, silver, beautiful lights.

And, unbidden, another very different face entered her vision, the words taunting and malicious.

The Walker from earlier appeared, her face even more contorted and horrifying than before.

_"You can't deny it!"_

* * *

The next day, Beth went up to Hershel after Bible Reading, after everyone else had gone.

Smiling, she said, "That was a beautiful readin' today, Daddy. You did wonderful."

She kissed him on the cheek. Hershel smiled.

"You're a sight for sore eyes, Bethie. Whenever I look at you and Maggie, it's hard to believe such beauty exists in the world we live in today."

Beth smiled, blushing a little. Hershel patted the seat beside him. "Here, keep me company while I clean up, dear."

Beth sat, so many questions on her tongue. Thinking again of The Governor, Beth drew in a deep breath.

Hershel looked at her, stacking the tablecloths on his lap. "What's wrong, dear?"

Biting her lip, Beth spoke. Her father, better than anyone, would be able to offer advice, and the most unprejudiced viewpoint.

"I…I was just wonderin'…you…you know how you always say that we should forgive others, no matter what they've done?"

Hershel nodded, his expression puzzled. "I do."

Beth looked at him. "Do you really believe it's possible to forgive everyone? And…and say you do…say there's a person, who has done the most horrible, awful things, and somehow, you don't believe they're evil. Somehow, you…you see something in them that everyone else doesn't. Doesn't…doesn't that make you just as bad?"

Hershel spoke, his expression concerned. "Where is this comin' from, Bethie?"

Beth shook her head quickly. "I…I just always think about it, every day, especially in this world we live in now…And it's…it's just so thought-provokin' nowadays," she finished quickly, inwardly cringing at how lame her cover-up was.

Hershel smiled knowingly. "You're just as bright as your mother was. And though I love your sister just as much as you, you and me both know she and Shawn were never much for religion and deep thinking. They both found it boring."

Beth smiled, laughing a little, nodding. Hershel spoke again, his expression now serious.

"I think about forgiveness a lot too, now. I'm sure everyone does. But…to answer your questions…yes, I do think it is possible to forgive everyone. It may be hard…baffling, even, but I've always thought that we could do with more of it, and with less violence. And…everyone is different, but second chances are beautiful things, and some folks are screaming for them…to be accepted…but, yet, they are always judged based on their past. And that's not right. Nor fair."

Beth nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing. Hershel continued. "Now…I'm not saying we should forgive the Hitlers of the world, or see goodness in them…that man was as sick and evil as they come…but…I do believe humans are fundamentally good. They just make bad choices. Maybe from depression…losing everything…maybe from being simply being mixed up with the wrong people. But…I don't think it matters. If even you alone think a man is good, even if everyone else judges him, despite not having the experience with him that you do, it would be unfair to both him and yourself to let other's opinions bleed into your own."

Beth nodded, nervous flutters in her stomach as she thought of The Governor.

Hershel said, "Just look at the Woodbury people we have here. Look at Karen. She made some bad choices, being mixed up with the wrong people, but that does not mean she is evil. Look at Sasha and Tyreese. And…it would be unfair of us here at the prison to not offer help and forgiveness to those who want and need it. No matter who they are."

Beth nodded. Finally, she spoke. "Thanks, Daddy," she said, kissing him on the cheek, forcing herself to beam.

Hershel embraced her and smiled. "I love you, Bethie," he said.

But, her father's words echoing around her, Beth's smile fell as she went back to her cell.

She agreed with her father on absolutely everything of what he had said…yet, she knew that, somehow, even her father would have had a very different answer if only he knew the man she had been thinking of.

* * *

A week later and the sky was gray yet again, the air almost stifling.

Beth took in deep breaths and then got out of the truck.

Walking through the gate and towards his apartment, so many different voices and faces warred with her.

_"You _know _you want him…down to your very core. And you're secretly positively _aching _for him. In every sense of the word…"_

She forced The Walker out of her mind, shaking herself...

_"If even you alone think a man is good, even if everyone else judges him, despite not having the experience with him that you do, it would be unfair to both him and yourself to let other's opinions bleed into your own."_

And again, she saw The Governor's face, fleeting, before reality hit again.

_"You wouldn't mind him taking you in his bed night after night, making love to you like it's just the two of you left here on earth…And you can't deny that you want him to be the first man to do those things to you…the _only_ man to do those things to you…whisper he loves you…hold you in his arms…and you can't deny that you'd _love_ being his whore…"_

Beth shook herself again furiously.

_"What would your family think? What would they all say if they knew you see good in him? More importantly, what would they _do?_"_

Unbidden, the familiar encasing scent of ivory hit her…and she could still feel his touch…

_"But if you are hidin' somethin' I will find out."_ Maggie's voice, from all of those weeks ago…

And now it was as though The Walker was screaming at her, taunts ever more biting…

_"You know you want him and even just one time of him between your legs just won't be enough for you both…"_

Beth let out a flustered sigh, nerves rising and grace falling as she stumbled a little. Crouching down, she fixed her shoe, steeling herself.

Just ignore it…just ignore all of it…you know The Walker isn't real…you know you're not doin' anythin' wrong…

Taking in a deep breath, she slowly got up and finally reached his apartment.

Beth knocked, and it was as though she had been shocked when he finally answered.

_Thud._ Her heart skipped a beat…

Today he was wearing a simple red t-shirt and black pants, belt to match, and she couldn't deny that the shirt suited him…

Oh, she'd always known he was lean, but…the way he looked today, the clothes he had worn on their other visits just had never showcased it in much the same way before…

_"How you'd love for him to just take you up in his arms one night, carry you to his bed… and finally, gloriously, take you… it doesn't matter that you haven't done it before…it won't matter to him…"_

Beth flushed, taking in a deep, quiet breath before speaking.

"H…hey," she said quickly. "How have you been?"

Only…was it her imagination? Surely, it was…

It seemed that he was unable to speak at first at well, and almost as though he were in some sort of trance…

He was looking at her so _oddly_…and she couldn't put her finger on it…

_Was she imagining the ever-so-slight change in his eye as he took her in, the blue becoming almost darker?_

_Was she imagining how time seemed to stop as they simply stared at each other?_

Yes, at once, she decided. She was…

Finally, The Governor spoke, softly clearing his throat. "Hi," he said softly, his eye never leaving her face as he spoke. "I've been alright…how have you been since last week?"

And just like that, the moment seemed to pass, and an odd soft of comfort returned, the same as always…

Beth nodded. "That's good. And I've…I've been good, too," she said.

Silence soon returned, and still they stared at each other, wordlessly.

Yet the peace, at least to Beth, was rudely interrupted, as always these days…

_"You're just the same as he is…and you're just _awful_ for thinking the way you do about him…there's something terribly wrong with you…"_

Beth ignored it, forcing her mind to block out everything else.

Averting her eyes, smoothing a piece of her hair back, Beth made herself speak again, noticing how he still wasn't moving.

"Are you…are you alright?" she asked, feeling self-conscious. "You…you look like somethin's botherin' you…I…I can leave, if you don't want me…"

Quickly, The Governor spoke, shaking his head. "Oh, no…no. I'm sorry…it's not you at all. Believe me."

Opening the door, he said, "Come in."

Beth did so, and though the inside was humid, it was still far nicer than the outdoor air.

She sat down and then the steady resounding click of the door…He walked past her and she tried, in vain, not to stare…

And, as always, that evil creature spoke yet again, her taunts still more wickedly gleeful, still not done… "_You can't deny it!"_

Beth breathed in deep and forced herself to tear her eyes away from his back. The Governor came back with a bottle of juice for her, and she couldn't help smiling a little, touched; for once, completely able to forget all the invisible words that had been taunting her the entire journey here.

"You always give me things when I come here, and you don't need to. They're yours," she said softly.

The Governor smiled softly, leaning his hands on the table, and she was glad, for it was nice to know that he truly was alright, as he had said…It seemed the earlier weirdness of before was forgotten, and everything was back to normal…

"But you need these things more than I do, Beth…and I have more than enough for myself," he said.

Beth looked at him, and then felt herself begin to grow even more self-conscious, cursing herself for feeling the all-too familiar blush visits here with him always seemed to inspire in her…that he seemed to inspire in her.

Quickly, she said, "Well, thank you very much," and averted her eyes.

He was still looking at her, that much she could tell, but thankfully he sat down, averting his own vision from her.

Beth made herself look at him, intent on starting conversation as soon as possible. Yet…words seemed to fail her as her eyes, of seemingly their own accord, trailed down his arms…

But…it was such dangerous territory, and so she made herself speak, unable to staunch a light blush at her thoughts of only a few seconds earlier.

She cleared her throat. "So…how was your week?" Inwardly she cringed at how awfully dumb her question was, and just how stupid she no doubt sounded, but at least it was better than foolishly sitting there in silence, looking like an idiot.

The Governor had looked at her at the sound of her voice, and he nodded. "Quiet, like always," he said softly. "I wish I had more to tell you, but I don't," he said, smiling a little as he looked down and brushed his pant leg.

Beth nodded. "Well I'm sure there's somethin'" she replied.

He looked up at her. "Nope, not really. It'd only bore you."

Now quite curious, Beth spoke again, trying. "Oh…just tell me. I…I won't get bored," she said.

He laughed a little, softly. "Now remember that once I tell you," he gently teased, and Beth couldn't help smiling.

"I honestly do a whole lot of nothin' every single week…supply runs…fixin' up things here and there…killin' Biters…I honestly do nothin'" he said. "I'm not very interestin' and my days reflect that.

"I mean…not that there really is a whole lot to do anymore these days…but, alright. This week I got super crazy and went on a supply run not one, not two, but three nights in a row …I saw absolutely nobody where I went to get supplies…I got a lot of sleep…I killed Biters…cooked…I took a shower every day… a doozy of a week."

Against her will, Beth jumped a little, unable to help imagining him undressing before showering…

Blush growing, she forced herself to look at him anyway, hoping she wouldn't be transparent.

"Well that actually does sound excitin'" she said, focusing on his face. "Honest. And…and hey. Don't be so hard on yourself. I…I'm sure there are some folks nowadays even now…especially now…who just…just get drunk every day, bum around and don't do anythin' worthwhile…just wait for Walkers to get them. At least you do worthwhile things with your time."

Silence, and she almost regretted her words, her embarrassment acute. But to her relief…immense, immense relief…he gently smiled.

The Governor said, "Thank you, but…it's really not worthwhile what I do…and… god. I'd consider it a great day indeed if I could find some decent alcohol."

Beth couldn't help smiling, laughing softly. "And I had such faith in you," she gently, yet awkwardly, teased.

He laughed a little. "I don't mean to sound like I'm a ragin' alcoholic or anythin'…I'm not …but…there are certain things in life you miss from before now. Alcohol bein' one of 'em."

Beth nodded. "You do miss a lot of things from before…movies…amusement parks…swimming…pizza…"

The Governor leaned back in his chair, laughing a little. "Yep…god. Nobody really said how…borin' the end of the world was goin' to be. It's a little disappointin'. I always expected more," he said, joking.

Again Beth nodded. "Honestly," she said, speaking softly, "of all the things I miss…I really, just really, miss music," she said, growing solemn. "CDs…the radio…even just findin' a… a workin' record player now would be wonderful. It's just…gosh…so lonely sometimes. And…honestly, music always made me feel close to my Mama, even if she was away for the week or somethin' with my daddy. It…it was always our thing."

Beth looked at her hands, biting her lip, and when she looked up, she found his expression to be…honestly, full of pity for her. She almost wanted to look away.

"I'm, I'm sorry," she said softly, feeling even more embarrassed, looking down at her hands. "I…I didn't mean to bring her up, or…get all depressing on you…it's just…"

"Hey." The Governor spoke softly, and she still didn't want to look up. "Look at me, Beth," he said.

Against her better judgement, knowing she'd only blush as always, she did. The Governor spoke, still speaking softly, voice deep as always yet gentle, and she was almost shocked at the words that came out.

"You don't ever have to be sorry for talkin' about your family, or…or bein' sad sometimes. It doesn't make me upset. God knows I…I mention my family all the time…sometimes it…it helps to talk about it with someone. And you didn't do anythin' wrong. You can feel free to mention your mother all you want; it doesn't matter to me. I truly am sorry, for your loss."

Beth looked at him, the words reaching deep inside of her, making her feel even more touched…

"Th…thank you," she said sincerely. "I…that just really means a lot to me…and…you can mention your family any time you want, too. You…you're right; it truly does help to talk about it."

The Governor stared at her wordlessly, and for a few moments she honestly felt transfixed, and then he nodded.

"Thank you," he said gently. "I'll…. I'll keep that in mind."

Beth nodded. "Well…good. I'm glad," she said. "But I…I really do mean it, and I…I know I've said it before…and I…and I don't want to…to make you sad or…bring up any bad memories or anythin' but…I…I really am sorry for your losses as well. Truly. And no matter what you may think…your wife and Penny still love you…I know they do."

He was still staring at her and she could see the plain shock on his face, evident and raw, and honestly, it truly was the saddest thing…

_If he were truly evil… without a heart… then why did she get the impression, though he'd rather die than admit it to anyone, that most days he probably wished he was dead…?_

The sorrow touched deep within Beth and she made herself speak again, knowing he still didn't believe her.

"You…you do honestly know that, right?" she said softly, knowing her face only held pity. "I…they do still love you and care for you, in Heaven. And they…they always will. Just because you…you went down a wrong path, that doesn't mean they don't. I know…I can see it on your face, plain as day, that you don't believe that, but…it's the truth. Honest."

The Governor was still silent, staring at her, and, above everything, he looked very, very affected by her words.

Growing a little self-conscious, Beth looked at her hands. Then she heard his voice, soft and hoarse. She looked up at him, and he was now staring at her with the same oddest expression again…

"Beth? Th…thank you," he said softly. "I…" He looked down and gestured with his hands. "I don't think you realize just how…how much it…helps to hear things like that."

Still silence, and Beth stared at him, and then, he simply looked back at her, nodding his head. "Thank you."

She held contact with him, the silence almost swimming around them…

And then she only smiled.

"It's no trouble at all," she said softly. "Honest."

The Governor curtly nodded, looking down again, at something she could not see, and again, the silence returned.

But honestly, it was rather calm, this time. Beth simply focused her attention on the worn wood of the table, and then she was shocked when he spoke after a time.

"So…just what music do you wish you could listen to now? I was actually always a big Bush fan…even saw them in concert a few times."

Beth looked up and smiled, surprised. "You know, rock was never really my favorite genre…but I always liked their songs."

The Governor grinned. "One of the best damn bands ever created…at least in my opinion."

Beth laughed a little, unable to help it. "Honestly, I…I just miss a lot of music…but I always liked romance songs, and…country songs. I'd give anythin' to just find music. It gets tirin' singin' everythin' from memory…and though I am good, I'm nowhere near as good," she said, lightly joking.

The Governor laughed a little. "I'm sure you're better than you give yourself credit for."

Beth smiled a little, looking down. She looked up when he spoke again.

"Soundgarden was always good too…I was just always a pretty big rock person," he continued. "Just blarin' it when I had a long drive in the summer…it always made drivin' extra enjoyable," he said.

Beth nodded. "Yeah…you really do miss music a lot. You never realize how much you thought the world would always have it."

The Governor leaned back in his chair. "Honestly, I just miss movies…television…hell, cold beer," he said, smiling a little, and Beth couldn't help smiling back, blushing a little.

"I just miss ice cream a lot, honestly," she said.

The Governor smiled a little wider, looking down. "Damn, now I'm goin' to be thinkin' about how much I want a sundae tonight," he said softly.

Beth smiled. "I'm sorry."

The Governor said, lightly grinning at her, "You're fine…but, god. Pizza…chicken wings…burgers…I really miss all that."

Beth nodded her agreement.

"What television shows did you like before all this?"

Beth bit her lip, slightly taken aback. "Um…well I actually always liked _Gilmore Girls_ the best…it was always my favorite. Maggie and me and my Mama would always watch it together. It was always our thing."

To her surprise, his response shocked her. "That actually was always a good show," he said, tying his shoe, and Beth couldn't help staring a little in shock.

Looking up, he said, smiling a little, "Yes…I watched it. I mean…it's not really a show I would have watched on my own, but…my wife liked it, and honestly it was always pretty good television when she was gone at medical conferences and things and it was 3 AM and I couldn't sleep and there was nothin' else on. Go ahead, you can mock me," he said, returning his line of vision to his shoe, finishing.

Beth smiled a little, recovering, shaking herself. "No…no, of course I'm not goin' to mock you! I'm…I'm just surprised, that's all," she said. "I didn't think it'd be a show you'd like. And, well, it is very girly in some aspects."

Finishing, The Governor sat up again and grinned again, and somehow, the sheer brilliance of it made her pause in shock for a few moments…

Feeling herself redden a little, she shook herself, sure she looked like a complete idiot… He spoke again.

"But I did think the show was better when she was still in high school…I didn't really like the college years as much."

Beth smiled. "I was gutted when she and Jess broke up…Even more gutted when they kissed in season six and she turned him down."

The Governor laughed a little. "I actually always really liked crime shows and things like that…horror movies, like I told you…Hannibal Lecter…all that stuff. And I know how much of a morbid person I must sound to you, but I'm really not, I promise."

She smiled. "Of course you don't sound morbid."

"Although, I have to regain my masculinity after spillin' that to you," he said, gently teasing, and Beth couldn't help smiling again a little.

Speaking, she said, "I always loved Disney movies…_The Little Mermaid _and_ Sleeping Beauty_ in particular. And, of course, live action romances and fairy tale movies. Musicals, too…_The Sound of Music_ was always my favorite; I've loved it ever since I was a little girl."

The Governor laughed a little. "My mother absolutely loved that movie; she'd always hum the songs while doin' housework growin' up. And oh god Penny loved Disney movies…one time she must have watched _The Little Mermaid_ fifty times on loop when she was sick with the stomach bug one weekend…And I'm not kiddin…' And I did watch it with her, I'm not goin' to lie…my wife was out of town and me and her just watched Disney movies…and then she puked all over my shirt at one point, after promisin' me she felt okay enough to eat pancakes I made her," he said, gently smiling a little.

Beth smiled a little as well.

"But I actually always did like _The Little Mermaid_ and all those movies…they were good. But the only one I couldn't stand was _Snow White_…I had to be out of the room when Penny watched it. Her singin' voice drove me up the wall."

Beth laughed a little.

Grinning, The Governor said, a far-off look in his eye, "Penny had the biggest crush on Prince Eric. It was the most adorable thing ever."

Beth smiled, gently laughing a little. "She had good taste. What little girl didn't? I know I did."

The Governor smiled at her, and for a few moments, again, she felt disarmed, and words temporarily failed her. Butterflies were somehow swirling in her stomach…and was it possible to feel so…alive, too…?

He laughed softly. "But yeah…I always miss activities from back then…roller bladin'…swimmin'…roller coasters, like we talked about."

Beth nodded. "God I miss all of those things…especially roller bladin'," she said. "My friends and I would always go to the arena…and I miss water parks, too."

The Governor nodded a little. "That's another one."

Beth said, "I remember we had a trampoline on the farm…a huge one, too, and me and Shawn and Maggie would always be on it in the summer…it was so nice with the stars up in the sky at night."

The Governor smiled a little. "That's how I broke my arm once…I was drunk and stupid…but even despite how painful it was, I still went on those after I healed."

Beth nodded, feeling sympathy for him. "I'm sorry."

The Governor looked at her again, shaking his head, smiling in amusement, and again, she felt herself blush lightly.

"You're the politest woman I've ever met in my life," he said softly, and Beth looked down, smiling a little in embarrassment.

She looked up again, making herself speak. He looked at her, and again, she felt disarmed, her words seeming to fly away… "I…well…what Bush song was your favorite?" she asked, mostly to fill in the awkwardness and also because she really couldn't think straight right then…

And he laughed again, leaning his head back, and she tried hard…so very hard…not to notice just how…_beautiful_…the sound was…

"See now…god…that's just sacrilege to pick just one," he said, looking back at her.

Beth shook herself, feeling a jolt in her stomach. She hastily smiled. "You really must have been a big fan then."

The Governor nodded. "That I was."

A gentle silence fell again and then Beth spoke again. Thinking of Walkers, she said, "I…sometimes I just really miss music for a completely horrible reason…it drowns out _them_…you know?"

The Governor nodded. "I do know," he said softly, looking at her.

Beth nodded, breathing in deep. Then, she said, after hesitating a little, "So…what other girly things did you secretly like back then?" hoping he'd know she was simply joking.

Thankfully, he smiled. He laughed a little again, tousling his hair. "_Gilmore_ and Disney Princess movies is about it," he said, and Beth nodded, knowing he was telling the truth.

"I always do realize just how…quiet the world is now, though," he said. "I…god. I'll go out and stand and look at the stars when I just can't sleep, and I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing."

Beth nodded. "We always wanted it quiet back then, but now that it is, we're still not happy."

He nodded. "Life sure was good back then, even with the few complaints…or, many, really," he said, and she couldn't help smiling.

"I remember…always just…stressin' out about finals and projects and things…god. It'd be heaven to only have to worry about those sorts of things, and not fightin' for your life every day."

The Governor nodded. "What I would give to only have to complain about bad drivers and annoyin' people at work and trivial stuff."

Beth nodded.

"Have your runs been goin' okay?" he asked, and the question surprised her, catching her off guard.

"I meant every word of what I said," he continued. "You can take whatever supplies of mine you want back. I don't mind. I'd be glad to give them to you."

Feeling touched yet again, Beth said, seriously, "Thank you. Truly. But…I've…I've been okay. I get lucky. I really only have to worry about strays."

He nodded. "I'm glad to hear it."

Feeling curious, Beth said, "But…what about you? Your runs…I hope you're okay," she said. "Safe."

Unbidden she imagined him getting hurt…or even worse, somehow, bit…his crimson blood spilling out of him…and the imaginings filled her with something she did not know…

_"You can't deny it!"_ The sharp, quiet hiss was near deafening…

He curtly nodded, smiling a little. "Well I ain't dead yet," he said softly. And somehow, her heart twisted a bit as she imagined the possibilities…evil and dark and horrible…

Noticing her expression, he said, growing serious, "Thank you, but I…I always keep myself as safe as I possibly can. It's…just a fifty-fifty chance out there now."

Beth nodded, unable to speak, knowing he was absolutely right.

Silence hit again and then he asked, "I'm sorry, did you want any water with your juice? I have plenty. It ain't much, but…"

And somehow, she was able to forget her thoughts of earlier, just for a moment, her worries momentarily forgotten.

In spite of herself, Beth smiled. "No, thank you, but I'm alright. Truly."

The Governor gently smiled and got up anyway and came back with a bottle of water, handing it to her. Beth's smile grew a little and she took it.

"Thank you," she said softly.

He smiled a little. "It's no trouble," he said gently.

She put the bottle down at her feet. "I'll save it for the ride back," she said. "Thank you, again. It really has been hot the last few days."

"Hence why I've been goin' on runs at night…sometimes the world just seems more…normal at night, too."

Beth nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing. "The stars are still so beautiful, even though it's the end of the world. You…you can almost pretend it's normal now still."

Again, he nodded. "I've always been more of a night person than a day person any way…especially now."

Beth nodded. He spoke again. "I don't know…the world is so fucked up now, it's just…sad kids nowadays will never know a normal life."

Beth thought of Judith, and couldn't help nodding again, feeling solemn.

"I agree completely," she said, feeling even more solemnity flooding her again as she thought of Judith's adorable smiles, and laughs.

"In a way…I'm almost…almost glad my wife was spared from this hell…and that Penny…well…you're…you're right. At least she must be in a better place too…no matter how much it hurts," he said softly.

Beth stared again, feeling ever more pity flood her for him. "They both are. You…you just gotta believe it."

Watching him, she could still see how his face was serious…mood clearly showing he was plunged in sorrow…and then, finally, his expression changed.

Finally, The Governor smiled a little, though faintly. "You're relentless," he said softly.

Beth couldn't help blushing a little, but she looked down before responding. "And don't you forget it," she said mock-jauntily.

Again, he laughed a little, softly, and Beth could not help a small smile of her own.

"You must have been a force to be reckoned with at the nursin' home," he said, his tone clearly showing he was only teasing.

Beth smiled, shrugging, yet still a little surprised that he actually remembered that… "I was just always really…supportive of all of them. That's all. I did love workin' there, even though it was only a part-time job."

The Governor nodded. "Well, that's good. I'm sure you were wonderful there. And I'm sorry, I was only kiddin' about the crack I made."

Beth shook her head, smiling. "I know. And now you're the one apologizin'" she said, and she saw him smile a little.

Silence fell again, and, staring at him, again, Beth couldn't help her heartbeat from speeding up, just a little…

Outdoors, a far-off rumble of thunder hit, and she couldn't help jumping, suddenly pulled from her thoughts…

He noticed.

"Hey, you alright? It's just thunder," he said softly. "Nothin's goin' to happen to you."

Beth nodded, putting a hand on her heart, unable to staunch yet another blush. "Y…yeah. I'm fine. It just…caught me by surprise, that's all."

In spite of her embarrassment, she couldn't help laughing, and he smiled a little, too.

And then he spoke again. "Actually, that's probably your cue to leave…it'll be dark soon, and Biters…Biters somehow love it when it rains."

She nodded, knowing he was right.

"I'll walk you out," he said, and she nodded.

And, as always, they walked out to the gate, and it was truly miraculous how dark the sky was just now beginning to turn. The gray clouds were ominous and foreboding, and somehow, she couldn't help looking forward to being safe in the prison with everyone else when the storm finally broke.

But…thinking of him here, all alone, it brought her sorrow…and though it'd be impossible to stay the night with him…simply provide him with extra company for just one night…somehow the thought was… somehow…inviting…

She knew she'd be more than safe with him. And it would be almost… enjoyable…

_"You know you'd love spending the night with him, and, even more, enjoy him taking you in his bed… making love all night while the heavens cleanse hell…and the activities you two would get up to…my, my. You wouldn't be innocent little Bethie anymore…"_

Beth blushed, unable to help herself.

They reached it, and, slowly, turning to face him, suddenly she was hit, again, with visions…horrible, horrible visions…of things happening to him while on runs…

_His blood…red and dark and absolutely drenching his person…a Bite mark here…a cut or bruise there…or, somehow, worse…him being shot while on runs by other men, their laughs cruel and piercing as they echoed off the walls…almost as piercing as the gunshot…_

As if in a fog, slowly the visions cleared, but yet...the fear remained

Turning to him, she, somehow, found her voice. "H…hey. Th…thank you, Philip," she said softly.

It was the first time she had ever said his name, and somehow, she couldn't help registering just how natural it felt, on her tongue.

Looking at him, he honestly looked surprised that she had used it, but he smiled. "I should be thankin' you," he said softly.

Yet…she couldn't smile, as she imagined his blood pouring out of him…

Going close to him, she gently touched his arm, fully aware of how wonderful he still smelled, like every other time, and just how close she was to him…

"T…take care of yourself," she said, looking seriously at him, and she knew that he knew she was talking about the runs in particular.

"I will," he said gently. "But I'm worried more for you than for me, Beth."

She nodded, stepping back. "I'll be fine. Just…take care of yourself."

The Governor nodded at her, yet said nothing, and he seemed just as loath to move as she did, in that moment…

The air seemed to crackle around them… and though a rather cool blast of air hit, she still felt oddly, warmer than ever…

Feeling a blush come on again, Beth simply made herself smile and turned, breaking the spell, and he opened the gate for her.

She was surprised, though, when he put a hand on her arm this time. She tried not to think how wonderfully warm it was…

"Hey, Beth. I…Take care of yourself, too. But I'll be fine. I always am."

Beth nodded, his words touching yet affecting all at once.

The Governor nodded curtly, and said, "See you next week, Beth."

And she forced herself to smile, nodding at him as well, the entire drive home trying not to picture him broken and bloodied.

* * *

_She was smiling. Truly smiling, a smile that lit up her whole face today…She was smiling. For the first time in months…heck, ever since this had first started, six long months ago. And it warmed his heart beyond measure, bringing a happy smile to his own face._

_She was smiling, like every seven-year old girl deserved to. Penny was smiling. And that alone made his heart swell._

_For every other night before this day, the poor child had been a stark contrast to her demeanor on this warm spring day. Every other night, including last night, was always the same: She would be sobbing quietly by herself, her long brown hair in her face, the tears seeming to flood out of her, whimpering and shaking, huddling her knees up to her chest, clutching her stuffed puppy for dear life, in whatever cramped shack or dirty room their group had found for the evening, just tearfully begging for her daddy. She was scared to death that he would get hurt and he'd turn into one of those scary monsters outside, the monsters that she didn't understand but knew were dangerous. Or that'd he die and leave her like Mommy had, when the world was still normal. She just wanted him to hold her._

_Her pale little face would be even whiter than when he had left, growing paler by the hour, by the time he'd finally get back and she'd literally cling to him, sobbing even more into his chest. And it always broke his heart into little tiny shards._

_He absolutely hated to leave her, but he had to. He literally had no choice. All the men, and whatever women could shoot a gun, which, unfortunately, was sadly not many, always, always, without fail, had to go outside every night and dispatch hordes of Biters. Sometimes it was just strays, but they could never afford to be too careful._

_Especially when it rained, which, unfortunately, happened too often lately. The Biters somehow loved when it rained._

_He'd stumble in, and though he'd be beaten and exhausted, and drenched with blood, he didn't care. He just wanted to comfort Penny._

_And then, it'd always be the same: He'd carry Penny across the room to a far corner, away from the others, and just rock her as she cried, whispering nothing but soothing things to her, telling her how brave she was and how much he loved her… It broke his heart to see her so upset, but sadly, there was nothing that could fix that. It'd sometimes take hours to calm her down, especially when he was covered in blood and nothing could seem to convince her that it wasn't his and he wouldn't become a monster and leave her all alone._

_Eventually, though, she would calm, and she'd fall asleep in his arms, his last words to her before sleep claimed her, always, without fail, that Daddy would always be there and he would never let anything ever happen to her. Often everyone else would be asleep and Philip Blake alone would stay awake, exhaustion acute but not wanting to move for fear it'd wake Penny. The moans and sounds of Biters, far off in the woods, would be the only thing he'd hear, along with the wind…_

_But, today, it was warm and sunny, and he and Penny were playing tag in the little camp their group had found just for the day. Everyone else had gone on a supply run, but he'd elected to stay behind and watch the camp, as well as spend time with Penny._

_A breeze blew his brown hair back and he tousled it, smiling even more as he heard Penny giggle._

_"Daddy, look! The flowers are so pretty!"_

_Philip's smile grew. It was so adorable, her reaction. But…damn. Wincing, he crouched down, taking his foot out of his shoe. His wound was pretty much almost healed now, but it still smarted at times. Glancing up, he carefully scanned the trees…scanned all over…before turning his attention back to his shoe._

_He decided, before they would begin their trek at midday, so they found somewhere safe by nightfall, for the little clearing they had found for the day would not protect them from Biters by nightfall, lack of tents being the main reason, he would have to add more padding to it. Especially if they needed to run._

_Glancing up at Penny again, he laughed a little and quickly, quickly, put his shoe back on and began to relace it. Again and again he looked up, ever fearful for what would or would not be lurking in their surroundings. His gun was loaded and ready, but it wasn't him he was worried for…it was Penny. Above all._

_She laughed again, and he glanced up, tenderly smiling again. "Honey, please…you're makin' Daddy nervous. Please, come here by me and then we'll continue our game, alright? I'll pick flowers with you later. I promise."_

_And Penny laughed. "Daddy, look! The lilacs are so pretty! Can we keep them, Daddy? Can we?"_

_Turning his attention back to his shoe, quickly, quickly, he said, almost done relacing, looking up yet again, "Honey, of course you can. But please…you know the rules, pumpkin. Always be by Daddy when you're not inside."_

_And here she pouted a little, and he couldn't help laughing at how amusing it was. She sighed a little. "Oh, alright Daddy," she said quietly, beginning to make her way over to him._

_Finally, his final relace almost in place, he said, "Pumpkin, you better run, because I'm goin' to get you."_

_Rotating his foot just a little, to offer himself some further relief, still in a bit of pain, he closed his eyes for just one second…just one. Looking up, it seemed like everything happened in slow motion._

_Penny's eyes, so like her mother's, lit up and she bent down to pick a dandelion. Laughing, she said, "Daddy, this is for you, because I love you so much."_

_She didn't see the Biter that was slowly ambling towards her…too close to her._

_His eyes widened, and he bolted up, yelling for her to get out of the way, running at breakneck speed. Why did he have to be so far away from her? Why?_

_"Penny, look out! Run! Run to Daddy, as quick as you can!" He could hear himself screaming._

_He was running but, in his haste, his ankle buckled again, and he tripped. He could hear the crunch, but no matter how badly it hurt, he gritted his teeth and got up, literally clawing at the grass…He was still so far away. So far away…_

_Too late, Penny looked to her right and saw the creature, and she screamed, beginning to cry. "Daddy, please! Help me! Help me!"_

_He was so close…so close…_

_And all in one horrifying, awful moment, it had grabbed Penny and taken a large bite out of her shoulder, the blood spilling everywhere. She screamed, and his heart stopped._

_Finally, finally, he was over there, and viciously pulled the Biter away from her, slamming its head on the ground in his anger and panic and hate. The thing let out a final snarl and then was silent, dead._

_Throwing the corpse off to the side, his head was whirling in panic, and he didn't want to look… He didn't want to look…She couldn't be bit. She just couldn't… She was all he had left in the world, and his daughter couldn't be bit. Maybe it was all just a bad dream…or, goodness, please, just let her be all right…_

_Finally looking at her, he could have screamed. No…no…_

_It had bitten her square in the shoulder and back, and it was such a large wound…there was literally no way she would survive it. No way…_

_Near tears, his heart hurt even more at the sight of her own, and the sounds she was making were near torture. Crouching down, shaking himself, he simply scooped her up and held her to him._

_"It's gonna be alright, honey. You're goin' to be alright. Daddy's here. Daddy's here," he said, his voice breaking._

_She was whimpering, beginning to shake. "Daddy, it hurts! It hurts and burns…please. Make it stop," she said quietly, over and over, and his heart turned even more, stomach pooling with dread._

_Rocking her, he simply closed his eyes and thought, panic making way for anger._

_No…no. Penny would not die…she would not. He would not lose her…there had to be something that could be done. There had to be._

* * *

_Throughout that whole long evening, he felt his heart break more and more as the hours went by._

_He had vehemently refused everybody else's gentle offerings of "Philip, there's nothin' that can be done. Nothin'…you're goin' to have to put her down…we're so sorry. We know it's hard, but…"_

_But no. They didn't know, because it wasn't their child._

_And so he simply locked himself in a room, alone with Penny, sitting vigil by her bedside the whole long night. The tears poured from his eyes and he felt like he was drowning._

_No. No. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't. Not like this…and he hated to see her suffer…_

_He held her hand and comforted her, steeling himself for what would have to be done. But…the more he thought about it, the more he could not bear to kill her… He just couldn't. He loved her too much._

_And…though she would soon be one of those things…surely, it would still be her inside, wouldn't it? Of course it would…and…there would surely be a cure some day, if not soon…and if he killed her…he truly would lose her forever. And he could not live without her._

_No…no. He simply _had_ to keep her alive. He had to… She'd be normal again some day. She would. She would…_

* * *

_Every hour that ticked by was more poison to his heart and his being. He was fully aware that for every hour that went by, his daughter was one hour closer to death, and by the time sunrise would hit, she would be gone, lost forever to him._

_Never before had he hated the promise of dawn so much in his life._

* * *

_Now he was curled up beside her on the bed, telling her how much he loved her, unable to stop the tears from falling, and she was still looking at him, growing ever paler, her own tears falling to match his own, her fear palpable…_

* * *

_The sounds and cries of agony she were making were some of the most horrifying sounds he had ever heard in his life, and he was fully aware that absolutely nothing he could do would alleviate them…_

_So he simply covered his ears with his hands, closing his blue eyes, and quietly sobbed._

* * *

_Now…now she had finally stopped making those sounds, the sounds that made him want to draw blood from himself and sell his soul to the Devil if it would make her feel better, and now she had finally lost her sight. She was sobbing, in terrible fear, asking where her Daddy had gone…and why she couldn't see anything…She didn't like it…_

_He cradled her in his arms, rocking her gently, saying she was only dreaming and when she woke up he would be right there. She was so brave…so brave. And he loved her so much…_

* * *

_Finally, it was six in the morning. It was still dark outside. But dawn was fast approaching._

_It was almost cruel, how fast time went by._

_She had finally fallen silent, and she was cold. He was still curled up beside her, and he gently kissed her hair, closing his eyes and letting himself linger. He knew that when she woke up, she would no longer be normal…no longer be herself…and he wanted to savor the last few moments he would ever have with Penny, as he had always known her._

_Another tear fell from his eye and landed on her cheek, and he gently wiped it off, cursing himself._

_He could still see everything, from yesterday. And it was all his fault. All his fault. He was the reason Penny had gotten Bit. He was the reason…_

_As he awaited Penny's waking up, he caught sight of his reflection in a cracked mirror_

_His blue eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and his brown hair was matted and dirty. He was trembling as he cradled Penny in his arms, and he hated himself. He didn't deserve to live. He didn't. He was the worst father ever and it was all his fault…_

_So he gently put Penny down on the bed, kissing her cheek, and shot the mirror. He could have stabbed himself with the shards._

* * *

_But what he did know was he would never, ever let anything happen to Penny. He would protect her with his life, if necessary. And one day…one day, she would be normal again._

* * *

_His whole being ached as he walked outside. It was after midnight, and everyone else in Woodbury was asleep. It was cold, and it was clear it was going to storm soon. But he didn't care._

_His whole body felt like it was on fire after his fight with Michonne…and especially the wound she had left in his eye…_

_But he didn't care. Because nothing hurt as much as his heart did._

_How could the world still be working? How could there still be life? Because there shouldn't have been…_

_Penny was dead. She was dead. And it was all his fault. He had failed her twice…twice…two times too many._

_Steeling himself, he pulled his black collar up against the nighttime chill, and re-entered his room. He almost could have vomited, bile rising in his throat as he began to shake before turning on the light._

_Don't look…don't look…_

_He looked anyway._

_Her little corpse was still laying there, blood still staining the wood, and at the sight, he almost lost it again._

_Closing his eye, he simply grabbed a blanket…pink, her favorite color…and went over and wrapped her in it, making sure her whole entire body was covered, including her head. He tried not to look right at her as he wrapped her, knowing his heart would crack even more if he did, and simply, once she was covered, kissed her on the forehead, cradling her in his arms._

_And then, he lifted her up, carrying her to the truck. He simply knew he had to take care of this right away, and do it in a place far, far away from Woodbury. He could not bear to bury her there…it would only haunt him every day._

_He drove…and drove…and drove… He honestly didn't even know where he was going. Vaguely he realized Biters could easily get him, in his current mind state, and somehow, he didn't care._

_Oddly, it would be welcome._

_He rolled the windows down, the cold, rushing wind doing nothing to affect him._

_His heart throbbed._

_Finally, he came to a forest edge, the trees black and beckoning, and knew that this place would have to be the place._

_He started a fire, half debating just letting himself fall into the flames, and then, finally, removed the shovel from the back and began to dig._

_He didn't know how long he dug, but eventually, he was through._

_Taking a deep breath, he removed Penny from the back of the truck, holding her to him, and let the tears finally fall again._

_Sitting at the grave's edge, he simply cradled her body to him and quietly cried. Closing his eye, he knew that this would be the last time he would ever have with his daughter, and he didn't want this night to end._

_And it was so cruel that because of him, his stupidity and ineptness as a father, Penny's life had ended at the age of seven. And it was all his fault._

_For three hours he sat, just holding her in his arms, and then, finally, took a deep breath and kissed her on the head again, steeling himself._

_Finally, at last, he let himself drop down into the grave and gently placed her inside._

_Woodenly, he filled it, and then, when he was done, simply stared, not even caring how his hands were bleeding from the blisters._

_Closing his eye, again, trying not to think about Penny, he needed something other than pain and emptiness to feel…His heart throbbed again, even more painful…_

_Michonne's face flashed before him. And hate flooded him. Gripping the shovel even tighter, he breathed in hard. Because of her, he had lost his daughter._

_Because of her, he would never have Penny back._

_And were it not for Rick's group invading Woodbury…she would never have been brought back. Never been able to kill Penny._

_And somehow, as he gripped the shovel tighter, as he thought of Penny again, he could have screamed, the hurt was still so awful._

_Breathing hard again, he swore that Michonne would pay. Rick's group would pay. If they wanted war, they would get it, and heaven help all of them…_

_And so, he drove back, unaware that in the ensuing months, he would lose every single shred of his sanity and humanity, and trace of the man he had always been, and truly was._


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey I'm sorry guys! I started this way back in July but I've just been on a lot of vacations with friends and everything, but finally I have time to write again. I hope you enjoy!**

**AND if any of you want MORE Beth/Governor, because I'm a delusional weirdo who loves them, lol, I recently wrote a oneshot about them called Moonlight Visits, unrelated to this story. The link is on my profile if interested. Anyway I hope you enjoy!**

**Also, the song lyrics I chose for this song come from an amazing song. I'd recommend a listen! :) I hope it won't get obnoxious but this story will have LOT of song lyrics, haha. :)**

* * *

There's something in the look you give

I can't help myself I fall, I can't help myself at all

I scream god forgive me please because I want you on your knees  
But I don't wanna think about it now  
I know I won't get out if I fall in  
So I don't want to think about it now  
It's dark in my imagination, it's dark in my imagination

Can't help but wonder where you've been all day  
Just say when I'm so far away  
That you give yourself a taste  
Cause I don't want to think about it now  
I know I won't get out if I fall in  
So I don't want to think about it now  
It's dark in my imagination, it's dark in my imagination  
dark in my imagination, dark in my imagination  
I don't want to think about it now  
Is it all in my head? Are you somewhere waiting for me?  
I don't want to think about it now  
Is there something unsaid? Are there secrets that you keep?  
But I don't want to think about it now x3  
It's dark in my imagination x 11  
I don't want to think about it now x 11  
IT'S DARK IN MY IMAGINATION

**Song: Dark in My Imagination by Of Verona**

* * *

Beth kissed Judith, unable to help a sigh as she giggled a little.

"You're so adorable, baby girl," she crooned. "I could just eat you up! But I'm sorry, you gotta go to sleep now; your daddy is goin' to want to spend time with you later tonight, and you can't sleep then!"

Judith simply burped a little, and Beth laughed again, tickling her stomach, kissing her on the cheek. Gently, she laid her down, and simply began humming to her, and soon enough, the baby was asleep.

She heard a throat clear and she jumped, but, upon turning around, she warmly smiled. It was none other than Patrick, and he was nervously shuffling his feet a little.

Beth's smile grew. Out of all the former Woodbury residents…well, namely the guys around her own age, he and Zach were definitely the most decent, and she adored both of them. Patrick was such a sweet guy, and she considered him a much-valued friend, just as she did Zach.

"Patrick! Hey," she said, going over and squeezing his arm. He reddened slightly, but cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses.

"Hey, Beth," he said, smiling as well. "I…I hate to bother you…and I wasn't stalking you, I promise…"

She laughed. He continued… "But…um…since everyone else is pretty much gone on that run, would you…would you wanna just…go and talk?"

Beth nodded happily. "Sure! I'll just have Sasha watch the baby for awhile in case she wakes up; I know how much she loves her. And as much as _I _love her, I need a break," she said, laughing a little.

Patrick laughed a little, too.

Soon enough, the both of them were outside, the sun masked by gray clouds, and sitting at the red wooden picnic table, far away from the fences.

"I can't wait to plant those vegetables with Rick tomorrow," Patrick said, smiling, and Beth nodded, laughing in agreement.

"It sure is fun when we're all out there, and Judith is with us, and Rick lets me, of all people, wear his hat," she said, unable to stop the smiles as she remembered how oddly fun it always was…their little group always did this lately, laughing and joking as they all planted.

Patrick laughed again, loudly. "Yeah. Rick is so nice," he said. "It's not often that a grown man _doesn't_ make fun of an eighteen-year old playing with Legos and model trains and stuff like I still do!"

Beth smiled, turning more towards him. "That's not a bad thing, Patrick. I read picture books sometimes from my childhood when I was still fourteen. You're never too old for that stuff."

Patrick shrugged, grinning sheepishly, looking downwards at his feet before looking back at her. "My older brothers always made fun of me for it, before this. They still do, honestly… I guess I'm just used to that."

Beth winked. "Well your older brothers are mean…but you didn't hear it from me," she said mock-conspiratorially, and Patrick reddened again slightly, for some reason she couldn't put her finger on.

Shuffling his feet, he said, "So…um…how are you today? I mean…have you feeling been…I mean…been feeling fine?" he asked, flushing even more at his fumbling of words.

Beth said. "Yes have I," she said, joking, and he smiled a little. "You?"

He nodded. "Yeah…yeah."

Silence hit again, and a breeze hit, rather warm.

"I don't know…it's just so weird now. The world…life…I never thought this could happen. And I was a big science-fiction fan before all this," he said, and Beth laughed a little again.

Beth nodded, growing solemn. "I know. It's truly somethin' out of a nightmare."

Patrick nodded. And, then, Beth was surprised when he spoke again, his words producing a vivid, sharp, pronounced jolt within her stomach.

"I don't know…it's just…sort of strange, being here after having been in Woodbury for so long. I mean, I love the prison, too, but…Woodbury was nice, too. Very nice, in fact. And…god. I'm going to sound like I need my head examined…but…and my brothers would punch me if they heard me saying this…and I know I sound crazy…in fact, I probably am…but…I mean…I know what he did. The Governor. And I know it was so awful and so twisted and…and just awful," he said softly, repeating himself.

Beth's heart was literally pounding and her stomach was in knots, as she too thought of The Governor…_his smile…the feel of his hands…and she felt weak in the knees…thank goodness they were sitting down…_

Shaking herself, she forced herself to continue listening, intent on what Patrick was trying to say.

He continued. "But…I don't know. I…I just…maybe it was all an act, or…or…I don't know…but…I…I still can't believe he did all of that. Really did all of that."

Beth forced herself to nod woodenly, heart still nervously racing.

Turning towards her, he said, gesturing with his hands, "Granted…this only happened once…but…but…I remember this one day. It was around eleven at night, and I…I was just really depressed. The…the girl I liked at the time had turned me down, and I…she was so mean about it, too. And I had just seen her kissing another guy earlier, and I was even more depressed because my brothers weren't giving me an easy time about it, and I felt even worse about myself than usual. And I've always gotten really bad nosebleeds, ever since I was little…well…I got one that night. I was just walking around by myself, holding my handkerchief up to my nose, and I…I literally ran into him. I was so shocked and a little scared…there was nobody else around, and I'd always been bullied at school…I thought maybe he'd be like them," he said, smiling a little.

Beth furrowed her eyebrows, feeling intense waves of sympathy for Patrick, regardless of her inner turmoil.

He continued, and she was ever more interested…

"I…I jumped. And he…he didn't get mad or anything. He…he just asked if I was alright, because he obviously saw the blood, and then he…he invited me into his room. I…I ended up telling him what was bothering me. And he…he was actually really, really nice about it…he gave me advice…heck, he even gave me a beer," he said, laughing a little.

"My very first! He told me not to tell my mother…not that I would have…but…and then when I left, he just clapped me on the shoulder and told me to take care of myself. I…I always remember that."

Unable to help herself, undeniably curious, he continued, answering her questions.

"It…it was…well…after he…he lost his eye," he said. "And he had the eye-patch, and…honestly, he looked kind of scary at first. Just…the black coat…and he…he wasn't unkind, it's just…he didn't smile at all. He was just…really quiet when he spoke and I…I honestly get the feeling he wasn't feeling great either…but…like I said. He was…really, really nice, actually. It…It helped me a lot."

Beth was unable to speak at first, unable to stop thinking of all he had just said. But Patrick continued, and she shook herself, breaking the trance.

"I don't know…just…just for that reason, I…I have trouble reconciling what he did with the man I…I spent time with that night. You know?"

Beth nodded, again thinking of him…

And goodness…oh, how similar she and Patrick's situations were…and, god…If ever there were one person who could honestly understand her and that she could relate to on this…it would certainly be Patrick, after hearing that. And…

Goodness…butterflies hitting again…how tempting it was to just spill out everything in one long, embarrassing, guilty rush…and how relieving it would be to hear that no, she _wasn't_ crazy…there _wasn't_ something wrong with her…

It was so…so tempting…and she was dying to…to be told she shouldn't feel so conflicted about what she felt about him…but Beth simply took a deep breath and exhaled, knowing no good would possibly come from that.

He spoke again. "I don't know…Beth? Does…does that make me crazy? Am I…am I a horrible person for thinking that?"

Beth simply looked at him, and then weakly smiled a little, growing serious again.

"Honestly, Patrick…no. It…it doesn't. Be…believe me. I…I can relate to that. Much…much more than you could possibly imagine."

Silence fell again, and Beth simply focused her attention on a dead dandelion on the ground.

But then he spoke again, and she was so shocked by his next words, she completely, for one moment, was able to forget her nervousness and embarrassment of earlier.

Softly, Patrick spoke, beginning to turn red again, and she looked at him.

He cleared his throat. "B…Beth?" he asked. "I…god…look…I…I know how awful this is going to sound and I…look, I…I know Zach likes you… a lot…and that you…you obviously must like him…but…I…I just can't help it anymore. I…I have feelings for you. In fact I…I…honestly, I love you," he said, rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness, fiddling with his glasses again, unable to look at her.

And Beth was so shocked, and yet, so touched, that she couldn't do anything but stare…

Patrick looked up again and continued. "I…it's honestly not only that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life, but…you're…you're just perfect. You're…you're so smart. So sweet and kind…especially to a dork like me…and you have the voice of an angel," he said, flushing.

His sweetness touched deep within Beth, as well as unimaginable sorrow, as she knew just where this was headed…and she so didn't want to hurt Patrick…

"Anyway, I…you're…you're just perfect," he said. "In every way. And I…I know you couldn't possibly feel anything for me, but…I…well…is there a chance you…you could?" he whispered.

He was looking at her, so imploring and vulnerable and hopeful in that moment, and Beth bit her lip, complete pity on her face, near tears.

"Oh…oh," she said softly, unable to think straight. "Patrick…oh god…that's…that's honestly the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life, and I…oh gosh…I love you so much…but…I'm sorry. So sorry. I…oh gosh, I'm a horrible, horrible person, but…I'm so sorry…no," she whispered. "No. I…I'm sorry, but I…I only like you as a friend. I'm so sorry."

Her stomach plummeted even more at the sorrow on his face, and he looked down, unable to meet her eyes. More sorrow touched Beth.

She leaned over and touched his arm.

"Patrick, please, look at me. Please. I…it's not you. Honestly, you're a fantastic guy, and one of my best friends…and so sweet and smart and handsome…but I…I…I really just don't see you in that way. And I wish, for your sake, that I did…but…please. I still love you, and want to be your friend. And I'm the worst person in the world for hurtin' you…I really am…"

Patrick looked up, and he smiled a little, though his sorrow was still evident.

"No, you're not. You're…you're just Beth. The girl I love. I could never want to stop being friends with you…no matter how much it hurts."

Beth smiled a little too, heartened that he was at least smiling. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, and his smile grew a little more.

Laughing, she said, "Hey. One of these days, you are going to meet the most beautiful girl, and she's goin' to love you like you love her. And you'll…you'll have children together someday, and always have each other. And you'll forget all about borin' old me," she said.

Patrick laughed a little, looking down.

"Doubtful about that. It's just…I've never felt this strongly about a girl before, and I…you…you're different than other girls. You're not vain, or mean or superficial. You…you actually care about people, and make them feel…feel like they're worth something. Feel better about themselves, when they only think the worst. And I…you've always given me the time of day, and I just…feel so comfortable around you. I…I just can't help it. But…I should have known. I wouldn't have expected a girl like you to fall in love with a lame nerd like me," he said, looking down, and Beth's heart plummeted again for him.

"Hey," she said softly. "Patrick, you are not lame, or a nerd. Or a lame nerd," she said, hoping he would appreciate her gentle attempt at humor. Thankfully, he smiled.

Growing serious again, she said, "Honestly, you are a fantastic guy, one of the best I know, and any girl would be lucky to have you. And one day, you'll find that. I promise."

Patrick smiled a little at her words, and Beth was gladdened at the sight. He spoke again, laughing a little.

"Yeah. Girls here sure flock to me," he said, only a little self-deprecatingly. "They even prefer me to Zach, if you can believe that!"

Beth laughed a little. She bumped his shoulder. "I don't know…I think Mika would be willin' to be your girlfriend," she said, lightly teasing, and Patrick laughed.

Silence passed again, and then he spoke. "Well…I should have known. I mean, it's pretty obvious you like Zach…"

Beth laughed a little, shocked. "What? Oh…goodness…I…I don't like him either. At least…not in that way."

Patrick's eyes widened. "Really? Wow…all the girls like him…"

Beth smiled. "Well I'm not them."

Patrick laughed a little. "Very true. But…oh…I…I get it. You…you probably like somebody…somebody older. Somebody cool. Like Rick or Daryl."

And here Beth lost it, unable to help herself. "Oh, Patrick. I don't like them either!"

And Patrick smiled, laughing a little too. "Well gosh, I'm stumped on who the lucky guy must be then!"

Beth grew serious again, feeling flutters again as she thought of _him_…his face flashed before her eyes…and the scent of ivory filled the air…

She felt herself blush. Patrick noticed, and he grew concerned.

"Are…are you alright, Beth? Gosh, I…I'm sorry. You don't have to tell me who the guy is…I wasn't ever going to make you, if you're not comfortable…god, I'm such a screw up," he said quietly, looking at the ground.

She grabbed his hand, unable to look at him, the butterflies were still so acute. "No…no you're not, Patrick."

Silence hit again, and he spoke again. "But gee…I…I wish only the best for you and him, Beth. Really. It's obvious you must like him very much."

Beth blinked. Breathing in hard, she said, "I…I…I wouldn't say I…I _like _him…but I…as much as I try to fight it…as…as alarmin' and embarrassin' as it is…and as much as it scares me…terrifies me… I…I honestly think I do feel somethin' for him…somethin' I…I can't deny…and I know I…I do…I mean…I am attracted to him. Definitely. But…whether it's more than that…"

She trailed off, knowing just how the words, even to her own ears, sounded like lies…And now the butterflies were absolutely attacking her insides…

Again, she imagined The Governor getting hurt while on runs, and the very same panic ran through her stomach, like violent rivulets of blood…and true, there was never a day that went by that she did not think of him…nor a lonely night…but…she couldn't _possibly_ have feelings for him…_be developing them…could she…?_

But, the very sad, real truth was, that she knew that it was a very real, real possibility. And she didn't know how to feel about that…

She was pulled from her worries and turmoil momentarily by Patrick, who squeezed her hand.

"Hey, Beth. It…whoever he is, it'll…it'll work out. You'll see."

She whispered, "Oh Patrick…somehow I doubt that…"

But she forced herself to smile. And then, Patrick got up, and his face was so full of sadness and heartbreak again as he took her in one last time that she again felt her heart plummet.

"Well…see you around, Beth. We…we should hang out again like this again soon. And don't worry. I'm not mad or upset at you…I'm just sad. But it's not your fault…nothing could ever be your fault. It…it never could be."

Beth frowned again, still heartbroken for him. "Oh. We definitely will."

And here Patrick smiled again, and then, his smile vanished, as he took her in for one last, stolen moment, the sadness on his expression acute, and then, finally, he sadly waved and headed back up the hill.

Beth simply watched him go, still full of pity and guilt and hurt for him and yet…still so very, very haunted.

The Walker's face appeared again. _"You can't deny it!"_

* * *

Later that evening, at supper, she noticed Zach kept looking at her, from across the way, and she politely smiled.

Honestly, she was so frazzled and upset still…and in such a guilty, quiet mood from having to break Patrick's heart…she wasn't in the mood for company.

But after dinner, he came up to her, asking if she would go for a walk, and she obliged him.

Slowly they strolled, down by the gate, and it was again cold, as always. She shivered a little.

"You want my jacket?" Zach asked, and Beth couldn't help but smile.

"I'm good, Zach, but thank you," she said. "You sure know how to make a girl feel important."

And he laughed. But then, rather boldly, he spoke again. He was so different than Patrick…so suave and confident and assured…but still undeniably nice.

"Honestly, you're the only girl I want to make feel important, Beth," he said huskily, and she closed her eyes again, in dread for having to break yet another heart that day.

Quickly, he continued, and she only listened.

"I…look…I can't deny that I have feelings for you, and I hope you feel the same, Beth. I…You're so beautiful, but you're…you're so alive, too, and I can't help but think there's more to you than meets the eye. You're so sweet and innocent, and I can't deny that I love that about you, but…it honestly makes me wonder what else is inside you, just waiting to be brought out by the right guy. And I want to be that guy."

He turned to her. "You're interesting, and you can hold a conversation well, and you're so smart. And you captivate me. And I…I can't deny that I do want you. A lot," he said, voice growing low again, as he smoothed a piece of her hair back as they stood in a bright patch of moonlight.

Beth smiled, touched by his words; yet she moved back, just a little, to put just a little distance between them.

Biting her lip, closing her eyes, she said, "Oh goodness Zach…god. I'm so sorry, and I…I know I'm the most horrible girl ever…but…I'm so sorry. I just don't feel the same. I…I just view you as a friend….And I know…I know I always will. I'm sorry."

She looked at him, and as before with Patrick, she could see the hurt and disappointment on his face. But, to his credit, he looked down, and laughed a little, shuffling his feet.

"Well then. This is just awkward."

Beth smiled a little, and thankfully he did too, looking at her.

Growing serious, he said, "Oh god…Beth, don't blame yourself. Just…just don't. It's honestly just cute."

Beth bit her lip. Zach continued, and he came up close to her. He put his hand on her arm.

"Hey. As much…as much as it hurts, we're…we're ok. We're still friends. I honestly mean that. Nothing's changed. And…don't…don't worry. You didn't do anything wrong."

Beth put her own hand on his arm. "Oh god Zach…thank goodness. I…I didn't want to lose you, or, or hurt you…"

Zach gently put his hand over her mouth. "_Beth._ It's ok," he said, smiling gently, removing his hand, and Beth smiled a little, looking down.

She could still see the hurt on his face, but he masked it well. They resumed walking.

"So…who's the lucky guy then who's stolen the heart of Beth Greene? Do tell. I am nothing but intrigued."

Beth laughed a little nervously, unable to stop yet more attacks of butterflies and a blush as she, again, thought of him…

"N…he's nobody," she said, but then cursed herself for her answer, blushing even deeper.

Zach laughed. "Oh c'mon. What? Is he 6' 4"… mysterious…an older man, I'll bet… probably a little flawed… but still kind…and oh…I'll bet he's just _so handsome_," he said, exaggerating his voice to sound falsetto.

Beth's face was burning, and again, she could feel _his_ warmth…so close to her they could touch…

Zach grinned. "Oh ho. I think she's blushing over there in the dark." He gently nudged her.

Beth forced herself to snort, shaking herself. "I…I am not."

Zach laughed again. "You're a terrible liar, Greene. And _oh_…of course…we must not forget… he probably has chest hair."

Beth's face flamed even more, as the image of The Governor shirtless flashed before her mind…

And…it was almost awful just how cruelly close Zach was to the truth…it honestly would have been funny if not so alarming…

She still couldn't speak, and Zach smiled. "I'm sorry, Beth. I'm only kidding. But honestly. Whoever the guy is, you should go for it. It'll work out. He's probably been driven crazy already by you."

The sweetness of his words touched Beth. Shakily she smiled, forcing herself to laugh.

"Th…thanks, Zach."

And he smiled one last time."Have a good night, Beth. I'll see you tomorrow. And again…we…we're ok."

Beth nodded, feeling the butterflies residing. "Good. I'm glad, Zach."

Zach still smiled at her, before leaning forward and gently kissing her cheek. And then, he finally turned and headed back up into the prison, but not before turning back to her.

He winked. "And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."

Again, Beth's face flamed, and her mouth dropped open. Zach grinned.

"You need some excitement, Greene. And what better than the sweaty, naked kind?"

Oh god…it felt like her face was positively burning…and now, cursing herself, against her will, she was unable to imagine herself and _him _together…doing…doing _that…_

He laughed. "I'm sorry, I'm just an ass. But really…I hope it works out. Truly."

He touched her arm again, and finally, Beth spoke.

"Th…thank you, Zach," she said.

He curtly nodded. "Any time, Beth." And then he waved, holding up his hand to her, before walking up the hill, disappearing into the shadows.

And, as she watched him go, Beth honestly didn't know what was wrong with her. Zach was a good-looking guy, and a lot of fun. He was kind…he was smart…the whole package. So why…why didn't she feel the same?

But, again feeling flutters in her stomach as she imagined The Governor again… her stomach sunk just a little, as she realized she probably already knew the reason why.

She saw the smirk in place of everything else, feeling more and more alien, as she stood out in the black cold.

"_You can't deny it!"_

* * *

Beth shivered, still walking around the grounds. She just, quite simply, needed some privacy to herself. And some air.

She rubbed her arms, but the cold somehow didn't really bother her as much as it probably would have if she wouldn't have been so preoccupied.

Zach's last words to her were still running through her mind, and she was still blushing.

_"And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."_

_Goodness…she was so mortified…_

And, as always…more than anything…_he _was filling up her mind and thoughts yet again, as usual.

Still morbidly embarrassed, Beth still couldn't help thinking of him again…just what was he doing, just then? Was he sleeping? Walking around the lonely Woodbury grounds, and just thinking, as she was? Or…

She felt weak-kneed all of a sudden, as she imagined him, slowly stripping off his clothing to shower…first his shirt…and then, his belt slowly falling to the ground…

Putting her hands to her cheeks, though her hands were like ice, she hoped it would dull the hotness positively radiating throughout her face…

Closing her eyes, somehow, the vision returned, and now…now…

A fire was roaring beside them, and it was just the two of them, all alone, in their private little world in Woodbury…

_The stars were bright and the sky was black, and, wonderfully enclosed inside the abandoned town, there were no Walkers to disturb their stolen moment together…_

_She was lying on the cold ground, and he was on top of her, shirtless. Oh, it was cold, yes, but his warmth wonderfully heated her chilled bones, down to her very core…_

_He was looking at her, his one eye locked with both of hers, gently rubbing her cheek with his thumb, and she could feel herself blushing vividly. _

"_It's alright," he whispered. "I'm not goin' to hurt you, Beth."_

_She could only nod, knowing she could absolutely trust him… and then, he leaned down and kissed her neck..._

_Her eyes closed in ecstasy and contentment, and then, his lips found hers, his hands gently grabbing firmer hold of her…and he was so sweetly gentle, but she wanted more…_

_She would welcome it if he held her so tightly, she bruised…_

_She felt like she was flying, and oh so dizzy…but still so alive…_

_She could feel his arousal evident between her legs, and she couldn't help gasping a little in sudden shock, blushing more deeply, as he gently grazed the bulge in his black pants against her crotch…_

Beth shook herself, her eyes snapping open, painfully aware of how hot she felt, just then. Her face still flamed, and she hated, absolutely hated, the butterflies she felt in her stomach…

Or, rather, wasps, absolutely stinging her from the inside out now…

She felt weak in the knees, and then…to her further silent humiliation, she suddenly felt…warm between her legs…

Pressing her thighs together, she bent over and breathed in deep, hoping it would pass. And soon, it did.

Still flaming, Zach's words from earlier hit again.

"_And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."_

Beth flushed again.

Breathing in deep again, she began to shakily walk.

She was so very afraid, and so confused…and so…so naïve, too…

God…she could never, ever remember feeling like _that _before…

She and Jimmy had never had sex. All they had done was kiss…and honestly, that had been very enjoyable all on its own. True, she had envisioned herself eventually losing her virginity to him, but, obviously, that had never happened…

And again, even now, she still felt a pang as she thought of Jimmy.

Shaking the thoughts off, she continued to walk. Out of all her old high-school female friends, she and Macy had been the only virgins. Honestly, it had never really bothered her before…she had always wanted her first time to be special…and had never truly felt ready yet. She had loved Jimmy, but had wanted to wait, and had still been just too embarrassed… scared…nervous… and she still hadn't been ready yet, at the time of his death…

But…though she still didn't feel ready yet…still felt nervous…still felt embarrassed…she, somehow, couldn't stop herself from wondering, just then, what it would be like with _him_…

_Would he be gentle? Would he hold her? Dry her tears and kiss them away?_

Somehow, she couldn't stop herself from thinking that The Governor would…

Her face reddened again, and suddenly, she wanted to run, far, far away from all of this embarrassment and confusion and torture…

"_And hey…whoever he is…you should definitely…you know. Trust me. He's probably thought of that a thousand times already by now."_

She bit her lip, still acutely mortified…yet still unable to stop herself from thinking…

_Could there honestly be a possibility…even just the slightest…that he, somehow, wanted her physically as well…? Desired her…?_

Beth shook herself, flaming again, yet unable to stop a derisive snort. She was ridiculous…she was just innocent little virgin Bethie….

No. She was naïve, innocent, _lame_ little virgin Bethie… And there could not be any possibility that he…he desired her as a woman, or…or wanted her…

She knew that. She did. But…somehow, for some odd reason, her stomach plummeted and her heart turned, as she thought of that.

Shivering again, she took one last look into the black trees slowly swaying in the wind, far beyond the gate, and then turned and went back into the prison, rubbing her arms.

"_You can't deny it!" _She ignored the taunt as best she could.

* * *

Again the air was stifling as she slowly walked towards his apartment. And she couldn't help but feel anxious, as she imagined his condition upon seeing him…

_What if something had happened…? Or…goodness…what if he was dead? His body broken and bloodied in some abandoned warehouse, far, far away…?_

_Why did she feel so nervous? So anxious? Why…_

Beth shook herself. She didn't know…didn't know…

Timidly, she knocked. And time seemed to slow as she waited for him to answer.

Finally, the door did open, and he was before her again, and she couldn't seem to help the sudden racing of her heartbeat and the flutters of relief…vivid, wonderful, powerful relief…that coursed through her body…

Yet…she noticed, right away, that his right cheek was very, very much sliced open…the wound raw and fresh and violent looking…dark and red and painful…

_Where had he gotten that from?_

Thankfully, he spoke first.

"Hey," he said, smiling a little. "How have you been since last week?"

Yet, Beth still could not help focusing on the wound still…_was he in pain…?_

But she made herself speak, still feeling alarmed.

"G…good. How have you been?"

He shrugged, smiling a little wider, looking down for a second at his shoe. "The same as always. Come in."

She did so, still feeling…so very…_concerned_…

The door closed, and she barely had time to blink before he handed her the usual bottle of water. But somehow, she couldn't bring herself to smile…nor speak…

He noticed. "Hey, what's wrong?" He spoke softly, his eye never leaving her face.

Beth still could not seem to speak for a few moments, but then, she found her words.

"I…nothin'….nothin'….it's just…are…are you alright?"

The Governor looked puzzled for a few moments before his reply. "Yeah…I am. Why?"

She opened her mouth, hesitating before speaking. "It's just…I noticed…your face," she said, gesturing to his cheek. "I hope it's not hurtin' you bad."

Realization dawned on his face, and he laughed a little. "Oh…that. Just sliced myself with a razor…the one you do find sure do suck."

Oh…of course…she felt so foolish…

"Oh," she said, flushing a little. "That's…that's good to hear," she said.

Eyes widening, she said, blushing furiously at her reply, "Oh god…well of course that's not good to hear, but…I…I just am glad you didn't get hurt on a…a run. That's all."

_She was so foolish…_

He smiled a little more. "Thank you, but I'm alright. Really."

She nodded, still burning.

The Governor spoke again. Gesturing to his cheek again, he said, "All the razors you find now are dull and cheap. I just asked for it, really."

Yet, Beth was still unable to stop her eyebrows from furrowing again in sympathy and, mostly, concern, as she looked at it again… it truly did look incredibly painful…

"Ph…Philip," she said, speaking rather timidly, "are…are you sure you're alright? It…it really does look painful…maybe I could do somethin'…"

He gently smiled, shaking his head, sitting down. "Beth, thank you very much, but I'm fine. Really. A dumbass hack job I gave myself while shavin' ain't goin' to kill me. And it really just hurt the night I cut it the most. It burned like hell when I put alcohol on it, but I'm alright. And honestly, it sounds really sad, but bandagin' up my face gave me somethin' to do, I was so bored."

In spite of her worry, she couldn't help but smile.

Beth said, "Well I am glad you're alright, Philip. Truly. But…that really is quite sad how doin' that was excitin' for you, I have to admit."

She couldn't help laughing a little, and he smiled again.

Beth spoke again. "I'm sorry. But you're not alone. Sometimes it's so borin' when I have nothin' to do and everyone is gone on runs it's truly insane."

The Governor spoke again, nodding. "Well I'm sorry. But I honestly do look forward to when you come here every week…I don't get bored talkin' to you. And I'm sorry, for how that must sound comin' from me and all…"

Beth's face heated up at his words, and she couldn't help feeing touched yet again, her stomach simultaneously jolting in surprise…_and, honestly, happiness_…at his words.

She smiled, still hoping her face would pale and her blush would fade.

"Oh no, no. It was very nice to hear. I…I don't get bored talkin' to you, either. Honest."

His gaze held hers, and she was somehow, oddly, nervous for his response…but thankfully he smiled a little.

"Thank you, Beth," he said softly. "That really means a lot to me, comin' from you."

He reached down, averting his vision, and adjusted his right pant leg.

Beth couldn't help but smile again, though she could feel acutely how her stomach was still in knots.

Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice her inner turmoil…though really, it was just nerves and embarrassment… and she simply took a drink of water.

Then he spoke again. "So, how was your week? I hope it was good."

Beth nodded, smiling. "Yeah, yeah. It was. Judith is still so cute, and I took care of her a lot. And…it was just a good week."

Then she thought of Patrick and Zach, and how guilty she felt about them both…and then she remembered Patrick's story, of how Philip had talked to him that one night…and somehow she was still struck with innate curiosity…though of course, she didn't ever want to mention it to him, nor bring up anything from the past with him…it likely would be too painful for him. Or uncomfortable…

The Governor seemed to notice her hesitation, and gently said, "Hey. You alright?"

Shaking herself, reddening just a little, Beth said, "Oh yes. I am."

She forced herself to speak again. "Well how was your week? I hope yours was enjoyable, too."

He smiled a little. "Well…I wouldn't say that, but I guess it was alright. Nothin' too excitin' to tell."

Still burning with curiosity, Beth spoke again, settling for a different question.

"Well that's good. And hey…I…I have a question…can I ask? Have you ever had a problem with other people comin' here, thinkin' they could live here? I hope you haven't."

Looking at her, he smiled a little and shrugged. "Well, honestly, no. I haven't. It sometimes surprises me, too, but I look at it this way: Even before we made Woodbury, this place was abandoned. And this really is far out in the country, and set away in a pretty remote place of Georgia…much like the prison. And even if people ever saw this and thought about livin' here, it'd take literally hours to scour every inch of it, and every buildin' in here. And to strangers, for all they know, Biters would be rampant in here, just hidin' away in every room. And if I were just an outsider, and didn't have the knowledge that I have of here, I'd be hesitant. I'd rather just find a house or somethin' smaller so I could feel confident there wasn't anythin' or anyone lurkin' in there. Also, there is a warnin' I put up on the wall, to hopefully deter any people."

Beth nodded, remembering.

He continued. "But I don't know…quite honestly I'm sure there are bigger, better places and even better working communities than even Woodbury used to be with other people that other people would like to live in, rather than this, an abandoned town, probably in more accessible, more populated areas of Georgia. I know when I've gone on runs, I keep seein' signs when I cross railroad tracks for this place called Terminus…not that I have any interest in goin.' I don't know…somehow I just get a bad feelin' about it. And I know that probably sounds ridiculous, comin' from me…but I just do get a bad feelin' about it. The signs look kind of creepy, honestly."

Beth shuddered a little, remembering how Rick had told all of them about the very same ominous signs after returning from a run one night with the others…all in the run group had felt disconcerted as well, but thankfully, Terminus was still quite far from the prison even if traveling by car…and, thankfully, what was once Woodbury…to get too worried about the potential threat just yet.

Beth nodded, looking at him. "I…I know what you're talkin' about. The others have seen those same signs on the railroad tracks when they go on runs…thankfully that place is far enough away from you and us."

The Governor nodded. "I'm thankful, too. And hey, I'm sorry for bringin' it up…I saw on your face how scared you got, Beth…"

Beth shook her head, flushing a little again. "Oh, it's alright. Don't worry about it."

And then Beth nodded. "Well, you're right. That does make sense. And I'm glad you don't run into any people."

It really did make sense…they had all found the prison, really a goldmine to live in, with only three inmates inside of it to start. And they hadn't had a problem with anyone trying to take the prison for their own group or just thinking they could live there. And honestly, she imagined, the prison would be more desirable to live in than Woodbury…though Woodbury did have a wall, at least the prison was more enclosed…and it really was a little bigger than even Woodbury. And even then, the farm had been better yet than both the prison and Woodbury combined, with open space, plenty of room, and security.

The Governor laughed a little. "Me too. I can't have my boredom interrupted every week with potentially dangerous people."

Beth smiled a little at his joke.

Changing the subject, he said, "I hope you at least have books to read and everythin' for fun."

Beth laughed softly. "Yeah, I do…but honestly the communal book pile at the prison needs to be policed. Somebody brought back magazines and I found a _ten_-year old girl readin' a _CosmoGirl _with one of the main articles smack-dab on the cover…"

She trailed off, blushing a little, remembering.

The Governor noticed and smiled a little, though not unkindly. "Aw c'mon, you can't just leave me hangin,' Beth. And you don't have to be embarrassed."

Beth smiled, but then simply exhaled and said, "How To Please Your Man in Bed. There."

Her blush grew, and grew more vibrant still as she looked at him, but The Governor only gently smiled.

"Well…you are correct. That's very inappropriate. Very. And well…hopefully she wasn't readin' that article…?"

Beth slowly nodded her head. "Oh, she was. And she grew very angry when I confiscated the magazine from her…and it gets better. She told me that she was readin' that so she could do that with her boyfriend."

The Governor was silent, his shock evident.

"If anythin's sad, I think that is," he said.

Beth nodded again. "Oh, yes. And I did tell her parents…so hopefully that solved the problem…she hates me now, though….but…gosh, it is really the saddest thing. A little ten-year old girl doin' that? That's just not right. I don't even know how she'd even think of that kinda stuff at her age…and her boyfriend is the same age as her."

The Governor nodded, serious again. "I think children are the ones who suffered most when this all happened," he said. "They'll never know normal lives. Or be able to do normal, happy things…I'm grateful that at least Penny got six and a half normal years."

Beth nodded, feeling sorrow not only for him, but for all the young kids she had come to know and adore ever since Rick had taken all of the former Woodbury residents in…and especially Judith.

"It truly is one of the worst things that this brought on," she said softly.

The Governor nodded, looking at her again.

"Well…you did the right thing by tellin' her parents…and hopefully that won't happen again."

Beth nodded. "I sure hope so."

Silence fell again, and then he spoke again, changing the subject.

"Well…did you do anythin' excitin' this past week?"

Beth smiled a little again, laughing a little. "No, sadly. Did you?"

He smiled too, and she felt her stomach do that traitorous little flip again at the sight.

Still feeling as though she had been shocked, she listened to his reply.

"Nope…not a thing. I really wish it were possible to find a workin' portable DVD player or somethin'…or to even find movies that still worked…it really is awful technology doesn't work anymore."

Beth nodded, grinning. "Oh, I hear you. I'll tell you gladly that I wish I still had my _Gilmore Girls_ complete series DVD set…and my portable DVD player or laptop…I spent half a paycheck buyin' that when it came out."

The Governor laughed a little. "Heck, I would gladly watch _Gilmore Girls…_I'd watch every single episode if it were possible at night."

Beth laughed. "I would too."

The Governor smiled. "I'd watch 'em with you…and then we could debate episodes," he said, joking.

Beth smiled a little as well, unable to help herself. "That would be entertainin,'" she said.

Then she was surprised when he spoke again.

"But admit it...I know you loved the show, but I bet another big reason you miss it is because of Jess," he said, smiling a little. "Last week you mentioned how you were sad her and him didn't work out. I just suspected you have a thing for him."

Beth was shocked for a little bit, blushing a little, but finally couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"You got me. But Milo Ventimiglia was gorgeous…and I just loved him and Jess," she said, laughing a little. "He was probably my biggest celebrity crush back in the day."

The Governor laughed a little too, though gently. "I knew it. But I'm sorry for teasin' you about it, Beth," he said.

Beth furrowed her eyebrows, smiling. "It's fine…really. But oh…I bet you had a thing for at least one of the women on that show. Tell me…Lorelei…Rory…Paris?"

The Governor smiled. "I don't know…Lorelei's mother was always pretty sexy," he said seriously.

Beth couldn't help laughing again, unable to tell if he was joking or not.

His smile grew. "I don't know…just somethin' about Emily Gilmore always drove me through the roof."

Beth recovered a little. "And you're not jokin'?"

He shook his head. "I'll never tell, Beth," he said, leaning back in his chair, grinning.

Unable to help herself, she laughed again, softly.

He spoke again. "Heck…I get so bored I'd even gladly watch Disney movies…but whenever I lose respect for myself when I dwell on the fact that I'm a grown man who would watch Disney Princess movies by myself, I take comfort knowin' that I wouldn't watch _Teletubbies _or some of the stuff Penny used to love that I always thought was awful…even if that were my only workin' form of entertainment. I'd rather take out my other eye," he said, smiling a little.

Beth smiled. "Oh my goodness."

"I mean, I always watched those shows with her, even though I thought they were truly awful…but…to see her laughin' and smilin' over them…that made it worth it."

Beth's smile grew, unable to help the feeling of her heart melting just a little at his words…

"Well…that's heart-warmin," she said, feeling just a little woozy all of a sudden.

He smiled. "But man…I wish it were possible to still have swimmin' pools and trampolines too…I have no shame in sayin' I'd gladly use them a lot."

Beth nodded, recovering a little. "You and me both," she said.

The Governor spoke again. "Or I'd give anythin' to find King novels…I owned all of them back in the day. Even though I read each one a thousand times, I'd still gladly re-read them."

Beth took a sip of water, nodding.

"Yeah…I really miss a lot of books I used to own, too," she said. "Not to mention clothes."

He smiled a little.

"I miss all my Bush albums…I really hate technology for just quittin' on us," he said, and she laughed.

The Governor laughed, too. "Really though…couldn't we just even have one technological device that works still? That's not really askin' for much in return for possibly runnin' the risk of dyin' every day…at least I don't think so."

Beth said, "I agree. More than you know."

He stretched, then, and she couldn't help her eyes from lingering on his chest…she could feel herself blushing again but couldn't help it.

Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice, or, if he did, he was too polite to say anything.

Clearing her throat, she said, "I keep wonderin' when the next thunderstorm is goin' to be…I'm sure it's not far off."

The Governor nodded. "Yeah…the other night when I went on a run I saw some lightnin' and it was thunderin,' but in the distance…thankfully I didn't get caught in the middle of it."

He spoke again. "But honestly…I don't mind star gazin' at night…it actually is kinda enjoyable. A far cry from Emily Gilmore_, _of course, but it'll do."

Beth couldn't help herself from laughing again. "Philip…I hope you don't mind my sayin' so, but…you are very odd."

And he smiled in return. "I know…I'm sorry," he said.

Beth said, "Oh…I didn't mean it in a bad way…" Now she felt rather terrible…

Thankfully his smile only grew. "I know, but I wouldn't blame ya if ya did, Beth."

His blue gaze held hers and she made herself look away, feeling another blush was imminent.

Making herself speak again, she said, "Honestly, if we're talkin' about technology, I still wish I had our old karaoke machine. I really miss that faithful little thing. If it would even work, which…honestly, it wouldn't, so I don't know why I said that."

The Governor smiled again, tousling his brown hair. "I'd gladly sing karaoke too…it'd draw Biters like crazy but honestly it'd almost be worth it. I'd have to see after killin' them all."

Beth couldn't help another brilliant smile from visiting her face at his words. Blushing red again, she said, now a little shy, "I'd be very interested to see you sing. But I don't know if there'd be any Bush songs loaded on there," she gently teased.

"That's alright…I'd even gladly sing a Britney Spears song," he said, and she couldn't help laughing again.

"Actually I did once…I was out drinkin' with my buddies one time and we all made a bet. Whoever lost had to go up on stage and sing whatever song the winners chose…I lost, so of course, they chose one of her songs. But whatever, I did pretty damn good if I do say so myself," he said.

Beth laughed. "Oh god…what one was it?"

He shook his head, smiling a little. _"Gimme More."_

Beth smiled. "That was always a good one."

The Governor said, still smiling, "Yeah…hate to admit it but her songs always were pretty catchy."

A natural silence fell, again, and now, Beth found herself simply looking around the room. The bed was made neatly, and two bags of supplies were against the far wall. There was a fireplace near the bathroom, though it was small, and honestly the interior was very nice, and rather free of dust. It was obvious he kept his living quarters neat.

"You keep it neat in here," she said, turning back to him. "It does look really nice in here."

He shrugged. "Well…not that I'm the neatest man who ever lived but even I have limits sometimes on grossness. One of my buddies used to live in the nastiest apartment and he'd just leave dirty underwear and clothes lyin' all over the place…you didn't know what you'd find underneath you on the sofa. So we all had an intervention one day and helped him clean," he said, smiling a little.

Beth nodded. "I always try to stay neat too…or rather, before all this. Maggie was always the messy one. I'd sometimes sneak in her room when she wasn't there and clean up for her…it always drove her crazy."

He spoke again. "I do have to admit…when I had my own place after college when my wife was away for that internship I was kind of messy…I'd leave pizza boxes stacked in the kitchen and let the dishes pile up from time to time…but I wasn't really too terrible compared to a lot of people I knew," he said.

"And it was a nice duplex…at least I always kept the bathroom clean and dusted all the time and did laundry every other day and everythin.' I just was awful about cleanin' dirty dishes after I'd cook."

Beth nodded. "Yeah…I honestly think I have OCD about cleanin' things," she said, smiling. "It would certainly make sense."

The Governor smiled. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, Beth," he said. "You shouldn't worry about it."

Beth smiled, flushing crimson yet again. "Thank you…but I have to admit, Maggie always made me feel like it was when she'd yell at me for it," she said.

He shook his head. "Well she didn't mean to yell at you. Some people just don't like change, that's all."

Beth nodded. "That's true."

The Governor then said, "My brother was always the messy one, ironically enough. I can't tell you how many times my mother would fuss over his room…and mine, too. And just us in general about everythin' growin' up…if we were eatin' enough…if we were feelin' just the tiniest bit under the weather…It was the funniest thing ever…and I mean that in the nicest way possible, of course. My mother was the sweetest lady ever. She was adorable with Penny…she'd always wanted a granddaughter. She'd always braid her hair and buy her dresses and dolls…knit her clothes and bake cookies for her and hug her and kiss her a lot…it warmed my heart that she finally was happy whenever she'd come and stay with us, after years of bein' married to my asshole of a father."

Beth smiled. "That's sweet. Truly."

"But my daddy wasn't allowed in my home. I didn't want him there. He barely knew Penny…I didn't want him around her. The only times he even saw her were when she was a baby, and the day she was born, though I didn't want him there, either. I didn't even invite him to my wedding."

Beth stared, feeling sympathy for him. "I'm sorry. And that's certainly understandable."

He shook his head. "Don't be sorry, Beth. It's not your fault," he said.

Beth spoke again, still feeling affected. "I just…I know I didn't know your mother, but I'm sure she was a wonderful lady, and I just feel so…so sorry for you and her to have to deal with that your whole lives. My daddy is just wonderful…and…I…I don't know what I'd do without him."

The Governor looked at her. "Well you deserve to be treated well, Beth," he said softly. "It'd honestly be…tragic if you had a father like mine."

He simply looked at her then, breaking off, and he was looking at her with that _look _again…the odd look…the one she could never understand…

Her heart thumped at his words, and somehow she felt so very confused by them…She could feel herself blushing and again, the butterflies that seemed to live in her stomach nowadays flapped their wings violently against her stomach walls…

Softly, she said, "You deserve to be treated well, too, Philip. I…I know you don't believe you deserve it…but…you…you honestly do."

His eye seemed to change just a little at her words, the pupil almost seeming to dilate, just a bit…his shock evident…but maybe she was just quite simply imagining it…

He looked down and laughed a little, self-deprecatingly. "No…no I don't, Beth, but thank you," he said softly. "A man like me doesn't deserve anythin' other than the electric chair."

Her heart twisted at his words, and she could feel herself washed anew by sympathy…

"Hey," she said softly. "I…I know how strange this'll sound to you…but…I…I honestly do think you are a good man, Philip. I…I won't lie…when I first started comin' here I…I was nearly insane with…with confusion and…and guilt…but…the…the more I spend time with you…I truly see you truly aren't the man who did all of those awful, horrible things. That…that man wasn't you. And I…I…somehow I…I do forgive you," she said, knowing in that moment that she truly, truly did.

"For everythin'…absolutely everythin' you did. I know…I know it probably makes me sound crazy…and maybe it does make me crazy…but…I…I honestly do. It…it took me awhile…and it…it wasn't easy…but I do now."

Looking at him, his shock was even more evident, and it almost was as though he had been put under some sort of spell…he couldn't seem to speak.

Still silence as the invisible minutes ticked away, and then, finally he spoke, slowly shaking his head, his voice cracking a little.

"B…Beth…you honestly have no idea how much that…that means to me…but…how…how can you? Honestly? That…you…you honestly amaze me. And I don't mean that in a bad way," he said softly.

She blushed yet again at his words, and the way he was looking at her…and somehow, she couldn't help from noticing just how…adorable he looked when he was shocked…if that even made any sense…yet she concentrated, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

Biting her lip, she simply spoke.

"I…I just do. You'd only be unworthy of forgiveness if you truly were an evil man, Philip. One who didn't care about others, and never loved anyone his whole life. One who was never troubled by horrible things he did…or…or wracked with guilt by them each day. One who was never troubled by the man lookin' back at him in the dirty, cracked, bloodstained mirror…One who was never afraid to even look at himself in the mirror every night, for fear of what he might find lookin' back at him…One who's not terrified he'll look in the mirror and see the devil himself starin' back at him… The…the man I only thought you were, for so long. And that just isn't you.

"You…you do know how to love; that much is clear. I see it on your face every week whenever you mention your wife, or Penny, or your mother or brother. You do feel regret for everythin' you did; I can tell. And I can tell you…you'll never forgive yourself…but why not let others? You…you've always been so nice to me, every time I come here…me…lame, dorky old me…and…I…I…I know you…you bleed inside, every day, for Penny…and your wife and mother and brother…and you…you feel convinced that it was your fault Penny was…was killed…and that you aren't worthy of anyone's love…or…or affection or…anythin' good from anyone. And it's…it's truly heartbreakin' to watch. And I know you're haunted every day from everythin' you did, but…I know everythin' you did was awful…but lookin' back, did you mean to do any of those things? Did you _want _to do them? Did you ever, at any point in your life before the apocalypse, aspire to be a man who killed and did all the other things you did, and hope somethin' like the outbreak would happen so you could? No…you may disagree with me, but I know, deep down, that no, you never ever wanted to do any of those awful things. And I know you feel convinced that you don't deserve to live…but…you do. And no matter what you may think, you…you are a good man."

There. She had said all of it. She simply looked at him, knowing her face only showed sorrow for him, and now, if possible, he looked even more shocked.

The minutes ticked away…though really it seemed like it could have been hours…and then he began to speak, though the words came out garbled at first, before he seemed to get a proper grasp on English again.

"Beth…th…g…" He paused, looking down, and then looked at her again, the words normal again, his voice soft.

"Beth…th…thank you. Truly. You…you don't know how much that…that means to…to me. But…though I…I know deep down I don't deserve forgiveness…And I don't think I'm good, like you do…I…I know I never will…but…just…thank you, Beth. I…you're mature beyond your years. And I…I always knew that before this, but…just…thank you. And you're not lame, or dorky…don't…don't ever think that."

Yet, through it all, he was giving her that odd yet slowly familiar look again…

Time seemed to slow, and then, far off in the distance, a far-off rumble of thunder hit. She jumped.

"I'll…I'll walk you out," he said softly. Beth could only nod.

Now, for some odd reason, he didn't even seem to want to look at her, or even talk…and rather foolishly, she thought, she grew worried, because what if her words had only caused him to feel odd around her…or…

They reached the gate and he opened it wordlessly.

Beth stood there, for some odd reason not wanting to leave, because she was so sure he didn't want to talk to her any more…

He turned and faced her, then, and again, as always, she couldn't help but blush. He looked so handsome standing there, and he was, again, giving her that strange look…

He spoke softly. "I…Beth?"

She could barely even form a reply, but she was shocked when he came closer to her and put a warm hand on her arm. Her heart skipped one beat.

He squeezed a little, though gently, and said, looking down, "Beth…I…just…thank you. Really."

He looked back up at her, removing his hand then, and she felt bereft at the loss of his warmth…

Beth forced herself to smile, blush still growing. But her heart still hurt so much for him, and she felt so very pained for him, she wanted to offer him comfort in a way other than words…

His cheek would be warm, she imagined, and so very…indescribable under her lips…but she knew that she lacked the courage to do so. She hated herself for it, for being such a coward, but he did that to her. And he didn't even know it.

_But it would be so easy…why was it so daunting? She had done this very thing once before, with Rick…but of course, he wasn't Rick…_

Instead, she settled for something else. She put her hand on his arm and said, "Don't mention it, Philip. See you next week."

Again, that look of pure, unadulterated shock…and then he spoke again.

"I can't wait, Beth," he said softly, and she now felt hornets in her stomach at his words…

She removed her hand then, still somehow wishing that it were possible to stop time and not have to return to the prison until tomorrow…but then she shook herself. She knew she had to. And it wasn't that she didn't want to. No…It was honestly, quite simply, the very real fact that she didn't want to return just _then._

Yet…she made herself smile one last time and walk through the gate, and as it slowly closed behind her, as she looked one last time at the wall, she knew, truly, that she did forgive him. Wholly and utterly.

The entire drive home she couldn't stop blushing, or from feeling weak. But she felt strong, too…

Yes. She did honestly forgive him, somehow. And honestly, there was nothing wrong with that. Or with her. Or with him. She knew that. She did.

Yet as she passed the woods, the sky beginning to turn black with the threat of oncoming rain, the wind beginning to pick up, she somehow almost heard invisible words, on the wind, the voice both eerie and biting.

"_Traitor!"_


	11. Chapter 11

**I got this one out quick! But ack is it awful...my apologies! The others will all be better, I swear!**

* * *

Two evenings later, Beth walked outside, the chill almost unbearable and the moon bright above her. She couldn't sleep, and her cell was still freezing, even with all of the blankets she had, so she figured, why shouldn't she get exercise and be cold, instead of simply lying there.

She shivered again and pulled her pink sweater closer around her…embarrassingly, lately, now that she always dwelled on the fact that _he _had given it to her…that this was the sweater he had given her all of those long weeks ago, on their very first meeting, it almost made it…_special_…to her, now. Treasured…instead of alarming, as it had first been…

Beth blushed again and hated herself for it, but she couldn't help _also _thinking just how…nice it would be if she had one of his _own_ shirts to keep her warm…long and so soothingly warm…and…and smelling of him, whenever she breathed in the fabric…Of ivory…and encompassing the very essence of him…

Her blush grew. She was walking down by where she had turned down Zach last week, and the sorrow still hit her, but oddly, this place was very soothing. It truly amazed her just how expansive the prison grounds really were. And it almost made her remember the farm, in some odd nostalgic way, which made her love walking around here even more.

She couldn't bear to be in the prison sometimes, though she adored it…true, most everyone was still sleeping, save for Maggie and Glenn, as she had heard them laughing quietly together in Glenn's cell as she'd walked outside, but when everyone was awake, it was so _noisy…_so stifling at times…but she knew the real reason she couldn't bear to be in there was because of herself. What she felt, and thought, about him, and how she was so paranoid every day that someone would simply look at her and know her secret.

A gaggle of black bats noisily screeched as she saw them fly beyond the gate, illuminated by the light of the moon for one moment.

And then a breeze hit, cold again, and she couldn't help laughing a little. It was almost like October weather now! And then she sorrowed a bit, as she remembered how she'd always loved Halloween with Shawn. Her heart cracked a little. She, Maggie and Shawn had always gone trick-or-treating together, without fail, before Maggie had deemed herself too cool for it once she'd entered high school, and then college. But she and Shawn had still went, always, and she couldn't help remembering their last Halloween ever together, nine months before the apocalypse had started. And, always, every Halloween season, she and Shawn had always gone to the local haunted corn maze…

Her heart broke into pieces fully once again as she also remembered just how her mother had loved the autumn weather…how she'd always looked so beautiful in her long, colorful skirts and blouses, or dress pants and sweaters, her blonde hair always curled to perfection…and how she and her mother had always gone boot shopping every fall, without fail…As if in a daze she could see herself and her mother singing together and dancing to the radio in the kitchen as they had baked pumpkin bread together, or Halloween cookies and other treats…True, it had never been her favorite holiday…that had always been Christmas…but she still missed the memories…_missed them, above all…_

Feeling tears coming to her eyes, Beth simply closed her eyes and willed herself to not cry. But it was in vain. A few escaped, and she simply allowed herself to cry for a few moments. She knew she was being selfish, and ridiculous. At least she still had her father and Maggie. Some people had nobody at all anymore…like _him…_and she couldn't help feeling even more immense sympathy for him, despite her pain. But it was still the hardest thing in the world to overcome. And she would never, ever be over losing them.

More tears fell again, and she closed her eyes. And, somehow, she simply wanted nothing more at that moment than for somebody to just hold her…to just bury her face into their chest and have them hold her and soothe her as she cried…and unbidden, the feel of what it would be like wrapped in _Philip's _arms…The Governor's arms…came to her, and it comforted her, however embarrassing and silly it was…

She simply stood outside, composing herself as best she could, and then made one more lap before finally going to bed.

* * *

The next day, Beth couldn't help smiling as she stood outside Sasha's cell, waiting for Sasha and Bob to finish kissing.

It was so heartwarming…they were truly an adorable couple, and she couldn't have been happier for the two of them.

Out of all the former Woodbury girls, she had definitely become the closest to Sasha, and truly considered her a second sister. And, she had to admit, though she loved Maggie with all her heart, it always cut her to the quick that she felt she could never _talk _to Maggie about anything…about guys…for advice…anything…because Maggie would always just get mad at her and yell at her, intent on keeping her a child forever. It truly destroyed her, at the fact she didn't think Maggie even really loved her sometimes…or just simply thought of her as a nuisance. Beth loved her older sister, more than words could say, but sometimes, she didn't think the feeling was mutual…And, even worse…she honestly thought sometimes that if both she and Glenn ever were to go missing, Maggie would no doubt surely be more concerned about Glenn…the thought made her heart break, whenever she thought about it. So she tried not to.

Bob and Sasha finally broke apart, then, and Beth's smile grew.

Bob gave her a brilliant smile, and Sasha stepped away from Bob and excitedly held out her arms.

"Ahh girl, get over here!"

Beth laughed and went over and hugged her. At least she had Sasha for advice and things she could never talk to Maggie about.

Bob spoke, grinning. "I'm sorry, Beth…didn't know you were waiting. I'll leave you two girls to catch up."

Beth smiled too. She truly liked Bob, and thought he was fantastic for Sasha.

"It's alright, Bob. You guys are so cute together!"

Bob patted her on the shoulder. "_She's_ cute. I'm not, Beth. But that's another reason why we all love you so much…you're very nice."

Beth blushed.

Sasha smiled at her, and gave Bob one last kiss on the cheek before he left.

"Girl, you get prettier by the day! It's been too long! Get your ass in here!"

Beth laughed and sat down beside Sasha's cot. Sasha handed her a bag of still-edible fruit snacks, and ripped open her own bag as she sat on her cot.

"How have you been, Beth?"

Beth shrugged and opened her bag. "I've been alright, I guess. But aww Sasha, you and Bob are really so adorable together. I'm so happy for you two!"

Sasha smiled, and Beth couldn't help detecting what looked like a faint darkening on her cheeks.

Beth laughed. She nudged Sasha's arm. "Aw, you're blushing!"

Sasha rolled her eyes.

"Oh…I'm turning into those girls I always made fun of in high school…but he does that to me. I love him, Beth. I really, really do." Her smile grew as she looked at Beth, her eyes almost glowing.

Beth smiled. "I can tell. And aw…I'm so glad. I…I really consider you a second sister, Sasha."

Sasha sat up, touched. "Oh…Beth, that's so sweet! I consider you a sister, too…I really, really do."

Then Sasha spoke again, though softly.

"Actually…Beth…Bob and I have been talking…and we're thinking of getting married. Just like Maggie and Glenn did. Not for awhile, though…but…I've been meaning to ask you…when we do…will you be my Maid of Honor? I…I really do consider you the sister I never had, and I just love you so much, girl. Please say yes."

Beth's eyes widened and she couldn't help smiling, feeling tears coming to her eyes.

"R…really? Oh…of course I will!"

Sasha clapped her hands and hugged her again. Then she sat back down on her cot.

"Yes! So…anyway…tell me…any men in your life lately?"

Beth couldn't help blushing yet again as she thought of The Governor…and just how oddly _wonderful_ his hand had felt on her arm last week…but she shook it off as best she could.

But of course, nothing went unnoticed by Sasha.

Eyes widening, beginning to smile, she said, "Beth! Oh. My. God. Tell me who he is! Right now! Right now!"

Beth shook herself, cursing herself for always blushing over _everything. _

"Ah…he…he's nobody," she said. "And…and besides…he'd…he so doesn't…wouldn't feel the same. Not for a girl who looks like me."

Her stomach plummeted again as she thought of the reality of that…the very real truth of that…but then she shook herself. Really, it would be for the best, would it not? They…they would never work out anyway…and…and besides…_why would she want them to?_

"_You can't deny it!" _She flinched at the familiar taunt.

Sasha sat up, flabbergasted. "Girl, you're crazy! Have you ever even looked in a mirror? You're gorgeous! I'm surprised you haven't had to beat all the Woodbury guys your own age off with a stick! Whoever the guy is here who has your heart, believe me, the feeling's mutual, Beth!"

Beth laughed a little, looking down. "Right. I'm nowhere near as beautiful as you, or Maggie…or anyone."

Sasha softly hit her with a bright red pillow. "Beth! Ugh! Yes you are! And trust me…whoever your mystery man is…he definitely feels the same."

Beth blushed softly yet again. And then, smiling, Sasha said, "Well…that's alright. I'm sure I'll just find out eventually!"

Beth laughed again, and soon enough the pair of them were talking about regular things like usual.

And then, suddenly, Sasha's eyes lit up. "And oh! Beth, that reminds me! Look at all of _this_!"

She reached down below her cot and pulled out a huge box completely stocked to the brim with makeup…Beth couldn't believe her eyes.

There was colorful, beautiful crystal bottles of nail polish, brand new and still sealed, blush, lip gloss and lipstick, liquid concealer, face powder, eyeliner, mascara, eyeshadow, both sparkle encrusted and regular, _and _even bottles of hairspray.

"Oh my gosh! Where…where did you get all of that?"

Sasha grinned. "Last group supply run! There was this drugstore and I thought, hell, why not look! I've been hoarding it. I've been thinking…we should all have a Girls Night here one night! Do makeovers! You, me, Carol, Maggie, and whatever other girls want to do it."

Beth laughed, still in delight over things she never thought she'd see again. "Of course," she said happily. "I'd love to!"

Just then, Michonne passed them.

Sasha called out to her. "Michonne! You in for a Girls Night?" she asked, shaking the box.

The other woman stopped and simply stared in disgust, and her expression said it all.

"No thanks…I'd rather vomit."

And then she left.

Beth and Sasha couldn't help laughing at her predictable reaction.

"Ah, well. Can't win them all."

Carol passed next, carrying a basket of laundry.

"Carol! Are _you _in for a Girls Night?"

Carol stopped and her eyes widened at the box.

"Wow…you sure got lucky! And hell…sure…why not?" she said, shrugging.

"Ed never allowed me to wear makeup, or paint my nails…so you know what, I'm going to do it just to spite him, the bastard. I'm thinking a nice bright red," she said, smirking, and Beth couldn't help laughing.

"See you guys later," she said, smiling, before going to the washroom.

Sasha put the box under her cot again.

Beth said, "I can't wait!"

Sasha replied, "You and me both. We just have to talk to the others and plan a day. And there's plenty in here…we can all split the riches between us all."

Beth couldn't help clapping her hands. "It'll be so nice to feel like a girl again," she said, laughing.

Just then, Rick ran in, smiling at her, and put his hand on her arm.

"Beth! There you are! C'mon…we need you out there…I've been lookin' all over for you! Ditchin' us already?"

Beth's eyes widened, as she had completely forgotten it was…as their little elite group liked to call it…"Planting Day."

"Oh my gosh, Rick! I'm so sorry…I completely forgot."

Rick laughed and squeezed her arm. "It's alright, Beth. But I don't know if you can wear my hat today…that was a pretty huge transgression."

Beth laughed and turned to Sasha. "I guess that's my cue!"

Sasha laughed as well, rolling her eyes in mock exasperation, stuffing fruit snacks into her mouth. "You guys are so weird!"

Beth turned to Rick and shrugged. "Can't win them all!"

* * *

That evening, Beth quietly got up to use the bathroom. Afterward, as she washed her hands and looked in the mirror, still smiling from all the memories of the day, as it really had been an enjoyable day, her face fell as she took in her reflection.

Sasha's words revisited her mind, but as before, she didn't believe them.

She wasn't beautiful, as her mother had been…or Maggie…or any of her female friends in high school. She wasn't…and, though she felt embarrassed, and felt crazy…she couldn't help wishing that she _was _beautiful…and that she was beautiful, at least in some way, to _him…_

She blushed again. Remembering the photograph she had seen of The Governor's wife and Penny, on one of her very first visits, again, she felt her heart plummet.

His wife had been beautiful. Of course, Beth knew she had had a wonderful personality, for him to fall in love with her like he had… And it was so very sad the poor woman's life had ended so early…And she couldn't stop herself from feeling more great pangs of sympathy, not only even more for The Governor, but for his wife too, who had died at such a young age, and who had been so good, as well as Penny, the poor little girl having had to adjust to life without a mother at such a young age…

Feeling even more heartbroken for all three of them, she couldn't help shaking her head in sadness. It honestly was a tragedy. And one of the cruelest.

_Yet…his wife had been smart…pretty…talented…interesting…everything she, Beth Greene, wasn't…his wife had been actually _worthy of him…

She shook herself, then.

_Why did she care so much, what she looked like to him? Why?_

And then she grew angry. She was being so sick and downright childish, just then, comparing herself to a poor dead woman that hadn't deserved to die so young…what in the world was wrong with her?

Yet…as Beth stared at herself in the mirror again, her genuine anger at herself resided, and she couldn't help herself from crumbling yet again.

She just couldn't help it…she didn't understand it, but she _did _care about how she looked to him…she could deny it all she wanted, but somehow, she did…and she just wanted to be seen as beautiful…not only in general, but to The Governor…to just, even for one glorious day, to be Cinderella at the ball, to him…and not before it…to not have it be after midnight whenever she visited him, after the magic had long since worn off, and she was, once again, reduced to rags…

She rubbed her cheeks, hating how pale she was. Why, even poor, abused Cinderella's trademark ashes on her face would be an improvement…

Biting her lip, she simply stole one last glance at her reflection, before going back to bed.

"_You can't deny it!"_

* * *

Beth breathed in deep as she pulled up outside Woodbury, again feeling anxious for whatever state she might find him in…

As she got out and double-checked to make sure the supplies were still safely in the truck, her mind was not on them.

As she entered the gate and secured it behind her, as she allowed herself to imagine the possibilities, her blood ran cold and her head, oddly, was whirring.

_What if he was dead…or…somehow, even worse, if possible…had been Bit?_

Her stomach twisted itself into knots, and her entire being grew even colder, as she allowed herself to imagine, and think of, the worst…

And, as always, The Walker entered her vision yet again, the words even more upsetting to her already agitated mental state.

"_You _know_ why you care about him…you _know_ why you're feeling this way, now… but as if he'd want _you…_"_

Beth forced the offending words out as best she could, simply making herself turn her mind into a blank slate…but to no avail.

_A Bite Mark, red and vicious and gruesome, adorning his chest…or maybe his neck…he'd be pale and sweating, his voice soft when she arrived…But of course he would act as though nothing was wrong…_ He'd never, ever tell her if God forbid he ever would be Bit…he wouldn't tell anyone…she had come to know him well enough as the weeks passed that he would not tell a soul if he ever was in pain, or needed comfort, as he did not think he deserved it…and again she felt heartbreak for him, despite her immense, crushing fear, in that moment…

The heartbreak seemed to crush her, along with so many other feelings as she thought of him…

_She could still feel the gentle squeeze he'd left on her arm the week before, and she felt weak as she imagined it…_

_His heartbreaking expression and disbelief as she'd uttered her speech to him on their last visit…_

_And he did have the most beautiful smile, whenever he was happy…_

_And…that wonderful scent, so uniquely him…of ivory soap and…_

Beth shook herself, heart stuttering yet again as she envisioned the reality of something ever really happening to him…

_Why did she care so much about his well-being? Why…why was the thought of something happening to him so scary and terrifying and upsetting? Why did she feel the reality of it would crush her, if ever it happened?_

She heard the voice again, gleeful and hissing.

_"But you _know_ why you do…you _know_ why it is…You can't deny it!"_

Beth took a deep breath, slowing her steps.

_"You're evil just like him…twisted just like him… you really are perfect for one another…you're both monsters, and there is something wrong with you for thinking the way you do about him…caring about him…"_

And then Beth shook herself. No. There was nothing wrong with him, or with her…she truly knew he was not evil…and she wasn't…and there was nothing wrong with seeing the good man he truly was, instead of what she had only thought existed, for so very long…

Beginning to walk at a normal pace again, forcing the words out of her mind as best she could, she still again felt fear as she pictured his physical condition…

Finally, she reached his door, and knocked, her heart in her throat.

Her heart still pounded. She forced herself to breathe in deep.

And…finally, it opened, and once again, he was safe and well, before her.

Her knees went weak a little in relief.

Yet…he did not smile, as he looked at her…though his expression was far from unkind. No…he simply looked shocked, as he had at the end of her speech last week, and she couldn't help from reddening just a little as she remembered her words…though she didn't regret them. Not in the slightest…

He softly spoke. "Hey," he said gently. "I'm glad you came, Beth. I was worried about you."

Again, her heart skipped one beat, and she couldn't help herself from feeling just a little weak.

Beth smiled. "H…Hi, Philip," she said, now a little shy, despite her happiness at his words, and, even more, the very real fact that he was still alive…still healthy…still…

Not dead.

Beth spoke, then. "How was your week?"

Silence, before he answered, and then he did. "Good. I hope your week was fine, too, Beth."

She nodded. "It…it was," she said, trying not to let herself fall back into despair as she remembered the night she'd cried over Shawn and her mother.

Yes…all things considered, despite the pain she'd felt that night, it had been a wondrous week, one filled with laughter and friends and happiness.

Yet…suddenly she grew self-conscious, her earlier happiness and relief disintegrating, as again, she was cruelly reminded of just how awful she no doubt looked, just then…Her hair in her ponytail had to be all frizzy now, from the heat and humidity, and she probably smelled awful…and her yellow tank top and ripped jeans, though comfortable, were far from in good condition…

Her cheeks burned in mortification, and suddenly she wanted to run away.

Beth looked down, wishing she'd at least chosen a better outfit to wear…but then she looked up again as she heard his voice.

"Well, I'm sorry. Come in. Please," he said, and she couldn't help the sudden tide of butterflies from hitting her stomach, again, as she realized just how close she would be to him, for their entire visit.

She did so, then, and she sat.

Beth watched him close the door behind them, and she couldn't help taking in his form more thoroughly.

He was wearing a red t-shirt and tan pants today, and thankfully, to her relief, the cut on his cheek from last week looked much better, though it was still healing. His hair looked slightly messy, but he still looked neat, as always.

She spoke, noticing how he still wasn't talking. A quick glance around the room revealed his bed still was unmade, which was strange.

Maybe he wasn't as fine as he said he was…

Anxiety hit her again, but she tried to ignore it.

"Philip? Are…are you alright? It seems like…like somethin's botherin' you…I…I can leave, if you don't want me…"

The Governor looked at her, then, and somehow, as before, she couldn't help the bubbly, happy feeling she got inside at his words.

"Oh god, Beth…it's not you…believe me. I'm sorry if you got the impression that I don't want…that's not the case, believe me. I…I'm sorry, I'm just kind of tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night…and I just woke up a little bit ago."

Beth still looked at him…he did look a little tired, it was true, but still healthy, to her further relief…

"Are…are you sure that's all?" she asked.

He didn't answer. Her stomach walls clenched in panic.

Beth tried again. "I…I get the…the feelin' that you…you're…bothered by somethin' or…"

He shook his head, sitting down. The Governor looked down at the brown wood of the table, resting his elbows on it.

And finally, he looked at her. His voice was still quite soft, as he spoke, but she was so transfixed and shocked by his words everything else seemed to fade far away.

"Well…if you want the truth…I…I just wanted to…to say this, Beth. I…I haven't been able to get what you said to me last week out of my mind, and I…I still don't believe any of it, but…I…I don't know…I just feel…I still feel…I'll always feel guilty around you, and I…I just can't believe you really think all of that about me…and I…just…thank you, Beth. Really. You don't know…how much it meant to hear all of that, though I know full well I'll never believe it."

Sorrow flooded her again, and Beth couldn't help speaking again.

"Hey…you…you don't need to feel guilty around me…you don't. I…I meant what I said…I do honestly forgive you. Truly."

He nodded a little, looking down again. "I still don't deserve your forgiveness, Beth. I really don't."

Her heart broke a little bit for him, watching him. And, suddenly, Beth found herself getting up, and walking around the table towards him. Her heart pounded at their close proximity, though she tried to ignore it.

The Governor honestly looked even more shocked, and timidly, she put a hand on his right arm. It was delightfully warm…

"Hey," she said softly and soothingly. "Philip…yes you do. And you…you gotta stop thinkin' the worst about yourself all of the time…it truly is the saddest thing. You…you are a good man…I really do think so. And I know…I know it probably sounds crazy, and insane, and miraculous…. especially to you…but I…I do honestly forgive you for absolutely everythin' you did…I…I know, now, that the man who did all those things wasn't the real you. And…I…I know I said it last week, but I'll say it again…you do deserve forgiveness, and to be alive. You…you do."

The minutes ticked away, and then Beth realized her hand was still on his arm. She could feel the blush hitting her face again, and removed it.

The Governor was still staring at her, his shock even plainer to see, and then he spoke again.

"You truly do amaze me, Beth. Th…thank you."

Again, her stomach flipped, but she made herself smile, before going to sit back down.

"Don't mention it." Her words hung in the air, bringing back memories of their parting last week…and again, she felt his warm hand on her arm…

Beth simply looked down, then, averting her eyes, focusing on her worn tennis shoe. But, then, she heard him talk again.

The Governor got up, and said, "I'm sorry…I didn't get you anythin' Beth…did you want anythin' to eat or drink?"

Beth smiled a little, both in amusement, and at the fact that he seemed to be back to normal, again.

"No…it's alright. Really…you don't have to get me anythin'…."

But he still came back with a bottle of water anyway.

He handed it to her, and she smiled. Thankfully, he smiled a little, too, before going to sit back down again.

Her heart jumped at the sight, though she tried to ignore it as best she could.

And then he spoke again. His gentle smile grew, and he laughed. "God…I don't know why in the hell I wasn't able to fall asleep last night…I really am sorry if I say somethin' stupid…I don't mean it, really."

Beth smiled, and couldn't help laughing herself. "It's alright, Philip…I understand. I…I can leave, if you want to go to sleep…"

And again, as before, she felt her stomach flip at his words.

He grew serious, and shook his head. "Oh, no, Beth…it's fine…I'd much rather talk to you."

Beth felt her face grow hot yet again as always, yet she couldn't help smiling, feeling even more touched.

She looked down, concentrating on opening her bottle. "Thank you," she said.

Beth looked up again at him, and he spoke again.

"No…thank you for comin' all the time," he said softly. "I…like I said, I'll never understand why you would want to spend time with me, of all people…but I truly am grateful for it, Beth."

The sweetness of his words almost made her melt, but thankfully she was able to regain her composure rather quickly. And, thankfully, he seemed to notice nothing.

So Beth cleared her throat and spoke, knowing it would distract her.

"So…you said your week was good. I hope you've been feelin' fine, despite bein' tired," she said.

The Governor shook his head. "I have been…but I hope you've been feelin' fine, too."

Beth nodded. "I…I have been. Th…thank you," she said, despite feeling sorrow yet again as she thought of Shawn and her mother.

Yet, she shook it off.

He spoke again. "It sure has been cold at night," he said. "It's truly ridiculous…it's so warm durin' the day and like winter when the sun goes down."

Beth nodded her agreement. "It really is awful," she said. "I can't stand it sometimes."

The Governor spoke again. "Do you have enough blankets and everythin'? I'll gladly give you some extra ones if you need more."

And she couldn't help laughing a little, feeling even more touched. "I…I'm fine. Truly, Philip, but thank you."

Looking at the fireplace and gesturing, she said, joking, "But I wouldn't say no to one of those! Does it still work?"

He smiled. "I'm sure I could get it to if I really fiddled with it one night. I know…sometimes I want it to work, too."

Beth nodded.

"But of course, I thank my lucky stars every night I still got the toilet to work flawlessly, and the shower especially, so I really can't complain…believe me, you would not want to come here if I didn't at least have that."

And, again, she couldn't help imagining him in the shower…undressing…and Beth couldn't stop herself from blushing a little, though she smiled.

"Oh…I still would," she said, her smile growing. "Honestly, you should smell the inside of the prison sometimes…even Walkers would smell better in comparison."

The Governor laughed a little. "I still don't think you would, but that's very kind."

Beth couldn't help from laughing herself. "So…aside from bein' tired, you're ok? Did your runs go alright? I hope they did."

He nodded, leaning back a little. "Yes, they did. I hope yours have been goin' alright, too. I hope you haven't run into any trouble."

Beth nodded. "Honestly, I've been rather lucky…it's nice."

The Governor spoke again, scooting in a little more, and, across the table, she could again, smell that wonderful ivory scent, belonging solely to him…

She shook herself.

"I meant what I said, though…I could just give you supplies of my own. I don't mind. And I know I've said that, before, but…"

But Beth shook her head, though she was undeniably touched.

"Th…thank you, very much, Philip…but…honestly, I like doin' it all myself and earnin' them myself…it…it makes me feel useful. And I…it makes me feel like I'm actually doin' somethin' _worthwhile_, for once."

She looked at him again, and he was simply staring at her, wordlessly. He shook his head a little.

"Beth…I'll say it again. Whatever you may think about yourself, which isn't true, by the way, you aren't useless or weak. And your family knows that, too…believe me."

She couldn't help more color from flushing her cheeks at his words, nor, too, the jolt of happiness she got inside at his words…

And she also couldn't help from feeling touched, yet again…and she almost, almost, allowed herself to believe his words.

She shook her head a little, looking down, though she smiled. "Th…thank you very much, but…I still don't feel like I'm useful. Well…really…at least in Maggie's eyes," she said.

"She…she'll always view me as a useless little girl…I know that much. But…thank you," she said, looking at him again, smile growing.

Yet The Governor slowly shook his head again, once again speaking softly.

"She doesn't think that…I'm sure of it."

Beth shrugged, though she was still smiling. "Then I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that one," she said. "But thank you."

He nodded.

He spoke again. "Have you been eatin' fine? If you need or want any extra food, let me know, too."

Beth shook her head. "Thank you, but I'm fine. We have plenty of food…I just hope you have enough."

The Governor smiled a little. "Yep…all the nastiest tastin' food I'm lucky enough to find…it's fantastic," he said.

She laughed.

"Well…I'm bein' too harsh…not everythin' I find is terrible…most of it is really good, surprisingly…but I think the worst thing is findin' somethin' that looks good, only to have it be too stale."

Beth nodded. "Yeah…I really wish food lasted forever," she said.

"You and me both. Well, at least it's better than not havin' any food at all."

A comfortable silence fell, again, and Beth took a drink of water. And, she couldn't help noticing the contrast to her demeanor now compared to their earliest meetings…she was not afraid anymore. Or uncomfortable…

Oddly, the change did not bother her, though she knew it would have early on.

She looked up, then, still only wanting to learn more about him, and his life. It really was quite easy talking to him…very easy if she was being honest…and so very, very interesting…

Beth said, "I…I hope I'm not bein' rude, but I wouldn't mind learnin' even more about your life before this…everythin' you've told me before has been very interestin' and I truly mean that."

Inwardly she cringed, knowing just how awful that sounded…but thankfully, he didn't seem bothered, or offended by her words.

The Governor only shrugged a little. "Honestly I'm not very interestin' at all, but thank you, Beth. All the things you've told me about you actually are interestin' to hear about. But I'll tell you more, if you want me to."

She couldn't help but smile, though she still felt a little guilty.

"Oh, you don't have to, Philip…not if you don't want to…"

But he only shook his head. "It's fine. But I wouldn't do this for just anyone, I'll have you know."

He smiled, letting her know he was only joking, and she couldn't help smiling back.

"Well…I told you I broke my arm twice…so I'll tell you how it happened both times. They're actually pretty entertainin' stories…at least the first one is…but of course it wasn't fun for me, but I think that goes without sayin,' honestly."

Beth smiled again. "Oh goodness…now I'm almost scared."

He grinned a little. "Ok…well…the first time, I was campin' with my buddies up in the woods the summer before our senior year of college. We were all kind of bein' dumbasses, really…but it was just us. And I was actually really excited to go, because, since we were all weirdos, especially me, we'd chosen to go to a place up in Fairburn that's supposed to be haunted…Peter's Woods. Our campsite was at another camp but we drove down there one night just to spend the whole night there and just walk around, see if we encountered anythin'. That place is huge."

Beth smiled.

"Oh gosh I've heard all about that place…Shawn always wanted to get me to go there with his friends and him…but I was always too scared. You were never scared goin' there?"

The Governor smiled again. "Honestly, I've told you how I'm just a morbid person…ever since I was little I've always just liked Halloween and scary movies and books and all of that…heck, every time I went to the library I'd just check out tons of ghost story books when I was in elementary school. My mother always was very concerned about it," he said, smiling affectionately as he remembered.

"But they never scared me…I just always found them very entertainin' and fascinatin'…they were a lot better than all of those borin' books they made us read in school, after all," he said, smiling at her, and Beth couldn't help smiling again.

"And besides, what we did that one night is nothin'…my buddies and I would always go to supposedly haunted places and check them out once the sun went down on weekends or when we didn't have school…we all had no lives, I tell you," he said.

"Everyone else went to Florida for spring break, we went ghost huntin'…we really did have no lives. Especially me."

Beth's smile grew. "Oh, I know that's not true," she said.

The Governor grinned a little. "Heck, this one weekend, we stayed in an abandoned insane asylum…but that's a story for another time."

Her interest piqued, she said, "Oh…alright. Well, anyway…how did you break your arm?"

He laughed a little, leaning back. "Oh, god…well…I drove us down there. There was eight of us. And we waited until like eleven or so…anyway, in addition to the woods, there's a huge cemetery smack dab in the middle. And like I said, it's rumored to be very haunted…so anyway, we all have our flashlights and things. We'd gotten fast food before goin' there, so we were just finishin' while we waited. Eleven hits, and we're all walkin' into the woods. We're lookin' around, and time passes. It was kinda windy, though, but other than that, it was normal as could be. Cold…but normal."

The Governor's smile grew. "Alright, I'm hearin' myself and I know how borin' this sounds right now, so I'll just get to the good part."

Beth couldn't help laughing. "No! It's fine…really. I'm not bored," she said.

"So we'd been walkin' for awhile and I'd say it'd been about an hour…well, it started pourin' buckets, unexpectedly, so we decided to go back. We were all runnin' and we came back through the cemetery, and I ended up trippin' and crackin' my arm right on some poor deceased person's gravestone…I can still hear the crunch," he said, shaking his head, though he smiled.

"Damn did that hurt…well…long story short, that's how. And we went to the hospital and I couldn't use my right arm for eight weeks. That was fun."

Beth laughed again, though still feeling sympathy for him. "Oh, that's terrible! I hope it didn't hurt you too bad."

He shook his head, smiling. "Well it did, but it could have been worse…but I never heard the end of that. They always said it was surprisin' I didn't break the grave, it was so old. And I couldn't stop laughin' because they'd always make fun of just how loudly I swore when it happened, too. And I did…believe me. But it's alright…one of our other buddies literally shit his pants when we went to this other supposedly haunted place, so we never let him hear the end of that."

Beth shook her head, smiling. "My goodness."

"We really were just assholes to each other but we all loved each other. I think," he said, gently smiling again, and she couldn't help laughing at his joke.

"Well…did you see anythin'?" she asked.

The Governor shook his head. "No…we ended up goin' back another night after I healed and stayed the whole night…didn't see anythin…' but we did hear things and see little things at least at other places. I don't know…I just never got scared. I've always been fascinated by the paranormal. Heck, sometimes when I had nothin' to do and nobody was free I'd go to places by myself. It always was fun to me. Lame as that sounds," he said, still smiling.

Beth nodded. "That's not lame…that's actually very interestin'…I mean, not that I'd do any of that…I'd truthfully be too terrified…but that is very interestin' to learn about you."

The Governor shook his head. "You know you don't have to lie, Beth," he said, gently grinning.

"I can take the truth."

Beth shook her head, smiling herself. "I'm not! Honestly," she said.

He laughed a little, and then said, "Well…the second time isn't nearly as special. We were all drinkin' and one of our buddies had a trampoline and I did a flip…I landed it, but then I fell off and broke the same arm again. Lucky me."

She laughed. "Well…at least you didn't break anythin' else," she said, and he nodded.

"That's true."

Beth said, "I've never broken a bone before…I guess I'm just lucky that way."

The Governor smiled at her. "Trust me…it is not fun, Beth."

She said, "I know when I volunteered at the hospital people would always ask me to sign their casts…I always thought it was weird, considerin' I didn't know any of them. Not that I didn't feel touched…but some of them were just so nice I couldn't say no."

The Governor said, "That doesn't surprise me in the least, Beth."

She couldn't help smiling a little, shyly, and looked down again. She took another sip of water, concentrating on the taste, knowing it would distract her.

"But honestly? The worst part both times was the itchin'…it was like agony. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to rip the cast off."

Beth smiled. "I can only imagine. I know this one time I sprained my ankle after figure skatin' one time, but it healed relatively quickly. But gosh did that hurt too."

"What about you…any excitin' stories to tell? I'm sure there're many," he said, smiling at her.

Beth laughed a little, blushing. "I'm not a very interestin' person…believe me."

His answer gave her pause. "Well, I think you are," he said, looking at her.

Her cheeks got a little hotter, as his blue gaze held hers. No…he wasn't joking or smiling…he honestly was serious.

"I really do, Beth."

Her blush grew, and somehow, her stomach swirled. But she laughed.

"Well…thank you…but alright. I know this one time, Shawn came and woke me up one night and he was scared as could be. It was late, and he told me to not wake Daddy or Mama, so I knew it was serious. And I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but he just told me to get dressed and come with him. So I did," she said, laughing again at the memory.

"So we went outside, and we got in his car and just drove. I was just scared, so I just asked him to tell me what was wrong. And, he wouldn't. So we just stayed out for like two hours."

She couldn't help shaking her head. "Well, I found out the next mornin' that the whole reason he was so scared was because he and his friends had toilet-papered this old man's house…he was really cranky, and he went to our church. He wasn't nice to talk to, but he left you alone if you left him alone. But the thing was, he'd come out with a shotgun and threatened to shoot all of them…so that's why he was so scared. And at eighteen, too! I thought maybe he'd killed someone," she said.

Looking at him again, she said, "But, see? That really was a rather dumb and pointless story, now that I think about it, so I just proved my point."

But he shook his head, grinning. "No…that was interestin' to hear, at least I think so."

Beth shrugged, cheeks flaming again. "Well, I'm not, but that's nice to hear anyway."

Looking at him again, she said, "I always wanted to be a nurse, though, if this world would still have been normal. That would have been a great job for me, and very rewardin' to do for a career. I've always liked helpin' people."

The Governor nodded. "I could see you as a nurse…you certainly are excellent at treatin' wounds," he said, holding up his hand, and she was reminded of how she had bandaged his hand at their very first meeting.

She smiled. "Thank you, but I really don't think so."

He smiled gently. "You really need to have more confidence in yourself, Beth. Really."

She felt her cheeks grow hot once again and she couldn't help smiling again.

"Honestly, thank you very much, but I guess I'm just used to Maggie always treatin' me like a child. But thank you again…it really means a lot to hear."

"Well you shouldn't let her get to you…you're not a child, Beth. At least…at least I don't think so," he said softly, and somehow the way he said the last words made her heart stutter again.

_Was she imagining the small, almost imperceptible crack in his voice? Or the small…almost change in it?_

She thought, and then shook herself. Of course she was, and, looking at him, he did not look affected or anything of the sort…so she knew she was not only crazy, but likely delusional…

Yet Beth said, just as softly, "Well thank you, Philip. Very much. That…that really means a lot."

He nodded. "Well I'm glad," he said.

Beth took another drink and then spoke again.

"So…I was surprised. It turns out on one of the last group runs, they got a ton of makeup! I couldn't believe it. I can't wait to try it all out," she said.

He laughed. "Well I hope you enjoy that, Beth."

"Have you ever got lucky and found some good stuff like that? I hope so."

The Governor shook his head. "No…sadly, alcohol and Stephen King novels continue to elude me. I got some more coffee though…so that's good."

Beth laughed, remembering how he liked black coffee. "Well…even though it's disgustin' as can be, I hope you enjoy that, too, Philip," she said.

He smiled a little in reply. "I will."

And then he spoke again. "Actually, god…Penny always used to love bein' a princess for Halloween every year…it was the cutest thing. And I got pretty good at applyin' makeup for her, too, if she needed me to. But see, there I go again…I'm damagin' my masculinity," he said.

She laughed. "That's adorable. I'm sure she was just the cutest little thing. But hey…it'd only damage your masculinity if you wore makeup, too."

He leaned his head back, laughing. "She was, believe me. And God…actually she'd always want me to wear makeup and put it on me, and I'd just have to explain to her that Daddy was a guy and didn't like that stuff. She never seemed to understand. She'd just get so sad. And I just always felt so terrible and guilty, so I compromised and let her put bows in my hair sometimes. And…hell…sometimes I'd relent and let her. I always washed it off right away, though. I don't know how you women can wear that stuff."

Beth couldn't help her smile from growing, imagining the sweetness of it. "That's sweet. Truly."

She said, "Gosh, I remember my friends and I would always do makeovers at sleepovers…and me and Maggie and my Mama would always do them, too."

More sorrow touched her, as she remembered her mother, and Shawn, but she pushed it down. No…not now…

But he seemed to notice. "Hey, you alright?"

Beth made herself smile. "Yeah…yeah. I am…don't worry about me."

Yet he didn't seem convinced, and she made her smile even wider.

"Hey, Beth…if somethin's botherin' you, you can talk about it. I know…I know how painful it is to lose people you love," he said.

Even more sympathy for him hit her. But she made herself smile again.

"Thank you, so much, but I…I'm fine. Really. But thank you. And I…I do know you know. I know I've said it before, but I…I am very sorry for your losses, as well, Philip. Truly."

Yes…somehow, in that moment, she did feel ok. True, the sorrow would probably hit her late again at night, when she was alone, but somehow, she did feel fine, there, with him…She truly, truly did.

He simply looked at her. "Alright…and thank you again, Beth."

Beth nodded. "Don't mention it."

Changing the subject, she said, "I do miss bakin' a lot, though…I always used to like it whenever it was rainin' on Sundays and there was nothin' to do. Did you ever cook?"

The Governor nodded. "Yeah…if I have to admit it, I always was a pretty decent cook…not that it was my favorite thing to do on days I felt lazy. So I'd usually just order food," he said. "Especially when I lived on my own."

Beth laughed a little. "Well nothin' wrong with that."

He smiled. "I guess not…I mean it's not like I never worked out. I've actually always been slender naturally…which honestly surprises me, considerin' all of the crap and junk food I've willingly put into my body my whole life. Brian was always kind of chubby though, at least when we were kids. He used to get teased when we were in elementary school, so let's just say I had some words with the kids who were doin' it."

Beth smiled. "That's sweet."

The Governor laughed. "One time he said it should have been him defendin' me from bullies, considerin' he was two years older than me…but I didn't mind. But once we hit high school, he got slim finally, and became quite the lady's man."

Silence again, and then he spoke, his sorrow clear. "I still remember the day he died. I got the call at school…I raced home and I almost didn't believe it. I was eighteen…I don't know. I was just always convinced I'd always have him."

Her heart broke a little more for him. "I'm so sorry, Philip. Believe me…I…I know what's it like to lose a brother."

Beth's voice grew soft at the end, as she was once again plunged into sorrow, and now he seemed stricken.

"Yes…you do. I'm very sorry for you, Beth…I shouldn't have brought him up…"

But she shook her head. "No…no. It's fine. Believe me."

She said, "Go on, if you want to talk more. It doesn't bother me. Honest."

The Governor seemed to pause, and then he tousled his hair a little.

"I remember his funeral so well…it was a hot summer day and I just needed to get out of the house afterward. My daddy was bein' extra unbearable, and I just couldn't take it. So I went back to his grave and just sat, the whole night. Cried my eyes out. And I was just so mad I wanted to just punch somethin' so I ended up punchin' a tree. It didn't make me feel better, but it was somethin' to do."

As she pictured it, she again felt her heart twist in pain and unimaginable sympathy for him.

"Just…twenty was too young of an age for him to die at. And I just remember thinkin' why he couldn't be saved, especially since it was from somethin' as treatable as an asthma attack…it just pissed me off. And I know this will sound really awful, but…honestly, I remember wishin' it had been my daddy who'd died, instead of him. It honestly would have been a blessin,'" he said softly.

Beth shook her head, her voice gentle. "No…that's very understandable. Truly."

"My mother took it hard, too…but my daddy didn't seem to care. Not that that honestly surprised me."

Her brows furrowed in further sympathy.

He shook his head, then. "Well…it comforted me knowin' that at least he was in a better place. And at least…at least he isn't here to see the hell this world has become."

Beth nodded. "Well he is in a better place. Believe me."

He smiled a little. "You really are hard to not believe, Beth."

She couldn't help smiling a little as well, feeling her heart skip yet again as his gaze held hers.

He cleared his throat, then, changing the subject once more.

"But god…you'd have been horrified at my eatin' habits, especially when I lived on my own after college," he said, laughing.

"I mean…I still ate healthy foods, but honestly one time I put nacho cheese on pizza and ate it. And I'd just eat ice cream right from the container and put peanut butter in with it sometimes with chocolate sauce…come to think of it I was pretty gross," he said.

Beth smiled gently. "So you were a young typical male who had unhealthy eatin' habits…that's really not surprisin' at all," she gently teased.

His smile grew. "Yeah…but then again, most of my buddies were even worse than me, so I feel better thinkin' about it," he said.

Beth said, "Oh…fine. I'll confess. This one time, I ate the entire pan of peanut butter cookies I made in one night. The entire pan…I felt so guilty."

She laughed. "That was a low point in my life, I assure you."

His smile grew. "Well you sure don't look like it."

Beth blushed a little, looking down. "Yeah…I've always been slender, too. But that doesn't mean I'll turn down good food if there is any!"

The Governor said, "Well, I like that. So many women don't want to eat because they think they'll get fat…it's honestly ridiculous. It's refreshin."

Beth nodded. "Well what can I say…we are our own toughest critics," she said.

He laughed again.

"I'll never understand why."

She smiled again, taking another drink of water, and his response, again, made her smile grow even wider.

"But honestly, it really is disgustin'…I probably ate enough Chinese food and pizza and burgers and chicken and French fries and crap to feed a small village in Africa. I was awful. My mother would always call me and check how I was doin' and I'd just lie sayin' I was eatin' only my fruits and vegetables," he said.

"I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth…and then whenever I'd pick her up to come and visit me I'd just hide the evidence."

Beth laughed a little.

"But really, I'll never understand that…one of our buddies almost never ate out and he was kind of overweight, but here I ate out all the time and I was always super skinny and never gained weight…my mother always thought I was too thin. She'd always cook me stuff or send me stuff in the mail, sayin' I had to eat more…I guess I'm just lucky."

She smiled. "Well that's good."

He smiled again. "Yet another thing about the world I will never understand."

Beth smiled, too.

A comfortable silence hit again, and, looking out the window, she could tell it was sunset.

The sight, oddly, made her stomach plummet in disappointment, though she shook it off as best she could.

He noticed, too, and said, "I'll walk you out."

And so they began their usual trek to the gate, and the warm wind was blowing gently.

Upon reaching it, he opened it, but then paused again.

"Beth? I…" He seemed hesitant to speak, at first, but soon continued anyway.

"I…really. I…just…thank you again, for everythin' you said last week…so much. It…it really did mean the world to me," he said softly.

The Governor gently touched her arm again, and Beth felt her knees grow a little weak.

But he pulled back, and she only shook her head, trying to make herself clear her mind.

"You don't need to thank me, Philip. I meant every single word of what I said," she said.

Yet he shook his own head. "No…No. I do need to thank you…believe me. But…thank you again, truly, and I hope you have a safe trip back, and a wonderful week. And…I hope if anythin's botherin' you, you'll feel better soon, Beth."

His gaze held hers, and quite honestly, the sweetness of his words could have made her eyes water.

_He truly was so kind…and not a monster at all. And, even more, she felt her decision to forgive him had been right. It truly did feel right…_

Beth smiled. "I…I will. But…thank you, Philip, and I…the same goes for you. I hope you get some sleep," she said.

He grinned a little. "I plan on it," he said, nodding.

Yet as she continued to watch him, her smile fell, just a little, and she grew serious…and his smile gradually fell, too, the look in his blue eye never changing as he looked at her…but she shook it off, still feeling her heart pounding.

She made herself smile again, hoping that at least it didn't look too artificial…and then he simply nodded once again.

"Have a wonderful week, Beth," he said softly, and she nodded as well.

"You too, Philip," she said softly, and he lifted a hand in gentle farewell, before closing the gate behind her.

Beth still stood there, though, almost unable to move…but then shook herself.

And, the entire ride home, as she got in the truck and ran their visit through her mind, her heart shattered even more for him…

He truly was a good man, despite it all. He truly was kind, and not anything of what she had always thought…and her heart hurt even more as she was reminded that nobody else would ever believe that of him.

No…everyone else at the prison would only ever see him as a monster…a man without a heart… He would only ever be a monster, to them…would only ever be a beast, never worthy of a happy ending and the curse placed upon him finally being lifted…And, he would only ever be a Death Eater to them, forever defined by the black, angry skull and serpent tattoo forever burned into his forearm, and not the man he truly was inside…

As she pictured him, again, his expression as he'd talked about his brother hit her again, and she grew even sadder for him.

Even if everyone else in the world judged him, she would not. And it never was lost on her, the horrendousness of his actions…no…never…but it was clear to her, now, that he truly had not meant them, and had never meant to do them…clear even more so that he truly had lost his mind, after Penny. And she knew she would not stop seeing the good in him, even if that made her insane, too.

Yet...she still heard the voice again, gleeful and biting.

"_You can't deny it!"_

* * *

That evening it was still bitterly cold, and she shivered as she laid on her cot, holding the blankets to her, just trying to get warm.

She hoped he was warm, at least, all of those lonely miles away…

And…though it was foolish, and made her blush, she simply allowed herself, even for one foolish moment, to imagine just how warm _he_ would be, just then…just how warm his bare chest would be, his arms holding her gently to him…

_"You can't deny it!"_

But she shook the familiar words off, and soon drifted into sleep.

* * *

_Her hair was down, freed from its usual ponytail, and she was in front of him…She was smiling, so widely, and she could feel herself blushing, but she was so stupidly happy she didn't care…_

_The Governor gently smiled at her, and then he kissed her, making her entire being float with happiness…_

_Yet…gradually…the happy scene darkened. And though she recognized herself, and him, they were not like themselves at all anymore, as they had been just a few moments ago…_

_Now the two of them were both covered in crimson blood, their clothes almost soaked through._

_She was wearing all black, to match him, and she was smirking, a most evil expression on her face…_

_Was that really her?_

_He too was smirking, dark admiration and lust in his eye as he looked at her._

_He came close to her and gently moved a strand of her long blonde hair out of her face…his eye darkening as he did so, and she couldn't help her smirk from growing, her chest panting._

_He brushed her cheek with his thumb, his own smirk returning. And, if possible, the blue in his eye could have been burning red, at that moment._

"_You're comin' along very well, Beth darlin'"_

_Her blue eyes flashed as he caressed her cheek, and her smirk grew. Honestly, her eyes too were almost red…_

"_That's because I have the best teacher. But I'm sure there are other things you can teach me, Philip, that I have yet to master. Show me."_

_She stepped back, then, and removed her black short-sleeve shirt, knowing full well she was braless. Her smirk grew as she saw just how affected he was, by her…_

_Roughly, then, he grabbed her and pulled her flush against him…she let out an appreciative mewl as he kissed her, and then, they broke apart. She pulled on his coat buttons, and he finally took the offensive long black garment off and threw it to the ground._

_Her eyes suddenly all at once turned red, to match his one._

_And one word came to mind: demonic._

_She came forward and pulled at his shirt, and that, too, soon went away. She crooned in appreciation and raked her bare nails down his chest. He kissed her again, almost sweetly this time…and it made her even crazier with want for him…but she was smirking in her head. They didn't do gentle…_

_So after they broke apart she pressed herself against his crotch, rubbing for a few moments. She could feel just how hard his cock was for her in his pants, and couldn't help moaning appreciatively in pleasure at the jolts it sent through her lower half._

_He moaned, too, and then roughly grabbed her again and kissed her, passion and intensity building…and then her smirk grew even more wide as he finally picked her up, then, and carried her to the dark forest edge, feeling herself growing even more aroused…Would it be a tree deep in the forest he'd take her against, the thrill of the threat of Biters around them as they ravished each other too exhilarating to pass up, or would it simply be a dead pile of leaves on the cold hard ground near the forest edge where they already were, as the cold night wind continued to whip around them and they were oblivious to anything but each other?_

_Neither of them bothered to look back, supremely unbothered by the innocent people that had asked the two of them for help earlier that evening they had just slaughtered together, their lifeless eyes unseeing, the fear on all of their faces still palpable._

* * *

She woke then, with a start, and the words hit her again.

"_You're evil just like him…twisted just like him… you really are perfect for one another…you're both monsters…"_

Yet she shook herself. No. No. No. No.

She was not evil. Nor was he…she knew that with all her heart. And that _nightmare_…whatever that had been…could not have been any further from the truth.

Her heart feeling a little lighter at the fact that, for once, her paranoia and anxiety had not gotten the best of her concerning herself and him, Beth finally allowed herself to smile, before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**AH I'm so sorry! I started this way back in October but I just finished it now. I hope this makes up for the absence. I still love this story, rest assured, and updates will be way more frequent. :D**

**And to my lovely guest reviewer (though I love and appreciate you all equally! :D) who said last chapter they wouldn't mind seeing Beth and him do things other than talk...I'm sorry but at this point in the story so far, they really *CAN'T* do anything more than talk. And I'm so sorry for that, I know my conversations are not interesting at all and it's painfully boring every week, but this whole entire story will NOT be her going to visit him and them talking, lol. I promise! The story will eventually begin to pick up, and really it hasn't even begun yet, but rest assured, it will be very long and the plot will eventually begin to move.**

**And finally, if interested, I recently wrote two new oneshots about these two; a sequel to Moonlight Visits and an AU-ishy one in Alexandria where the war with Woodbury happened with another group that was not Rick's, and so Rick's group and Philip never met. I become more happily delusional with each thing I write about Beth and Philip. :D**

**Anyway I hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

The moon was almost obscured by thick black clouds, and the gray, thick, swarming fog that had permeated the air the entire day was still evident as Beth walked outside.

She simply pulled her sweater more tightly around her and closed her eyes and breathed in deep, the cold night air almost burning her lungs.

It was so gloomy and lonely outside, but at least she knew nothing could hurt her within the prison fences…it would be another thing entirely to be out _there_, lost and alone in the miles upon miles of black, swaying trees, and forests…and roads.

She heard an angry gaggle of bats screech close above her, but could not see them as they flew high above the prison fences.

Another cold wind hit, and she shivered.

Closing her eyes yet again, Beth simply stood there, and allowed her thoughts to settle as best they could.

_Just what was he doing at this moment, all of those miles away?_

_Was he sleeping? Going on a supply run? Eating? Just walking and thinking, as she was?_

_Was he lonely?_

She opened her eyes. She couldn't deny it any longer…she knew that if it were possible, at that moment, she would gladly be giving him company during the lonely, cold, gloomy nights…and she felt even sorrier for him as the weeks wore on, at the very real fact that he had nobody at all in the world anymore, and especially so because he truly was not the monster she had always hated before…not the monster that had done all of the monstrous acts that he had committed.

She also couldn't deny that oddly…she wanted to give him company at night…to let him know that at least there was one person in the world who did not loathe him, and cared about him, though she fought it every day…

Beth bit her lip. She also knew that keeping him company at night would be oddly interesting…to see just what he did and how he occupied his time before going to sleep each and every night…and it would be peaceful, even, just he and her, simply talking…or maybe watching the glittering silver stars in the bright black sky…

She blushed. She knew he wouldn't harm her…she knew that as surely as she knew her own name. And…

She shook herself. _And was it wrong that oddly she wanted that?_

She closed her eyes again, leaning against the familiar patch of fence where she and Zach had walked two weeks ago, and stood for a few moments.

_Unbidden, she imagined The Governor…Philip…down there with her, at that very moment, so wonderfully warm against the chill of the night, and him gently caressing her face…and then softly, gently kissing her, his touch still gentle as he pulled her only closer to him…_

_The gloominess of the night ceased to exist, and the biting chill of the winds that whipped against them…She felt so warm, now. So wonderfully warm...and safe…and loved…_

Beth opened her eyes again, her face violently warm even as another icy blast of wind hit.

She simply breathed in deep and continued to walk, blowing on her hands.

"_You can't deny it!"_

* * *

The next evening, Beth was almost in awe as she looked at herself in the mirror she had in her cell, as the bonfire was readied up indoors once again, due to rain.

_Was that beautiful girl staring back at her really her?_

She touched her face, and the stranger in the reflection that looked so very like her touched hers as well.

The makeovers had been wonderfully fun, and Beth had enjoyed helping the little girls with their makeup, as well as braiding their hair. Heck, even Maggie had let her do her makeup, declaring Beth did it better than even she could. Beth still smiled as she remembered.

But Sasha and Maggie and Carol had elected to work their magic on her, despite Beth's shy, modest protests, and she was still in shock.

They had taken her hair out of her usual ponytail and brushed it near a thousand times, before redoing it. A faint pink blush had been applied to her cheeks, and she could still see the shimmer effect woven into it. A fuchsia eye-shadow adorned her eyes, making her eyes pop, and the barest trace of red lipstick completed her look.

It was so simple, true…but Beth preferred simple makeup. She always had. And she couldn't deny…she looked beautiful…

She smiled as she touched her mother's locket, fingering the cold metal.

"I still don't look as good as you always did, Mama, but it sure is an improvement."

Looking down, she laughed a little, as she heard Maggie yell.

"Beth! Get your butt in here. Daryl's goin' to start his ghost story soon."

"I'm comin' Maggie!" she called back.

Glancing one last time at her reflection, she still could not help but linger.

_And was it so very wrong she oddly wished her supply run had been today, instead of tomorrow? That she could have gone looking like this, instead of how she usually did, with no makeup at all?_

She blushed again and then shook herself. No…it wasn't wrong at all. It wasn't.

_"You can't deny it!"_

* * *

The next afternoon was windy and gray, and strangely cold. It was clear storms were going to hit by at least nightfall, but, thankfully, it was not storming yet.

Before leaving for her run, Beth nervously fiddled with herself one last time.

She was wearing jeans and black boots, and a navy-blue sweater. Her mother's necklace was prominent, and she must have redone her hair near a thousand times…

She blushed again. She had applied the same pink shimmer blush from yesterday to her face, and red lipstick. That was all; she hadn't allowed herself any more than that…

Inwardly, she cringed at just how odd it would no doubt look to everyone else; seeing her all dolled up just for a supply run…

But then she shook her head. No. Honestly they could just think she was excited to have makeup and luxuries again… Every girl that had partaken in the makeover session was wearing makeup today after they had all evenly divided it all amongst themselves, not just her…

Shaking herself, she pictured The Governor suddenly, unbidden, and she blushed, and nervous butterflies attacked her insides, at the reality she would soon be with him again…

_Would he like it?_

She simply breathed in deep and then left, before she'd hear the familiar mimicking taunt.

* * *

As usual the run went well, and soon she was walking towards his apartment, her heart near in her mouth…

Excitement was there, too, oddly, but also _happiness_…strange, inexplicable, unmistakable happiness…and…as always…nerves and fear.

_Please…hopefully he would be alright, safe and unharmed again…_

She knocked, suddenly so nervous she pictured running away. But then she steeled herself.

Thankfully, the door opened, and again, he was before her, safe and well and…honestly…smiling, at the sight of her.

Her stomach dropped near three floors, though, at the sight of him.

Today he was wearing a white t-shirt and black pants, and he looked much more well-rested than he had last week…

His brown hair was a little messy, true, but she liked it…and she couldn't help but admire his familiar watch on his right wrist…

His blue eye almost sparkled in the cold, and goodness…

_Why was he so impossibly handsome…?_

"Hey, Beth," he said, inclining his head. "I'm glad you're here."

Beth shook herself, blushing, and smiled as well.

"Me too. How've you been since last week, Philip? I hope you got enough sleep this week."

He laughed a little. "I did. But come in, please…it's too damn cold out there today."

Beth couldn't help laughing, too, and soon enough, they were inside.

Looking around, his bed was unmade, but he'd at least straightened it out somewhat.

"Sorry about that," he said, pointing. "I admit sometimes I'm just lazy…it's too much to make the bed only to demolish it at night. I'm awful, I know."

Beth couldn't help laughing a little. "It's alright. Truly. I don't blame you one bit. And honestly, bed-makin' takes a back seat to fightin' for your life every day."

He laughed a little.

"Actually…I feel bad, makin' you sit on hard wood chairs every week you come here. If you want, you could sit on the bed. I don't mind."

Beth's eyes widened a little, and he smiled, noticing her hesitation.

"Don't worry…I don't sleep naked. And I always wash the sheets every week, believe it or not."

At his words…particularly the first part…Beth found herself again blushing furiously…

_Oh goodness…_

But she shook herself, finding her voice. Warmly, she smiled.

"Oh, thank you very much, but it's alright. It's not your fault. But thank you for the offer, Philip."

He curtly shook his head. "Don't mention it, Beth. But it's just how I was raised I guess…a man should never let a woman be in discomfort."

Again, she couldn't help feeling touched…but she spoke instead, trying not to focus on the woozy feeling slowly beginning to sink through her stomach…

Smiling again, she said, "It's alright, but it's very kind of you to offer. Anyway…how was your week?"

Again, he smiled a little. "Wait one minute."

Puzzled, Beth couldn't help but laugh when he went to the far corner of the room, dug in a red bag, and withdrew a bottle of water and a bottle of juice, handing them to her.

His smile grew. "We gotta do this right every week, don't we?" he asked softly, finally sitting down across from her. "It's basically tradition now."

Beth couldn't help her own smile from forming as she recovered.

"Yes, I guess it really is. And thank you again, Philip. Very much…"

The Governor shook his head, his smile growing. "You don't have to thank me for anythin' Beth. Really. You're too polite for your own good."

She blushed a little, feeling her face growing hotter from focusing on his smile. But Beth laughed again, knowing he was absolutely right.

"Yes. I suppose I am."

He shook his head, still smiling. "It's nothin' to be embarrassed about…I'm sorry. I didn't mean it in a bad way, Beth. I'm an ass."

Still a little shy, Beth said, "Oh…you're not. You're actually very polite, believe it or not," she gently teased.

The Governor's smile grew.

"You clearly haven't spent enough time with me then, Beth," he said, slowly shaking his head, and she couldn't help laughing a little again.

Then he spoke again. "Anyway…to answer your question…I had a pretty good week. The stars were real nice so I watched them a lot…I just made a fire every night when I did and just laid out there on a blanket…and besides there's not much else to do anyhow."

She couldn't help laughing a little in agreement.

"I got a lot of sleep…and I even found some pretty good soup that didn't make me want to puke when I opened the can and cooked it for once, so that's good too. I consider myself a lucky man."

Beth couldn't help laughing again, and his own smile formed.

"I'm sorry…but sometimes the food is so rotten it smells like death. You don't know until you open it."

Beth smiled. "I completely agree. Anyway…that does sound really nice. I know…the stars are so beautiful at night. I've been walkin' lately, even though it's cold…I…I just can't sleep sometimes."

Inwardly she flinched a little. _Because I can't help thinking about you all the time._

She flushed a little and concentrated on opening her water, knowing it would distract her.

When she finally looked back at him, he honestly was looking at her with the utmost concern.

"You've been feelin' alright though, haven't you? I hope so, Beth."

Beth hastily smiled and shook her head, blushing a little.

"Oh…thank you Philip but I do…I have been. Thank you. It's…it's nothin' really. I do manage to get to sleep each night; it just takes awhile. That's all."

His blue gaze still held hers, and then he only softly said, "Well, I hope that fixes itself in time."

She smiled, feeling touched again. "Thank you," she said, just as softly.

A few moments of silence seemed to linger, and then she spoke again.

Changing the subject, then, she cleared her throat and said, "So…anythin' else excitin' happen in your week?"

His earlier seriousness seemed to evaporate, though it oddly looked like he was still…_concerned…_in his eye…but she shook it off…It was nothing…and she was just being crazy…

"No…not really. But that's nothin' new." He gently smiled a little, finally, and she was relieved to see it back.

"But what I should have asked was how was your week? I hope it was good."

Beth smiled, laughing a little as she remembered the second bonfire they had had, as well as the makeovers.

"Oh, it was wonderful. The little girls were so adorable…we finally did the makeovers, and I must have done fifteen little girl's hair alone…"

But, too late, she realized her words, and the impact they no doubt would have on him…the incredibly painful, excruciating impact…the impact that no doubt would cause his heart to bleed inside of him…

Breaking off suddenly, knowing her expression only held the utmost sympathy for him, and regret, as she finally looked at him, she said, "Oh my goodness…I…I'm so sorry for…for bringin' that up…and sayin' that…I…I feel absolutely terrible…"

She shook her head hastily, suddenly unable to look at him. "I'm so sorry…I'm so stupid."

She concentrated on her lap, fingering her mother's locket. Her heart pounded, and she felt so guilty…

But to her surprise, The Governor spoke, softly. "Hey…look at me, Beth."

She did, her face burning in mortification. And honestly, he did not look sad at all, to her immense relief, nor upset or angry. He slowly shook his head.

"You have nothin' to be sorry for, Beth," he said softly. "And I appreciate your concern, but it's fine. Believe me. You did nothin' wrong by mentionin' that…I know why you're so concerned, but it's fine. Believe me."

Beth couldn't help biting her lip, knowing her eyes still only held sympathy.

"I…I just didn't think, Philip…I…I…I just…I can only imagine how me mentionin' all the little girls honestly probably made you feel, deep down inside...I…I don't want to ever mention her, or…or make you feel…"

But he still only shook his head, speaking softly. "I know, Beth. But you have nothin' to apologize for."

Looking at him, he honestly was sincere, and no…thankfully, he did not look saddened, as she had feared he would…But she knew he surely was feeling the pain, deep down buried inside of him, and she still wanted to kick herself, but she only nodded, still looking at him.

"O…okay."

The Governor gently smiled, then. "Well…you didn't finish. Did they like your work?"

And honestly, she couldn't help finally smiling a little, too, laughing a little nervously.

"Yes…yes they did, to my surprise. And one little girl even came up to me afterward and said…well really whispered…that Maggie had pulled too hard on her hair, and she liked it better when I did it."

He laughed a little. "That's cute."

Beth nodded. "Oh it was. And us older girls loved the makeovers, too…it was nice to feel like a girl again."

He tousled his brown hair a little, his watch glinting in the light. He smiled at her words.

"Well…anythin' else excitin' happen?"

And Beth couldn't help laughing again as she remembered Daryl's new scary stories…honestly she had been a little terrified this time, unlike the last…and she could only fathom what the next batch would be like.

"Well…we had a bonfire again, inside, because of the rain…people told scary stories…it was fun. We're goin' to do that more often, I guess. But I'm kind of dreadin' how scary the next batch will be."

And he smiled, shaking his head, glancing down at the table before looking back at her.

"God that takes me back to college…my buddies and me would always get a huge group of people together and camp out in the woods on weekends. There'd be alcohol of course…s'mores…someone playin' a prank…it was great."

Beth couldn't help smiling. "Were these real haunted places or just plain old regular woods?"

He laughed, smiling at her. "Oh… No. These were just normal woods…just my buddies and me would always go to actual haunted places ourselves. We didn't invite anybody else. It was just our group thing, and after all, we were an elite drunken group of weirdos."

Beth smiled a little, her curiosity only piqued. "I'm curious…what did you and your friends do in your free time besides goin' to haunted places? I'm curious."

He smiled, shaking his head again. "You don't want to know."

Beth said, "But I do. Just tell me, Philip. I'm sure it wasn't weird."

The Governor said, smile growing, "Fine. Just don't judge me too harshly."

"Well…we'd drink a lot, really in our junior and senior years. Or we'd get pizza and stuff and watch scary movies or really bad slasher films that mostly consisted of gorgeous naked women gettin' hacked to pieces, especially near Halloween…And I mean we did normal things like party and go to sports games and play sports ourselves…and we'd go to concerts and stuff like that…but honestly drinkin' was one of our favorite social activities. Especially at huge parties."

He laughed a little. "So there you have it. I'm honestly surprised I could even function some days I was so hungover."

Beth couldn't help smiling. "So you drank a lot. Big deal. I'm not goin' to judge you for that. That's normal."

The Governor laughed again. "Well…we were honestly really responsible when we did…but yeah…I really wasn't a total irresponsible partier, believe it or not…I worked a lot when I wasn't in class and everythin' and I always did my work and turned it in on time but when I did have free time I just wanted to have a good time with my friends and people we knew."

Beth said, "That's perfectly understandable. And don't worry…I don't think you sound irresponsible at all."

He smiled. "You're really too kind, believe me."

She laughed. Then he spoke again.

"Well…I'll tell you some other stuff I did myself…I played hockey in college…I started playin' in high school and I did it all the way through…but it wasn't for the college, it was more of a less-time consumin' league for fun…they tried to get me to try out for Varsity because they said I would have made it, but it would have just taken up too much time and it wasn't somethin' I wanted to do for a career…and I also worked in a coffee shop my senior year part-time too."

Beth said, impressed, "Wow. That's very impressive. Did you enjoy hockey?"

He nodded. "Yes, I did, but I just liked doin' it for fun. I think I would have hated it if I would have been forced to rely on it for a scholarship or somethin'…and I always did enjoy it but I got smacked with the puck plenty. I got probably four black eyes alone from one of those things. It wasn't fun."

Beth shuddered a little. "Oh…I can only imagine."

Then he said, "But enough about me…what're some interestin' things about you?"

Caught off guard a little, Beth blushed and said, "Oh…there's really nothin'…"

The Governor shook his head slowly again, smiling, and said, "You always say that, but the things you tell me really are interestin'…really."

Beth could feel her blush deepening. She said, still shy, "I…well…I always liked ridin' horses…I never was in any competitions or anythin' but I used to always ride my horse in the spring and summer in our pasture. I really miss the farm. It was always so nice."

She thought a little more.

"And I always used to love helpin' my daddy in his office…I've always loved animals and it was so cute holdin' them and everythin'…especially the puppies and kittens."

She shrugged. "And…well…I've always loved flowers, too…I used to always love gardenin' and everythin' back on the farm…if this world were still normal I think I would have liked bein' a florist too, if not a nurse."

Looking back at him she said, "But see? How were those facts interestin' at all?"

She laughed a little. "I'm honestly really borin' to spend time with. I'm sorry."

Yet he smiled just a little, shaking his head.

"They are. You may not believe me but I'm not lyin' to you. And I've known some borin' people in my life…trust me. You're not at all Beth. You need to have more confidence in yourself."

Again, Beth couldn't help her cheeks from reddening, but she simply shook her head and took another drink, though her stomach was swirling at his words as well.

Beth smiled, though. "Well thank you. That's very kind."

Looking at him again, she said, "Well…honestly, I don't think you're borin' at all, Philip. I wouldn't mind learnin' more about you."

He smiled just a little, before tousling his hair.

"Well…I was a manager at a hotel third-shift for awhile just out of college before I got my insurance firm job. That paid pretty well."

Beth couldn't help laughing a little. "That's very interesting. Was it a haunted hotel?"

And he laughed too, before shaking his head. "Nope. Though some of the guests had the worst attitudes."

Beth couldn't help laughing again, though she was genuinely interested.

"But that is a very interestin' thing to learn about you…did you like it?"

The Governor shrugged a little, nodding. "Yeah, I did. I didn't really mind stayin' up all night, and really you just had a lot of time to yourself to get your work done and everythin like that. Most nights were really quiet, honestly."

She nodded. "I'm sure it was nice."

He nodded again. "Yeah, it was. But I'd always get my work done and just basically sit there waitin' for the phone to ring or for someone to check in. It could get really borin'. But I did always like when they played scary movies on the TV in the lobby around Halloween…that was always great."

Beth smiled, shaking her head. "I can only imagine."

He smiled. "And I don't know…it gave me a lot of time to read my latest King novel or whatever in between interruptions."

Beth couldn't help smiling a little more.

"Honestly it sounds like you had an obsession with horror everythin'" she teased, and he nodded.

"More like a fascination…I just never found other genres as interestin', though I did like history books and things too. World War II, stuff like that on occasion."

Beth said, brightening a little, "I always used to love readin' history books too. I remember we had a whole bunch in the basement, fiction and non-fiction, and I always loved the romance ones the best out of the fiction ones…especially World War II era Europe. I always did like history."

The Governor nodded. "Aside from science, history was pretty bearable too."

Beth laughed. "I just hated math. It was easy, but just so borin'. And I wasn't a big fan of gym, either, though only due to the teachers."

He gently smiled. "I always did like gym. It gave you an excuse to have fun and not be trapped in a classroom for an hour. Though I agree, some of my gym teachers were awful."

Speaking again, he said, "But I'm sure I don't have to tell you by now that I just was not a big fan of school, though I always got good grades and everythin' and never misbehaved, believe it or not. I just always thought there were far more enjoyable things all of us could have been doin' every day, instead of school, like roller-bladin' or goin' to theme parks, or swimming…all that stuff."

Beth nodded, agreeing, and she couldn't help laughing. "I agree…I did like school myself, but it was always torture when the weather got nice."

He smiled. "I did always like shop class though and other electives…it made school just that little more bearable."

Beth couldn't help laughing again. "Yeah…I always just loved home economics and baking and everythin' like that."

He gently smiled again. "Did you ever want to be a baker or own your own shop or anything like that? I get the impression you loved baking more than you let on."

Beth's smile grew, and she shrugged. "Honestly…yeah. I did consider it. I would have liked that, too. Maybe on the side in addition to nursing."

Yet she hesitated before confessing what one of her other career aspirations had always been…even just as a side career, but she really never knew what people's reactions would be. Hershel and Shawn and her mother and friends and Jimmy had always been supportive, but Maggie had always expressed disdain and just said she was just being foolish thinking she would ever be a real success…but then she simply breathed in deep.

Looking at him again, she said, "Honestly, though…Part of me…well, really, a big part of me…always just wanted to be a singer full-time and do it for a living…I've always loved singin' and I'm always happy when I do. I know it's foolish and stuff, thinkin' I could honestly have made it…the music world was so tough when the world was normal and honestly, there were tons of female singers with better voices than me. I know that…but…maybe I could have made it. I hope, at least. I know I'll never get the chance to find out, now, though, and maybe that's a good thing, but…I just could never fully shake the idea out of my head."

Yet she couldn't help laughing again a little, shaking her head. "I mean I guess it really is a good thing I'll never know, because, now that I really sit and think about it, I would have just been settin' myself up for some real disappointment. But I've…I've always just loved performin' and singin' and I just always wanted to be one."

Beth finally looked back at him, only to find he wasn't looking at her with pity or forced politeness…he honestly was simply _looking _at her, yet not with any masked insults or any notions that she had been foolish, crazy, deluded for her dream… No…he honestly just looked like he…

Yet she didn't allow herself to finish her thought…because she surely was deluded for even thinking that…

And he spoke, softly, his blue eye never leaving her face, and she couldn't help from blushing yet again as his words sunk down deep within her.

The Governor said, "No. You shouldn't feel like you were foolish or crazy for wantin' to be that. And I have no doubt you would have been a success, Beth, and you shouldn't think that you wouldn't have been."

Her face grew hotter, and honestly, as she lingered on his words, the sweetness of them made her want to bottle them up and save them…_if only that were possible_…and they left a warmth within her that hadn't made her realize just how cold she had been before…

And, as he only looked at her, she only continued to blush even deeper, almost too shy to maintain eye contact, but she only smiled shyly, and said, "That's very nice, but you've never even heard me sing. And I…I'm really not that good…I'm actually…"

The Governor slowly shook his head, speaking softly. "I have no doubt that you're wonderful at it, Beth."

Yet he didn't say any more after that, and she still did not know what to say, so Beth said nothing.

She still felt embarrassed, though, and so she simply took another drink of water, the taste soothing her.

And then, finally he spoke again, at long last. And, thankfully, the change in the topic of conversation made her forget her embarrassment of before.

He said, "I considered becomin' a fire-fighter, but I just never did. And besides, it just would have made my mother even more worried than she needed to be."

Beth nodded, sincerely interested. "That's very interestin' to learn about you. Would you have liked it?"

He smiled a little, shrugging. "Yeah, I would have. Especially considerin' just how borin' insurance could be some days. And how awful my boss always was."

Beth laughed a little. "I can only imagine."

The Governor's smile grew. "You don't want to, believe me. My father and him would have been the best of friends."

Beth, feeling very solemn for him, said, "I'm sorry. I still always feel awful whenever you talk about your father…it's so sad you had to deal with that your whole life."

Yet he gently shook his head. "You shouldn't feel sorry for me, Beth. It's not your fault how my father was. Believe me."

Beth said, "Well…I just do. And despite what you may think about yourself, you deserve sympathy too, Philip."

The Governor only looked at her, still looking a little shocked, yet he slowly shook his head again and said, "I really don't. Especially yours. But thank you."

And before she could reply, he changed the subject yet again.

He said, "I feel like it's goin' to rain again soon. It seems like now that's all that ever happens at night."

Beth nodded, agreeing. "I know. I always liked rainy days before this…I'd just bake or sew if I had nothin' to do if none of my friends could hang out. Or if my family was busy."

He smiled. "You seem like you'd enjoy sewing. And I don't mean that in a bad way."

Beth smiled. "I know. But what are some other things you liked to do for fun that I don't already know about?"

The Governor said, "Well…sometimes when I'd have nothin' to do on rainy days, especially in college, I'd go to the gym. They always had a nice indoor pool. Or I'd just listen to music or be a lazy bum and watch television all day if all my friends were busy."

Beth's smile grew. "That's nice, but I'm sure there's more."

He laughed a little. "Sometimes I'd just drive around…and I did always enjoy rock-climbin' from time to time. I don't know…I'm really not that excitin' to learn about. Believe me."

Beth shook her head. "Well I think you are."

The Governor smiled again. "Well that's very kind, Beth, but you have far too high an opinion of me."

Beth couldn't help laughing again as well. "Well somebody has to, don't they?"

Yet something seemed to change within him at her words, and his smile gradually vanished, and, still, that same look of plain, raw shock was evident on his face. Slowly he shook his head, and finally he spoke again.

"I will never understand or even begin to fathom why you choose to spend time with me, or how you ever could forgive me, Beth, and honestly I never will be able to, but…I…you honestly put me to shame."

Beth simply stared at him, and again, as always, she could see that he was absolutely genuine in his shock and remorse…abundantly so.

Her heart softening even more for him, she only softly said, "You need to stop that, Philip. We both know everything you did was absolutely awful. Yes, every single bit of it was… But, we also both know that that wasn't the real you. Or at least, I do now. And I did mean absolutely everything of what I said to you two weeks ago…I do forgive you. I honestly do."

Staring at The Governor, he still looked lost for words, and still in awe of what she had just expressed, but he opened his mouth to speak again.

"Beth, I…I just…"

Yet she only gently shook her head, and said, "It's all right. Truly. It is, Philip."

But, staring at him, he still looked as though he wanted to speak, and then it truly made her wonder just what it was that he had been going to say…

But she shook it off. She knew that it would have been simply more apologies and such, and not that she did not appreciate them, but it honestly was very sad to watch him be forced to relive everything he was most afraid of within himself whenever he did…and oddly, she wanted to save him from that.

Yet still he was staring at her, again, with that very same odd, serious look…that look that was impossible to understand, that look that was so baffling, and yet that look that made her feel…

She couldn't help but blush as he continued to wordlessly look at her, but stopped her thoughts before they even began.

Making herself speak, she cleared her throat and said, "Have you been lucky with not havin' to kill a lot of Walkers every mornin' lately? We've actually not had a lot of problems, strangely enough. The fences are holdin' nicely."

Slowly that familiar look vanished, yet he still looked a little out of it, for just one moment, before he shook his head. He also looked shocked at her change of conversation so quickly, but the shock too slowly vanished.

"Yeah. They're not too bad every mornin' like usual. They only really get bad when it rains. Hell if we'll ever know why, though."

Beth couldn't help laughing a little. "Maybe they just like havin' parties in the rain. They're funny little creatures, aren't they?"

The Governor only looked at her, yet he slowly smiled, and she was relieved to see it once again, because that meant that the awkwardness had disappeared again, like always…

Beth couldn't help reddening a little at her little awful, (at least she was sure) attempt at humor, but said, "Sometimes I just try and pretend they're not dangerous monsters who just want to kill us. For my own sanity, I guess. And it makes it easier to deal with them when you make jokes of them."

He softly spoke again. "You don't need to explain yourself, Beth. It's fine."

She grinned a little then, though sheepishly, and then said, "I'm kind of a dork if you haven't already figured that out yet."

He shook his head though, and said, "No, you're not Beth. Don't think that about yourself."

And somewhere, deep inside of her, at his words, her stomach flipped, and she felt unbelievable joy…but then shook herself.

_He was just being nice…there was no underlying meaning to his words…none at all…and besides, why should she even care what he thought of her? They would never be…they would never work…and really, why would she even want that?_

Slowly, a familiar rotting face began to enter her vision, and she hastily spoke, before she'd hear the four words she had begun to hate most.

Clearing her throat before speaking, she said, "Well…have your runs been goin' okay for you? I hope so."

He nodded. "Yes, they have been. And luckily I haven't run into any trouble, but I do go to remote places sometimes in order to avoid runnin' in with other people. But unluckily, still haven't come across any really good food or anythin' like that. Which really sucks."

Beth couldn't help laughing. "I agree. But you could always catch a deer or somethin' if you're lucky. We did awhile ago, and it tasted great."

He smiled. "I would if I could but sadly I haven't come across any lately. Biters must scare animals."

Beth nodded, agreeing. "I'm sure they do. Poor things. I always wonder what happened to our cat we had back on the farm…I do miss her. And all our animals."

"Penny always loved our cat…it was the cutest thing watchin' her with her. Ours was a girl, too."

Beth smiled, though sadly for him. "I'm sure it was just adorable."

And then, ever more curiosity about him bled throughout her, as always, and she couldn't help from speaking yet again.

"So…I don't know…what else is there to know about you, Philip? And I'm sorry," she said, laughing, "I know that's probably the fortieth time I've said that from all of our visits combined and you probably never want to hear those words from me ever again, but I really do want to know more."

Watching him, The Governor smiled at her words, and again, she couldn't help, even through her laughter, noticing just how wonderful he looked when he smiled…when he was happy…

He shook his head. "No…no. It's fine. You don't annoy me. But I just don't get why you want to know more. I really don't."

Beth laughed again. "Oh…alright. For each fact you share about yourself I'll share one about me, if that'll get you to talk."

His smile grew. "No," he said softly. "You don't need to do that, Beth…"

Beth said, "My middle name is Carrie-Beulah. And yes…I'm serious about that. My daddy always liked the middle name Carrie and my momma always liked the name Beulah so they compromised and chose both. I hate it."

Laughing a little again, she said, "You can laugh. Go ahead."

To his credit, he didn't look like he was dying to laugh at all, though he smiled at her words, and slowly shook his head.

"No…no. That's really a very nice middle name. It really is."

Beth shook her head. "Oh, c'mon…it sounds like the most redneck middle name of all! Heck, if the world were normal, and I would have become a singer, I could have used that alone as my stage name and people would just have made fun of me for it."

He laughed a little. "No…but people would have known you weren't a redneck though. And besides, that's not bad at all. Believe me. My middle name is Thomas, though I thank my lucky stars every day my mother didn't name me after Elvis or Johnny Cash or any of her many favorite male singers…I shudder to think of the reality of that."

Beth couldn't help laughing, too. "That's sweet. My grandmother loved them both, too."

He said, "I think I also dodged a bullet by bein' born second…Brian's middle name was honestly Woody. I always gave him a hard time about that."

Beth couldn't help laughing yet again. "Oh goodness…that's a bad one, too."

The Governor nodded, his smile almost seeming to burn into her for just one moment as she looked at him…

"Yep. Thank god that wasn't me."

Blinking, trying not to focus on how she felt in her stomach just then, Beth said, "What's your favorite color? Mine's always been pink."

"Red," he said softly.

And then, he surprised her by speaking yet again.

"I always liked snowboardin' when I was younger and skiing, especially in college. And I always liked goin' tubing and everythin' with buddies, especially over winter break."

Beth nodded brightly. "Me and my friends always liked goin' tubing, too. It was always fun."

He nodded. "Yep."

Silence for a few moments, and then, he finally spoke again, though Beth was blissfully unaware of, and unprepared for, just how his words, so innocent, would affect her.

"Before I got my insurance job, in addition to the hotel part-time, I also was a waiter two nights a week at a big fancy pizza place. It paid good money, and I enjoyed it. And you really got a lot of tips, too."

_Oh…_

Suddenly, without warning, she felt the hot tears pricking her eyes, and suddenly, for one moment, all she could see was her mother, smiling in her red apron and black dress, and Shawn in his own uniform…and the pain clenched her heart, and suddenly, for a moment she forgot to breathe, the unexpected memory hurt so much…

He had noticed, and had immediately stopped speaking, and she found he was looking at her, now, with the utmost concern…

Feeling self-conscious, she said, "I…I'm sorry. But…my momma also was a waitress part-time at a pizza place in town, and Shawn also worked there…"

Her vision finally blurred over, then, and she finally felt the hot tears fall over and run down her cheeks, and then stain her lap.

Hastily wiping her eyes, and growing more self-conscious that only more appeared, she whispered, "I…I'm sorry…but sometimes I…I just miss them so much…"

Her voice finally broke, then, and Beth couldn't help closing her eyes, if only to unsuccessfully try and stem the floods of tears that had seemed to build up inside her since their deaths…

Opening them, cheeks burning as she looked at him, she said, voice still quavering, "I…I'm sorry…"

And then, to her shock, he was standing up and coming over to her, and it all seemed like slow-motion to her…

Slowly, he knelt, right in front of her chair, and softly said, "Hey. I'm so sorry for mentionin' that, Beth…and you don't have to be sorry. Believe me. I'm so sorry for your losses. And I feel awful for makin' you cry…but it's nothin' to be ashamed of. If you need to cry, just cry. I won't judge you."

And Beth, staring at him, still noticed, above all, just how stricken he looked for her, and couldn't deny that his words were very soothing…

Trying to smile, she found she couldn't, and instead softly said, "No…no. You don't have to be sorry. You…you didn't know, Philip."

Slowly shaking her head, she whispered, "I…I'm so sorry…it's just…I…sometimes I forget that I won't ever see them again, and when I'm reminded of that, it…it just…"

But words finally failed her, and all she could manage was, "I just miss them. Sometimes I think it'll kill me, just how much."

Yet she couldn't help her face from crumpling once again, and her vision glazing over even more than before…

And then, she barely registered the sensation of him slowly moving closer to her and embracing her…his touch warm and soothing and gentle and just a little hesitant at first…and then she couldn't help but completely lose all control, feeling like a rag doll, her head burying itself, of its own accord, into his chest…

She did not know how long she sobbed, but as the, what seemed, years slowly passed, she couldn't deny just how safe and comforted she felt, just then, wonderfully wrapped in his arms…

His arms were warm, and his chest was warm and hard and soft all at once, and his heartbeat slow and steady…

She could still smell that familiar yet wonderful, soothing scent of ivory, and his warm hands were gently rubbing her back, and she could not help but take comfort in the contact, in the feel of him holding her, and simply cry all of her heartbreak and pain and sorrow out on his chest…

And, when at last, Beth's pain had finally begun to ease, she slowly pulled back, still feeling more comforted and safer than she had in months…

Or, at least, she attempted to.

To her further embarrassment, her mother's necklace had hooked onto the collar of his t-shirt, snagging, prohibiting her from moving away.

Her cheeks still wet, she couldn't help her cheeks from violently flaming, and said, "Oh gosh…I'm so sorry…"

Yet The Governor smiled at her, gently, and said, "It's more than alright, Beth. But god…you could have just told me you hated my shirt instead of tryin' to destroy it. You women are so devious."

She couldn't help laughing, then, just a little, and he gently reached between them and unhooked her mother's necklace, freeing her.

Yet…he soon returned his hand to her waist, and she soon realized that both of his warm hands were still gently holding her…and she could not help but linger on the very real feeling of him holding her…the wonderful, inexplicable feeling…

He was so close to her…and staring at him, suddenly, it was as though she was in a trance…

Her heart pounded, and her stomach felt like a swarm of angry insects was inside of it…

Beth could feel herself blushing, and somehow, everything else seemed to vanish.

_Was it possible to never, ever have to move, and never have to leave his warm embrace, and simply stay like this forever…?_

Her blush deepened, and then it deepened even more at her next thought.

_Would he hold her this gently if they were making love?_

Her heart stuttered at the thought, and yet, she still felt as though she were under some sort of spell, incapable of moving even if she wanted to.

_And…oh, Heaven knew she did not want to…_

Staring at him, for just one moment, she felt insane.

_It would be so easy…so, so easy to just simply close the gap between them and put her mouth to his…to just step outside of her comfort zone and just kiss him, just like in all of the countless romance movies from the eighties and nineties she and her friends had always gushed over at sleepovers…to just forget the fact that she'd be embarrassed, forget the fact that she wouldn't even be able to look him in the eye properly afterward…_

_To just forget the fact that they would never, ever work…_

It was this thought that brought her back to reality, though she still felt shaky, and she breathed in deep, her blush deepening.

Yet The Governor was still staring at her, concern on his face, and he gently asked, "Are you sure you're alright, Beth? I'm so sorry…I'm an ass."

Her heart still stuttering at his warmth, despite her discomfort, she smiled, and said, "Y…yes. I'm fine…I feel much better. Th…thank you, Philip."

He smiled just a little, sending another shock through her, but he still asked, "You sure? Because you can cry more, if you need to…I feel awful. And if you need to blow your nose or anythin' you can just use my shirt. I'd be honored to have you do that, Beth."

And, despite everything, Beth couldn't help laughing.

"That's disgustin' Philip…but also very sweet. But…thank you. I'm more than alright, now. And I….I do really feel much better. And I…please. You don't have to apologize. You didn't know…and I…last week I…I was thinkin' about the two of them, and I…I really didn't allow myself to cry. I guess this was just that comin' back to haunt me today…I…th…thank you. I…I feel so embarrassed…"

And he gently shook his head, still holding onto her, and said, "No. There's nothin' at all to be embarrassed over, Beth. Believe me."

Beth smiled, then, and then, he finally removed his hands from her.

And it struck her, just how cold and empty and unsafe she felt, without him embracing her…

Yet she shook herself, and then, to her further horror, noticed she had also left bright red lipstick on his white t-shirt as well.

Covering her mouth, her cheeks growing just as red, Beth said, "Oh goodness…I…I'm so sorry, Philip…your shirt…"

The Governor looked down, just then, and grinned a little, slowly shaking his head.

"It's nothin' to be sorry for, Beth. And I'd much rather have your lipstick on my shirt than Biter blood or guts. Believe me."

His smile grew as he looked at her, and she couldn't help finally smiling just a bit as well, despite her embarrassment.

And then, a far-off crack of thunder hit, and a sudden burst of cold wind hit outside, and Beth knew it was close to nightfall.

"I'll walk you out," he said, and Beth nodded, sniffing one more time, wiping the remnants of tears off of her cheeks.

Beth shivered as a rather icy blast of wind hit as they walked outside, and finally, they reached the gate.

The Governor turned to face her, then, and then, without warning, placed a warm hand on her arm.

Even through the sweater she had chosen that day, she could still feel the warmth, and she couldn't help but blush, still feeling supremely embarrassed at having cried.

"Are you sure you're alright Beth?" he asked softly. "Because you can kick me if you need to…I deserve it."

And Beth couldn't help but laugh again, her earlier sorrow completely forgotten.

"Oh…no. I am. I'm more than fine. Th…thank you, though."

He nodded, slowly, and a cold breeze blew his brown hair back. She shivered again.

Yet…staring at him…time seemed to stop, and for the oddest reason, Beth couldn't help but wonder if she was going crazy…

He was still looking at her…yet _now_, with, it seemed, that very same look in his eye that he always seemed to give her at fleeting moments…that very same one that always baffled her and confused her, and…that very same one that she could never understand…

And now…was she dreaming? Was she crazy…?

It…_but, now_, if she wasn't mistaken…_and surely, she was…_it…it almost looked like he wanted to _kiss _her…the look on his face so, so similar to the one that Jimmy had always given her…the look on his face nearly identical to whenever she had witnessed Rick looking at Lori before her death, and nearly identical to the look she'd always seen her father give her mother…that Glenn always gave Maggie…

But, surely, she was being crazy…she was delusional…she, Beth Greene, had finally lost her mind, after all this time from the apocalypse…she knew that as surely as she knew her own name…

But, slowly, something seemed to shift within The Governor, and he removed his hand, and it left her feeling a coldness she had never known to be afflicting her…

"I…I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head a little, and finally he looked back at her.

"I hope you have a safe trip back, and that you'll be alright, Beth. And I'll see you next week."

Beth nodded, shaking herself slightly as well, though still feeling odd…

"I…I will. And you too, Philip."

The Governor nodded, yet neither of them moved.

Another blast of cold wind hit, and rotten tree branches swayed against the gray skies, and, far off in the distance, another far-off rumble of thunder hit.

Yet that was not what startled Beth.

He was still looking at her, and then he softly said, "You…you don't need that, you know."

Beth, puzzled, said, "I…need what?"

Yet The Governor seemed to regret having spoken, though he still chose to continue.

"I…makeup. Not…not to be a creep, which I know I am, but…you look more than fine without it, Beth."

Silence, and then he said, "I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean it in that way…"

Beth could not help the sudden shock that bled through her stomach at his words, and for a few moments, she almost couldn't speak…

Yet finally, she shook herself.

"N…no," Beth softly said, still feeling disarmed. "You didn't…I…thank you. That's very sweet."

She could still see the regret on his face, but he nodded just a little, before finally opening the gate.

Beth still couldn't move, yet finally she did so, and The Governor inclined his head to her one final time.

"See you next week, Beth. And I hope you have a wonderful week."

Still feeling out of it, Beth gently nodded, and forced herself to smile.

"I will. And you have a nice week too, Philip."

Finally he smiled, just a little, as well, and then, too soon, the gate was between them, and Beth could only stare for a few moments.

* * *

And, the memory of his warm embrace was all she could feel the entire rest of the evening, the violent thunder and rain and lightening just outside the prison walls reduced to nothing.


	13. Chapter 13

**AHH I am so so sorry guys! The only reason it took me so long to finally update this was because I was just making myself finally finish my last incomplete (non Walking Dead) fic, but now I finally did, so this story is my only priority/incomplete one from here on out! :) I was definitely wishing the whole time I was finishing my other I could update this one too, lol, but rest assured there will never be this long of a wait again! :)**

**Also a couple of things:**

***From this point forward Philip won't be referred to as The Governor anymore. (You'll see why in the chapter)**

***For those who will probably wonder who the heck I'm talking about, Rayna James and Deacon Claybourne are fictional characters from one of my OTHER favorite shows, Nashville. I just couldn't resist putting that in as a little nod/fun thing, and if you've never watched Nashville, I highly recommend it!**

***Plus just picture David Morrissey/Philip and Charles Esten/Deacon on the same screen together...*Faints* :D**

***AND I sincerely hope you guys like this chapter, even though parts of it really sort of suck, lol. And I hope it makes up for the wait.**

* * *

The wind outside was rapidly picking up, and the sky flashed again with another brilliant burst of lightening.

Sitting in front of the crackling fire, Beth was grateful for the warmth, and that they were inside, away from the vicious storm that was fast approaching, as always happened lately, it seemed, and couldn't help laughing as they all waited.

Daryl was pacing, a happy smirk on his face, and he took another sip of whiskey from the bottle he was holding.

"I got some good ghost stories tonight…I do hope you'll all be able ta sleep."

Beth simply shook her head, still smiling, and said, "I'm shakin' in my boots, Dixon."

He laughed a little and took another sip, before throwing a bag of marshmallows at her.

"C'mon…you get first dibs. Start cookin' one already…you're too damn skinny, Beth."

Opening the bag, Beth smiled and said, "Oh, Daryl…you really do care about all of us!"

Daryl pointed at her, and shook his head. "Nah…I just pretend to."

Beth laughed again, shaking her head, and proceeded to layer her stick with marshmallows.

The air inside was still a little chilly from the other side, away from the fire, so she pulled her gray sweater tighter around her.

Soon, Sasha, Maggie and Glenn appeared, all bearing mugs, and Sasha plopped down beside her, handing Beth her own mug of hot chocolate.

"Refreshments have arrived!" Sasha sang, and Beth laughed again, as Maggie and Glenn went and sat across from them.

Daryl snorted. "You people…hot chocolate? Really? Amateurs…if ya want a real good drink to have a good time, ya need what I'm drinkin' right now. And hey…anyone want any? It's real good."

He gestured to all of them in turn, Beth last, holding the bottle out to her, and Beth couldn't help smiling at the offer.

"Really? Sure…I wouldn't mind a small taste," she said, but Maggie got up with a start.

Maggie had grown her hair out long to her shoulders, and had had the longer style for quite awhile, but had cut it short once again that day, and it once again was a short brown bob that ended just before her chin, as she'd always liked her hair before the apocalypse, and when they had been on the farm and first came to the prison.

"Daryl Dixon!" she said, coming closer to them. "Just what do you think you're doin' by corruptin' my baby sister with alcohol? She's too young for that…and Beth, you're too inexperienced with alcohol to have any…you'll just get sick. Not to mention you shouldn't be drinkin' at all!"

Beth simply shook her head, still able to smile at her sister's usual predictability.

"Don't worry, Maggie," she said. "I won't have any. You don't have to worry. I'm sorry."

Maggie smiled at her as well and said, "Don't be, Beth. The real one who should be sorry is this asshole right here," she said, glaring at Daryl and punching him on the arm, before going back to Glenn, who was laughing uproariously at the entire exchange.

"Damn, woman!" Daryl said, rubbing his arm. "Just let Beth have some. It's just alcohol. Ya keep the girl on a damn leash! She's not goin' to die from one sip. And not to mention, you are not fun…I don't envy Glenn one bit," he finished, laughing a little as Maggie's glare only deepened.

"Watch it, Dixon. Glenn's on my good side," she said, smirking a little at the long-haired hunter.

Maggie caught eyes with Beth and Sasha and smiled at them, and Beth laughed again.

"Ok, Greene," Daryl said, still smirking, but not before turning to Beth and Sasha and making a crazy signal to them.

"But man…actually this would probably taste good in hot chocolate…if ya want any in your cup, Beth, just let me know…I'm sure we'll be able to hide it from Maggie. And Glenn and Sasha…ya'll let me know if ya want any too. Maggie's not allowed to have any, though."

Again, Beth laughed, and said, "I sure will, Daryl. Such a tempting offer."

Everyone laughed at that, and then Daryl took another long swig.

"Speaking of drinking…Daryl, why are you even drinking, considering you have watch duty later tonight?" Sasha asked.

Daryl pointed to Rick, who was walking through, and said, "Because, my beautiful Sasha…at midnight, I'll be forced to be up all night on watch with that dumbass in the rain, and he'll want to cuddle. Not to mention, he'll be so scared the whole night…yep. It's just goin' to be one long drag."

Daryl smirked at Rick, and Rick shook his head, his dark green jacket glowing in the light from the fire.

"Daryl…I'm goin' to say this nicely…I would rather cuddle with Hershel than you."

"Goodness, Rick…stop it. You're making me blush."

They were all startled at the sound of Hershel's voice, then, and Daryl leaned his head back and completely lost it.

Hershel entered the room, then, and shocked them all at his next words.

"Though come to think of it, Rick…you're the only man here who I would gladly cuddle with and have massage my stump."

Hershel smirked gently, and for a moment, Beth couldn't even speak, nor could anyone else, it was so uncharacteristic of Hershel to make such crude jokes.

But eventually, they all did laugh, and now Daryl sank down to the floor, still holding the whiskey, the dark brown liquid swirling in the bottle, pounding the floor with his hand as he laughed, and Beth couldn't help closing her eyes and moaning, the mental images she was conjuring of Rick and her father just then were so disturbing.

"Oh, Daddy…please," she managed in between laughs, "never say anythin' like that ever again!"

Hershel smiled at her affectionately, and said, "Oh, Bethie…I'm sorry. And you look so pretty tonight. You should sing sometime for all of us next time we have a fire…I haven't heard you sing in ages."

Beth couldn't help but blush at her father's compliment, and said, "Oh, Daddy…no I don't. And sure I will, sometime."

Sasha said, "Beth…yes you do! You're gorgeous!"

"Seconded," Maggie said, and Beth smiled gratefully at both of them, glad she had two older sisters that she loved so much. True, of course Sasha wasn't her real sister…but Beth more than considered her a second sister.

"Aw shucks you guys," she said, joking, and Maggie held up two bags of miniature doughnuts, examining them, before throwing one over to Beth and Sasha.

"You guys get the powdered ones…me and Glenn here get the chocolate ones. Sorry."

"Alright, score!" Sasha said, and Beth agreed, nodding her head.

And then Maggie looked at Daryl, who was now lying on his back on the floor, still drinking whiskey, and made a disgusted face.

"I do hope you're goin' to get up, Daryl, once everyone else gets in here," she said, and Daryl shrugged.

"Maybe you'll all have to deal with me tellin' ghost stories on the floor, Maggie. I haven't decided yet."

Maggie only shook her head, before taking out a doughnut and throwing it on his chest.

"I pity you, Dixon," she said, and Daryl only smirked at her.

"But anyway…we have better things than whiskey to put in our hot cocoa, right girls? We have sugar and cinnamon."

Beth smiled, and clapped her hands. "Oh! We get the cinnamon!"

Maggie frowned a little, before throwing the bag over to Beth. She caught it, and Sasha high-fived her.

"Man…I wanted the cinnamon. Ah, well…at least me and Glenn have the Cheetos!"

Glenn grinned, and said, "Alright! If I can't have whiskey in my hot chocolate, at least I get this!"

"There's my man, Glenn," Daryl said, stuffing the doughnut into his mouth.

"But don't worry," Glenn mouthed to Beth. "I'll sneak you guys some."

Beth laughed, and winked at him, before mouthing back, "Thank you, Glenn. You're the best."

Glenn grinned at her, before opening the bag.

Rick shook his head, still smiling, and then left, but not before gently squeezing Beth's shoulder.

"Hey. Save me a seat for when I get back in here," he said, smiling at her, and Beth nodded.

"Of course, Rick," she said, smiling. "I'd be honored to." Rick nodded at her, his smile growing, before leaving.

"You're the best, Beth."

Beth grinned a little at him, and then once he had left, they all lost it again as Maggie dumped some sugar all over Daryl

* * *

Now everyone was seated inside, listening to Daryl's voice, and as more thunder boomed outside, Beth couldn't help but jump, though Rick and Sasha and now Bob, who were all sitting beside her, laughed, though kindly.

Rick, sitting on her left, whispered, "You ok?"

Beth nodded, smiling. "Yep," she said, and he patted her arm before getting up and getting more marshmallows for himself.

Beth also smiled at Patrick, across the room, and he shyly smiled back before waving, and Beth made a mental note to go and talk to him after the festivities for the evening were over.

Beside him sat Carl, scowling as usual, and it was clear Rick had had to force him to attend.

But gradually, Beth returned her attention to her stick, turning it in her hands, still listening.

She looked up, though, and saw Maggie and Glenn kiss, Maggie laughing quietly beforehand.

And then…suddenly it was as though Beth had gone deaf, all noise completely vanishing, and she was a million miles away from here…

Now…now she was on Philip's warm lap, out in the middle of nowhere as the freezing nighttime winds whipped around them as they sat, the fire now completely burned out, and he was gently massaging her cheek, his warmth heaven as he only gently pulled her closer to him…

And then Beth still managed to feel real butterflies in her stomach as, in her vision, he leaned forward and kissed her.

Beth shook her head, blushing, and the vision vanished, but she still felt flustered and disarmed.

But as always, her thoughts wandered back to him…she hoped he was warm tonight, and safe.

Thinking of Philip more, Beth realized that she no longer referred to him as The Governor anymore, in her head…nor saw him as The Governor anymore. No… Now, he was just, simply, Philip to her. And somehow it felt natural, rather than alarming or strange, as she knew it would have early on.

And as she only thought more of him, Beth's heart hurt even more for him as she dwelled on the thought that he was all alone, nearly every waking moment of his life…and she only hoped he wasn't hurting tonight, over some unknown thing, like perhaps Penny, or missing his wife. Or thinking of and being consumed by the guilt Beth instinctively knew that Philip always no doubt felt every night, thinking of everything he had done.

Her heart throbbed, and she could not deny that she was anxious to see him, and could only hope he would be well when she saw him this week.

Beth's cheeks still burned as she remembered the feeling of his warm embrace from last week, and just how wonderful it had felt being in his arms…and how sweet he had been when he had comforted her…and as she remembered how she had made a complete and utter fool of herself by crying in front of him…but she shook herself.

Gradually, sound returned, and she made herself focus on the applause from everybody else, sans Carl of course, before Daryl launched into his next story.

But…another clap of thunder boomed, and before Daryl began, Beth looked over to the dark doorway, the shadows looming, and for just one moment, she saw Philip standing there, staring at her, one hand raised in gentle greeting, and she felt a sharp jolt in her stomach.

Beth made herself blink, and when she looked back, nobody at all was there in the doorway, and she made herself concentrate on Daryl's stories once more.

But the entire rest of the campfire, the jolt in her stomach never faded.

* * *

Beth couldn't help but start, jolted out of her sleep, at the sound of a loud crash, almost as though a door had been slammed.

Flustered, she got up from her cot, shivering at the loss of her blankets, as only another violent flash of lightening hit.

Beth shook herself, making herself awaken as quickly as she possibly could, pulling herself from disembodied hazes of her dreams…_his mouth on hers, tender and loving…his touch, gentle and soothing…and somewhere in there, that familiar rotted face and the taunt that terrified her to no end…_

Beth blushed, and concentrated…no, now there _was_ more noise. She was sure of it…

She pulled her gray sweater tighter around herself and walked out into the hall.

"_You can't deny it!"_

Somehow, though, she was able to completely ignore the familiar taunt…

Her stomach pooled in complete dread at the sound of Rick's voice, fierce and low.

"We'll pull 'em in the meetin' room," he said, and she heard Daryl grunt.

And now, she heard laughter…and the sound of it chilled her to her very core.

The man's voice was deep and unfamiliar.

"Shut up!" Rick snarled, and she heard the harsh, bruising punch of flesh upon flesh.

Rick spoke once again. "I'll tie 'em up…you go get everyone else. This is a Council matter."

Beth stood, frozen, afraid to look around the wall; afraid to go to where Rick and Daryl were.

So she did the only thing she knew she still could, and ran back to her cell.

She sat on her cot, and heard more dragging, more delirious laughter, more swears from Rick…

Gradually, soon she heard Glenn's voice…Maggie's…her daddy's…and she finally made herself get up and go to the meeting room.

Shakily, Beth walked, her heart in her throat.

Everyone was huddled inside the gray, small room, and as she reached the door, Maggie stood up, glaring at her.

"No, Beth! Go back to bed!" she said, her voice fierce and her tone hard.

Yet Beth was grateful at the sound of Rick's voice.

"No, Maggie…let her stay. Beth is more than old enough."

Gratefully, Beth silently acknowledged Rick's welcome words, though she could not bring herself to smile.

"Here," Rick said softly. "Come in, Beth, and please…shut the door. I don't want any kids wakin' up and hearin' this."

Beth did so, her stomach in knots. And immediately upon entering the enclosed, chilly room, the door clanging behind her, she wanted to run out.

Rick and Daryl were drenched from the rain, mud on their persons as well, but that was not what made the room so strange…

Her blood curdled at the sight that was before her.

Two men, slender and looking as though they were in their late fifties, were in the room with them, sitting at the table. On closer inspection, it was clear they were identical twins.

They were both chained and tied, and both had long, wavy brown hair that reached their shoulders, and beards.

They also, strangely, both wore no shirts…only tattered cutoffs, and both were deathly skinny, as though they had not eaten properly in months…almost as though they had been prisoners somewhere. Their bodies were covered in mud and water.

But what struck her most of all, and what made them most scary, was the strange markings on their bodies…frightening skull images, crossbones, and what looked like blood stains, all carved into their skin…it was almost as though they were in some sort of a cult.

Beth let out a breath she had not known she was holding, and sat down at the table, barely feeling the cold metal of the chair beneath her.

It was clear, though, that there was something wrong with one of them…he simply was laughing to himself, almost as though he was crazy…and truthfully, Beth thought, he certainly looked it…

But the other man…his brother…he was sitting directly across the long table from her, and looked arrogant and proud that they had been caught, and it was clear that of the two brothers, he was the one to fear.

He caught her eyes, and smirked coldly at her, his gaze both alert and strong, and Beth fought to suppress a shudder…It was almost as though he knew her…knew absolutely everything about a person by simply looking at them, and it chilled her to her very bones.

Rick spoke, then, saving her from having to look at the man further.

Walking close to him, putting his gun close to the man's head, he spoke.

"I'll start…what in the hell were you two bastards doin' outside of our place?"

The man laughed, and simply gazed at Rick.

"As I told you outside…we were simply goin' back to our camp. We didn't know anyone was here, and we were just plannin' on stayin' the night…we assure you. We want to get back."

Rick simply stared, not speaking, his expression skeptical.

"Uh huh. Enlighten us…what camp are you two from?"

The strange man laughed again, and said, "Our camp, way north of here, in the hills…The Black Forest. It's a camp unlike any other…and only the elite can join…His loyal subjects only can."

Rick spoke again. "You mean God? Jesus? You two don't look very religious."

Again, the long-haired man smirked, and Beth felt as though her blood had run cold again.

"No…Satan. The Devil. We…all of us…we worship him, and since the end of the world has finally come, Satan alone will save all of us…and we will be able to rule the world, as we were unable to before all of this…our leader speaks to him every night, and our leader alone has the power to act on his behalf."

All of them were silent, and Beth in particular glanced at Hershel. His face was impassive, though his eyes betrayed his worry.

It sounded ungodly frightening to Beth, but the more she thought of it the more it made sense that there would be people like that…especially now. But an entire group of devil worshippers…an entire group of dangerous, insane people in an evil cult? That sounded immensely terrifying…

Rick spoke again. "So your leader has the power to talk to the Devil, huh? I'm not sure I'm buyin' this."

Now the man's expression turned hard, and Beth couldn't help but widen her eyes, afraid for Rick. Though she knew it was foolish, considering the man was chained…but the hatred he bore was unsettling.

But as quickly as it had come, the man's hatred vanished, and he smirked again. His teeth showed this time, yellow and square.

"Yes…and oh…you are all nonbelievers. You all would be our human sacrifices…we have them every night."

Now Beth had to fight to not vomit, and simply bit her lip, feeling herself grow even colder…

Rick simply shook his head, and he said, "So you murder innocent people, all to satisfy an evil entity? How sick are all of you? But I'd tell us everythin' about your little camp…The Black Forest…and how you came to be outside our walls tonight. Your life depends on it."

The man threw his head back then, and laughed, loudly, and now his brother's expression grew even more childishly gleeful…he laughed, and even clapped his hands, and Daryl made a disgusted face.

"Is your brother ever gonna shut up? I'm about ready to knock 'im out."

The first man sat upright again, and smiled once again, growing silent.

Turning to his brother, he said, "Be quiet, please. These people need to know everythin' about us."

The other man's laughter stopped, then, and then the first man finally spoke, looking at each of them in turn as he told them all about where he and his brother were from.

"Our camp is deep in the forest, as you can deduce from the name…real skeletons from our victims are strung up all through the camp, and on the trees, and human bones…"

Beth felt tears coming to her eyes, now.

"And every night, we bathe ourselves in Creature's blood and dance in front of the fire, as we kill an innocent to get more power and good fortune from Satan…our leader has no given name, and wears a white sheet…he has scars and burns all over his face…from nonbelievers from before all this…and we do not take outsiders in, except in rare cases. No…in order to join us, you have to be a believer in Satan, and completely devote yourself to him…and if you mean us harm, we have a way to prove it."

Rick spoke, dryly. "And what's that?"

Again, he smirked. "Anyone we do kidnap who is not killed right away must spend the entire night in a tent with a Creature, with no weapons and no restraints on the Creature…how badly they are marked the next day determines in what order they will be killed…or how they will be used in the camp for rituals…and how well they may manage to fight off the Creature, even kill it…determines what sort of torture they'll be used for."

Rick spoke again. "Well how in the hell did you get outside our walls, if life is so good in your precious Black Forest?"

The man scooted his chair back. "My brother and me were kidnapped…we don't know how the people of Terminus found us…we were miles and miles away from this place…doin' our recruitin'…"

Rick interrupted. "Recruitin'…my ass. You mean kidnappin' innocent people to be your group's sacrifices…"

Here the man grinned, now, evilly, and Beth could only stare, it honestly hitting her just how evil the world had become with the apocalypse…

The man lifted his chained hands and clapped, slowly, and the sound echoed in the silent room.

The candles on the table flickered, and Beth couldn't help glancing around at everyone else.

Hershel looked troubled, Maggie angry, Glenn serious, Carol weary, Sasha and Tyreese and Bob all in disbelief…

But the man spoke again, and Beth couldn't help flitting her eyes back to him.

"You're a smart man. And yes…to be our sacrifices. And we suppose the attack wasn't unexpected, considerin' we had kidnapped some of the people from Terminus before. We're guessin' it was payback."

He continued, and Beth again felt nauseous…

"Anyway…we fought our way out, killin' a bunch of them, and we've been runnin' through the woods ever since…we must have been on the run for three weeks now."

Rick spoke again. "Well we did take your guns, so it was clear you have been for awhile. But somehow, I can't help but be skeptical that you two weren't stakin' us out…"

The man shook his head. "It was an honest stroke of luck to happen upon this place, I assure you."

Rick glanced at Daryl, above the two man's heads, and it was clear to Beth that both believed him.

Oddly, she did too, though he made her more than uncomfortable.

Rick spoke again. "What are you to your camp? Why are you so important…bein' a famed recruiter?"

The man grinned again. "You're mockin' me…but I'm our secret weapon. I have a gift, you see…I can tell things about folks right from the get go…and I can divulge only more information about them by spendin' more time with them without their knowledge. It's always been a talent of mine."

Clearly Daryl was skeptical, as he spoke sarcastically.

"A gift, huh? Yeah…ya look real special."

The man turned to Daryl, and smirked again, laughing coldly.

"Now that he's gone, you're more cynical…I see a figure, attached to you…he had one hand. Was he your brother?"

It was as though the air had completely gone out of the room, and Beth felt her heart stop.

Looking around, everyone else seemed just as shocked.

Daryl's eyes widened, and for a moment, even he was speechless. But then he recovered, and swore angrily, though he still looked beyond shaken.

"You shut your mouth! Don't ya dare mention him to me ever again!"

The man laughed, and then turned to Rick.

"I see figures attached to you, too…A boy, with brown hair…and a little girl…your children?"

Again, everyone was silent, and Rick too seemed shocked…

But the man continued. "And a woman…long dark hair…slender…maybe your wife? She betrayed you. You miss her."

Something vanished in Rick's wide blue eyes, and it seemed as though he had lost the ability to speak.

Beth gulped, and now it was as though everyone had lost the ability to even breathe, the room was so quiet…

Here the man smirked once more…honestly, it seemed that was all he ever did…and silently looked at all of them, one by one.

Beth couldn't stop herself from shaking…but then couldn't help silently praying when, to her shock, the mysterious man's eyes locked onto her…

His smirk widened. "Hello, beautiful. Oh…you're all interestin'…but I'd say you're the most interestin' one of the bunch, sweetheart."

Beth bit her lip, her stomach in knots, near tears…

She was sure whatever he had to say to her would not be good.

He slowly shook his head. "God…I can smell him all over you."

His smirk deepened, and he wolf-whistled seductively.

Beth felt her face warm even as the rest of her body went cold and numb, and she felt tears prick her eyes.

The man chuckled darkly, and then said, "But oh…sweetheart. It's nothin' to be embarrassed about to admit what you feel for him; how you ache for him in your heart! And I'd do it soon; before it's too late…he could be dead any day now. You could. We all could!"

Beth sat, silently feeling her sanity begin to slip away from her in that moment…

She was frozen, and couldn't move, and now, again, the feel of Philip's warm embrace from last week was all she could feel…and the ready hiss and taunt all she could hear…

"_You can't deny it! You can't deny it!"_

She shook herself, and bit her lip. Everyone was staring at her, and oh goodness…

_If he described him…even just a little bit…she was done for…_

She didn't think she'd ever been this afraid in all her life…and she stammered in her reply.

"I…I have no idea what you're talkin' about," she said softly, a tear finally rolling down her cheek, hoping her reply would fool him.

True…the two men certainly were evil…but the main brother, despite his evil nature, truly had been scarily accurate in his "readings" of Rick and Daryl…and it was clear he was intelligent, and someone to be feared, and, indeed, someone that had not lied yet that night.

The man's smirk widened, and now Rick seemed to have recovered.

He cocked his gun, pushing it closer to the man's head.

"Knock it off. You're scarin' Beth."

But now the man took on a mock soothing expression, and he spoke again, only to Beth.

"Oh, sweetheart. I wouldn't do that to you…I wouldn't describe him. But remember my words…I'd do it soon, before it's too late…"

Here, Rick finally punched him, and the blood collecting on the man's mouth did nothing to stop him from speaking.

He laughed again, evilly, and said, "When we return to our camp…you'll all be our next victims…"

But Rick finally punched him again, hard in the head, and the man finally slumped over, unconscious.

Beth could only stare, only more tears falling down her cheeks, and looking around, nobody seemed suspicious…

Hershel gave her a sad smile, and said, "There's nothing to be worried about, Bethie. He was as insane as could be."

Beth couldn't even smile, and the relief she felt was as nothing compared to her terror, as she thought of everything the man and the camp he and his brother had hailed from stood for.

Daryl knocked the brother out, too, and eventually, the meeting disbanded.

But not even a soothing hug from her father, a quick embrace from Maggie, and Sasha saying it would be all right did a thing to allay Beth's fears.

It was clear everyone else had been affected and shaken deeply, too, though.

* * *

And, later that evening, Beth covered her ears, and made herself pretend she couldn't hear the dreadful sounds of Rick and Daryl dragging the two men outside…she made herself pretend she couldn't hear Rick's gun as he killed both of the men…and she made herself pretend the encounter had not happened.

But it was in vain.

More tears fell, and Beth simply felt herself shaking, even through all of her blankets.

The world was truly such a terrible, evil place now…and there were such immoral people that lived. And somehow, Beth did not feel safe, as she usually did in the prison…

No. They were all intensely vulnerable, even as big of a group as they were, and Beth regretted, even more, having gone to the Council meeting…

And…as she cried…

_Was there something wrong with her that the only way she knew she could possibly feel safe in this moment would be wrapped in Philip's warm, safe arms? As she had been last week?_

Beth did not know, but thinking of him again, the need to have him hold her was strong…and she couldn't understand it, though somehow she knew she did.

Again, she heard the hiss, and it was hours before she was finally able to fall back asleep.

_"You can't deny it!"_

* * *

The next day was uneasy and gray. Rick and the others had wasted no time scouring miles and miles away from the prison, leaving early in the morning and returning late at night.

Rick spoke.

"They were tellin' the truth. It was just luck…they stumbled upon this place by accident. But just to be sure, we're goin' to go out the entire rest of the week to be sure. We found no trace of their camp…we have nothin' to worry about."

Beth bit her lip, the words relieving to her, despite her worry.

Somehow she knew she could breathe again…though she was still ungodly unsettled by what had transpired.

And, if even possible…more so than the man's details about their horrific, far-off camp…the man's words to her had affected her the most…

"_But oh…sweetheart. It's nothin' to be embarrassed about to admit what you feel for him; how you ache for him in your heart! And I'd do it soon; before it's too late…he could be dead any day now. You could. We all could!"_

The words hit her right in her gut, and thinking of Philip again, she couldn't help but jerk a little.

The entire rest of the evening, the words rang and rang throughout her head, and Beth's only reprieve from them was sleep.

* * *

The rest of the week, it was strangely easy to forget the unsettling encounter, and to push it further out of her mind with every normal, enjoyable activity she did every day, and even more so every day when, every night, Rick and the others would return after having traveled all day looking for any possible suspicious activity, as well as around the prison grounds.

Yes, they truly were safe, and for that Beth was more than grateful and relieved.

Her supply run day came faster than she had even expected, and again, before she left, as always, it seemed, she couldn't help from locking her knees as she fiddled with her appearance in the mirror, the familiar angry butterflies attacking her stomach. She brushed some imaginary lint off of her mint-green lace long-sleeve shirt, and smoothed down her jeans, hoping the action would distract her from her nerves, but to no avail.

And, as always, she couldn't help but worry profusely about his well-being, and whatever state he could be in once she arrived.

Beth simply adjusted her mother's necklace, the silver glinting in the reflection off of the mirror, the mirror almost seeming to wink knowingly at her.

Beth simply bit her lip, and breathed in deep before leaving.

* * *

As she walked to his apartment, the familiar butterflies wreaking their mean, too-familiar havoc on her insides were simply awful.

Truthfully, Beth thought, if the butterflies flying furiously in her stomach had been literal butterflies, Beth would not even be surprised if Philip would ever bring them up in conversation, she had to imagine the sound of the millions of pairs of wings would be so embarrassingly loud and noticeable every single week in his presence…

She blushed again, but shook herself.

Her steps were silent, and she made herself concentrate on her white sneakers, hoping it would distract her, before she was finally at his door.

And, before she could bring herself to knock, she couldn't help praying that he would be alive and unhurt…healthy and…

But she was startled as, without warning, she heard his voice behind her.

And just at the sound, her cheeks warmed; but Beth still made herself turn, trying to ignore it.

"Hey," he said softly, putting his gun back on his belt, and she was reminded of one of their visits, weeks back, when he had done this very same thing.

But he had been wearing a white dress-shirt and black pants then.

Inwardly she shook herself, honestly feeling ridiculous that she even had remembered that…

But, at the sight of him before her, again, thankfully alive and well, her cheeks grew even hotter, even as a vivid surge of relief sank through her entire body.

Today he was wearing black pants and a navy-blue t-shirt, and she couldn't help but notice, as she continued to look at him, just how concerned he looked for her…

Beth's blush grew even more, to her further embarrassment.

Philip spoke again, as a gentle breeze hit, blowing his soft brown hair back.

"Hey again," he said, rather awkwardly.

"How've you been, Beth? And god…I…I do hope you're feelin' okay from last week…I feel awful that I made you cry…you honestly can still kick me if you need to. I deserve it."

Beth's heart stopped, even as her insides melted to goo, and again, she felt herself blush, as she remembered the feeling of his warm arms from last week…

Now her heart stuttered, and Beth felt her face would surely melt soon, but she smiled, touched at his sweetness.

"Oh, Philip…it's all right. Truly. You…you didn't know. And you didn't do anythin' wrong from mentionin' you used to work where you did…you didn't know. It's more than alright."

On rather weak legs, she realized, she tentatively walked over to him and gently squeezed his arm.

And at the contact, at the feel of his warm, slender bare arm beneath her fingers, again her heart stuttered, at the feel of just how much power and strength he possessed…at the feel of _him_…

She removed her hand, then, and looked at him, and slowly he nodded.

"Alright. But really, it's more than okay if you want to hit me or somethin' like that; I more than deserve it."

He smiled, then, though she knew he was entirely serious, and Beth couldn't help laughing, shaking her head.

"Oh, Philip. I don't want to hit you…but oh…if you insist, maybe I'll do it before I leave."

Here Philip slowly shook his head, looking at her the whole while, his blue gaze almost seeming to burn into her, and here Beth felt a little shell-shocked at the intensity, and as she focused on his smile.

"No you won't, Beth. You're far too kind to ever hurt anybody…even me…and how you don't even want to harm me will forever be beyond my realm of understanding."

Silence fell, Beth not even knowing what to say, before he cleared his throat.

"So…come in, please," he said, gesturing with his hand.

Her attention was caught, however, by the new bloodied bandage on his right hand, the blood absolutely saturating the entire palm portion of his bandage, as well as the angry black bruises she saw on his knuckles…

They looked fresh…

Beth heard his voice, continuing to speak; but even as she processed the words, they were as nothing to her…

"And by the way if I'm ever not here on time, like today, you can just walk in…I won't mind…"

Her brow furrowed in concern and sympathy…the bruises looked so painful…

This was the same hand she had bandaged on her very first visit to him. And, she knew, his hand had healed perfectly since then…

But these new, fresh injuries looked even more terrible than before, and she couldn't help noticing just how raw the wound looked…

_Goodness…only glass could produce such a deep cut, and so much blood…_

And truly, Beth thought there were likely multiple cuts on his palm…or…even worse…possibly he had torn all of the skin off of it…

Beth had seen many injuries in her years of helping her father in his veterinary practice, and many at the prison when she had treated and cared for people before…mostly clumsy children…but why was it that the sight of this wound scared her more than any of the others, she felt so concerned as to how he had gotten it?

This could not be a mere accident…that she knew. Maybe part of it was…but if she was being quite honest, it almost looked self-inflicted, and had her daddy been beside her, she knew he would have agreed with her.

Too late, he noticed where her glance had fallen, and made to put the hand behind his back.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said. "Don't worry about it…it's fine…nothin' to be concerned about."

Philip simply stared at her… still seemingly unworried about the incredibly painful looking injuries to his hand, but Beth couldn't help but finally speak.

"Ph…Philip? How…oh goodness…what happened? I…I can take a look at that for you…oh, it looks awful…."

But he gently shook his head again, smiling gently.

"Beth, no. That's very sweet of you, but I'm more than fine. Really."

Beth bit her lip. He surely was in severe physical pain…that she knew for certain. But though that concerned her greatly, she also wanted to know just what had happened…

Timidly she spoke again, alarm bells ringing in her head.

He had thought she would not have noticed…that she knew for certain as well.

"Philip? Please…be honest with me? How…how did your hand get hurt?"

Philip's smile fell, and he slowly shook his head.

_Was she imagining the slight whitening of his face?_

But though she knew she hadn't, he seemed to re-gain his composure quickly, and Beth had to hand it to him…he masked his emotions well. Almost too well…

"Oh…it's nothin'…I was just killin' Biters this mornin'…that's all. It's really nothin' to be concerned about. Really."

Still he stared at her, and Beth could do nothing but think.

Killing Walkers…that had been his excuse on the day of their very first meeting as well. And Beth knew as surely as she knew her own name that punching a tree in the process of killing one of them truly had been the culprit then…

But this time…no. Beth knew that he was lying, and hated the sinking feeling in her gut that told her so.

But Beth also knew that if he did not want to tell her the truth…he wouldn't…and she had no right to force him.

And honestly, a larger part of her thought he probably hated that she had even seen it…and thereby possibly discovered a dark secret of his that he didn't want anyone at all to know…

But she made herself avert her eyes, despite how sick and pained for him she felt just then, and made herself focus on his face.

Beth made herself smile.

"Al…alright. If you're sure."

Thankfully, Philip smiled at her, just a little, and despite her concern, her heart leaped, and soon enough, she was following him inside.

He shut the door, and like always, Beth sat.

The air outside was bordering on morbidly humid today, though it was cloudy, and though it was still warm in his apartment, it was still far cooler than the outdoors.

"Just wait one minute," he said, smiling a little, and Beth couldn't help laughing as he went over to the red bag situated beneath the window and withdrew water, as usual.

Though Beth still felt her smile fall just a little as she focused on the injuries to his hand as he handed it to her after coming over, but she shook herself, forcing her worry down.

"Thank you," she said softly, taking it from him, and his gentle smile grew.

"Honestly though, if you're hungry I could make you some soup or somethin; I wouldn't mind. I hope I don't offend you, Beth, and I sincerely hope I don't hurt your feelings by sayin' this, but you…you really could stand to eat more."

Beth felt her cheeks warm at his words, but knew he had not meant it in a mean way at all.

Philip paused, then, and then said, "I…I really hope I didn't hurt your feelings…you look more than fine, but it's a little worrying how thin you look."

Beth felt her cheeks warm even further, but she couldn't help laughing a little at his sweetness.

Beth spoke. "Philip…oh…that's very sweet, but I'm okay. And don't worry…I'm not offended at all. I know you didn't mean it as an insult."

Philip smiled a little, then, and said, "Are you sure you don't want any food? You won't be rude, Beth…"

Beth laughed again. "Oh no; I'm more than fine. Though I do wish restaurants still existed…I have no shame in admittin' how much I'd gladly eat at Olive Garden right now. Well…maybe a little."

His smile grew, and he sat down. "That was a good restaurant, too. And you and me both."

Beth smiled as she uncapped her water, and then he spoke.

"So…how was your week?" he asked quietly, but at the words, she was again reminded of the unsettling incident, and she felt her face whiten.

Clearly Philip had noticed, for his expression instantly showed concern for her.

"Hey…are you all right, Beth?" he asked, and Beth simply spoke.

"T…truly…I'm still a little unsettled by what happened, but…oh…it's…it's nothin' really…"

Beth tried to smile, but once she did, she knew it didn't reach her eyes.

"It's clearly more than nothing," he said softly.

Silence fell as she looked at him, and then he spoke again.

"I completely understand if you don't want to tell me if it's somethin' personal, but I do truly hope you'll feel better soon, whatever it is, Beth."

His gentle sincerity sunk down beneath Beth's skin, and despite herself, somehow she did want to tell him…true, reliving it would be awful, but it would make her feel better in the long run.

So, breathing in deep, Beth finally spoke.

"I…just earlier in the week…Rick and Daryl were on watch, and…there were these two terrifyin' guys outside…they were identical twins, and from an awful place…this camp called The Black Forest, and apparently it's a cult full of…of devil worshippers…oh, it sounded awful. T…just their descriptions, and…apparently they'd been kidnapped as revenge by the people of Terminus when they were on the road tryin' to kidnap innocent people to…to be their group's human sacrifices…and…oh…it was awful. They…they found our place by accident; we know that for sure, but…one of the brothers…he…he had a terrifyin' gift…he…he just _knew_ things about complete strangers by simply lookin' at them…just…just general things, like people close to them and physical descriptions…and…and general feelings, but…oh it…it was awful. They're both dead now, thank goodness, but…it…it shook all of us up."

Looking at him, Philip slowly shook his head, his shock and concern showing.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Beth," he said softly.

Beth smiled a little. "It's…it's all right," she said softly.

She took a sip of water, and he spoke again.

"No it's not, and I'm so sorry again, Beth. But you're truly safe there with your whole family. Don't ever forget that."

Somehow his words truly did make her feel better, and she smiled again, though faintly.

"I'm not so sure, but…I…oh, I know I am. It's…it's just…it was truly awful hearin' about such an awful place and such evil people…and it…it just truly hits you how dangerous the world is now."

Philip nodded. "I know I'm one to talk, and in no position to say this, but…yes. This is the time when all the psychos come out…the law doesn't exist anymore."

Beth nodded. "Yes," she said softly. "But you're truly far above those two men…and not like they were at all…or their camp. Believe me, Philip."

Looking at him, as usual, she saw his face betray his disbelief at her words, but he slowly shook his head.

"Thank you, Beth," he said softly, "but you're wrong."

But before she could gently, kindly protest and try to convince him otherwise, he continued.

"But their camp…did they say where it was? That sounds more than dangerous."

Beth nodded, her brows furrowing as she remembered.

"Way north of here, up in the hills…we all estimated it's probably hundreds of miles away from the prison, and then by foot…thankfully we have nothin' to fear. Honestly they would have been lucky to make it back."

Philip simply nodded. "Well that's a relief to hear. And you're right. They honestly would have."

Silence fell again, and for a few moments, neither spoke.

Looking at Philip, though, he seemed as far-off in thoughts as she was, and Beth knew they both were thinking of the camp, and just how awful the world had truly become.

But soon, Philip cleared his throat and tousled his hair.

"So…aside from that…and I'm so sorry again…did you have a good week? I hope you did, Beth. Truly."

Beth nodded, and couldn't help but smile, glad to shove all of the unwelcome fears and unpleasant feelings thinking of the incident transpired out of her mind.

"Yes…I truly did. Did you have a good week? I hope so."

Philip smiled a little. "Yes. And I've actually been pretty lucky food-wise…I've basically been livin' on soup, oatmeal, cookies and potatoes this past week so my food was pretty good."

Beth couldn't help laughing. "Hopefully more soup, oatmeal, and potatoes than cookies."

Philip laughed a little. "Well, I hate to disappoint you, Beth, but…I have most definitely eaten more cookies than oatmeal this past week."

Beth laughed again, shaking her head. "Oh…so unhealthy…but hey. You definitely can't tell," she said, noticing, for what seemed the thousandth time, just how slender and fit he was.

But she also couldn't stop a tide of worry for him…she hoped he always had enough to eat as well.

Speaking softly, her good mood evaporating, she said, "I do hope you always have enough to eat, though. Do you?"

Philip slowly shook his head. "I do. You don't need to worry about me, Beth. Believe me."

The answer appeased her worry, though she also knew that he likely could have been lying, if only to not worry or upset her…

But she made herself ignore her worries concerning his well-being, though it was rather difficult, and concentrate on their conversation.

"Other than that, though, my week's been good. Quiet, as usual."

Beth nodded. "Well that's wonderful to hear," she said.

A quick pause, fell, then, and then she said, "Have you been stargazin' a lot lately? I know you told me you do that a lot."

Philip nodded, tousling his brown hair as he smiled. "Yeah, I have a lot this past week, luckily. But the universe these last few days probably just knows I like to do it, so sent rain instead just so I couldn't."

Beth smiled a little, laughing. "I hear you. The storms really have been awful. We're lucky, though; there's always somethin' to do. We actually had another bonfire the…the night of the incident," she said, speaking a little solemnly as her thoughts were once again pulled back to it, "and it was fun."

He nodded. "I bet. But don't ever worry; eat as much junk food at those things as you can, Beth. You don't need to worry. I don't want to be rude, again, but…you need it."

Beth couldn't keep her shy smile from growing at his words, even as her blush deepened.

She also was beyond touched at his worrying of upsetting her.

"Oh I do; believe me. I have a particular weakness for marshmallows and chocolate," she said, admitting it with just a bit of shyness, her cheeks coloring.

"And oh goodness…last week we had doughnuts, and Cheetos…it was fantastic," she said, laughing a little, her blush only deepening, to her further embarrassment.

Philip laughed a little, shaking his head. "You don't need to be ashamed, Beth. Believe me…I can guarantee you that if we compared your occasional junk food consumption at the bonfires to my regular diet before this when I was fresh out of college, you would not worry at all."

Beth laughed again. "Oh I do remember you tellin' me how bad your diet was; care to enlighten me further?"

He slowly shook his head, still smiling. "You would just get disgusted. But if you really want me to, I will."

Beth nodded. "I don't think anythin' could faze me, Philip, considerin' you already told me the worst of it…somethin' involving eating so much fast food it'd feed a small village in Africa?"

He laughed. "Right you are."

Beth laughed as well. "And you know…I'm more than used to it. Shawn in particular was awful with his eatin' habits. And I doubt you ever put mustard on ice cream like he did. And I'm serious about that!"

She couldn't help shuddering a little as she remembered Shawn's trying to convince her it was delicious, still laughing.

Philip laughed. "Oh god…that would have been a challenge even for me," he said, slowly shaking his head. "Your brother was a brave man."

Beth nodded, smiling a little.

He spoke again, slowly shaking his head, smiling just a little. "Well suffice it to say that I ate out four days a week out of seven, and more often than not I'd get chicken wings, or Chinese, or Italian or Mexican. And ice cream was definitely always a favorite of mine, and I definitely could eat an entire pizza by myself in one night and still be hungry for more crap. On the three days I didn't eat out, I mostly made soup or stir-fry for myself, or I always liked eggs for lunch and dinner, and other breakfast foods. Or I always bought a bunch of pre-prepared lunch meat or somethin' at the grocery store and made sandwiches for myself, which were always augmented by chips or other junk food to go along with them most days, though I did sometimes include fruit and vegetables with them. Or on days I didn't eat out I would just buy chicken tenders or pasta salads and stuff at the grocery store…so there you have it. I lied through my teeth to my mother every week, though I felt horrible for lying to her."

Beth laughed a little, slowly shaking her head. "Goodness, Philip…I'm surprised you're even still alive!" she said, gently teasing.

He laughed, too, and tousled his hair.

"Me too. And like I told you, I always have been slender my whole life…it's a wonder I've never been even remotely close to overweight, considerin' just how much crap I always willingly consumed before this when I was younger. It always made me laugh when every time I'd go to the doctor, I was always told I was a perfectly healthy weight, and could even stand to gain some. My friends and me would always joke about how I could definitely win us all some serious money by enterin' competitive eating competitions, and I definitely would have excelled at those," he said, smile growing.

"Actually, one time in college I did at a festival goin' on for our university's foreign language department…the prize was $200, and I actually won. It was pie eating, and I didn't even feel sick afterwards."

Beth laughed, imagining it.

He slowly shook his head. "So there you have it. I sincerely hope you think less of me now, Beth. I'd be very surprised if you didn't."

Beth slowly shook her own head at him, still gently smiling.

"So you had the most disgustin' eatin' habits when you were younger. Big deal," she said. "It truly doesn't make me think any less of you, Philip."

Philip gently nodded. "I will never understand that, Beth, but thank you."

She laughed again, and another quick silence returned.

She took another sip of water, and then spoke again.

"Have you at least found any good books on your runs or anythin' like that to keep you entertained or somethin' at night?" Beth asked. "I sincerely hope so."

He shook his head. "No, sadly; but to be fair when I go on runs, books really aren't my number one priority, even if there were any."

Beth nodded. "True. I just really, really would give anythin' in the world to have music again," she said, growing just a little solemn as she recalled all the music she and her mother had loved before the apocalypse.

"I really miss all of my albums; and the radio, too. I'd give anythin' to have them back."

Philip nodded. "That would be nice. I'd give anythin' to have all my Bush albums back, like I've told you before."

Beth couldn't help smiling just a little at this, her sorrow vanishing, and shook her head.

"What other music did you like before this besides them? Not that they weren't great, though, because they did have good songs," she said hastily. "They just weren't my favorite band, or style of music."

He laughed. "It's more than fine if you weren't as big a fan as me; I wouldn't expect you to be. But it'd be sacrilege to name other bands I liked just as much as them."

Beth smiled, and he continued.

"I always did like some pop songs, dependin' on what they were. And some heavy metal was ok to me, but my favorite genre was always rock and alternative rock."

Beth nodded. "I approve."

Philip gently smiled. "Actually, what about you, Beth? I know you wanted to maybe become a singer someday for a career, but who were your favorite groups?"

Beth momentarily started, surprised he had even remembered that from last week, but she quickly recovered.

Smiling a little, put on the spot, she thought.

"Ah…goodness…I do have to admit I always loved country. And gosh…my mama and I were especially big fans of Rayna James!" she said, laughing affectionately as she remembered.

"My mama had all of her albums, and I remember when I was ten, I heard her playin' one of them when she was doing laundry, and I asked her who it was, and that cemented my love for her music as well!"

Beth shook her head, still smiling. "Maggie always hated country music, especially hers, but my mama and me loved her music, and her band. And gosh, every single time she was in the magazines or on the news, we just had to buy it or watch it!"

She laughed. "Gosh, we were ridiculous! But especially about Deacon Claybourne," she said, blushing a little as she remembered her own intense crush on the man to rival her mother's.

Looking at him, Beth said, only blushing deeper by the minute, "I always had the biggest crush on him, along with Milo Ventimiglia, if you can't tell."

She sheepishly laughed, and continued, "And David Conrad…the guy from _Ghost Whisperer, _if you ever watched it_; _they were always my three major celebrity crushes."

Philip gently grinned. "It's nothin' to be embarrassed over, Beth, and I did watch that show from time to time when there was nothin' else on. It was always decent. Penny actually loved to watch it, though she could never understand what was goin' on of course."

Beth couldn't help smiling. "Oh, how cute! She definitely had good taste!"

Philip's smile grew. "Though I hate to disappoint you…her one true love was still Prince Eric through and through. David Conrad couldn't come close to him in her eyes."

Beth nodded. "That's adorable, and completely understandable. And I don't blame her; Prince Eric was always the crème de la crème of men for little girls back before this! I know I loved him when I was her age."

Philip laughed a little, tousling his hair. "Oh yes…I remember she was over the moon when she got a picture with him at Disney World when she was five…it was the cutest thing…He even kissed her on the cheek, and when my wife and me took her out to dinner that night she just kept babbling about him. It was so sweet."

Beth smiled warmly, melting a little at the sweet image.

"That's so adorable. And good for her! I never was that lucky to get a picture with him all the times we went there," she said, laughing.

He smiled. "Actually…to change the subject, my wife loved Rayna James too, and we even saw them in concert once. I surprised her with it."

Beth's eyes widened. "Oh, you guys were so lucky! We got tickets to see them once, but the venue ended up bein' rained out the night of, and the performance was canceled. We were so disappointed! Was it as wonderful as I think it was? And oh…goodness…was Deacon as gorgeous with whatever he was wearing as I think for sure he was in my head?"

Beth blushed, laughing a little, and putting a hand on her heart, said, "Oh goodness…I'm so sorry…it's just…"

Philip laughed again. "God…it's more than fine, Beth. And don't worry; you don't seem crazy to me. But as to your questions: it was a good performance, though I'm not really the right person to ask as to how attractive he was."

Beth laughed, even as her blush grew a little, and she said, "I'm sorry…I'm just so used to talkin' about guys with my friends from before this that you forget sometimes when you're talkin' to a man…we girls ask those kinds of questions among each other a lot."

He grinned a little, and said, "It's more than fine, Beth. Believe me. And like I said, it was a good performance. I really enjoyed it. My wife, like you and your mother, always loved her music, and him, too, and she was really miserable in her last trimester with Penny…she'd always had really bad morning sickness and the like, and I just felt terrible for her, so for her birthday one weekend I secretly bought tickets for us…third-row…and backstage passes. It cost me a lot but I didn't care. I just wanted her birthday to be special for her."

Beth smiled, touched by his sweetness.

"Oh…that's so sweet. I'm sure she was over the moon from it."

He laughed, adjusting his watch as he nodded.

"Yep…they were both really nice, and after the backstage part, which took place before the concert, I told them both in secret that it was her birthday, so right before intermission, they called her on stage, and Deacon personally serenaded her…he knelt before her chair and held her hand the whole time…I can guarantee you that for the duration of that song, she completely forgot I even existed."

Beth said, "Oh goodness…I would have been blushing the whole time if that would have been me!"

He nodded, still smiling. "I can only imagine…no offense, though, Beth. I always made fun of her because on the whole, she really was a very outgoing person and kind of a tomboy in some ways…she really loved sports and everythin' like me…but when it came to him, she was such an awestruck, shy woman. It was adorable."

Beth smiled, nodding. "Well if it makes you feel any better…I'm sure most women would have forgotten their husbands too if Deacon Claybourne had personally serenaded them. I know I would probably have…not that I feel proud of it," she finished, laughing.

Philip nodded, and said, "Yeah…she just said that I should learn to play guitar like him after the concert, and that was that. But that really was a fun evening."

Beth said, "I can only imagine. And goodness…I still can't get over the fact that you met them! And were in the presence of country royalty! And were in the same room as Deacon Claybourne! I'm so jealous."

Beth blushed a little at her excitement; but he only gently smiled, and she took a sip of water once more.

"Yep…I am a man of many secrets," he said softly, and though she knew he was joking, she was unable to stop herself from sobering, as she looked at his injured hand again.

Goodness…how very true his statement was…

As she only continued to dwell on it, especially in his absence, for he'd had to check something outside, her earlier sorrow and concern for him returned, and she could only think in silence.

There was still so much that she didn't know about him…

And, horribly…still so many painful, private sufferings that he for certain battled with every single day and night, and Beth knew he would not tell a soul of them, simply because he felt he deserved care and sympathy from nobody at all.

And the thought more than broke her heart for him.

But was there something wrong with her that she only wanted to learn anything and everything about him?

And goodness… was there something wrong with her that she wanted to discover his secrets; that she wanted him to confide in her the heartbreaks that likely drove him to unimaginable grief every night?

And was there something still the more wrong with her that she wanted to only offer him comfort and tenderness and kindness as to possibly ease his sufferings and self-hatred; that she only simply wanted to make him smile and be happy again, in the way that any other woman in her position, or her age, would never have done? In the way that any other person left in the world never would have done, after knowing all he had done?

Beth did not know; but oddly, only imagining her family's reactions to her concern for him made her fear the possibility that perhaps there was.

True…all that he had done would forever be burned into her brain, and forever cause her sorrow, to think about and remember all that had occurred.

Absolutely everything he had done had been absolutely sick; so incredibly twisted and so supremely evil. That she knew.

But what Beth also knew was that the man who had done all of those evil things had not been the real Philip Blake, who had been sitting in front of her before.

Each and every single second in his presence, more and more it was clear to her that the real Philip regretted everything he had done; wished he could take it all back; and forever hated the man he had slowly but surely morphed into once he had become The Governor of Woodbury.

There truly had been no escape from the madness and the insanity that the end of the world had brought upon him.

Nor no escape from the unimaginable grief and heartbreak from losing his daughter so early in life…or any thing to pull him back from the darkness of anger and hatred that had changed him so drastically.

And there truly had been nobody at all to save him from the dark and winding, twisted path he had been pulled down, when, had he been in his right mind, he would have been scrambling to run the other way.

Beth knew that with all of her heart…Philip would have been.

Early on in their meetings, the thought would have caused her distress, and alarm, and made her think she was as sick and evil as she had always only thought he was.

But now it only made her feel light and weightless, where there had once been only a heavy sinking feeling in her chest.

The blood-red sun was slowly sinking outside, and she was momentarily startled when he softly spoke.

Beth turned, where he stood at the door; and as before, her eyes fell to his hand, but she made herself smile, thankful her thoughts about him while he had been gone were not transparent to him.

"It's still pretty nice outside," he said.

Beth nodded, and got up, going over to him where he waited to walk her to the gate as usual, trying to ignore just how her heart was racing and her stomach was swirling.

Slowly they walked, in a comfortable silence, and soon enough, they reached it.

Beth also tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach at the sight.

And the near crippling anxiety that he wouldn't harm himself further, as she horribly suspected he had with his hand.

Slowly he gently smiled, tousling his hair.

"I hope you have a wonderful week, Beth, and a safe trip home. And I really hope you won't feel unsafe from what you told me happened…every single one of your family back there would do anything to protect you. Believe it."

As he spoke this last part, his smile had vanished, and now he was looking at her with the utmost concern.

Beth felt herself smile, even as her stomach swirled at his sweetness in trying to allay her fears, and simply laughed a little.

"I… I do feel much better, Philip, but thank you. And I will. You have a wonderful week too, all right?"

At the sight of his smile returning, again, her heart skipped a beat, and he only gently nodded.

"I'll certainly try."

If the situation had been normal, Beth could have laughed…but her eyes fell, again, of seemingly their own accord, to his hand, and she bit her lip.

Going closer to him, Beth gently took his hand, being as gentle as she could possibly be with it, and tenderly caressed the palm, where the wound was the most awful.

"And I sincerely hope next week you'll still have your poor hand," she said softly, knowing her eyes were radiating the sympathy and concern she felt for him.

The minutes ticked away as his one blue eye held both of hers…and then, too late, Beth realized she was still holding his warm hand, and she blushed furiously, slowly releasing it.

Still they were close, and then he only gently smiled, looking at the ground.

"We'll see, Beth, knowin' me. But honestly…havin' one hand would be much worse than havin' one eye like I do…you get used to it pretty quickly, surprisingly. But god is the worst part the depth perception bein' messed up…I'm used to it, but there still are plenty of mornings where I walk into things after wakin' up, or times when I trip in the shower and smack my face."

Philip looked back at her then, his gentle smile only growing, and slowly shook his head.

"Yet another reason why you should be embarrassed for yourself that you willingly spend time with a dumbass like me every single week."

Beth couldn't help laughing at his confession, even through her sympathy, and said, "Oh…I'm so sorry."

He nodded. "Thank you, but there's really nothin' to be sorry for."

Instead of protesting, Beth simply laughed again, and then another thought occurred to her, making her smile.

"But hey…admit it, Philip. Am I the only person you'd ever admit that to?"

Her smile grew as he only shrugged and nodded, still smiling himself, and said, "Yep. You got me, Beth."

Beth laughed again, and simply walked closer to him, once again squeezing his warm arm, as she had at the beginning of their visit.

"Well your secret is more than safe with me, Philip, and I'm more than honored."

He laughed a little. "Well I'm glad you are, Beth."

Again, silence fell, and now, without the distraction of speech, Beth again felt her heart stutter at just how close he was to her just then…and just how warm his arm was…

Blushing lightly again, she removed her hand, and then stepped back a little.

But…again, her eyes fell to his right hand, and she couldn't stop herself from softly saying, "Take care of yourself, Philip. Have a wonderful week."

Slowly Philip nodded, and said, "I will, Beth. You too"

Beth simply nodded at him, before finally walking through the gate.

The entire rest of the evening, her thoughts were on him, alternately making her heart skip one second, and her heart break the next as she again was reminded of his injured hand.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you again for all of my lovely reviewers/followers and people who have favorited this...it truly means a lot! :)**

**ALSO...I know you all are likely thoroughly bored of my awful conversations, but not to spoil...these two are headed for a major breakthrough coming up. I promise! ;) They are slowly but surely headed for major progress!**

**And I would also like to say that not every single chapter will be as long as these all are; this story is going to be VERY long and intense and these conversation chapters are super long for a reason...to set a foundation :) I am naturally a long-winded writer though so most chapters will be longer, but I know it must be annoying reading pages upon pages of the same boring stuff every single time I upload.**

**AND finally...I am thinking of doing a Deleted Scenes type story for my three Beth/Philip oneshots I wrote...they would all be random updates but there are many scenes I wish I had been able to keep in for length (Many scenes I cut out in my Moonlight Visits oneshot; their actual wedding ceremony in my Alexandria one instead of right after, and many more!) and I just love these two so much so I am thinking of starting this. I probably will, but let me know if that would interest anyone or if that is a stupid idea! **

**I hope everyone is having a great summer so far! :)**

* * *

Beth softly sang to Judith, gently jostling her, as she stood in the doorway of her cell, having just given Judith her bottle.

The sky was gray outdoors, and the air was crackling with an intense humidity that she knew would absolutely refuse to give way until the inevitable storm finally hit later that evening.

Beth smiled at Judith, who was adorably and enthusiastically babbling as she sang to her, but eventually, she let her gaze shift elsewhere, and as always, an all-too familiar feeling consumed Beth, and before long, she was a million miles away.

Soon even the sound of her own voice was drowned out, she was so lost in her thoughts, and her smile had faded, replaced with an overwhelmingly sad, lost, and worried expression.

Philip's face flashed before her, and more horrible images of his bandaged, injured hand danced before her eyes.

Beth numbly felt herself gently tighten her hold on Judith as she sang, the feel of the baby she loved so much warm and comforting, and she could feel her brows furrowing again in worry.

Ever since their last meeting the previous week, she found her thoughts pulled even more strongly towards him, and she couldn't deny she was even more anxious for this week's visit, so she could gain confirmation that he hadn't hurt himself further…that he wasn't hurt…that he was alive and well…and that maybe he wasn't hurting so badly inside and so filled with pain and heartbreak and self-loathing this week that he hadn't felt the need to hurt himself because he felt he deserved it…

Even now, imagining what he could further do to himself (and, horribly, possibly _would _further do to himself) made her heart twist and her stomach positively dip as though she'd fallen a thousand feet, and, quite honestly, she felt almost faint with worry.

She felt her heart crack again as she pictured the likely reality of him, sad and alone and desolate at night, possibly crying, as he thought of Penny…and then the completely awful and heartbreaking and terrifying image of him taking his heartbreak and self-hatred out on himself as he thought simultaneously of her and all the horrible things he had done, the glass angry and unforgiving as he…

Now her heart positively broke in two for him, and she couldn't allow herself to finish her thoughts, for they scared her far too much…She couldn't allow herself to picture his self-torture, and again, the anxiety in her stomach rose to near-crippling levels.

Beth bit her lip, and as she thought of him, again, she could not stop herself from completely dissolving with worry inside.

_Was there truly something wrong with her for just how badly she hurt for him?_

_And was there truly something wrong with her for just how badly she only wanted to make him smile, and be happy, and possibly find peace with himself, and with life once again, after all he had done?_

As before, Beth could not conjure an answer. She wanted to think there wasn't, but as always, imagining just how everyone at the prison would look at her with disgust and hatred made her insides constrict and made her shrivel up inside.

Thinking again of Philip, and how beautiful it had been when he'd actually, genuinely smiled at her last week, involuntarily, her stomach flipped, and her heart skipped…She could still feel his warm hand in hers, and again her heart skipped as her cheeks bloomed, feeling herself blushing violently…

Beth bit her lip even harder. No…she honestly didn't want to think there was anything wrong with her, but she had never been the most confident girl alive, and all her insecurities were doubled now as she only imagined every one she loved at the prison discovering the truth of how she felt about him…

She was distracted by a fist pulling on her mother's necklace, and couldn't help starting in both shock and guilt as she'd realized she'd stopped singing a long time ago, and had been thoroughly neglecting Judith, though certainly not intentionally, of course.

Gently kissing her cheek, she softly said, "Oh, sweetheart…I'm so sorry!"

Beth felt unbelievable guilt, and was just about to start singing again, when suddenly, she couldn't help laughing a little as Judith attempted to put her mother's necklace in her mouth.

Gently removing the heart from the path to Judith's mouth, she said, "Oh, you silly girl! You can't eat this! You'll have to wait for dinner, honey."

Her smile only grew at Judith's toothless smile, and she said, "Come on…let's go outside. It's very nice and warm today, even if it is cloudy."

And, as she gathered up a blanket and Judith's toys, putting them into a little bag, again, Beth felt her smile fall as she only pictured Philip.

She momentarily paused, the storybook she was planning to read to Judith threatening to fall from her hands.

But then she shook herself.

He would be all right when she saw him this week…he would be…

She repeated the mantra to herself, hoping with everything she had that it would be true.

Slinging the purple bag over her shoulder, she picked up Judith once again and kissed her cheek absentmindedly, holding her protectively.

"Come on, sweetheart."

* * *

Beth softly smiled as Judith smiled and played with the small flower Beth had given her, though she knew her eyes still betrayed the same tense worry that she felt her entire body was rigid with.

Beth breathed in deep as another blast of warm air hit, blowing the sleeves of her navy-blue t-shirt back.

The prison was unusually quiet today, Rick and the majority of others gone on a major supply run, and honestly, despite her worry, as Maggie was a part of it, Beth was almost grateful for it.

She honestly felt less diseased and branded at the reality that nobody could look at her today and know just the man she was thinking about, to be honest. Though she did know it would be impossible for anyone to know she was thinking about Philip, her paranoia that someone ever would find out never seemed to leave her.

Looking up at the darkening gray sky, she could only hope everyone would be back soon. The foreboding for just how terrible this thunderstorm would be tonight was more than visible.

Though Beth couldn't help brightening and softly smiling at the welcome sight of Patrick sheepishly coming towards her.

The memory of the day she had broken his heart on the day he'd confessed he loved her also never left her, and it left her feeling a sharp, stinging pain of remorse and guilt whenever she looked at him, and whenever she looked at Zach.

Beth couldn't help her smile from falling at the memory, and the intense guilt and heartbreak she felt for having hurt Patrick as he approached her, but she was encouraged to see that he was at least smiling, though she did sadly note that he was blushing.

Beth hated herself thoroughly for having hurt Patrick so badly with her gentle rejection, and for having hurt Zach, and particularly because Patrick truly was such a wonderful new-found friend that she loved so much, and so sweet. But as before, as she focused on his smile, her heart warmed, and she was grateful at least that he seemed happy today. Or as happy as he could possibly be ever since that day, and though he still obviously had very strong feelings for her, if she could make him happy by simply spending time with him, she would do it, even if she hadn't considered him a friend as she did.

Quite honestly, she knew she'd do anything to see Patrick smile every day, Beth felt so unbearably guilty.

Soon, he reached them, and slowly sank down, though a little awkwardly, as another breeze blew his hair back, and ruffled his own gray t-shirt.

"Hi, Beth," he said, smiling a little as he adjusted his glasses. "How's it going?"

Beth genuinely smiled, his presence a welcome distraction from all of her worry about Philip, and everyone gone on the run, and gently squeezed his arm.

He reddened, but cleared his throat, and she said, "I'm pretty well, Patrick. How have you been? I feel like it's been forever since we last hung out like this."

Then she hated herself as she realized the last time they had hung out one on one had been on the day he'd confessed his feelings for her, and now she knew her eyes only betrayed her worry and remorse for her slip of the tongue.

He noticed, and softly smiled. "Oh, Beth…I'm fine. Really. You're fine. Believe me."

Beth only gently said, "I…I really do hope so…I…gosh…I'm still so sorry, Patrick…I really, really hope you are doing all right…it never was my intention to hurt you…"

Thankfully, Patrick laughed a little.

"Gosh, Beth…you're so nice…but really. I'm fine. We are still friends, and you weren't mean at all with telling me how you felt…believe me. I've been rejected by other girls before in very mean, cruel ways…your way wasn't."

Beth's heart effectively broke for Patrick even further, and she said, "Oh…I'm so glad, Patrick…and believe me…all of those girls didn't deserve you. Believe that."

He reddened again, but smiled at her with such bashful sincerity that, again, it made her heart warm.

"Oh…I believe it's the other way around, Beth…I sure didn't deserve any of them at all…but thanks. And I honestly don't think any less of you for not feeling the same for me…in fact I think even more of you. No girl wants an ugly geek like me. I'm going to be alone forever. I've made my peace with that. But thank you, truly…it really means a lot to hear that from you."

Beth's heart broke even more for him, and she only gently said, "Oh, Patrick…never say any of those things again. Please? You won't be alone forever, and you are not ugly, or a geek…believe me. You're a wonderful guy, and one of the best I know."

Patrick's shock was evident on his face, but he gently smiled, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thanks, Beth. I always am grateful we're friends every day."

Beth smiled. She gently poked his arm.

"Right back at you."

Patrick blushed again, but she still couldn't help smiling. It honestly was endearing.

A natural silence fell again, and again, Philip's face flashed before her.

Beth could feel the worry seizing hold of her once again, and she made herself pick grass, absently shredding it.

Patrick seemed to notice, though, and gently said, "Beth? Gosh…are you all right? You…you look so worried. Are…are you thinking about those guys that came here last week? From the cult camp? If you are…don't worry. We're safe here, though I still think you are far more brave than I am…I wouldn't have been able to be in the same room with them like you were."

Remembering the frightening men from last week, Beth felt her brow furrow, but she only shook her head, gently looking up at Patrick, feeling even guiltier for worrying Patrick.

"Oh…no. I'm so sorry I'm so distracted…but I'm fine, Patrick. Really. But you're sweet. And…no…honestly, strange as it may sound, I…I'm not. Yes, it was terrifyin' bein' in the same room with them, and it honestly shook me bad, like it did all of us…but…I'm grateful at least that they're dead now, and that we…we truly are safe here. The world's such a dark, evil place now, and bein'…bein' in the same room with them was truly a nightmare, like I said, but…it…it honestly does make me even happier that we're all a big family here, and safe. We…we honestly have love, and happiness, and true light here at the prison, when all people like those men had back at their camp was darkness and evil and ugliness and cruelty. We…we're the lucky ones. Not them. And not their camp."

Patrick nodded.

Beth couldn't help smiling a little though, at her next words.

"Though I do think it's so sweet that you think I was brave sittin' in on the meetin'…I assure you, Patrick, I was ready to pee my pants the whole time!"

Patrick laughed a little, and eventually so did she.

"Well still…you're braver than I am, Beth," Patrick said, and she only gently smiled.

As another natural pause fell, Beth again was lost in her thoughts.

Yes…honestly, it truly had been easy to push the unsettling encounter from her mind, and banish it…Beth knew the encounter would always shake her down to her core, but it truly was easier for her to simply not think of it, and focus on the positive. She'd always been that way when faced with unpleasant events, and that one, though infinitely terrifying, was no different.

But again, as she thought of Philip, she started.

Somehow it wasn't easy to push her worry for him down, and forget the sight of his poor, injured hand from last week…

No. It wasn't easy at all, and the two men from last week truly paled in comparison to just how frightening his private, secret pain was to her.

Another breeze hit, and she was momentarily distracted as Patrick spoke again.

"Well…hey…I have something that might cheer you up for a bit. There are some really neat looking puzzles inside…wanna do one for a while?"

At Patrick's sweetness, Beth couldn't help but smile, and gratefully nodded.

"I'd love to, Patrick. You can go and choose one…whichever one you want."

He grinned, and said, "OK. I'll be right back!"

Beth still continued to smile as she watched him run back into the prison, and then couldn't help but softly laugh a little as she tickled Judith and kissed her on the cheek, making the brown-haired baby laugh adorably.

"Oh, sweetheart…I love you so much. And aren't you excited to do your very first puzzle in just a few minutes?"

She picked Judith up and held her in her lap, handing her another dandelion, and then picked her own and blew on it.

Beth watched the white, delicate petals float away into the breeze, and with them, she hoped her ominous forebodings and horrid visions concerning what Philip would possibly do further to himself would disappear as well, hoping with all her heart they wouldn't become realities.

* * *

After dinner, Sasha and Beth went outside to sit at the picnic tables, as it was finally cooling off, and though cracks of far-off thunder had finally begun to hit, the rain had not started yet.

Thankfully, everyone from the supply run had returned safe, and Rick had Judith in his cell for the evening.

The relief of everyone having returned home safe from the supply run had more than calmed Beth, at least for that worry, and dinner with Sasha, Bob, Maggie, Glenn, and Rick and Daryl had been more than enjoyable.

Though despite the talk and the fun antics that had occurred at their table (mainly Maggie and Daryl trading increasingly humorous insults to each other) deep down inside her gut, Beth had still felt so very anxious, with her stomach still threatening to burst with butterflies, despite the fun she had been having, and that same sorrow from earlier had returned in cruel full force, as she only despairingly continued to think of Philip further.

Beth feared her worry was almost too noticeable, and truthfully had been surprised that nobody at all had noticed it at dinner.

Thankfully, though, Sasha hadn't seemed to notice anything was amiss with her, so that gave Beth momentary relief.

"God are you lucky you weren't on that supply run today, Beth," Sasha said, laughing a little as she kicked off her shoes.

Despite her worry, Beth still managed to laugh, and she asked, "Why? What happened?"

Beth took her own shoes off and pulled her knees up to her chest, examining her toes, as she awaited Sasha's answer.

Sasha shook her head. "I was lucky enough to be put in Rick's car…but I hadn't anticipated Maggie and Daryl sniping at each other the entire way there like two teenagers, Daryl's awful-smelling food he ended up bringing back from one of the stores and him eating it with his fingers and trying to get us all to eat it when we thought we were all going to gag…and Glenn's choosing of this weird rap CD we were all forced to listen to on the way back. Honestly…the ride part was fun, despite Maggie and Daryl…but once we were there with all the other people, some of them were just complaining…and god…I was glad to go kill some Walkers and let off some steam!"

Sasha laughed again, and Beth couldn't help laughing too.

"Man…honestly I do wish I could have been there with you guys. It honestly sounds fun. Especially that rap CD. But god…seriously…I would…I would kill to be seen as useful around here…to be able to go on big group supply runs and have people think I could do important stuff…"

Beth trailed off, honestly cringing a little inside at just how even more pathetic she was sure she sounded.

Though somehow what she had just said would only have rendered her unbearably humiliated had she confessed it to _him. _Philip…

Thinking of him yet again, at that moment, Beth again felt her heart lurch and her cheeks warm, even as only another violent knot cascaded through her stomach.

Yet Sasha spoke, and Beth felt a gentle kick on her leg, distracting her.

"Aww, Beth…look at me!"

Beth did, and Sasha's mouth was honestly agape at what she had just expressed.

"Beth…we do all see you as useful! And you are useful…you bring back loads of important stuff every single week, all by yourself! That is important!"

Beth couldn't help but smile, and softly said, "Oh…thanks, Sasha. I…I didn't mean you…mainly…mainly Maggie…I…I just think she thinks I'm weak. I…I mean I know I am… It's just…she would never let me go on a big group supply run with all of you guys…I'd never hear the end of it…"

Sasha said, "Beth, you are not weak. You are one of the strongest girls I know, and I feel proud to consider you my younger sister. The little sister that I never had but that I always wanted…and yes. I do agree that Maggie can be a little harsh with you sometimes, and very overprotective…but she just cares about you too much. She doesn't think you're weak. I'm sure of it. And we all just love you too much…that's why we all couldn't bear it if something ever happened to you on a big run. It…it can get so dangerous. I've had close calls before…it's honestly terrifying."

Beth nodded, Sasha's words comforting, and she finally only smiled.

Beth did know that everyone at the prison did simply love her too much, and that warmed her heart, as she loved all of them with her whole heart. And she knew they would all be distraught if something ever did happen to her on a big supply run, and that thought more than touched her, but…

Despite Sasha's words, Beth still couldn't help thinking that Maggie truly did see her as weak, and that she was weak, to everyone who saw her.

Honestly, she was sure all everyone saw when they looked at her was just a dead girl walking, and it honestly made her feel even more pathetic and shriveled up inside, and made her cheeks burn with embarrassment…

Maggie…Hershel…Rick…Daryl…Sasha…Glenn…Bob…Tyreese…Patrick…Zach…

Stopping herself from mentally naming everyone in the prison, Beth still couldn't help her cheeks from violently flaming and her heart from skipping as she saw Philip's face…

_Yes…oh goodness yes... Philip most certainly saw her as weak…how ever could he not?_

Somehow, the near certainty that Philip surely thought that she was weak and pathetic was far more humiliating than everyone else thinking it, to the point it was painful.

Her cheeks only continued to burn as she fixated on that thought, and then she shook herself, making herself stop thinking of it.

"I…I know. I know. Thank you, Sasha…despite what I'll always think about myself…you honestly did make me feel better."

Sasha smiled, and pulled her into a hug, making Beth laugh.

"What are sisters for, right? I'm so glad."

Beth nodded as they released. "I sure got lucky to have two such amazing older sisters."

Sasha arched her eyebrow. "But I'm the fun one, right?"

Beth grinned, nodding. "Oh…definitely. Maggie, bless her heart, can be too much of a…"

Sasha said, "Prison warden? Don't get me wrong, I love that girl to death…but Maggie can be way too strict sometimes."

Beth couldn't stifle another laugh. "Oh…I was going to say mother…but your term works."

Another breeze hit, and Sasha said, "Man…we should do makeovers again soon. My toes really need a pedicure."

Beth agreed, looking at her own toes again.

It honestly was a little terrifying…how long had her toenails looked this terrible?

Vehemently nodding, Beth said, "Oh definitely. I'm in. That was so fun last time."

Sasha said, "Then it's settled. Girls Night number two is on the way. Though man…you know what we should do? We should all _so_ find a way to corner Daryl and tie him down and force him to get a makeover and then walk through the whole prison all made up…oh god. Maggie would love that."

At the mental image, Beth couldn't help giggling, and she said, "Oh god…that's diabolical. It would be so evil…and somehow it would be so hilarious. I'm in."

Sasha said, "I shall talk to Maggie and she'll devise a plan."

Beth laughed again. "Sounds good."

As a natural pause fell, before long, Beth's thoughts were on Philip yet again… all of those lonely miles away… and she couldn't help biting her lip.

_Was he safe? Was he warm tonight? Had he eaten enough?_

_Was he still unharmed?_

Sasha spoke again, softly kicking her leg again, and Beth jumped slightly, startled.

"Hey, Beth. Is something bothering you? You can talk to me…you just look so worried."

Looking at Sasha, Beth honestly couldn't find words to speak.

She could only imagine just how Sasha's expression would sour, how her eyes would grow hard, and how incredulous she would grow upon learning the reason for her worry…

And, honestly, the man she was even worrying about…

Sasha spoke again, and she said, "You're not still having worries from what happened last week, are you? With those two insane men from the Council meeting? If you are…oh, Beth. You shouldn't worry. They're dead now, and it shook me real bad, too, but…we're all safe here. Truly."

She gently squeezed her shoulder, and Beth shook her head, still solemn.

"Oh…no. No, I'm not…honestly…it may sound so strange but it was honestly so easy for me to just forget that…though that whole entire experience was honestly one of the most horrifyin' things I think I've ever went through…"

Sasha nodded. "Same with me, Beth. You don't have to be embarrassed about that. It was terrifying for all of us."

Beth furrowed her eyebrows, looking at the parched grass.

"I…it took me awhile to remember in the immediate aftermath but I know we all are safe. We are all safe here…it's just…oh…it's…it's nothin' really. It's…you really just realize just how evil the world is now, with things like that, even more so, and it's just terrifyin."

She paused, and then softly repeated, "It's nothing." The lie made her cheeks burn just a little.

Beth could still feel the warm feel of his hand in hers, and the rough gauze of his bandage when she'd held it for those few fleeting moments, at their last parting last week, and again her heart skipped, both in concern and sorrow and something else…

Her blush only grew, but Beth only bit her lip firmly.

It would be impossible to ever convey in words to anybody here the real reason for her sorrow…and impossible to ever confess just how much she always worried about him, and just how she had slowly come to forgive him, and care about him…

Impossible, and the reality somehow made her feel even more alone and full of sorrow.

Taking in a deep, silent breath, she finally looked back at Sasha and made herself smile, though she knew it was faint.

"I'm fine. Really. But thank you for worryin'."

Sasha softly said, "That's what older sisters are for, Beth."

She gently rubbed Beth's arm, before pulling back, still looking worried, and Beth made her smile grow just a little.

"Well…despite my gut feeling…that never fails, by the way…I knew the girl Tyreese liked when we were back in high school when he was all secretive about her…"

Beth laughed a little.

"And despite my insane worry…I can't tell exactly what's bothering you, so how does a bunch of junk food and gossip sound for later tonight? And then a huge group game of hide and seek inside with flashlights once it finally gets dark…that was actually Daryl's idea. And surprisingly, Maggie's in."

Beth nodded. "That sounds amazing, Sasha, and just what may help. Thank you…and I'm so sorry for worryin' you…I'm so sorry…"

Again, Beth felt her guilt creeping back up, but Sasha only shook her head.

"You don't have to be sorry, Beth. But believe me…you can talk to me about everything. And when you're ready to talk, I'll listen. I just love you so much, Beth, and it isn't right when you're sad."

Beth gently smiled a little, and said, "Oh…right back at you Sasha, and the same goes for you. I'll always listen if you ever need to talk. But I…I'll be fine. Believe me…I…it'll…it will all be fine. I'm sure of it."

But deep down inside herself, Beth was silently praying that her worries regarding Philip would only prove to be unnecessary, and hated the sinking feeling in her gut that told her that, sadly, all of her worries were very much warranted.

Yet again, she heard the disembodied voice, and saw the scraggly black hair and rotten, deformed, terrifying and smirking face, as only another violent clap of thunder sounded, far-off in the distance.

"_You can't deny it!"_

* * *

It was more than humid as she slowly walked to his apartment, the sun momentarily masked by somber gray clouds.

Beth focused on her worn black ballet flats as she slowly walked, and silently made herself breathe in deep, once again trying not to focus on the all-too familiar perpetual worry that was simply flying through her stomach.

Just breathe, she thought…just breathe…he'll be all right…

A breeze hit, blowing the gauzy sleeves of her sky-blue lace shirt she'd chosen to wear that day back, and she made herself brush imaginary lint off her black Capri pants, hoping the action would further distract her.

Her supply run as usual had gone well, with only minimal Walkers to dispatch, and she'd gotten a lot of food and bandages, in addition to other things.

Beth was more than pleased with her accomplishments this week, but despite that, her momentary elation had faded quickly when she had thought of Philip upon getting into the truck…

Though not that she had ever truly forgotten, of course…truthfully she had been rather distracted while killing the few Walkers she'd had to, only seeing his face.

Beth had pushed all of her worry away as best she could while gathering the supplies, only focusing on what she was getting and what she needed, moving efficiently and quickly, trying to make herself think of nothing else; and somehow it had worked, at least partly.

But now, with nothing at all to focus on, the worry was only eating away at her, and she needed to see him, alive and well before her, before it would finally ease.

Finally looking up, though, her knees grew weak and her stomach swirled as she saw him, coming back from around the corner toward his apartment, which she was slowly but surely getting closer to. Her heart skipped violently.

He had noticed her, and he was softly smiling, holding up his hand in greeting, and again her heart skipped what seemed near a thousand beats as she focused on just how beautiful he looked …

Color and heat flooded her cheeks, but she made herself smile back. Yet now she was so nervous upon getting close to him that she almost could have run the other way.

It was so mystifying how not seeing him, not being able to see with her own two anxious eyes that he was alive and healthy and well and not hurt, always terrified her; yet somehow the very sight of him and being in close physical proximity to him always made her feel even more nervous than ever.

Truthfully she didn't think she'd ever understand it; yet she made all of her thoughts only fly away as she finally reached him.

He'd put his gun back on his belt, and was still gently smiling… and thankfully, feeling her legs grow weak with relief… he did look healthy and unhurt.

All of the worry that had been buried in her body since they had parted last week finally was excised, and Beth felt she could finally breathe again.

Scanning him thoroughly, she looked for any and every injury, no matter how small, that she possibly had missed…

His soft brown hair was softly blowing in the breeze, and today he was wearing a dark gray long-sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up just so; and, surprisingly, dark blue jeans, and red and white tennis shoes adorned his feet.

Thankfully, she saw no broken skin on his arms or face or neck; and he didn't seem to be ill or in discomfort, to her further relief.

No…the only thing that was out of place on his person was his injured right hand from last week, once again newly bandaged…

The sight made her heart hurt, just as it had last week when she had first discovered it, but she hoped it was slowly but surely healing.

And that it wasn't causing him pain, though sadly she knew that was likely.

Philip finally spoke, still smiling gently. "Hey, Beth," he said, inclining his head gently to her. "How've you been? I hope you had a wonderful week."

Beth nodded, finally able to genuinely smile a little herself, and she said, "It was wonderful, Philip. And I hope you had a wonderful week too."

His gentle smile grew as he slowly shook his head. "I wouldn't call mind-numbing boredom wonderful, Beth, but thank you. It got to the point where I actually wanted to go kill some Biters just for somethin' to do."

Beth couldn't stop herself from laughing, and she said, "Oh goodness. Well I hope you managed to at least have a relaxin' week despite that…and that's certainly actually understandable. It can get so borin' sometimes at the prison."

Beth paused, and then said, "But goodness…now I'm even more glad I'm here…you need a fun person like me to talk to!"

Philip's smile grew just a little, and as he looked at her, Beth couldn't help her cheeks from flaming and her heart from skipping once more at just how handsome he truly was.

He nodded.

"Right you are, Beth. You are very fun to spend time with every week, but I apologize profusely for just how creepy that probably sounded comin' from me. I'm sorry."

Beth couldn't help laughing again even as her stomach flipped a little, and she said, "Oh…no! It was very sweet…thank you."

Philip slowly shook his head, still smiling. "You're far too polite, Beth, as always, but I don't mean that in a bad way."

Beth laughed, blushing a little, and he said, "Come in, please."

Beth did so, walking past him as he tousled his hair just a little as yet another breeze hit, and before long she was seated.

He gently closed the door, and then as always, he walked to the other side of the room, withdrawing a bottle of water for her from a bag.

Beth couldn't help laughing as always as he walked forward and handed it to her, but was still touched.

Philip was smiling as well and he said, "If you want any juice or anythin' before you leave just let me know. But you'll be happy to know that I have plenty of black coffee I could make for you, Beth. I know how much you love that."

Beth couldn't help laughing out loud at his gentle joke, remembering the time she'd visited him when she'd had soup and he'd been drinking it; on one of their earlier visits.

Beth said, "As sweet as that is, Philip, I think I'll pass. Such a tempting offer, though!"

Beth couldn't help shuddering just a little, though, even as she laughed again, and Philip gently laughed also.

"Obviously I was kiddin'…but are you sure you don't want anythin' to eat? I could make you some oatmeal or more soup, Beth…you don't have to worry about bein' rude. I'd be glad to."

Beth couldn't help smiling at his sweetness, and only gently shook her head.

"Oh, Philip…that's very sweet, but I'm all right. We have more than enough food back at the prison, and all of that stuff is yours. I would feel just awful takin' your food."

He gently shook his head, smiling once again, and he said, "You shouldn't feel awful, Beth. You need it more than I do, and I can always get more."

Beth still smiled, but shook her head once more, and softly said, "I'm all right, but maybe one of these times I'll take you up on your offer. Thank you, though, truly…that's very sweet."

Philip nodded, his gentle blue gaze making her stomach swirl once again as she focused on it, and his smile.

"All right…but I'm goin' to give you a bunch of granola bars whether you like it or not, Beth."

Beth laughed, nodding herself. "Yes, sir."

He laughed softly as he went back to the other side of the room and withdrew some from a canvas bag, before handing them to her.

She put them on the table, before nodding her thanks.

Changing the subject, she said, "But goodness…I just have to ask…just how much have you drunk that poison since I saw you last?"

Beth laughed a little again, and he gently smiled as he sat down.

"You'll be horrified at my answer, Beth, so I'm truly sorry, but I have had black coffee every single day since I last saw you…and one time I even had it four times in one day…I just couldn't sleep that night so I just stayed up all night watchin' the stars and I had a whole pitcher. And I even spilled a bunch on my pants after I made another batch when it was still really hot, so that was a thoroughly enjoyable experience."

Beth, feeling awful, said, "Oh…I'm so sorry. You didn't burn yourself too bad, did you? I sincerely hope not."

Philip shook his head, his smile having returned at her words.

"That's very nice, Beth, but there's nothin' to be sorry for. I deserved it. And it wasn't too bad…but I swore really loudly. Though I have to admit I have had far worse…in particular the first time I broke my arm when my friends and I were in Peter's Woods, like I told you about…whenever I remember the pain and the crunching sound my arm made, I honestly cringe."

Beth smiled, though she still felt unimaginable sympathy for him. "Goodness yes, I can only imagine…I'm so sorry again. But if it makes you feel any better that was a really entertainin' story," she said, honestly meaning it.

Philip gently laughed a little as he tousled his hair, his brown watch glinting, and he said, "Well I'm glad, Beth."

Beth nodded, and then said, "Well I'm glad you're glad, Philip."

Hoping he would at least laugh at her little attempt at a joke, awful though it no doubt was in her mind, thankfully he did, and she smiled, before taking a sip of water.

Silence passed, but before long Philip was speaking once again.

"The stars were really nice this past week, and thankfully it didn't rain too many nights, so it was nice to be able to stargaze for a while."

Beth nodded. "I can only imagine…they are very beautiful at night."

Philip nodded and said, "They are. It almost makes you forget it's the end of the world."

Beth nodded, quiet for a moment. "I agree."

But soon memories began to flood her, and she couldn't help her mood from brightening.

Laughing, she said, "I can always remember jumpin' on the trampoline we had on the farm with Maggie and Shawn every single night durin' the summers when it was dark…it was so much fun. We'd make a fire and have a bunch of ice cream and chips and Shawn would order Chinese food sometimes and everythin'…it was great. We'd even just eat on the trampoline and tell ghost stories when we would take breaks. It was always so much fun, and just our unique little thing with just the three of us. And I'm so sorry, I know I mentioned this once before, but…"

Philip smiled. "You don't have to be sorry, Beth, and yes I do remember you tellin' me that but I don't mind hearin' that again. And yes I did always love trampolines as well…we never had one growin' up…my father never spent money on stuff for me and Brian or my mother, except when it was strictly necessary, or on things we wanted, and to be honest my mother was afraid of them…she would have been far too worried to ever let me and Brian get on one in her presence. But when we were little, and then teenagers, a bunch of our friends always had them so we always got to use them."

Laughing a little, he said, "And I do remember tellin' you how I broke my arm the second time drunk on one in college with some friends…I just did a flip and boom…I landed it but I just fell off and I just heard the crunch. Yep…me and that particular trampoline were the best of friends."

Beth nodded, though she felt immense sympathy, and she couldn't help softly laughing sympathetically.

"Oh goodness…yes I do remember that story, Philip, and I'm still so sorry. That sounds awful."

He gently shook his head, adjusting his right shirtsleeve. And somehow she couldn't help from lingering on the muscles of his lean forearm, but hastily shook herself as she awaited his answer.

He smiled. "Oh god…no. That's nothin' to be sorry for, Beth. I deserved it. And honestly I was still so buzzed I just stayed on the ground and laughed, even through the pain. But god did it make a loud sound…but I'm sorry to say it did not top the first time I broke my arm…That crunch was far louder and I actually swore that time. But when my friends took me to the emergency room this time we all agreed that my name was definitely Captain Dumbass…I still am a dumbass, honestly. I just never really grew out of that."

Beth couldn't help laughing again, and said, "Oh…no you're not, Philip! Don't say that."

He shook his head, still gently smiling, and said, "You're far too nice to say the truth, Beth. But you won't offend me by thinkin' I am one…believe me. I most certainly am one."

Again, Beth couldn't help laughing, and he said, "But I do admit…while breaking a limb always is awful, I do have to admit that I'm probably one of the only people who ever did break one in a very odd, unique, downright strange way…not many people break their arms on some poor deceased person's gravestone while visitin' a reportedly haunted place with some buddies."

Beth gently nodded, still smiling, and she said, "No…not many, I'd suppose. But that just makes you special, and that's a crownin' achievement. You should be proud."

Philip laughed softly, and said, "I always do think from time to time maybe the person whose grave I broke it on cursed me, and that's why I broke it a second time. They were probably angry I disturbed their peace. It honestly wouldn't surprise me, knowin' my luck."

Beth couldn't help laughing again at his words, and she said, "Well…you can't win over every single person you meet in life. Or rather, in this case…every evil spirit that's angry you hit their grave with your arm."

Yet another smile hit his face, and he nodded. "Right you are, Beth."

He adjusted his watch then, and Beth only stared, hit by only more curiosity about his life growing up.

"I…I was just wonderin'…" She started cautiously, his words about his father that he'd spoken before stuck in her brain.

She so badly didn't want to offend him, nor ever bring up painful and unpleasant memories about his father while he had been growing up…but it was as though she was transfixed…hypnotized…

And…oh, goodness…she so badly wanted to know anything and everything about him…absolutely anything and everything at all…and it honestly embarrassed her and made her insides burn with shame and the utmost humiliation as she imagined his reaction if he ever knew…

Philip had looked up, then, and he softly said, "It's all right, Beth…you can say or ask what you were goin' to. Believe me…you don't have to worry about offendin' me."

Beth bit her lip, hating herself for her utmost selfishness in asking, hoping with everything in her body that her selfish words and questions would not cause him pain.

She shook her head, and she said, "I…I'm…goodness…I'm so sorry…but…you…you said, earlier, that your father never…never spent money on you or your mother or Brian…and oh goodness Philip…I'm so sorry…"

Beth could feel ever more sympathy cascading throughout her body, and she knew it was positively radiating through her eyes as she looked at him.

He spoke softly, gently shaking his head. "It's more than all right, Beth, though I am beyond touched at your sympathy. It's all right. Truly. You shouldn't feel sorry for me. It's not your fault how my father was."

Beth could feel her eyes only growing more sympathetic, and she softly said, "It's still awful, Philip. I'm so sorry that you and your brother and mother had to live with such an abusive, cruel man the majority of your lives."

Philip gently shook his head again. "You shouldn't be, Beth. I…honestly I'm the lucky one. I was able to get out; have a life…Brian died before he could ever have a family of his own…and my mother was trapped in that house with him until the day she finally died, and I'll never forgive myself for not bein' able to truly get her away from him. Honestly…I tried my best, but I…I told you…she for some odd reason loved him with all her heart, despite how awful he always was towards her, and she didn't believe in divorce…I just never wanted to cause her even more pain and heartbreak by reportin' the abuse, or ever takin' action against him, for her sake; though I really, really always wanted to do all of that, just so she could finally be happy and away from him and he could finally be behind bars where he belonged…I should have done it…yes it would have hurt her, and I would have felt awful, but it would have hurt her far less than havin' to stay with him the rest of her life like she had to."

Beth could feel even more sympathy absolutely flooding her body for him.

Slowly shaking her head, she said, "Oh…Philip…you…you shouldn't blame yourself. Sometimes…sometimes makin' the people you love happy means havin' to stay silent even when you don't agree with their feelings, or choices…She did love your father, and…and even though he didn't deserve her love…he did make her happy. Somehow even I know that, from what you've told me, even though I never knew her, or your father… And oh goodness…you did love her. With all of your heart. You shouldn't blame yourself."

Philip slowly nodded. "Thank you, Beth, very much, but…I should have done more. Honestly…that day that I finally beat him up when I was twenty when I came home from college only to walk into the house to find him stranglin' her…"

Beth nodded solemnly at the memory, remembering he had told her this on one of their earliest visits.

"Seein' her with those two black eyes and seein' her terrified and heartbroken and cryin' her eyes out…that image always haunts me, and I know I'll never forget that as long as I live…honestly I didn't do enough to him that day…it honestly would have been worth it to go to jail if I would have killed him that day…it would have broken my mother's heart for me to be behind bars but it would have been worth it starin' up at a cell ceiling every single night only to know that my mother was safe, and never would be hurt by him again."

Beth couldn't even speak for a few moments, and she finally only said, "I'm so sorry. My…my daddy is just wonderful, and I…I'm more lucky than I've ever realized…but…goodness…all of my worries and sad events when I was growin' up seem so childish and shallow in comparison to all of that…God…sometimes I even worry that I ever took my daddy for granted…"

Philip interjected, slowly shaking his head. "Please don't do that, Beth," he said gently. "You make yourself sound as though you're an ungrateful teenage girl who never loved their father unless he bought them things…you've always realized just how much you love your father; I can tell. And you've always known that you were lucky to have such a loving one. And though I obviously don't know anything about any of the struggles you had to deal with growin' up, I would bet my life that they weren't childish and shallow."

Beth was beyond touched at his kind words, and she knew deep down that he was right…but she still felt unbelievably guilty.

She knew she had had it better than a lot of people before the apocalypse, and especially her age…she had never wanted for love and affection, which were by far the most important things in life to her.

Beth had never cared about money, or seen herself as important or better than anyone because of how much money the Greene family had always had, but on a more superficial level, she had to admit that, yes…her family had always been very well off.

They had always had plenty of money, and there had always been the finest of luxuries to go around in their farmhouse, and there had always been plenty of expensive vacations and family excursions that took place every year. And Hershel and her mother had never denied Beth and Maggie and Shawn any luxuries that they ever wanted.

They'd never been hungry, never been in debt…they'd never known what poverty was.

But on a more important level, Beth had never known what emotional poverty was…to grow up in a household where there was abuse, and neglect, and no love sometimes…

It honestly broke her heart to imagine and think of everyone who had ever had to live like that, and it only broke her heart further for him as she looked at Philip.

Long ago, when he had still only been simply The Governor to her, evil and depraved and dangerous, when the war between the prison and Woodbury had been taking place, she had never entertained the notion that he had ever grown up in a less than happy home. Never entertained the notion that he knew how to love…

But now, when she finally knew the real Philip Blake…or at least, she felt, she was slowly knowing him better every single week…Beth's heart only hurt for him, and she couldn't deny that she thought he was more than strong for having had to deal with an abusive father all of his life.

And…though she grew somber thinking of everything that had transpired, as she always did…subconsciously, perhaps his father's anger issues and violent tendencies had been unwillingly and unknowingly inherited by Philip, and manifested in a far different way than spousal and child abuse, once he had finally lost Penny, and had been insane and hell-bent on revenge.

Yes…it certainly was a distinct possibility…though by now Beth knew with all of her heart that Philip had never been anything like his father, though his father was a stranger to her; and, even stronger, that Philip truly was not a monster like his father had been, and had always been a good man before the apocalypse, and yes…honestly was one even now; even after all he had done...

Beth knew that with all of her heart. Philip truly was not the monster that his father had been, and he never had been before the apocalypse…No…only after he had completely and utterly lost his mind had he become somebody else; a soulless, evil, remorseless man that had never been the real Philip Blake at all; the real Philip Blake who honestly was a good man, despite what he would always think about himself, to her heartbreak, and who was sitting in front of her right now.

Yet she grew distracted from her thoughts as he spoke once again.

"Did you want to know more about my life growin' up? It's more than fine, Beth…again, you don't have to worry about offendin' me."

Beth hesitated, though deep inside she was positively burning with questions, and then finally spoke.

"I…well…what…what was your life like growin' up? What kind of a house did you guys live in?"

Philip nodded. "We were well-off…we certainly weren't rich or anythin' but we never went hungry or anythin' like that…we always had clothes on our backs and the necessities, things like that. Though he did say that he only supplied us with necessities to protect his image…we needed to appear like the perfect family. But my father was the only one who worked and the only one who made the money so when there was money left over for extra spendin' he just bought himself luxuries that he wanted. My mother and Brian and me never even got Christmas presents or birthday presents, but my mother would always make me and Brian whatever foods we wanted for our birthdays, and make us things, like shirts and things like that. That was enough."

Beth could only stare, feeling her heart only break more.

A few moments of silence, and he continued, and Beth had to appreciate that he was even divulging some of this personal, most private information about himself, as she was sure it likely was more than difficult.

"Actually one year, when I was sixteen, and Brian was eighteen…we were so surprised when one day we both got home to find actual presents in our rooms. It turned out that my mother had gotten a job at a flower shop part-time when my father was at work durin' the day and she was makin' her own money…she'd always been a stay-at home mother and a homemaker."

Beth nodded.

"She'd walk there and then walk home…she never had learned how to drive. Anyway…he ended up findin' out one day when they called to see if she could come in because another worker was sick when she had walked to the grocery store and that was the end of that…he made her quit, and gave her a black eye for that. Brian and me almost both beat him up together that night."

Beth still could only stare. "I'm so sorry…that's so awful," she whispered.

Philip nodded. "It was," he said softly.

Then, he seemed to pause, his gaze empty as he gazed at the table, lost in his memories, seeing horrible things that Beth could not see, and then he finally cleared his throat.

"And he always had rules for his things he bought for himself…we weren't allowed to touch anythin' that was his…no watchin' the bigger TV in the living room…we had a small color TV in the basement that had cable so that was where we always watched TV…no drivin' his fancy cars he always bought for himself…no drinkin' his beer…you name it."

Beth nodded, still unable to speak.

"Of course, not that Brian and me listened…when he wasn't home, we purposely used his things, and we were always extra careful to put them back the exact way he'd left them when we were done."

Suddenly though, he smiled a little, and he said, "Actually one time we went joy-ridin' in one of his precious vehicles at night when both my parents were sleepin'…I was eighteen and I drove and we had the best time. We even got fast-food and it was a blast. We both would have gotten beaten to a bloody pulp yet again if he'd ever found out but he didn't."

Beth smiled a little, too, and she said, "That's very brave."

Philip shook his head, and said, "No. Just rebellious. I never was afraid of my father anymore after I turned fifteen years old…I just hated him."

Beth still felt even sadder for him, but he adjusted his watch and continued to speak.

"But god…he never even got my mother any presents for her birthday, or jewelry. Yet when it came time for his birthday, she'd bend over backwards makin' whatever foods he liked and his favorite desserts…it honestly makes me sick to remember that. He was such a bastard, and he didn't deserve her."

Beth nodded, biting her lip in sympathy as she thought of his poor mother.

"When she had her secret job, she even spent a lot of money buyin' him a nice watch…god he just didn't deserve her. It honestly pisses me off just rememberin' everythin' he ever did and said to her."

Philip looked at her, still speaking.

"He even said she was too stupid to work and that they would have fired her anyway had he not made her quit…and to see the tears come into her eyes after he said that just broke my heart. He always just thought she was stupid and couldn't do anythin' when really, she was the one who kept our house runnin'…she did all the cookin' and the cleanin' and the laundry…everythin' all for him."

He paused, and then said, "He always thought she was stupid, when really she was one of the smartest women I've ever met. And he never gave her enough credit. She'd never gone to college, and she really was really shy and modest, and didn't have a lot of confidence, but she was very smart…her parents had been rich, and she gave up college all to marry him. She was so good at a lot of things, and the flower shop had actually wanted her to come on full-time…it just breaks my heart to think of how he took that joy from her too."

Beth said, "I'm so sorry…oh…I just know she was a wonderful woman. I wish I could have met her."

Philip nodded, and he said, "Thank you very much, Beth, and she was."

Feeling a little brave, Beth gently asked, "What did she look like?"

Philip smiled just a little, and he said, "She was very skinny, and about a medium height, and she had this long, thick, curly brown hair that went all the way to her waist. She had blue eyes, and she always wore these long dresses and skirts and blouses. She always wore her hair in a braid, and she was really rather modest and shy. She didn't wear any makeup…she was a beautiful woman even without it though."

His gentle smile grew, and he said, "She always used to brush her hair out every night kneelin' in front of the mirror in her white lace floor-length nightgowns…she'd even do the one-hundred strokes thing, and me and Brian would just be mesmerized when we were really little just watchin' her do it, and at just how long and strong and pretty her hair was, just watchin' it shine in the light."

Beth smiled. "That's sweet."

Philip slowly shook his head. "I still remember bein' five and watchin' her do it."

Beth said, "What was she like in personality?"

Still he smiled, and he said, "She was very shy, and modest, and very religious. She always was content bein' a homemaker and a stay-at home wife and mother…she was very traditional and old-fashioned in that sense. She always wore a cross around her neck, and made us say our prayers every night. But she was the kindest, sweetest woman you could imagine, and she was so loving and caring to everyone. Especially to me and Brian. She didn't care what you looked like or who you were…if you needed help or kindness she would be there for you. She even stayed up all night bakin' food for a neighbor couple when they lost a baby in childbirth…it was stillborn."

Beth covered her mouth. "Oh…how awful!"

Philip nodded. "That was. But they ended up havin' more children, thankfully…that would have been their first child."

"That's awful," Beth said softly, and he nodded.

Silence fell for a few moments, and then he said, "And when she got older she was still just as sweet…she was so cute with Penny."

He smiled, and then slowly it vanished.

"When she got diagnosed with cancer she was seventy years old, and god did it ever devastate me…I took her to appointments as often as I could, but it pissed me off so much that of course, my bastard of a father never even took her to appointments that much, and when he did he would stay in the car and yell at her the whole way there."

Again, Beth couldn't help covering her mouth, and still he spoke.

"But what really made me want to kill him even more was when she confessed to me that he told her when they found out she was sick that it was what she deserved…and that she had better buy a good wig because he wasn't goin' to like lookin' at her every single day with no hair…he also said that she had better hope that the cancer wouldn't make her too ugly."

Beth couldn't even speak, and could still only stare, horrified.

"I…I'm so sorry," she breathed, appalled and horrified. "That's…that's awful…"

Philip nodded, and even now, she could see how his body was tensed, his jaw working a little as he remembered.

"That's my father for you. Such a kind man…She still wore her hair long even in her old age, and the day she finally began to lose it, it broke my heart. I was havin' her stay at our house…Penny and my wife were gone for the night stayin' at my wife's sister's house, and I honestly just held her in my arms as she cried…that's honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed."

Beth could only stare, and yet he spoke once more.

"In fact, she told me once that he still beat her when she was pregnant with both Brian and me…"

Again, Beth couldn't help covering her mouth.

"My father was a very, very sick man, though I am in no position to call anyone else sick considerin' just how sick I am…and I…suffice it to say that I was glad when he died, and didn't shed a single tear."

Beth, still shocked and horrified, said, "Oh…I don't blame you, Philip. I don't."

Philip nodded, and then silence fell, before he finally shook his head a little.

"Anyway…I…I take comfort knowin' that my mother's in a better place…away from him…and away from the hell this world is now."

Again he paused, and then he said, "But I hope that answers at least some of your questions about my mother…I loved her very much and she was one of the best women I've ever known. Losin' her was awful, but she suffered so much…dyin' honestly was a release for her."

Still stricken, Beth said, "Oh…yes…you more than did…and I….oh Philip…I'm so sorry for askin' about all of that…I feel awful…"

Slowly he shook his head. "Don't, Beth…believe me. I chose to tell you all of that…you didn't force me to."

Beth, her heart still in her mouth, said, "But, oh…believe me. I truly do appreciate you tellin' me all of that. And…what you said about yourself…obviously I never knew your father, and truthfully I wouldn't want to if he were alive, but…you are nothin' like him. Even…even despite all you did…you truly aren't, Philip. You…you are a good man. Truly."

As always, Philip looked at her with the utmost seriousness, as always happened after she said those kinds of things, but he slowly shook his head.

"Thank you very much, Beth, from the bottom of my heart, but I…I am not a good man. But thank you…truly."

Beth only nodded; to her heartbreak, she knew further words to the contrary would only strengthen his hatred about himself and be gently rebuffed, so she stayed silent, though it was difficult.

Silence fell, and then he finally spoke again. "But honestly…you…you shouldn't feel sorry for me, Beth, at all, about anything…especially you of all people…Not havin' a real father all my life was no great loss. I didn't need him for anything that a son normally needs his father for…I learned how to play sports on my own…I learned how to shave on my own…I learned how to work with tools on my own…I learned how to ask out girls on my own…me and Brian had each other, and that was enough. I also had plenty of friends to bond with over normal guy stuff so I never truly felt I was missing out on anything…are there times that I wished I had a different father, one who actually loved me? Of course, but…the older I got, the less I honestly cared, I hated my father so much every day."

Beth still was silent, only sadness radiating throughout her body for him.

Philip continued. "I honestly did teach myself how to do a lot of important things…I taught myself how to shave when it came time…how to play sports…like I said you shouldn't feel sorry for me at all, Beth. They were all more than easy to learn, and I've really always been self-reliant for the most part. It wasn't a great loss at all."

Beth spoke, then. "You're honestly very brave for that, Philip. I can never imagine not havin' a loving mother like my momma always was…that honestly breaks my heart for you. Every child needs both parents, but what a little girl can share only with her mother, and a little boy only with his father, is truly somethin' very important."

Philip gently nodded again. "Thank you very much again, Beth," he said softly, "but I really don't deserve your praise. I'm not brave at all for that."

A natural pause fell again, and then he spoke once more.

"But I'll tell you one thing…unlike my father, my whole life before all this, I always treated women right, and I wasn't an abusive prick to most everybody I came in contact with…I would have honestly killed myself had I ever truly been anythin' like him before all of this…I'm truly grateful I wasn't anythin' like him back then. Though I'm truly sorry for just how laughable what I just said probably sounds to you…and just how insulting what I just said is to you, Beth."

Beth could only stare in sympathy as he continued.

"I may not have always been like him, but I am just like my father now, whether I like it or not…I am an abusive prick, and every bit the monster he was. When I…when I was in charge…oh…I was exactly like him…I hate how I let myself turn into him, and I hate that I actually did, though I always really felt so out of it when I…"

He broke off, seeming ashamed for continuing to speak about himself. Ashamed that his words could possibly be misconstrued as an invitation for pity and sympathy, when Beth knew with all of her heart that he was not saying them to gain her sympathy.

Slowly shaking his head, he said, "Beth…oh god…believe me…I am more sorry than words could ever express for everythin' I did to you and your family, and how much pain and heartbreak and sorrow and fear I put you through…words will never be enough, and I don't even deserve to sit in your presence after everythin' I did…I don't even deserve to have you look at me, much less spend time with me every single week…but…god…I'd do anythin' to take it all back…and thank you again, from the bottom of my heart, for comin' here every single week…it honestly does mean the world to me."

Beth only softly stared at him, still beyond touched at his sincere, heartfelt words, and even more heartbroken for him.

"Thank you, truly, Philip…I know you do mean it," she said softly. "I do. With all of my heart."

He spoke. "You never have to thank me, Beth…especially for that…"

Yet she intervened. "Oh…Philip. Stop it, please. But…oh…what you said…yes…you may have turned into your father once you became The Governor…but deep down inside, that man was not the real you. You…you only became your father once you had lost your mind once the world had finally ended and the one person you couldn't bear to lose had been cruelly ripped from you. And again…I'm so, so sorry for Penny…but it was not your fault what happened to her. It wasn't at all…"

Beth bit her lip, pausing…still afraid she'd only hurt him by mentioning Penny.

But she continued. "But…on…on our very first meetin'…you admitted to me that you 'just lost it.' You truly did lose your mind…honestly I'd say once the outbreak happened, long before you became The Governor…from all of the horrific things you no doubt had to witness that we all witnessed when this all first started…and that only worsened once she…she got bit…That emotional trauma changed you drastically into a man that wasn't the real you, and I hope, deep, deep down, that you will at least agree with me on that."

Philip was only wordlessly staring at her, only seriousness and just a little bit of shock on his expression, but slowly he shook his head.

"I…I did lose my mind, Beth, but…that still doesn't excuse me on anythin' I did, or give me a free pass…"

Beth shook her own head. "Of course it doesn't…none of the things you did are excusable, or any less awful…they were all awful and sick and twisted…honestly it makes me sick to remember them," Beth said, her voice becoming only a whisper as she was pulled back in memories.

Honestly, she had to avert her eyes and compose herself for just a few moments, staring down at the wood table as she tried not to let the familiar fear of those days overtake her.

Yes…they truly did sicken her, and always would, but the Philip Blake who had done them had been a stranger, an evil imposter, and was not the real Philip Blake, who was here with her right now…

She knew that with all of her heart, and she only looked back up at him.

And the sight of his guilt and remorse and tortured expression broke the jagged shards of her heart into even smaller pieces for him.

"Beth," he said softly, shaking his head. "I honestly am so sorry once again…please…don't excuse me like that…don't…I don't deserve it…"

Yet she shook her own head, finally swallowing; and, with the action, she wonderfully erased all of her sick feelings and old fears and horrible memories.

"But Philip…please. Thank you again for your apologies…but please. Just admit somethin' to me…would you please?"

Philip nodded, his voice hoarse. "Anything you want, Beth."

Beth nodded, breathing in deep. "When you were The Governor, did you truly feel like yourself ever?"

The silence hung in the air, and finally he spoke, once again slowly shaking his head.

"No…no I didn't. Sometimes…rarely…I would truly feel like myself, but…no for the majority of it. I became a hardened, monstrous stranger…and I…I really didn't feel like myself once Penny…"

He stopped, lost. Yet he spoke again after a few moments.

"After I lost her…I just lived every single day in a haze of anger and it's like I saw the world in red. Blood…violence…Lookin' back I truly didn't feel like myself, like the man I had always been before this started. I didn't…but that still doesn't excuse my actions, and it never will…and honestly…I know you think the opposite, Beth, but…the more I dwell on every single thing I did…the more it's clear to me that the insane, evil man I turned into when I was The Governor was the real me…hell, I know it is… and that the man I'd always been before the outbreak was never the real me. And please…don't say it isn't…I am a sick, evil man and I will never be a good man."

Beth only stared, slowly, sadly shaking her head in the end.

"Oh, Philip…you may not believe me but you honestly are," she said softly. "We'll just have to agree to disagree."

He looked at her with such shock and sincerity that she honestly could not stop the urge to get up and touch his arm…yet somehow she stayed put.

Philip slowly nodded and softly said, "Thank you again, Beth, but you're right. We'll have to agree to disagree. But thank you again, truly…it truly does mean the world that you at least don't think I'm the monster that I know I am."

Again, her heart broke, but Beth only smiled just a little and said, "Well I do think that. Believe it."

For a few seconds he simply wordlessly stared again, and then finally nodded in the end, looking down.

"Thank you," he said once again, and silence hit.

Beth was about to change the subject, to perhaps a lighter topic, when he suddenly spoke, clearing his throat.

"Anyway…did you do anythin' excitin' this past week? I really hope so. I think boredom is honestly one of the worst things brought on by all of this."

Beth couldn't help smiling, and she said, "I took care of Judith…that was really fun. She's the sweetest baby and I love her to pieces. And we did have fun…we even had a big game of hide and seek…I hadn't played that in ages."

Softly he smiled, and nodded. "That was always fun too. Heck, even in college we'd play that if we were bored or drunk sometimes…it was still enjoyable."

Beth laughed, even as she felt a shock run through her at the sight of his smile, and she said, "We'd always play Ghost in the Graveyard…me, Maggie and Shawn…at night sometimes…the woods on our property went all the way back. It was always so much fun but sometimes it could get terrifyin' with Shawn's pranks…actually god…he'd always invite a bunch of his friends over and we'd always all play as it got closer to Halloween at like midnight on weekends…and hide and seek in the woods as well…it was always one of my favorite times, though it could get scary sometimes hidin' out in the woods all alone."

Gently he laughed, nodding his head. "That does sound fun."

Beth couldn't help rolling her eyes a little in memory, feeling another laugh come on.

"Actually god…Shawn always was a prankster…I remember when I was five he convinced me that he was a werewolf and I was terrified of him, so I did all his chores for him just so he wouldn't bite me…Daddy and Momma were so angry when they found out what he'd done."

Philip smiled just a little; though she noted, oddly, that his brows were furrowed a little…almost in sympathy, which baffled her as much as it amused her.

"God…I'm sorry," he said softly, sympathy evident, and Beth couldn't help laughing out loud in earnest now.

"Oh…Philip! What is there to be sorry for? That's probably the stupidest thing ever to feel sorry for! Not that I don't appreciate it…your concern is very sweet."

His gentle smile grew and he said, "I just feel bad. That must have been terrifyin' for you, with how young you were."

Beth smiled and said, "Oh…it was…but I'm here. I survived, right? That must count for somethin' right?"

He nodded and said, "It certainly does."

Softly Beth laughed again, and was just about to speak again, eager to continue their conversation; but a glance at the window made her falter.

The sky was darker outdoors. Dusk had finally hit, and the sight made her stomach plummet in disappointment.

As always, their meeting was at an end for the week…yet Beth couldn't help but dwell on her disappointment in her mind.

_Goodness…there were so many things they could talk about…do…if not for night cruelly hitting every single week…_

Gently he spoke. The sound of his voice shook her from the daze she had been in.

"I'll walk you out. It'll be dark soon."

Beth got up, taking the granola bars with her that he'd given her, and slowly they walked out.

The air was cooler, and she somehow dreaded the thought of driving home alone…

It scared her more than she would ever admit sometimes driving at night every single week.

But more than that, she dreaded having to live another week not knowing whether he was alive or dead. And that was more than terrifying…

But finally they reached the gate, and he opened it for her as another cold blast of wind hit.

Gently he smiled and he said, "Thank you again, Beth, as always, and see you next week. I hope you have a wonderful week."

Frozen, for one moment Beth could not smile.

Beth could only see his crimson blood pouring out of him…and that thought clenched her heart.

Finally though, she shook herself, and made herself smile, but not before noticing that he had instantly noticed her inner anxiety.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked softly, taking a step closer to her.

Yet another breeze hit, and again, that familiar scent of ivory filled the air.

He gently put a warm hand on her arm, and involuntarily she flinched just a little, shocked.

Yet it had not been fear that had caused her to…she knew it, and prayed with everything she had that he had not noticed…

Philip would only think that she was afraid of him…and that thought broke her heart effectively for him.

Thankfully, though, he had not seemed to, and now Beth could only focus on the feel of his warm hand still on her arm, making her heart skip and her stomach flip…

Beth shook herself.

Speak, you idiot! She mentally screamed at herself.

"I…oh…yes…I am…"

Beth made herself smile, and she said, "That's very sweet of you to worry, Philip, but I'm fine. I'm just…just…I'm just a little cold is all."

Her cheeks flamed violently at her stuttered reply, but he only said, "All right…if you're sure. I can get you a blanket or one of my shirts or something…"

His sweetness made her knees weaken; but she only hastily shook her head, now able to smile genuinely, and she said, "Oh…that's very kind but I'm all right. Really. Thank you though, so much…"

Words failed her though, as he only continued to look at her, as though he didn't believe that something wasn't amiss with her, face full of gentle concern, but he only nodded and then removed his hand.

"All right…if you're sure, Beth. You're feelin' okay now, though, aren't you? I sincerely hope so."

Beth nodded and said, "Never better."

Again he nodded, and still neither spoke.

Staring at him, though, Beth couldn't help but notice just how adorable he looked today, in his outfit…and just how wonderfully warm it would be, if Philip only drew her into his strong, slender arms against his body and kissed her…

Her heart stuttered at the thought, but she shook herself, and Beth felt warmer than ever as she looked at him, her blush almost painfully hot.

"I…goodbye, Philip. And please…take care of yourself. Be in one piece by next week."

Slowly he smiled, just a little, and he nodded. "Anything for you, Beth."

Her heart skipped yet again at his words…yet Beth couldn't help laughing once again, and gently squeezing his bandaged hand as she made to walk through the gate.

"Is your hand feelin' okay? I sincerely hope so…like I said I could do somethin' if you need me to…"

But her words died as she looked at him, and slowly he nodded.

"It is. Thank you, though, Beth."

Oh…why did she get the simply awful feeling that his hand was probably killing him?

The thought made her heart twist even more painfully in anxiety and pain for him.

But Beth made herself nod, despite her fears, slowly releasing his hand, and simply spoke once more.

"See you next week, Philip."

Gently he too nodded. "I look forward to it, Beth."

Beth made herself smile once more, before finally walking out.

And as he closed the gate behind her, she couldn't help from looking one last time at it, once again praying with everything in her soul that he would be alive to close it for her next week.

* * *

_She was in his arms…he'd wonderfully lifted her up, and carried her from the freezing nighttime air…_

_And now he'd lain her down gently on his bed, and was kissing her so sweetly that she could not think…_

_Beth felt so safe, and loved, and beautiful, just then… And oh goodness…_

_She was flying…she knew it…_

_And then they broke apart, and Philip gently caressed her cheek, slowly shaking his head._

"_I love you so much, Beth," he said softly, his face betraying just how tortured he felt, as well as just how sincere, and she could not breathe…_

_Her heart breaking at the sight of his guilt, Beth gently reached up and tousled his hair, only feeling herself begin to tear up._

_"Oh…I know you do, Philip, and I…I love you more than anything, too…"_

_At her words, again she saw that same heartbreaking disbelief visit his face, and then he kissed her yet again…_

_Time seemed to slow, and then stop completely, as they only began to make love…_

But as if she had been shocked, Beth awoke from her dream, the shadows of the prison all she could see, breathless and weak.

Hastily, she lit a candle, and for one horrifying moment, she saw the Walker from all of those weeks ago sitting on the floor against the gray wall in the corner of her cell, smirking at her, black and red blood dripping out of her mouth.

She shook herself, and when she looked again, the awful hallucination had vanished, leaving her only with a racing heart and flushed cheeks from her dream.


	15. Chapter 15

**I am so sorry for not updating in a few months, but I have started chapter 16 and hopefully it will be up soon.**

**Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all of the followers/reviewers and favorites that I have on this story; it truly means a lot! :) And a special thank you to Dixon's Angel for your past three reviews; they were so nice!**

**And Beth's dream/nightmare is actually part of my original ending to this story at one point (though I cut a lot out of it for here obviously) but I still wanted to include it in at least some way though I am sure it will probably prove eye-roll inducing, cringe-worthy, and/or hilariously bad! :) It just never really sat well with me though I do actually love it; I couldn't bear to have that be their end, though I can't promise this story will be 100% happy or free of angst and drama and sad things for the both of them; believe me, they won't have an easy time being together! :( And, unfortunately, mortal peril and danger will always await, and, sadly, meet :( them both in this one! :(**

**Thank you again and I hope this chapter proves enjoyable, annoyingly repetitive though I am sure it is! :) I sincerely promise that will soon change! :)**

* * *

_She was running, and the fear clawed at her heart. The truck had finally died, and now she was running the rest of the way through the dark, winding roads, with only her knife for protection._

_Faster and faster Beth ran, and she could already feel the tears burning her eyes._

_Please…goodness, no…_

_Over and over she said the broken plea in her head, but she couldn't seem to make herself believe that she was being worried over nothing._

_A blast of cold wind hit, and the moon shone bright and menacing high in the black sky, though it was usually a beautiful sight._

_Dead leaves blew over the worn dirt road, crunching underneath her boots as she ran, the color thoroughly bled from them from the blackness of the night._

_The freezing wind whipped at her face, blew her hair, and chilled her to her very bones; but Beth could not be bothered even to acknowledge just how cold she was by shivering._

_She was almost there, and she willed herself to run even faster…Her heart was threatening to burst out of her chest, and her stomach was in havoc…utter and complete…_

_As she continued to run, she bit her lip, her stomach turning now in anxious nausea, and she couldn't help biting her lip even harder, tasting blood now._

_The dark trees swaying in the wind on both sides of the road even were terrifying to her, and it was almost like she was Snow White, all the many fairy tales her daddy and mother had always read to her when she was a little girl coming to mind; just like her, she was running through the dark, gloomy and dangerous wilderness and forests all by herself…incredibly terrified, vulnerable, and prey to anybody at all…_

_Yet…unlike Snow White, she knew she was running towards what terrified her and what would ultimately destroy her…not away from it…_

_More tears blurred her vision and she shook herself, gripping her cold knife handle even tighter._

_Cruelly, it seemed even the dark trees ominously swaying in the wind were smirking evilly at her, knowing just how her heart would break once dawn hit, and The Walker's face and smirk that always tormented her was all she could see for a few fleeting moments…_

_She could hear her voice, speaking the four words that she always heard every single week; and now, Beth finally knew, they were certainly true…_

_A gaggle of bats screeched, and another cold blast of wind hit; this blast was almost debilitating in its iciness._

_And now…oh, goodness…now she could hear the telltale snarls and contorted, terrifying moans of Walkers on both sides of her in the forest trees, and the sounds made her heart skip again in fear, even as they made her already fragile mental state break._

_Oh, she knew it had been incredibly foolish to sneak out like she had, but she had just had the most foreboding feeling the whole week… And tonight the panic had only worsened; to the point she had felt sick…Beth felt incredible guilt for the worry everyone would be feeling once morning hit, but she hoped the note she had left on her father's pillow as he slept before she had left promising she would be back tomorrow evening would ease their concern._

_And she knew it was incredibly foolish to be running all by herself in the dead of night with Walkers around every single dark bend in the road, and danger around every corner, but she could not help it…_

_Please…goodness no…_

_Now the tears finally rolled down her cheeks, and she put on more speed…_

_Yes…yes it had been foolish…but despite what she always thought about herself, she liked to think that she wasn't stupid. And that she could handle herself alone…_

_And besides…when she finally arrived there, at his door, he would be fine…he would be…and Philip would only take her into his warm, safe arms and hold her, his heartbeat telling her that her fear had all been for nothing…_

_She would be safe and away from all the danger she was in now when she finally reached him, and that thought put her mind at peace…Beth felt her heart violently skipping at the thought of being in his arms, she wanted it so much…she wanted him to be safe and well so much…_

_Though she still felt herself crumbling inside at the likely reality she knew she would encounter…_

_Finally, finally…she reached the back gate, and she undid the lock with shaking hands._

_Securing it behind her, she ran the rest of the way to his door, knocking on it…_

_She was trembling now, and she could not breathe…_

_Beth felt just how weak her knees were, and inside she was praying with everything she had…_

_Miraculously, she heard footsteps…_

_Her heart stopped…_

_Though, when he finally opened the door, she almost could have screamed, and only more tears rolled down her cheeks, feeling her heart effectively break forever…_

_He leaned up against the doorframe, holding himself, and the look on his face as he looked at her was one only of apology, and remorse…_

_His bite wound was scarlet, clearly gaping and awful underneath his shirt; blood stained his right shoulder and the blood soaked through his shirt…_

_He had been bitten square in the shoulder…not the arm…nothing could save him…nothing…_

_Beth finally felt her knife clatter to the ground, and shook her head, willing it to not be true._

_Philip spoke, his tone gentle, the guilt showing acutely on his face. "Oh god, Beth…why did you come here this late? You…you could have been killed or hurt, all because of me…and I'm not worth that…I'm not…"_

_But his words seemed to die, and Beth knew it wasn't that he didn't want her there…he did, far more than he would ever admit to her, and he was only hating that she had put her life at risk by sneaking out like she had…_

_She simply walked closer to him and put a hand on his arm…yet she could not speak._

_He, though, did once more._

"_I'm so sorry, Beth…but please…don't be sad that I'll be dead by this time tomorrow…I don't deserve your grief…and god…it breaks my heart to see you, of all people, upset like this over me…I finally got what I deserved…it was only a matter of time. And god…please…just don't cry over me, Beth…I'm not worth your tears…"_

_Philip gently shook his head, and he gently wiped away her tears, only to cause her heart to speed up, even in her grief. Beth closed her eyes, relishing in his warm, gentle touch, only knowing more tears would roll down her cheeks once she finally opened them._

_He was to die in twelve hours…he was to cease to exist in twelve hours…and yet he was only worried about her…and oh…surely in so much unimaginable physical pain…_

_Beth knew she would not be able to speak just then; to say to him all that she had ever wanted to say and all that she had always been so very afraid of admitting… That would come later. That would…_

_But now…now she could only do one thing, and she, finally, leaned up, putting a gentle hand on his chest…oh…how valiantly his heart was still beating, now…so strong and alive and healthy…and she knew it would only cruelly weaken near the end…_

_Beth gently shook her head, and simply leaned up a little more and kissed him, more tears falling down her face._

_How cruel that this was their first kiss…and that it would be one of their last…_

_When she finally pulled back, she saw the unspoken remorse, guilt, and, most of all…love in his one blue eye, in his expression, and he slowly shook his head…_

"_Beth, I…"_

_Yet she shook her own head, finally speaking, her voice breaking, barely more than a whisper._

"_No, Philip…I do…you…you may not believe me, but I do…and…I…maybe I'm bein' foolish, but is there any…any chance at all that you do, too?"_

_He nodded, his voice hoarse as he replied._

"_I do love you, Beth. With all of my heart."_

_She was shaky as she replied._

"_Then will you do somethin' for me?"_

_Oh…she knew what his reply would be…what he would always say to her at times during their weekly visits…_

"_Anything for you, Beth."_

_Steeling her courage, only more tears fell down her cheeks, and she asked, "Then will you make love to me?"_

_There was no possible way he could infect her…and all she wanted was to be with him and love him, and feel him love her back before he was finally ripped from her…_

_She saw only astonishment pass his face, quickly succeeded by sadness, and concern for her heartbreak, before he finally leaned in and kissed her, dipping her._

_The kiss swept through her and seared her, and she clung to him, only more tears falling down her face, joy at his touch tinged with unimaginable grief._

_But she still had twelve hours left with him. Twelve hours, and that was more than anyone could hope for in this world anymore._

_She felt awful guilt about how worried everyone would be at the prison, but she would deal with that when she finally returned tomorrow evening…when her heart would be bleeding inside of her and her body aching…but now, tonight, all that she needed was to be with him for the remainder of his life…_

_To her shock, he lifted her up in his arms bridal style, breaking the kiss, and the door closed behind them from the wind…_

_He surely was making himself ignore the pain in his shoulder that was no doubt radiating down his arm…and she tenderly touched the wound, sorrow in her eyes, guilt flooding her, about to ask if they should stop…_

_Yet he gently shook his head. "Don't worry about me, Beth…please don't," he said softly._

_And then all of her thoughts only flew away again as he kissed her yet again, though gently._

_Oh…it felt as though she was flying, and she only gripped his shirt tight near his chest, feeling just how fast his heart was beating…_

_Beth felt weak in the knees already, and knew she would have trouble standing once he put her down; but she willed herself to ignore it, and simply felt, and focused on the feeling of him…_

_Finally, too early, he broke the kiss, and spoke yet again._

"_You're so beautiful, Beth," he said softly, causing her cheeks to bloom. "And know that you gave me reason to be a better man durin' the short time we had together…time that I didn't deserve. I…"_

_More tears welled up in her eyes, and she only softly said, "Oh…please…let's not say our goodbyes just yet…please? I can't take it…"_

_Sorrow visited his face, and he gently kissed her cheek. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, and then, finally, words finally failed the both of them…_

_He finally set her down, and she was proven correct in her earlier estimation; her legs were jelly, and embarrassingly, she almost fell, only for him to catch her and hold her up._

_Again her cheeks bloomed, but Philip only shook his head and tenderly said, "Nothin' to be embarrassed over. Believe me. And you'll be perfect, Beth…believe me."_

_Beth looked at him. Oh…of course he just knew she had never done this before…_

_Yet despite the pain she knew she would face, she knew he would only be gentle with her…and her heart fluttered at the reality of just what they were about to do…_

_He gently removed her boots and then the rest of her clothes, gently kissing her legs as he removed her jeans. She relished in the wonderful feeling of his lips on her skin, and she felt how her heart was hammering against her ribs…The butterflies in her stomach were honestly paralyzing, but she knew she wanted him more than anything in the world…_

_Finally, though, she was only left in her torn, ratty white cotton bra and underwear, and Beth felt her face blush painfully in self-consciousness._

_And at the reverence as he looked at her, drinking her in._

"_You're beautiful, Beth," he said softly, looking at her so gently and sincerely she felt more tears well in her eyes._

"_The most beautiful thing I've seen since the world ended…and it's so tragic that you don't know how perfect you really are."_

_Beth finally felt the tears roll down her cheeks; yet he gently came over and wiped them away, acute guilt on his face as he looked at her, mixed with concern…and then, Philip finally kissed her yet again, dipping her…she clung to him…and when the kiss finally broke, she shyly pulled at his own shirt, which he made short work of._

_He was beautiful, and Beth only felt her face heat up even more at the sight of him shirtless…_

_He had put a large white bandage on his bite…presumably with ointment in a futile attempt to temporarily dull the pain…yet it was still saturated with blood, and her heart broke at the sight._

_Yet she only leaned up and kissed the bandage, willing herself to just forget for a few fleeting, beautiful hours, and then shyly began work on his belt._

_The scent of ivory was even stronger than usual, and she breathed in his familiar scent, memorizing it, her body near swooning from his warmth…_

_Yet she fumbled with his belt, and she couldn't help blushing even more._

_His own warm hands gently gripped hers, and he only softly said, "Hey. It's more than all right, Beth. There's no rush."_

_He tenderly touched her burning cheek, and she nodded, before he finally undid his belt himself._

_Again her face blushed even deeper…and as the last of his clothing finally fell away, and he was finally naked before her._

_Goodness…he was perfect…and she shyly smiled at him…he smiled back at her, making her heart lurch, and then he finally only came closer to her and kissed her yet again…_

_She gingerly latched her fingers in his soft brown hair, clinging to him…and then, finally, he at last pulled back, looking at her with only the utmost gentleness, and she knew what he was silently asking…if she was ready._

_Beth nodded, her stomach twisting in anxiety and her cheeks heating up even more… he gently undid her bra and then removed her underwear._

_Now Beth felt her face would surely melt, and she desperately wanted to cover herself as she stood completely naked before him…_

_Yet again, she saw the gentle reverence in his loving blue gaze as he slowly shook his head, and took in every single inch of her._

"_You're perfect. Honestly. And you have no reason to be so embarrassed in front of me, Beth. It breaks my heart."_

_Shyly she smiled, her face growing even hotter, even as her heart flipped and more tears came to her eyes, and she softly said, "And all this time you always said you didn't have one. But you've mentioned your heart a lot tonight."_

_Philip smiled a little, too, and yet all too soon it vanished, as hers did._

_She could see the same sorrow and pain in his expression to match her own, and now she knew he was feeling the same gentle urgency and rush to be with her as she was feeling to be with him…_

_Slowly shaking his head, he said, "I do love you, Beth Greene. So much."_

_Her voice breaking, she said, "And I love you, Philip Blake. So much."_

_Finally, he came closer to her and kissed her yet again, dipping her… And as he kissed her, time seemed to slow, and then stop completely…_

_As it went on, the feel of his gentle kisses and touches on every single place on her body made her weak, and she hoped she was succeeding in pleasing him…that she was making him feel as wonderful as he was making her feel…though she knew she, miraculously, somehow was…_

_Finally, though, she knew they were both finally ready, and he lifted her in his arms once again…_

_Before she knew it the warmth of the sheets was at her back, he a ready, welcome weight on top of her, and he finally kissed her once more._

"_Are you ready, Beth?" he gently asked, gently caressing her cheek, and she nodded._

_Again, Philip kissed her, making her feel even weaker, and then, he slowly, gently entered her._

_The pain was staggering, and she gasped, tears coming to her eyes…yet instantly he stilled, only remorse on his expression, and she hated herself for spoiling such a beautiful moment between them because she was so weak…_

"_I'm so sorry, Beth," he said softly, and she only gently shook her head._

"_No…no. Don't be…I…I just need some time, is all."_

_She leaned up and kissed him, feeling her heart sputter yet again, and slowly she breathed in deep…_

_Eventually she simply chose to ignore the pain, because she would be damned if she let her body ruin this…_

_His gentle kisses, long and soothing, made her head spin and her knees weaken, and distracted her from the awful pain between her legs…and eventually, she asked him with her eyes to finally move._

_He must have seen just how badly she wanted it, because he finally did begin to, but not before looking at her again with remorse for having hurt her so._

_He was being as gentle as could be, and it made her heart flutter even more…_

_She willed herself to ignore the stinging pain, and before long, her resilience was rewarded with a much different, wonderful sensation…_

_Oh goodness…it was as though she was flying… and hearing her name on his lips, and just how much he loved her, and how beautiful she was, was only ointment to her heart…and his name, and how much she loved him, was all she could utter…_

_He was making her feel so beautiful and loved, just then, and it was as though they were the only two people left in the world…_

_Yet she wished this could last forever…and that dawn would not hit, and when it was finally over, that his bite would vanish…_

_And, above all, above anything, she wished that he would not die…_

_Too soon, though, it was finally over, and after as he held her to his chest, she finally felt her tears return, and he only held her to him, kissing her hair as she cried, and she hated how cruel life was…_

_Two more times they made love, before the sun's rays finally began to spill into the room…and then the remaining hours were spent simply talking, as his strength gradually began to ebb away, and he slowly grew paler, and the end finally came._

* * *

_Beth walked back to the prison, trembling and crying, covered in Walker blood from the strays she had had to kill…Oh…she knew it was finally over…their beautiful time together…and she was painfully aware of what she had lost…and what she could have had if only she had confessed her feelings sooner…but everything didn't matter anymore…_

_All she had now were beautiful memories…and all she felt was stabbing pain in her heart._

_She saw shock, relief, and concern on all of her family's faces, just where she had gone and what she and Philip had done still blissfully a mystery to them all…and Beth didn't know how she would finally say all that needed to be said…_

_Thinking back to the awful sight of him dead, as he'd asked to shoot himself rather than have her do it, finally she crumpled to the ground, clawing at it, sobbing, and almost didn't register Rick, Sasha, Maggie, and Hershel running towards her in concern to hold her…_

* * *

Beth awoke from the dream with a start, almost in tears at just how vivid it had felt, the thunder jolting her even further awake.

It was still the dead of night, and she pinched herself, the pain she felt almost a relief…

It had all been a dream…a dream…or, rather, a nightmare…

Truthfully it had been both…incredibly beautiful and yet terrifyingly heartbreaking and horrifying…

As she lit a white wicker candle in her cell, her hands shook, and she was unable to stem the tears that finally fell from her eyes…

It hadn't been real…it hadn't…he was still alive…he was still healthy and well and she would see him this week…

Yet she knew she had no way of knowing whether Philip truly was well just then.

And the thought terrified her.

Vividly, she could still feel the butterflies from their many kisses in her dream, as though they truly had happened in reality…and more tears fell at just how confused and disarmed she felt…and at how frightened the dream had made her…

And only more welled up in her eyes as she dwelled on the very real, horrible possibility of Philip getting bitten in real life.

Beth breathed in deep, blowing out the candle, and simply cradled her head in her hands and silently sobbed, all of her confusion, fear, and anxiety about so many things cruelly suffocating her.

* * *

The next day, the dream still continued to haunt her, and she could not taste her breakfast, nor do anything that she usually did, she was still so upset.

Beth simply lied, though she felt incredible guilt, and said that she was sick, and lay on her cot, the softness and the coolness of her pillow wonderfully soothing, hating herself for the concern in everyone's eyes, and for having lied.

They all thought she was sick now…yet…oh, if only she told them all the real reason for her numbness…oh…they would certainly find her sick…though in a very, very different way…

Beth simply breathed in deep once again and tightly closed her eyes…_tomorrow_…

Tomorrow was her next supply run, and she could only see Philip's face before her, looking at her with gentle concern, as he had at the end of their previous visit…

Please…please let him be all right…she silently prayed, holding her mother's necklace for comfort, and hoped with all her heart that he would be.

* * *

Beth fiddled with herself in the mirror one last time before she left, her knees threatening to give out.

Breathe…breathe, she thought, and adjusted her mother's necklace.

Her red long-sleeve shirt and jeans, paired with her boots, momentarily distracted her from her worries, and for one moment, she was able to blissfully forget.

* * *

It was humid once more as she walked to his apartment, and finally reached his door.

Again, Beth could not help from breathing in deep before finally knocking, simultaneously hoping for and dreading his footsteps, for fear of what she might find when he finally opened the door…

Though her heart skipped when she finally heard Philip inside, and, thankfully, at long last, the door did open.

_Oh goodness…thank goodness…_

Beth was almost shaky as she looked at him, alive and well and, thankfully, smiling at the sight of her…

Beth slowly scanned him, taking him in…His brown hair was blowing in the gentle breeze that had just hit, and he was wearing a gray long-sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up, dark pants, a belt, and shoes…

No…no…thank goodness…no awful bite marks or any blood or any injuries…

The only thing that drew her attention in particular was his same poor, bandaged hand, which thankfully was looking a little better…

_Oh…thank goodness…_

Now Beth could only stare at him dumbly, still so very unable to speak in her relief, and, cruelly, at that moment, her dream chose to hit her in full force…when they had made love in particular…

An awful blush hit her face, and she was sure she was blushing to the roots of her hair…

As a deluge of memories from the dream hit, her blush only deepened…

_Oh, goodness…would his kisses affect her as much as they had in her dream? Would they cause her to grow weak in the knees and feel as though she were flying?_

Oh…she knew the answer…wholeheartedly and unequivocally so… _Yes…_

_And…oh, goodness…would being with him be as wonderful as she thought it might be…as it had been in her dream?_

Again, she knew the answer…_yes…_

Her face flamed ever deeper at her realizations, and staring at him as she was, she was only grateful that he could not read her mind, and that he had no idea at all of the dream she had had about the two of them…

Yet now, she noticed, he was looking at her with gentle concern, and now Beth had to wonder at just how long she had been simply looking at him like this without speaking…

Yet…she knew she was powerless to move or speak just then, and she willed herself to shove away the remembrances and vivid flashes of her dream, and now Beth could still only stare, the beautiful relief she felt returning in full force as she focused on the wonderful reality…

He was still alive…still healthy…not bitten and slowly but surely dying, as he had been in her dream…Not injured…not slowly fading…not anything at all but warm, healthy flesh and blood…And she only hoped that she was not dreaming, just then, though she knew that she was not.

Yes…thankfully, he was still alive…still healthy…and Beth almost did not know what to say…

She simply repeated the beautiful words in her mind, letting them sink in.

He was still alive…still not dead…

A cruel and mocking voice, however, filled her head, and the words caused her heart to still.

_"He is for now…but for how long? He could be torn apart tonight…and you wouldn't even know…then what would you do? There's nothing that says he'll even make it to next week…nothing at all that says he'll be on this earth much longer…Nothing at all that says it's a guarantee that he'll grow to be old…And here you stand, far too much of a coward to…"_

Beth knew, cruelly, just how true the words were…but she didn't want to think about them just then, so she forced the awful, frightening words to die, shoving them out of her mind, and now, she registered, Philip was coming towards her.

He gently put a hand on her arm, softly speaking, his expression only full of concern.

"Hey, Beth…god…are you all right? You…you look like you saw a ghost."

Beth simply stared at him, sadly thinking.

_"No, Philip…I saw something far worse."_

Yet Beth shook herself, and she simply said, "I…I'm so sorry…I…I'm fine, it's just…"

Beth felt her words die on her tongue, and now she simply wordlessly looked at him once more, still so very unable to speak.

He was so achingly close to her just then…so beautifully alive and healthy and valiant…and yet so forever out of her reach.

Just what would she do if she arrived one week only to find he had been bitten?

And…how would she go on with her life knowing she would never see him again?

She did not know the answers, and as before, Beth could feel the fear bubbling up inside her if she thought of the questions for too long.

Refocusing on him, hating herself for just how stupid she was sure she had looked since she had arrived today, she simply breathed in deep once again.

_Goodness_…he was so, so close to her just then…so wonderfully warm and strong and healthy… and, somehow, the most beautiful sight she had seen all day…even the almost ethereal morning sunrise that she had watched from a little private corner of the prison yard paling in comparison…

Her heart skipped, the gentle pressure of his warm hand on her arm causing her knees to weaken, and for one brief, fleeting moment, she honestly wondered how it would feel if she closed the gap between them and put her mouth to his…

_Oh…just how would he react if she did…what would he do…would he, miraculously, like it?_

Yet her cheeks flamed violently at the reality of actually doing it, and she knew that she was indeed a coward…much too shy and afraid to actually do it…and she knew that she could not…

Beth shook herself a little, making herself speak, and she said, "Oh goodness, Philip…I'm so sorry…it's just…I…"

She made herself lie, hoping he would believe her.

"There was just so much blood on the floor at the place I went to…it…it honestly just rattled me."

Her cheeks burned hotter at just how lame and pathetic her excuse had been, and as he only looked at her silently.

Yet he gently nodded, and he said, "I'm sure it was awful for you. I'm so sorry, Beth. But are you sure that you're feelin' okay? You…you just look so…haunted about somethin'…are you sure that was all?"

Philip was looking at her as though he did not believe her, and she hated how transparent she was.

Beth made herself nod, the warmth of his hand still on her arm oddly soothing, even as it made her heart skip.

She couldn't bear to tell him, or anyone at all, the real reason for her torment…and she spoke once again.

"Y…yes…I…just…it just really shook me really bad…that's all. And I'm…I'm not very good with blood…At least not in that amount."

Her cheeks still burned violently once again as only more violent flashes from her dream hit her, and staring back at his gentle blue gaze, fixated on her, for one horrifying moment, she was almost convinced that he knew exactly what she had dreamt.

Though, thankfully, at long last, Philip nodded once more, and finally removed his hand, though slowly.

"Alright, if you're sure. But, Beth…you can go home if you need to, if you feel too sick or upset from that. Honest. I completely understand. In fact, you don't ever have to come here if you don't want to, and you can stop comin' here at any time. Don't worry about offendin' me or feel guilty. I'll more than understand. And I really do hope you feel better."

His tone and words were gentle, and Beth knew he was completely genuine in what he had said, and his sweetness made her soften even more.

His invitation to leave…and never return…once would have been only a relief to her, and her first course of action, and her only desire…on the day of their very first meeting, and their earliest ones.

But now…oh, goodness…now…oh…she knew, innately, that that was the last thing she wanted, and Beth could not even convey in words just how badly she knew she always wanted to spend time with him, and just how she worried about him whenever they were apart for the week…

She couldn't even to herself, and Beth could only imagine just how shocked he would visibly grow if ever she gained enough courage to tell him so…

Yet Beth finally made herself speak again, growing even more embarrassed with herself.

Snap out of it, Greene, she thought, and finally she made herself smile, pushing away the awful remnants of her haunting dream.

"Oh…no…no…that's so sweet, Philip, but I…I'm fine. Thank you, though, for your concern…"

He gently shook his head, another gentle breeze blowing.

"Don't mention it, Beth. Again, you don't have to ever thank me for anything."

Beth could not help but smile a little more, this time genuinely, their usual conversation wonderfully distracting, and just what she needed to push away her fear for the time being.

"Well…you know me," she said quietly, and slowly he smiled too, the sight breathtaking.

Her heart lurched yet again.

"Yes…I do, but it's an honor to."

Beth's cheeks warmed at his gentle remark, and finally he turned and opened the door wider for her.

"After you."

Beth smiled her thanks, and before long she was seated. And, as he went to the other side of the room to get water for her, before she could gently protest, she couldn't help laughing at what he said.

"Though, Beth…I do have to say…you can always feel free to tell me to fuck off or anything similar at any time…believe me. And I apologize for swearing. I'm sorry, but what I said still stands."

Beth slowly shook her head, still unable to bite back her smile as he came back to her.

"Oh…thank you, I suppose? But I…I really am not the type to be like that with people…even with people that I don't like…and I…I…besides…you don't fall into that category anyway," she said awkwardly, feeling her face heat up a little at her shy admission.

No…he certainly did not…not anymore…not the real him…and honestly she had to wonder if _he_ thought there was something wrong with her for seeing the good in him that he was blind to…that he, heartbreakingly, thought didn't exist…that there was something wrong with her for seeing the real, good man that he truly was, and not the monster that had never been the real him…

She had to wonder if his reaction to her faith in him would be anything similar to what all her family and friend's reactions would be, and somehow the thought terrified her. Though she knew, subconsciously, that he did not, and never would, think her crazy for forgiving him…

The moment seemed to stretch forever as he only looked at her for a few fleeting moments, the silence almost deafening, before he finally only nodded.

"Thank you very much, Beth," he said quietly, "but truthfully I'll never understand that."

Beth could barely feel the water bottle as she put it on the table, and her heart broke at the clear guilt on his face.

Determined to wipe away his inner torment, she said, "Why? Because you think you're a dumbass?"

She hoped he would smile. And…thankfully…she was rewarded when he finally did after a few beats, the sight again making her heart skip, though his smile was small.

Gently he nodded. "Yes. That's definitely it."

Beth's heart warmed, and she said, "Well…don't worry. You're not. At least not in my eyes."

A few more beats of silence hit, and then she continued, hoping he would smile once again.

"At least not too much."

Beth hoped he wouldn't take offense to her gentle joke, though she knew he wouldn't, and, thankfully, he smiled a little more, speaking gently.

"That probably pained you to say, and that's probably the most unkind thing you've ever said in your life, isn't it?"

She could not staunch her blush, and she said, "You got me."

He noticed her embarrassment, as his eye took in her stained cheeks.

Philip shook his head, and softly said, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that in a bad way…"

Yet she cut him off, nodding her head, her embarrassment growing. "I know…believe me."

He nodded, before she finally cleared her throat, patting the table.

"Well? C'mon…how many Walkers did you kill this week? And what foods did you like and dislike that you got on your supply runs? I need details! I've been on pins and needles all week just waitin' to hear all about your week," she said, shakily laughing a little.

Thankfully, he smiled, and finally sat down across from her.

"Oh…are you ever in for a treat then, because I killed way too many to count…and I honestly only really got some good soup…the rest of the stuff was rotten. Though actually, I take that back…I did find some good canned fruit so that was a good find…you're more than welcome to have my last can of peaches if you'd like."

Beth smiled, his sweet offer touching, though she knew she wouldn't accept it, though she had always loved peaches, and couldn't remember the last time she'd had any.

"Oh…that's very sweet, Philip, but I'd feel just awful, as you know…but thank you very much again. It's almost as though you knew, though…peaches always were my favorite fruit!"

She laughed, then, and yet he shook his head, serious.

"You're more than welcome to them, Beth," he said softly. "Believe me…"

Yet she shook her own head, smiling gently, and though she could sense that he badly wanted to give them to her, she wouldn't allow him to, and he seemed to sense that she would not budge.

Beth said, "Did you find any good books this past week? I know…I ask that a lot, but somehow I think you could easily get lucky one of these weeks."

As always, though, he gently shook his head, smiling a little, seeming to come out of the gentle daze he'd been in.

"As always…no. Though god…sometimes I'd settle for readin' almost anything…though I think I would have to draw the line at really awful supermarket romance novels and stuff like that…no offense to the authors though. But sometimes I get so bored even those would probably be entertainin' in at least some way if only I had some alcohol to make them more bearable."

Beth couldn't help laughing and nodding her head in agreement.

"I am not goin' to lie…I have bought and read some of those books on more than one occasion before all of this…Maggie and Shawn always gave me a hard time about it…and in my naïve stupidity I thought some of them were pretty good…okay, very good…though now that I am not fourteen anymore, I completely agree with how bad they are. I'm sorry for lettin' you down," she said, laughing once again.

Softly he laughed, shaking his head. "I had such faith in you, Beth," he teased.

Her smile grew, and then he said, "But that's nothing…in addition to all my ghost story books when I was a kid and then teenager, I have to admit growin' up I always did really like all of the _Tarzan _books…you can make fun of me all you want for that. Although I do have to admit even when I hit college I still always really liked them and I also owned all of those before all of this, though I'm sure a lot of people your age would find them very dorky. My wife thought it was hilarious how I had them right alongside all my other books, the majority of them all horror novels, as you know. And I would still read them all again in a heartbeat now. I actually always did have a secret nerdy side. And I still am kind of a dork in a lot of ways."

Beth smiled. "Oh…that's not dorky at all! And you know…obviously I never read them, but my grandmother was always big into _Tarzan_…though only the movies."

Softly he shook his head, tousling his brown hair.

"See those just made me lost for words as to how bad they were," he said softly, smiling gently. "None of them were very good…not at all like the books. But oh well."

Beth laughed. "I honestly can tell you the only reason my grandmother liked them was because she thought whatever actor was playing Tarzan was hot. Or in her words, 'dreamy.'"

Philip's soft smile grew a little more as he nodded. "You know how I told you my mother loved _The Sound of Music?_"

Beth nodded, seemingly already knowing where this was headed, unable to bite back a smile.

Philip confirmed her suspicions when he softly said, "Well, she had the biggest crush on Captain Von Trapp. It was actually the cutest thing ever. That was her favorite movie by far, and she would always actually cry whenever she'd stay with my wife and me whenever we'd all order takeout and watch it every year around her birthday, she'd get so emotional during every viewing of it. But it was the cutest thing…and of course she'd always blush whenever he was on screen…and just shyly deny that she liked him whenever my wife and me would gently tease her about it. It was adorable."

Beth couldn't help her smile from growing at the sweetness of it.

"Oh…that's adorable! And hey…my grandmother loved him too, actually," she said, laughing a little.

Philip gently nodded, still smiling; yet gradually it faded.

"Yes…she definitely loved him with all her heart. It was just like Penny with her Prince Eric. Yet honestly thinkin' back, it honestly is actually heartbreaking in a way…she deserved a good man who loved her back with all of his heart, and not the asshole that my father was…I'm just sorry she never got that."

Solemnity and sorrow flooding her, Beth said, "Oh…I more than agree, Philip. But at…at least she had the most wonderful son and daughter-in-law that she could ask for."

She colored; at first, she thought her remark had been a little odd to say…but he simply stared, though not unkindly, before nodding gently.

"Thank you very much, Beth," he said softly, "but believe me…I am nowhere near wonderful."

Beth sensed she would be unable to, as always, convince him otherwise…so she simply settled for changing the conversation, hoping it would distract him from his simply awful, heartbreaking hatred of himself.

She cleared her throat. "So…my goodness…you liked _Tarzan? _What other dark secrets are you keeping?"

Thankfully, however, Philip finally smiled a little again, and the sight was so beautiful it made her heart lurch again, this time almost painfully.

"Tons," he said softly. "That was probably the worst of it, though."

Beth couldn't help laughing, and then he leaned back a little, fiddling with his brown watch.

"I am goin' to venture that your answer will probably be a no on this front, Beth," he said softly, kindly smiling, "and I mean no disrespect…but did you ever go sky-diving or anything like that? Or scuba-diving?"

Beth shook her head, her eyes widening slightly. "Oh god no…sky diving definitely not. I would have been petrified! But I would have liked to have gone scuba-diving…I always loved swimmin' and everythin'…it's just awful to think now all there is to see is just a bunch of Walkers and dangerous bacteria in the ocean now."

Philip nodded. "I agree. But actually, I always loved sky-diving…the first time I ever did it was when I was in my senior year of college with my buddies, and I loved it so much I'd even go by myself from time to time on weekends and everything, lame as that sounds."

Beth smiled, only more intrigued.

He continued. "My wife and me actually would always go, too…she was always a daredevil and an adrenaline junkie just like me, and we couldn't get enough of it. Though once we found out she was pregnant we both agreed to give it up, and stop once Penny was born, or at least until she was older…we didn't want to take the small chance to risk anything happenin' to either of us."

Beth nodded, impressed. "Wow…that's very interestin'…truthfully I'd be far too scared to ever do that, but I know you probably had the time of your life doin' that."

Gently he nodded. "Yes…it was just so much fun and there's really not any comparable feeling in the world to hurtling through the air like that, free…it's the closest a person could ever get to flying…it was wonderful. And quite honestly it's a feeling I'll always miss," he said quietly, expression serious, and, she thought, almost morose for a second.

She knew exactly why, though. The horrible reality of how dangerous and evil the world had forever become, and the fact that life would never be normal again, was always a sobering and sad thing to come to terms with, and it was true that life every single day could feel downright claustrophobic at times…there truly were a lot of moments where one didn't feel free, and instead felt scared, anxious, or hopeless…and the fleeting moments where a person was able to feel happy, and free, and normal again, were precious and beautiful.

Yet he continued. "And yes…my wife and me went scuba-diving on our honeymoon and it was also amazing. I really think you would have enjoyed it if you ever had done it."

Beth nodded in agreement, almost saddened for one second at the reality that she never would be able to experience something like that. She also was more than fascinated by what he had told her.

Beth said, "Well…for me, I always felt like I was flyin' when I would ice-skate…it was honestly one of my favorite activities to do, and I can't tell you how many Saturday mornings I would be at the rink for hours. I actually always loved doin' figure eights and triple axels…and I was always pretty good at them if I do say so myself. I'll always miss not bein' able to do that anymore."

Philip nodded. "I agree…I actually always did like skating, too, as I've told you…though obviously I always used hockey skates."

Beth laughed a little, nodding.

"Somehow I think I knew that," she said softly, and he smiled a little.

Thinking, Beth said, "And I always was pretty good at diving…I always did like that, too. It was so freeing just diving into the water."

He nodded. "I always liked diving, too. It was fun. I taught myself when I was fifteen and I always liked doin' flips and everything like that."

Beth said, "I always liked playin' volleyball with my friends…that was probably one of my favorite sports as well. And my mother and me would always play tennis a lot at the country club my family belonged to…as well as Maggie and me. I'll always miss that."

A split second passed as she took a drink of water, momentarily pulled back into sorrow, but she blinked, making it pass.

Speaking again, shy once more, she softly said, "Well…any more dark secrets of yours that you would care to divulge, Philip?"

Thankfully he smiled a little, and he said, "I was a lifeguard at a water park for two summers my last two years in college…it was pretty fun and the pay was good. All of us also got to exclusively use the park for both ourselves, and anyone that we wanted to invite for the last two days before it officially closed for the season. That was great."

Beth smiled. "Wow…did you enjoy it? And did you have to save a lot of people?"

Gently he laughed. "I wouldn't say a lot but from time to time yeah, a pretty good number of people needed saving. But my last summer will always stick out to me…I was in charge of the wave pool one day and it could get pretty rough in the deeper part when they were on…there was this really obnoxiously bratty little kid that came there a lot who was just so annoying and not following rules…I had to keep blowing my whistle at him and honestly he was makin' me so mad I was about ready to kick him out of my section…he was so mean, too. He even pushed another little boy down and made him practically cry on another day, and that really infuriated me to the point I yelled at him and made him sit by me for fifteen minutes…that was really all I could do, sad as that is. Well, lo and behold, he ended up almost drowning and I had to save him. The kid couldn't even look at me afterward. He finally learned some humility."

Beth laughed a little. "Well…goodness. I hope he learned his lesson."

Philip rolled his eye, shaking his head. "God…no he didn't, unfortunately…He actually got in trouble for stealing food on another day when I wasn't there, so then he finally got what he deserved."

Philip continued. "And actually, ironically enough, I also had to save the little boy that the annoying kid pushed down on one occasion from the wave pool…I felt so bad for him. The poor guy was six and so scared after…I honestly felt so bad for him I bought him food with my own money and sat and talked with him for a little while. He was a sweet little kid."

Beth nodded, feeling pangs in her heart. "Oh…how awful! But at least you were able to make him feel better."

Philip nodded. "And…well…I did have to rescue an old lady once. She was nice. I felt really bad for her, too. She had a good sense of humor about the whole thing…and even told me I was a very handsome young man so it was worth it to have been rescued by me…I couldn't stop laughing. She was about eighty."

Beth laughed, and he smiled too. "I'll always remember that one. God."

But he continued once more. "But…I mean, on the whole, I really didn't have to rescue a ton of people. Just on occasion. And I did enjoy it."

Beth nodded. "Well that's always good," she said, and a peaceful silence fell once more.

Yet, the looming specter of her dream hit her once again, and Beth was unable to block all of the creeping fears and evil anxieties for one horrifying moment…but she dug her nails into her thigh, the pain momentarily distracting her.

Shaking herself slightly, she concentrated on the sound of his voice once more.

"Another thing is I always wanted to fly an airplane and take flying lessons…I just never did. I'll always regret that."

Beth nodded, feeling herself returning to normal slowly but surely.

Yet gently, he smiled, looking down at the table, adjusting his sleeve.

"Though I suppose I could always drink a bunch of alcohol and jump off a roof…that would certainly make a person think they're flying."

Beth laughed softly, knowing he was only kidding, and she nodded again.

"I always wanted to go to France before all this," she said quietly. "It's awful to think such beautiful places are overrun by Walkers now…Actually…we were goin' to as a family the…the summer after I finished high school…but obviously that never happened."

She knew she was unable to hide her sorrow as she remembered her mother and Shawn, and hated herself for showing it.

Philip nodded, his expression full of sorrow for her.

"I'm so sorry, Beth," he said softly, and she knew they both knew why.

Yet she made herself speak once again after a few moments, and she only cleared her throat before speaking.

"I used to write my own songs from time to time before all this, too," she said quietly, almost embarrassed as she divulged the information, sure he might find it silly.

"I don't know…I always did enjoy that, too."

Philip gently said, "That's very interesting and I'm sure they were very good."

Her lips twisted into a shy smile. "Oh…please…they weren't," she said. "Believe me…but thank you…"

Yet he shook his head. "I have no doubt they were," he said quietly, and she only blushed a little, before taking another sip of her water.

"I don't know…I actually always did like doin' magic tricks growin' up, lame as that probably sounds, with my friends…though we always made sure we did actually cool ones," he said, smiling a little.

"I even still did them in college…my wife actually didn't think they were as ridiculous as I thought she might…she just said they were actually surprisingly less pathetic than she had always been led to believe from her younger brother, and that I didn't suck too badly at them," he said, his gentle smile growing as he shook his head.

Beth laughed a little.

"God…she was just as outgoing as me and she always spoke her mind…that was one of the things I loved most about her. But she actually was a very kind, caring and sweet woman…believe me. Me and her would always joke with one another and give one another a hard time about things…it was great," he said quietly.

Beth smiled softly, sadness growing for him. "You don't have to convince me, Philip…I just know your wife was a wonderful woman."

Philip nodded softly. "Thank you, Beth," he said quietly, "and she certainly was."

A natural silence passed, before he finally cleared his throat and spoke once again.

"I don't know…I wouldn't have minded goin' to Japan before all this, to be honest. Or Germany…my wife and me were actually planning to go to both, but then we found out she was pregnant…but we didn't mind postponin' the trip until Penny was much older…we were both just so happy."

Even more sadness hit Beth, especially as his voice grew softer near the end, but he shook his head a little.

Another gentle silence fell, and then he said, "Though I have to admit Germany would have been amazing just for the chance to try all the beer."

He smiled gently, and he said, "I'm so sorry, Beth…you had such faith in me, but sightseein' would have been the second priority for me there."

Beth could not help her laugh from bubbling up, and she nodded. "Oh…it's certainly understandable," she said. "Not that I would know, though. But Shawn drank enough…as well as my daddy," she said quietly, thinking of her father's struggle with alcoholism, especially after they had lost Shawn and her mother and Patricia and Otis.

And even more sorrow hit her as she remembered them…Patricia and Otis had been like family, and she missed them so badly every day as well.

Yet…remembering how dark and scarred her father had been in the days after their deaths, it still pained Beth horrendously and cut her heart to the quick, and she tried, always, not to think of it.

Instantly, it seemed, Philip had noticed her pained expression, and when she looked up, she found he looked beyond stricken.

"Beth…are you alright? Did I say something wrong…"

Beth hastily shook her head. "Oh, no…no, Philip…you didn't…I…oh…I…it's just…my daddy always struggled with alcoholism before I was born, and after we lost…my…my mother and brother… I…he…he had a brief relapse…but oh, he's fine now," she said hastily, noticing just how guilty Philip's face was fast becoming.

"I…oh…sometimes whenever alcohol is mentioned…I…I'll…think of that at the oddest times…but most of the time I don't, even when I'm around alcohol…it just…comes on randomly," she said truthfully, looking down at the table, and Philip slowly, remorsefully shook his head.

"I'm so sorry, Beth," he said softly. "I'm awful for triggering bad memories for you by mentionin' alcohol like I did…I…"

Beth stood up, gently leaning over the table, and soothingly took one of his warm hands in hers…the bandaged one, she noted sadly; she gently squeezed, and tried in vain to ignore the rapid skipping of her heartbeat and the somersaulting of her stomach…as well as the rapidly growing heat in her cheeks.

His one blue eye trained on her all the while as she spoke, his guilt clear, Beth gently said, "Oh…Philip…believe me…you didn't know…how could you? And believe me…it's more than fine. Don't worry about it."

The moment seemed to stretch forever as they simply stared at each other, but he finally nodded.

Beth gently nodded as well and released his hand then, before sitting down, taking another drink of water.

Outdoors, though, as always, the sun was slowly just beginning to sink beneath the horizon, and she knew, with a sinking feeling in her gut, that it was time to leave for the week.

It was he who finally spoke; she felt that familiar clenching in her heart, of panic and disappointment and…as she briefly recalled her dream…fear, multiplied even more so now.

"I'll walk you out, Beth."

Beth nodded, wishing with all of her body that she could quell the rapid thrumming of her heart.

Slowly she got up, and together they walked out to the gate.

The air, as always, was cooler, and as they finally reached it, and he turned to her, Beth could not find words to speak.

Yet, oh… however could she even begin to?

Staring at him, her dream creeping into the forefront of her mind once more, Beth could only stand there quietly.

A breeze hit, blowing both his hair and her own, yet she only numbly registered its coldness.

How could she even begin to say all that she wanted to say…all that she sometimes thought of…all that scared her…all that terrified her and worried her…and, truthfully, things that she didn't even know that she wanted to say to him?

And how could she ever, ever begin to even ask him the one thing that had the power to terrify her with his answer?

What did he truly think of her?

And…did he think of her as much as she always thought of him? Did he worry about her as much as she worried about him every single week?

Yet…oh, of course he didn't. Of course not…Beth knew that, she did, with all of her heart…yet she could not explain the sinking feeling in her breast that she felt from thinking of those sure realities.

And…oh…goodness…it was certainly for the best that she was far too shy and timid to even begin to ask or say…oh, she did not even know the words and questions that she wanted to say to him…but whatever they were, it was certainly for the best that she could not bring herself to.

It was certainly for the best that her crippling embarrassment and the stumbling of her tongue would stop her from making a fool out of herself in front of him…and certainly for the best that she was far too much of a coward to…

Yet Beth stopped her thoughts, another hitting her.

Besides…Philip certainly wasn't going to stay here forever. That she knew as well…soon he would burn down Woodbury and be forever on his way, moving on with his life, forever only a memory to her.

Oh…Beth knew that as surely as anything…one of these weeks, in the not-so distant future, he would gently tell her that he was so sorry, but that this was the last time they would ever meet, and kindly wish her well in life, his warm, gentle touch on her arm branding her for the rest of her life…

She knew that more than anything…but Beth still was unprepared for the vivid, clenching twisting she felt of her heart at the thought of it…

But they were living on borrowed time, as everyone left living in the world was… Their time together every week, his and hers, was all borrowed, and no more permanent and ever-lasting than the weather…

Besides…oh…even if he _did _feel…yet Beth did not even know what it was that she wanted him to feel…she didn't…but…

They would never be able to continue seeing each other like this every single week, even if he were to stay…never…

Oh, it would never work…never…and besides, even if she _wanted_ to live in another world with Philip…_and oh, that wasn't what she wanted…it couldn't be…_would she at all be able to pay the price?

Imagining her family and friend's heartbreaking hatred towards her and harsh words made her wither inside, and Beth quickly pushed the thoughts down.

And yet…Beth imagined, again, the horrible reality of arriving here one week only to find he had been bitten, as he had been in her dream, and she could only think of which would be worse…him being bitten or leaving forever as he soon would…and without question, the former won, though both left her feeling bereft inside, as both would involve her never seeing him again…

Now the fear was strangling her heart as she only saw an awful, imaginary bite wound on him, and another breeze hit, almost cruelly foreboding to her…

Yet Philip seemed to have noticed how tortured she looked, as he spoke gently.

"Beth…are you all right? You look…"

At the sound of his voice, Beth slowly mentally shook herself, and made herself speak.

"I…oh, I'm so sorry…I…yes…yes, I am…I…"

She made herself lie again.

"I…the blood I saw…it's honestly just nerve-wracking thinkin' about it."

Beth hollowly swallowed and made herself smile, though it didn't reach her eyes.

Philip spoke again.

"I'm so sorry again…but god…Beth, you look like you're goin' to be sick…do you…"

Hastily Beth shook her head. "No! No…oh, Philip, I…I'm so sorry…"

She had finally reawakened, and hated herself for being so transparent to everyone…

Philip said, "There's nothin' at all to be sorry for, Beth."

A beat passed, and then he softly said, "But are you sure you're feelin' okay? Do you want some more water or something?"

Without warning, he came closer to her and put a warm hand on her right arm, only causing her stomach to somersault and her heart to violently palpitate…

The concern on his face for her was what hit her most, and for one moment, she could not breathe.

He was simply staring at her, and she at him, and they were so achingly close just then…

Another breeze hit, and Beth's heart, never before, it seemed, had ever beaten so fast.

Yet she finally was able to shake her head no once again, and after a few heart-stopping moments of silence as he only looked at her, he finally nodded and removed his hand.

A few more beats of silence passed, and then Philip quietly said, "Maybe this will take your mind off of it…or at least make you feel better."

He gently smiled just a little, and he softly said, "Now, mind you…I would flat-out deny this admission to anyone else in the world…believe me…but I lied when I said that me likin' _Tarzan _was one of the worst secrets I have."

He slowly shook his head, looking at the ground, and said, "God…I'm cringing already…but I sincerely hope this will at least make you laugh. You can feel free to mock me, Beth."

In spite of her anxiety, Beth felt herself slowly beginning to smile, and she softly said, "Oh, goodness. Now I'm intrigued."

Finally he looked back at her, and slowly shook his head again, his smile growing.

"Alright…god. You obviously know how roller disco started in the 1970s?

Beth nodded, her smile slowly growing, and he broke off.

"Well…I was born in 1972, and it was still really big in the 1980s…in 1983 I was eleven, and for some reason I really loved doin' that by myself…the roller disco rink by my house was always full, and I would always go there on Friday nights…especially when they would have retro night. And me and this old lady even entered a contest together once and we got second place."

Beth could only look at him, her smile monumentally growing by the minute.

She could see him grimacing a little good-naturedly as he smiled, and he said, "I didn't dare tell any of my friends, or Brian…they would have laughed at me and I don't blame them. I would just walk there and they would have free admission nights for kids fourteen and under…but god…I loved it so much that I did it up until I was fourteen. Then, by the time I turned fifteen, I finally realized what a dork I was and gave it up."

Beth said, "Oh my goodness…I just wish there was video! I'd pay to see that."

Philip shook his head, smiling again, and said, "Oh, god, Beth…no you don't want to! Believe me…I was all scrawny and nerdy and lame…god…"

Philip tousled his hair, and he said, "I only told Brian about that finally one day when we were drinking one day when I was eighteen and he was twenty and that was a big mistake…he laughed so much I honestly threatened to leave him at the clearing we went to in the woods."

His smile grew, and Beth finally could not help but laugh, somehow completely able to forget her fears for just one moment.

Philip slowly shook his head again. "I'd hoped that would make you laugh with just how pathetic that is," he said softly.

Beth only shook her own head at him, feeling awful for having laughed, and she only went forward and gently touched his arm.

"Oh…Philip, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to laugh! I feel just awful…"

He laughed a little, softly. "God…Beth…do you hear yourself? There's nothin' to be sorry for…"

Beth colored a little, even as she still smiled, and she only gently said, "Well, I still do."

She stepped back then, removing her hand, and he slowly shook his head.

"You really do amaze me, Beth, though not in a bad way…believe me," he said softly, and at his words, her heart flipped.

Though she shook herself inside…he hadn't meant it in an underlying way at all…he hadn't…

But the moment of reprieve from her fears slowly passed, and before long, they returned in full force.

Again, Beth could only stare at him, before being startled from her trance at his speaking again.

"Really, though, are you sure you're all right, Beth?" he gently asked once again. "I'll gladly get you some…"

Again, Beth shook her head, speaking softly.

"Oh, Philip…I'm fine…really…"

The moment seemed to stretch forever as she looked at him, but to her surprise, he soon spoke.

"Wait here…I'll be right back."

She did so, beyond confused, and before long, Philip was back, carrying a plastic bag with him.

He handed it to her, and Beth took it, perplexed.

"Goodness…what's all of this?"

He slowly shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Beth," he said gently. "Just some extra water and stuff…and some juice. Don't worry about it."

Beth stared at him, beyond touched, and she said, "Oh…thank you very much…"

Philip nodded, and opened the gate finally, at long last.

Again, for one moment, Beth could only stare, the fear of just what could happen to him threatening to consume her.

Yet she only went forward and gently touched his arm, hoping he wouldn't see just how worried she looked in her eyes.

"Thank you again, Philip…and have a wonderful week."

He nodded, and said, "You too, Beth. And believe me…you don't have to thank me for anything."

Beth simply stared at him, nodding, before finally removing her hand.

Glancing one last time at his injured hand the sorrow hit her again, and she softly said, "Please…be in one piece by next week."

Philip said, "Anything for you, Beth."

At the words, she almost flinched; remembering how he had said that to her in her dream was almost painfully horrifying now, but she concentrated on him once more.

"Honestly, though…have a wonderful week, Beth. See you next week."

Beth made herself smile, before finally walking through the gate, another cold breeze finally making her shiver.

* * *

And, that evening, sitting on her cot, when she finally brought herself to look in the bag he had given her, Beth could not help the lump in her throat that formed when she discovered, in the very bottom of the bag, the can of peaches.


End file.
